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My wife ruined PJ for me

HuntingtonBeachNickHuntingtonBeachNick Posts: 80
edited May 2008 in The Porch
Well not ruined. My wife decided she was unhappy, for some reason that I do not know, and decided to divorce me this week. So, I figure some good music will help ease my broken heart and soul. But lo and behold I now understand and feel many of the lyrics that Eddie has written. So many of the songs are so painful for me to listen to right now. I can't get GOODBYE out of my head. I always understood what the songs were about but now I can feel them, feel the pain that must have been felt when they were written. Pearl Jam has some of the most heart breaking songs I have ever heard. It doesn't help that she and I went to 3 PJ shows together and 2 Eddie Solo shows. How do I replace those memories and take the pain out of the songs?
Recording Artist Coalition 2002, Irvine 6/2/03, Irvine 6/3/03, San Diego 6/5/03, San Diego 7/7/06, LA 7/9/06, LA 7/10/06, LA 9/30/09, LA 10/01/09, LA 10/6/09, LA 10/7/09, San Diego 10/9/09, San Diego 11/21/13, LA 11/23/13, LA 11/24/13, Seattle 12/6/13
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Comments

  • joint in a treejoint in a tree Posts: 392
    That sucks, sorry to hear it.

    I recommend that you do NOT listen to "Come Back".

    Try some Blind Melon. Do yourself a favor and download some Gogol Bordello.

    peace.
    "Find myself singing the same songs every day....
    ones that make me feel good when things behind the smile ain't ok...." -Hoon
  • WobbieWobbie Posts: 30,189
    HuntingtonBeachNick wrote:
    Well not ruined. My wife decided she was unhappy, for some reason that I do not know, and decided to divorce me this week. So, I figure some good music will help ease my broken heart and soul. But lo and behold I now understand and feel many of the lyrics that Eddie has written. So many of the songs are so painful for me to listen to right now. I can't get GOODBYE out of my head. I always understood what the songs were about but now I can feel them, feel the pain that must have been felt when they were written. Pearl Jam has some of the most heart breaking songs I have ever heard. It doesn't help that she and I went to 3 PJ shows together and 2 Eddie Solo shows. How do I replace those memories and take the pain out of the songs?
    Good luck man. It's going to be tough. Music always dredges up emotions, whether good or bad. There's no easy way to break the PJ/loved one association. Hopefully, you have friends who have gone through the pain of a divorce. You're not alone. As hard as it is, you've got to move forward. Hopefully, your next love will be a Pearl Jam girl as well but I can kinda see how you wouldn't want to listen to them now or anytime soon. Really, I don't know - I just wanted to say "good luck, hope you can mend your broken heart."
    If I had known then what I know now...

    Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
    VIC 07
    EV LA1 08
    Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
    Columbus 10
    EV LA 11
    Vancouver 11
    Missoula 12
    Portland 13, Spokane 13
    St. Paul 14, Denver 14
    Philly I & II, 16
    Denver 22
  • the wolfthe wolf Posts: 7,027
    HuntingtonBeachNick wrote:
    Well not ruined. My wife decided she was unhappy, for some reason that I do not know, and decided to divorce me this week. So, I figure some good music will help ease my broken heart and soul. But lo and behold I now understand and feel many of the lyrics that Eddie has written. So many of the songs are so painful for me to listen to right now. I can't get GOODBYE out of my head. I always understood what the songs were about but now I can feel them, feel the pain that must have been felt when they were written. Pearl Jam has some of the most heart breaking songs I have ever heard. It doesn't help that she and I went to 3 PJ shows together and 2 Eddie Solo shows. How do I replace those memories and take the pain out of the songs?

    my divorce made me love PJ even more, which i didnt think could happen.

    then i met my gf right b4 avacodo came out and took her to her first PJ shows. you cant replace the memories, but you can make new ones. and the pain will eventually fade. i promise. hard to hear now, i know. its been 3 years for me. and sometimes it still hurts. but she is happy and so am i.
    my gf rocks too!

    good luck my friend.
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    I a sorry to hear this, and I feel your pain. I am here if you wanna talk, I am going thru similar emotions at the moment.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    I'm going through a rather acrimonious divorce at the moment and just want to say that you CAN and WILL get through this, even if it doesn't seem so now.

    Good luck.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • OneLoveOneLove Posts: 563
    First off, I am so sorry. You will find yourself in a better place though, eventually. Hold on to that.

    The into the wild soundtrack came out the week that my ex and I broke things off. We were together for 7 years, had a house, joined accounts and the whole bit so we may as well have been divorcing. It was complicated. And, he was my college sweetheart, and the only person I had spent my adult life with.

    Play a little ITW, and although you may not be able to separate the songs from your wife, you may get some healing from it anyway. The first time I heard "rise" it gave me chills. Gave me chills all over again when I saw Ed solo.... but that was part of my healing process too. I never would have flown to San Diego by myself a year ago, and it was good for me.

    You will grow from this in ways that may surprise you. It wasn't too long ago that I couldn't see past the hurt. You will get there too :)
  • MattyJoeMattyJoe Posts: 1,424
    I feel like times like these are what Pearl Jam is for. Don't be afraid to confront those feelings.
    Eddie specifically exemplifies the idea that we'll all pull through whatever shit we're going through. "I'm still alive..."
    I pledge to you a government that will not only work well, but wisely, its ability to act tempered by prudence, and its willingness to do good, balanced by the knowledge that government is never more dangerous than when our desire to have it help us blinds us to its great power to harm us.
    -Reagan
  • CROJAM95CROJAM95 Posts: 9,890
    Man I'm sorry to hear your going through this. I was in a long term relationship up until a year ago(not married, but close) and had to break away because of a serious family issue I had to go through. I couldn't give her my attention, so we slowly drifted apart. Then my father passed away(family issue) and I was completly devasted. I thought I could never listen to PJ for at least a long tim, due to the fact there are a bunch of songs that deal with relationships and death.Slowly with the help of people on this board, and a little of that raw pain going away, I found this band to heal some of the heaviest scars I've expieranced in my 27 years. I hope you will come around and embrace the music for its healing power. This band is genuine.This summer at a few shows, if they play a few certain songs, its gonna be emotional for me, but I think I need that

    Good luck bro
  • saveuplifesaveuplife Posts: 1,173
    Sorry bout this man. Try to read a book and talk with your friends... go out for drinks. Things will get better, take one day at a time.

    I recommend A New Earth... good read. Also, try out Brett Dennen for music. His music is very uplifting. Not that PJ isn't uplifting, I just think you may need something a bit more "positive" right now, that's all.

    Good luck.
  • LikeAnOpeningBandForTheSunLikeAnOpeningBandForTheSun Posts: 6,097
    Alive always seems to work for me.
  • saveuplifesaveuplife Posts: 1,173
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    I a sorry to hear this, and I feel your pain. I am here if you wanna talk, I am going thru similar emotions at the moment.

    changein, where you from in exton? I'm by the mall. Small world. Go Flyers.
  • Ledbetterman10Ledbetterman10 Posts: 16,887
    HuntingtonBeachNick wrote:
    Well not ruined. My wife decided she was unhappy, for some reason that I do not know, and decided to divorce me this week. So, I figure some good music will help ease my broken heart and soul. But lo and behold I now understand and feel many of the lyrics that Eddie has written. So many of the songs are so painful for me to listen to right now. I can't get GOODBYE out of my head. I always understood what the songs were about but now I can feel them, feel the pain that must have been felt when they were written. Pearl Jam has some of the most heart breaking songs I have ever heard. It doesn't help that she and I went to 3 PJ shows together and 2 Eddie Solo shows. How do I replace those memories and take the pain out of the songs?

    listen to For No One by the Beatles. It'll depress you much more than any pearl jam song
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden, 2024: Philly 2

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
  • hawkeye8388hawkeye8388 Posts: 47
    Sorry to hear, it's gonna take some time. I broke up with my LTR of over 3 years basically cause I was not ready to get married an had some childhood/divorced parents issues that I had to work through before I could ever totally commit myself to someone.

    Last year (4 months after breaking up) I was fortuante enough to end up at the first row at the Vic show. Obviously, it was a treat going to the show and Ed gave me his guitar pic after his set. However, I had been to the Chicago shows with her the year before and was haunted all weekend by the memories of being there and being without her. Over a year later, I know it will still be a little bittersweet at the shows in June. However, it will be light years better (no pun intended)

    Engage yourself in activites. Try new things. Meet new people. I imagine you will always care for your former wife through out the years but it will become easier with time. I also think when you're ready you should date around as much as possible. It's awesome being with someone but it's also fun being able to spend time casually with an assortment of ladies and have your freedom. Present Tense was one of my favorite songs to listen to. There is so much to life and you only have so much time on the planet. It sucks now, but you still have your health are still alive. Embrace the positives.
  • smile05smile05 Posts: 600
    sounds like divorce and PJ go hand in hand,is it cos we cant get of this fucking board
    1:Black 2:Corduroy 3:All Those Yesterdays 4:I Got ID 5:Smile

    They can buy but cant put on my clothes
    Throw down my ace in the hole~~~~~~

    Let's go for three in a row, no sorry i can't think of anything thats not funny. - Paul Merton

    London96,Manchester00,Berlin06,London07
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    saveuplife wrote:
    changein, where you from in exton? I'm by the mall. Small world. Go Flyers.
    i'm right by the mall!!! that's weird!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Eliot RosewaterEliot Rosewater Posts: 2,659
    HuntingtonBeachNick wrote:
    Well not ruined. My wife decided she was unhappy, for some reason that I do not know, and decided to divorce me this week. So, I figure some good music will help ease my broken heart and soul. But lo and behold I now understand and feel many of the lyrics that Eddie has written. So many of the songs are so painful for me to listen to right now. I can't get GOODBYE out of my head. I always understood what the songs were about but now I can feel them, feel the pain that must have been felt when they were written. Pearl Jam has some of the most heart breaking songs I have ever heard. It doesn't help that she and I went to 3 PJ shows together and 2 Eddie Solo shows. How do I replace those memories and take the pain out of the songs?
    You should try listening to rearviewmirror.
  • 3inputchick3inputchick Posts: 845
    HuntingtonBeachNick wrote:
    Well not ruined. My wife decided she was unhappy, for some reason that I do not know, and decided to divorce me this week. So, I figure some good music will help ease my broken heart and soul. But lo and behold I now understand and feel many of the lyrics that Eddie has written. So many of the songs are so painful for me to listen to right now. I can't get GOODBYE out of my head. I always understood what the songs were about but now I can feel them, feel the pain that must have been felt when they were written. Pearl Jam has some of the most heart breaking songs I have ever heard. It doesn't help that she and I went to 3 PJ shows together and 2 Eddie Solo shows. How do I replace those memories and take the pain out of the songs?
    are you good looking?
    We could have dinner and begin the process of getting back on your feet!
    A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
  • release30release30 Posts: 2,051
    3inputchick wrote:
    are you good looking?
    We could have dinner and begin the process of getting back on your feet!



    Wow it may be your lucky day dude you have a 3_input_chick wanting to meet up with you...That will help clear your mind real fast!!!
    Conversations getting dull
    There's a constant ringing in my ears
    Sense of humor's void and numb
    And I'm bored to tears.......
  • 3inputchick3inputchick Posts: 845
    release30 wrote:
    Wow it may be your lucky day dude you have a 3_input_chick wanting to meet up with you...That will help clear your mind real fast!!!
    it's just dinner buddy
    A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
  • AllieAllie Posts: 2,908
    Ouch. I'm sorry to hear that.
    Hang in there.
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • release30release30 Posts: 2,051
    3inputchick wrote:
    it's just dinner buddy



    I hear ya...but with a name like 3_input_chick theres always a chance...
    Conversations getting dull
    There's a constant ringing in my ears
    Sense of humor's void and numb
    And I'm bored to tears.......
  • WobbieWobbie Posts: 30,189
    3inputchick wrote:
    We could have dinner and begin the process of getting back on your feet!

    Back on his feet? Or back on his back?
    If I had known then what I know now...

    Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
    VIC 07
    EV LA1 08
    Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
    Columbus 10
    EV LA 11
    Vancouver 11
    Missoula 12
    Portland 13, Spokane 13
    St. Paul 14, Denver 14
    Philly I & II, 16
    Denver 22
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    HuntingtonBeachNick wrote:
    I can't get GOODBYE out of my head. I always understood what the songs were about but now I can feel them, feel the pain that must have been felt when they were written.
    Wow I never thought about this song.....it really describes the pain. :(
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Eliot RosewaterEliot Rosewater Posts: 2,659
    imalive wrote:
    Back on his feet? Or back on his back?
    Maybe you guys should lay off insulting her as she was just trying to help. No wonder PJ shows are always sausagefests.
  • docwoo812docwoo812 Posts: 60
    My ex-wife wasn't a big fan of PJ so I only went to 1 show per tour during the years 1995-2001. In fact, she hated going to most concerts and generally made my experience at shows lousy. It kind of makes me feel good now that she suffered through the Randalls Island show that rained like a mofo. Of course, since my divorce I have been to a ton of Pearl Jam shows and have had many great road trip experiences.
    I didn't listen to much music after going through my divorce back in 2001. Too many memories. I suggest hanging out with your friends & family. That's what got me through.

    11/05/91 Troy, NY (1st show & met the band!)
    11/08/91 CBGB's FanClub Show
    11/16/91 Roseland
    04/08/92 Axis, Boston
    05/09/92 Mesa, AZ
    08/04/92 Lollapalooza '92 - Saratoga, NY
    08/07/92 Lollapalooza '92 - Great Woods
    09/08/92 Lollapalooza '92 - Phoenix, AZ
    08/18/93 Toronto, Canada w/Neil Young, Soundgarden & Blues Traveler
    11/06/93 Mesa, AZ - Benefit Show
    11/07/93 Mesa, AZ - Benefit Show
    04/07/94 Rochester, NY
    04/10/94 Boston Garden
    09/28/96 Randalls Island
    09/13/98 Meadows Music Theatre
    08/27/00 Saratoga, NY
    04/29/03 Albany, NY
    05/02/03 Buffalo, NY
    06/29/03 Montreal, Canada
    07/02/03 Mansfield, MA
    07/03/03 Mansfield, MA
    07/06/03 Camden/Philly
    07/11/03 Mansfield, MA 3 1/2 hour show!
    07/14/03 Holmdel, NJ
    09/28/04 Boston
    09/29/04 Boston
    10/01/04 Vote For Change - Reading, PA
    10/02/04 Vote For Change - Toledo, OH w/Neil Young
    09/15/05 Montreal
    09/16/05 Ottawa
    09/28/05 Pittsburgh w/Stones
    10/03/05 Philly
    05/12/06 Albany, NY
    05/13/06 Hartford
    05/20/06 Cleveland
    05/27/06 Camden/Philly
    05/28/06 Camden/Philly
    06/03/06 East Rutherford, NJ
    08/05/07 Chicago, IL - Lollapalooza '08!
    Pearl Jam Shows: 11/05/91, 11/08/91, 11/16/91, 4/08/92, 5/09/92, 8/04/92, 8/07/92, 9/08/92, 8/18/93, 11/06/93, 11/07/93, 4/07/94, 4/10/94, 9/28/96, 9/13/98, 8/27/00, 4/29/03, 5/02/03, 6/29/03, 7/02/03, 7/03/03, 7/06/03, 7/11/03, 7/14/03, 9/28/04, 9/29/04, 10/01/04, 10/02/04, 9/15/05, 9/16/05, 9/28/05, 10/03/05, 5/12/06, 5/13/06, 5/20/06, 5/27/06, 5/28/06, 6/03/06, 8/05/07, 6/20/08, 6/22/08, 6/24/08, 6/25/08, 6/27/08, 6/28/08, 6/30/08, 10/27/09, 10/28/09, 10/30/09, 10/31/09, 5/10/10, 5/21/10, 9/07/11, 9/12/11, 9/14/11 & 9/15/11.
    Side Projects/Solo Shows: Brad 10/27/02, Eddie Vedder: 8/2/08, 6/8 & 6/9/09, 6/16/11 & 6/18/11.
  • kent_fkent_f Posts: 28
    Sorry to hear about this man. Hopefully you're able to surround yourself with good people to help get you through.

    I'm actually in a similar boat. My longterm girlfriend and I broke up last week and it's been devastating. It seems like every time I hear "Throw Your Arms Around Me" and "Come Back" I break down. Not to mention every other memory that isn't related to Pearl Jam.
  • jimbojones1138jimbojones1138 Posts: 3,640
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    listen to For No One by the Beatles. It'll depress you much more than any pearl jam song


    other songs to stay away from:

    porch
    black
    come back
    thin air
    im still here
    it's largely due to eddie that i liked to jump off of things as a child...
  • jackwvuujackwvuu Posts: 42
    alright, here's the thing...you can read a whole bunch of shit on this board and expect it to be what you want to hear, but take it from someone who has rescued a woman from the evil clutches of another.....

    this is happening for a reason....good/bad/indifferent....you are better off the way you are now.....who wants to spend the next 40-50 years not liking the person they wake up next to?

    i don't mean to sound harsh, but if you want to hear my exact story as a person who helped a person avoid a life of turmoil/negativity, just pm me, i'd be happy to help......
  • edvedder913edvedder913 Posts: 1,810
    hey,
    sorry to hear you are going thru this. it's not easy, even if you are the one who wants the divorce. it's a painful process and takes time to heal.
    LATG was a big pick me upper when i went thru my divorce. sorta made me feel like i was at a show. spend time w/those who care about you - time does heal. hang in there.
  • WobbieWobbie Posts: 30,189
    Eliot Rosewater wrote:
    Maybe you guys should lay off insulting her as she was just trying to help. No wonder PJ shows are always sausagefests.
    You're right. I felt bad as soon as I posted it. Her Pit name kinda prompted me but, yeah, it was still uncalled for. I also felt bad because I thought "here's another thread which starts off in a good direction (people offering comfort/support/advice) and then degenerates to the lowest common denominator.

    So, to the original poster, I still feel bad for you and hope you get back to a good place as soon as you can.
    If I had known then what I know now...

    Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
    VIC 07
    EV LA1 08
    Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
    Columbus 10
    EV LA 11
    Vancouver 11
    Missoula 12
    Portland 13, Spokane 13
    St. Paul 14, Denver 14
    Philly I & II, 16
    Denver 22
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