The International Council of Man Laws, Ltd.
pinot768
Posts: 295
Ok, so one of the my best guy friends from Atlanta, GA, who always said that women didn't understand men any better than men understand women, sent me this, and I LMAO. Just thought I'd share... 
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry, but ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However, free to complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
'flatulent entertainment' (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's
officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... delivered by a topless model, ...and
only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both, that's just plain greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stop-watch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime,
green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for
Christmas?', with: 'If you loved me, you'd know what I ?want!' - gets
a Playstation 3!! End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next
fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry, but ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However, free to complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
'flatulent entertainment' (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's
officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... delivered by a topless model, ...and
only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both, that's just plain greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stop-watch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime,
green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for
Christmas?', with: 'If you loved me, you'd know what I ?want!' - gets
a Playstation 3!! End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next
fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion.
"I was born, and I know that I'll die...the in-between is mine."
Post edited by Unknown User on
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damn brothers.
that's classic!!
*sips happily on glass of Baileys*
that's what happens when you go to one of your brother's parties i guess, dirty glares all around. my advice is now don't flirt with guys within big brother's view unless you intend on making the poor guy feel awkward as hell.
(e) The end of Braveheart and/or Gladiator.
MSG 1+2. 2010
Wrigley. Brooklyn 2. Hartford. 2013
St. Louis. Denver. 2014
Global Citizens Festival. 2015
MSG 2. Fenway 2. Wrigley 1. 2016
Safeco 2. Missoula. 2018
I don't find urinal banter acceptable at all....last place I want to talk to another guy.
hahahah
correct-a-mondo!
a friend of mine was pissing at a urinal and this guy saunters up to the one next to him...starts his business and turns to my friend and says "nice penis" :eek: needless to say my friend zipped up and exited the bathroom quickly
I've mentioned it here before, and it's not really related...but I have a friend who had a girl run into the can and SNAP A PICTURE of his equipment while he was at the urinal, then ran out of the bar. one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
You ever drink Baileys from a shoe?
San Diego 2003
Grand Rapids 2004
Grand Rapids 2006
Detroit 2006
Columbus 2010
"With my own two hands I can change the world."