I have this little problem.
CityMouse
Posts: 1,010
I have a close friend whose family has a secret they keep from another family member. the circumstances surrounding the secret are quite interesting (as opposed to like really scandalous) and the general topic often comes up in conversation. I try not say anything about my friend's family when contributing to the conversation. it's been going on for years so I've been in this position often.
but this past weekend, I contributed with the example of my friend's family. not giving any names or details of course (well, no names, but ugh, maybe I gave too many details? I don't know), but I had been drinking and it just came out, as in "it happens, I know this girl who..." and it was going to stop there but the person I was talking to asked a few follow up questions. the possibility that this would get back to my friend or her family members is really slim of course, and the girl I was talking too was drinking too so the idea that she would remember the details or have any reason to repeat any of the story is pretty slim as well.
but I feel so guilty. I keep thinking about it and it is weighing on my mind. I feel horrible. I often have a problem of running off my mouth when I get hyper and have had a beer. plus I sometimes get nervous talking to people I don't know well and fish for things to talk about. another friend of mine said I shouldn't worry about it, that everyone does this from time to time and that when everyone's drinking, no one's going to remember any of it. I remember almost everything people say to me, so i get nervous, but people tell me I absorb more stuff from conversations that most people do so not to worry.
is there a way I can stop rehashing this in my mind??? I have no idea as to whether I am overreacting or not. I had myself I was overreacting for a while, but now I'm back to panicing. I can feel my heart rate going up a bit. I think moreso than worrying about the "secret" I just feel horribly guilty about talking about other people.
but this past weekend, I contributed with the example of my friend's family. not giving any names or details of course (well, no names, but ugh, maybe I gave too many details? I don't know), but I had been drinking and it just came out, as in "it happens, I know this girl who..." and it was going to stop there but the person I was talking to asked a few follow up questions. the possibility that this would get back to my friend or her family members is really slim of course, and the girl I was talking too was drinking too so the idea that she would remember the details or have any reason to repeat any of the story is pretty slim as well.
but I feel so guilty. I keep thinking about it and it is weighing on my mind. I feel horrible. I often have a problem of running off my mouth when I get hyper and have had a beer. plus I sometimes get nervous talking to people I don't know well and fish for things to talk about. another friend of mine said I shouldn't worry about it, that everyone does this from time to time and that when everyone's drinking, no one's going to remember any of it. I remember almost everything people say to me, so i get nervous, but people tell me I absorb more stuff from conversations that most people do so not to worry.
is there a way I can stop rehashing this in my mind??? I have no idea as to whether I am overreacting or not. I had myself I was overreacting for a while, but now I'm back to panicing. I can feel my heart rate going up a bit. I think moreso than worrying about the "secret" I just feel horribly guilty about talking about other people.
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er, well that's what I would do if the person was a close friend. I had just met this person I was talking too...I could maybe ask my friend for her email or something, but then I feel like I'd be making it more of a big deal...
Well, then this is tricky. So the drinking friend knows the family? If so, then yeah ask for the email but just act cool about it. Write something along the lines of... "Hey, I realize that when we were drinking I let something slip and I shouldn't have. I'd really appreciate it if... Not to sound like i'm making a big deal, but you can never be too safe."
And no, haha don't take a valium. Face the issue, don't hide and deal with it later
You'll be okay.
no, she doesn't know the people I was talking about.
It's really terrible, I'm like Elaine from Seinfeld when peppermint schnapps is the key to the vault. Not always of course, and I rarely have any taboo information to disclose. and sometimes I don't even need to be drinking, just nervous, to say things I later think I shouldn't have said!
Oh... then you're fine. It was an accident... they happen. Just sit down and tell yourself nothing bad is gonna happen and you really didn't mean to do it. And this might sound semi-pathetic, but once I had this issue and I had to talk to somebody about it. They recommended writing it down on a piece of paper then crumbling it up and throwing it away. I did it, I felt somewhat relieved afterwards. Try it!
thanks maybe I will try that. does anyone else have any other suggestions?
uuuggghhh...I hope I'm fine...I just imagine this girl I was talking to having another conversation about the topic and saying "I heard about this girl who..." and then the person she's talking to going "omg that sounds like my friend" and then it all coming back...she's from the same town too, even though she doesn't really know anyone from town...it's just eating at me! I actually called my old therapist I haven't been to for quite some time to make an appointment just because I'm being so eaten by this...
I want to cry or puke or both!!!