PTSD ... who's got it?

corduroid

I used to know nothing about PTSD, thought vaguely that it happened only to soldiers ... then I learned that it often occurs in children of dysfunctional families and remains buried there as kids adapt to the flooding of fear-based 'fight or flight' signals in the body as they grow. Many isolating, walling-off type behaviors in later life are continuations of roots here ~ even in seemingly well-functioning adults.

I didn't discover mine until 2006, in my 40s, when so many crushing patterns kept replaying through my life. It took quite a bit of therapy to unlock some secrets I hadn't faced since very young, and in that I became fascinated in the power of this disorder. I won't tire you with the details of my childhood but it was quite impaired with suicidally depressed and vindictive parents and the shiny, happy external facade that was constructed over it.

The loneliness of survivors is at times nearly unbearable because the vital human connections we seek are the things that have often been most impaired. It's a lot of re-learning, of figuring out as adults who and how to trust ~ from scratch, starting with our own selves. It's crazy when your whole life experience is seemingly inside out :(

PJ obviously draws an emotionally deep and intelligent type of fan, many of us first resonating with the early explorations of isolation on Ten. Just curious if anyone else here has been confronted with accepting this disorder in their adult lives, and what kind of success you're finding in dealing with it?

Ms. Haiku

I was definitely fight or flight growing up. I was completely scared of my dad, big-meany-that-yells that he is.

Also, when I worked with survivors of family violence particular domestic violence I realized that I had ptsd. Oddly enough I definitely had a second hand version of it because I was hearing story after story after story of family violence. Even now, when I saw the movie, Waitress, which has DV in it, I had to think really really hard about good things so that I wouldn't be scared to go to bed or have a nightmare.

It's pretty common for workers in the social services to get ptsd, at least a water'd down version. Also, I think by working with survivors, and hearing their stories, I went to one of the deepest pits of despair. By working my way up from it I shed some of the ptsd layers. It's rare that I say my current behaviors are a product of my upbringing, as opposed to my social services occupation, although I was feeling the direct relationship in my early 20s.

corduroid

hartamh wrote:

Yes:( I feel I've had it all my life. I like yourself didn't get diagnosed with it till a few years ago. It's simply unbearable and when you mix depression & anxiety with it, it's a very lonely feeling. You feel isolated and there is no escaping it...

I think the magnitude varies with a lot of people ... for some it's just crushing, for others it's more 'insidious' and just preventing a full engagement of life. That's how mine crept up, anyhow; but as I began to isolate myself more, it really kicked in.

Learning about the specific symptoms and putting a name to things has been the most helpful step for me. Since then (06) it's been easier to see things for what they are, but it's still very hard for me to acknowledge (to myself) that there are complications at all, because I've been so engrained to project otherwise, to keep up that facade :rolleyes:

corduroid

Ms. Haiku wrote:

... It's pretty common for workers in the social services to get ptsd, at least a water'd down version ...

I didn't know that, but it makes sense ... you must hear some awful stories. Glad to hear that you've been able to work through much of it

stargirl69

This is a subject that I work with everyday with children who have had or are still living in traumatic family backgrounds.It is the basis of most of the child protection work the organisation I work for handle.There is some amazing research been conducted on the brain development of children who have suffered trauma,particularly emotional.It would take days to clearly define the reasearch here but a basic element is that the child gets emotionally "stuck" at the time the build up of significant trauma happened,They can be guided through the trauma and learn resiprocity but some of the trauma experienced may always be an element of their character.I am no expert but if you are interested you may want to do a search engine for an amazing lady called Holly Van Gulden (think thats how her name is spelt).She is an American lady with many years of experience caring for children who suffered horrific trauma.She and her husband were originally foster carers and she has researched and now runs an organisation that specialises in helping children,parents and carers work through trauma.She has developed some wonderful techniques in helping people understand and address a history or trauma.She has also written a number of book.She travels the world giving seminars to child care professionals and carers.She is a delight to meet,listen to and an inspiration in this very sensitive often experienced,often misunderstood trauma.
I hope all on here with childhood trauma see light at the end of their experiences.It does happen.I have seen many children grow and move through extreme trauma to become healthy balanced adults.

Ms. Haiku

stargirl69 wrote:

I have seen many children grow and move through extreme trauma to become healthy balanced adults.

That's definitely true. 3 of my siblings have kids, and they are breaking the cycle! It's truly amazing that their kids are not scared of them or always have to be on the defensive against them. It's really beautiful to see the unconditional love going both ways.

corduroid

stargirl69 wrote:

This is a subject that I work with everyday with children who have had or are still living in traumatic family backgrounds.It is the basis of most of the child protection work the organisation I work for handle.There is some amazing research been conducted on the brain development of children who have suffered trauma,particularly emotional.It would take days to clearly define the reasearch here but a basic element is that the child gets emotionally "stuck" at the time the build up of significant trauma happened,They can be guided through the trauma and learn resiprocity but some of the trauma experienced may always be an element of their character.I am no expert but if you are interested you may want to do a search engine for an amazing lady called Holly Van Gulden (think thats how her name is spelt).She is an American lady with many years of experience caring for children who suffered horrific trauma.She and her husband were originally foster carers and she has researched and now runs an organisation that specialises in helping children,parents and carers work through trauma.She has developed some wonderful techniques in helping people understand and address a history or trauma.She has also written a number of book.She travels the world giving seminars to child care professionals and carers.She is a delight to meet,listen to and an inspiration in this very sensitive often experienced,often misunderstood trauma.
I hope all on here with childhood trauma see light at the end of their experiences.It does happen.I have seen many children grow and move through extreme trauma to become healthy balanced adults.

wonderful info, thank you so much!

Heineken Helen

corduroid wrote:

I used to know nothing about PTSD, thought vaguely that it happened only to soldiers ... then I learned that it often occurs in children of dysfunctional families and remains buried there as kids adapt to the flooding of fear-based 'fight or flight' signals in the body as they grow. Many isolating, walling-off type behaviors in later life are continuations of roots here ~ even in seemingly well-functioning adults.

I didn't discover mine until 2006, in my 40s, when so many crushing patterns kept replaying through my life. It took quite a bit of therapy to unlock some secrets I hadn't faced since very young, and in that I became fascinated in the power of this disorder. I won't tire you with the details of my childhood but it was quite impaired with suicidally depressed and vindictive parents and the shiny, happy external facade that was constructed over it.

The loneliness of survivors is at times nearly unbearable because the vital human connections we seek are the things that have often been most impaired. It's a lot of re-learning, of figuring out as adults who and how to trust ~ from scratch, starting with our own selves. It's crazy when your whole life experience is seemingly inside out :(

PJ obviously draws an emotionally deep and intelligent type of fan, many of us first resonating with the early explorations of isolation on Ten. Just curious if anyone else here has been confronted with accepting this disorder in their adult lives, and what kind of success you're finding in dealing with it?

I've a feeling there were some things that I've yet to deal with.

pretext

Good book: Trauma and Recovery - Judith Herman
Readable, thorough, hopeful. Also, anything by Bessel van der Kolk. He's a giant in the field - done some of the pioneering psychiatric research on PTSD and trauma in general.

I had something happen this last week that I thought never could. It was a 15-year anniversary of a really bad day, and I was pretty overwhelmed. Then, that evening, I suddenly realized that, today, in reality, I am not trapped or captive. I am safe, in control, and present in the here and now. I knew this intellectually, but never felt it before. And I can't tell you the weight that has lifted. I literally feel lighter. It doesn't make the past go away or easier to work through, but I now feel capable of doing that work without completely losing reality and myself. Pretty cool.

kcherub

I have PTSD--I had breast cancer last year and for many months, I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. It's like being told "you are going to die" and knowing it. I am doing pretty well physically now (or at least I think so), but mentally I am kind of "off". I deal with by doing a lot of "talking to myself", as in taking deep breaths and and going over the reality of my situation at that moment.

I have a scrip for Xanax, and do take a 1/2 tab when I feel like I can't talk myself down. I have found out that a lot of breast cancer survivors (and from other cancers, too) suffer from PTSD. When you don't die from cancer, people expect you to be overflowing with happiness. It just ain't so. Being grateful is one thing, knowing how to fix the other stuff is another.

I know that some of the SSRIs are prescribed for it, but I can't take those, as many of them interact with tamoxifen. I take tamoxifen every day to keep the BC at bay.

I hope you find some relief.

einatshaul

corduroid, this is amazing, I've just been dealing with the same these recent days... Figuring this out slowly, I know there is a lot of hard work to be done and I'm not so young anymore myself. Interesting to hear what sort of treatment you've tried and what worked for you more/less.

Ultraviolet

lralle wrote:

Good book: Trauma and Recovery - Judith Herman
Readable, thorough, hopeful. Also, anything by Bessel van der Kolk. He's a giant in the field - done some of the pioneering psychiatric research on PTSD and trauma in general.

Thank you for posting this book. I'll forward it to my brother. He just returned from his 3rd deployment to Iraq. He's got a lot of baggage. I think he needs a lot of hugs right now.