Not another tell us a joke thread!
Fender_Man
Posts: 408
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One
rainy day she was in bed
with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car
pull into the driveway.
'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My
husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.
'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out
the window! As he ran down the
street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right
into the middle of the town's
annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about
300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend
in as best he could. After a
little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with
some curiosity, jogged
closer.
'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your
arm?'
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the
run and get in my car to go home!'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you
always wear a condom when you
run?'
'Nope...just when it's raining.'
rainy day she was in bed
with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car
pull into the driveway.
'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My
husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.
'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out
the window! As he ran down the
street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right
into the middle of the town's
annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about
300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend
in as best he could. After a
little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with
some curiosity, jogged
closer.
'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your
arm?'
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the
run and get in my car to go home!'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you
always wear a condom when you
run?'
'Nope...just when it's raining.'
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
"To is a preposition.
Come is a verb"
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"because the light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey"
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
COLONEL SAN DERS:
Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
lol..that is good
His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?'
'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
'A female horth.'
So he shows him a prized filly.
'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'?
The breader is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
'Nice mouf, can I see her twat'?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the breader grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's arse, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
'Perhapth I should rephrathe that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'?
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift