Im in trouble with my husband...

catefrances

yellowled24 wrote:

yes, it wouldve been hard to have logged on after his show, coz by that time it was late and he has this thing with me always having to go to bed with him at the same time...even though he falls staight asleep. He already knew I wasnt interested in the show, if I was interested I wouldve watched it, wouldnt I? Does that mean that just because I wasnt interested in his show, I shouldve watched it? Can I then force him to be on the pit when hes not interested? No, each of us has our own interests. All I was meaning, is that im entitled to mine without being made to feel guilty.
And if I went on when he was asleep, same story, he would think I was hiding something from him.
Geez, you cant say anything on here lately without someone finding fault or getting narky. All I wanted to know is if anyone else had had this problem!

yep that is true. you shouldnt have to do shit you dont want to do. and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty because of it.

writersu

yellowled24 wrote:

Theres a bit more to the story!
Im a 25 year old mother of two, who has been with my husband for 6 years.
He gets home from work at around 4:30pm, during which I am getting dinner and the kids organised.
We have a beer and a smoke, help each other out.Have dinner, talk about the days events, he gets his shower, I bath the kids. We read books to the kids, put 'em to bed, rah rah rah....

Last night this was the usual routine. My husband had been saying ALL day there was a really good program on TV that he was looking forward to watching when the kids were in bed...I thought cool, though I wasnt particularly interested...so I got my laptop and sat NEXT to him on the couch...he was watching his show, I was on the net. I would say "Hey, check this interview out" or "This post is really funny". Then, other times I was half watching the program with him and say you know "Oh, is that the one whö...." bla bla bla. So it wasnt like I was completely ingoring him, I was trying to interact with him.

I feel good about being on here because with my lifestyle I dont actually get to talk to alot of other people, apart from the supermarket ladies etc. And not one of my friends like PJ!! My husband does, but gets sick of them easily.
So I feel, with all that I put into everyone else in my life, this is my outlet that gives something back to me. This is the one thing that I do just for myself. I try to tell my hubby, and he kinda gets it.
Dont be mistaken! My family comes first ALWAYS, I talk things over with my husband before I come on here, but I guess no-one really understands the reason why I like coming on this forum :rolleyes:

of course not, I get that but thanks for explaining. I have 4 kids and yeah, it is a great thing to have another place to be able to just be you.

yellowled24

writersu wrote:

of course not, I get that but thanks for explaining. I have 4 kids and yeah, it is a great thing to have another place to be able to just be you.

yeah! Like asleep or in the toilet...though even the latter is hard when you have a 2 year old screaming!!!

catefrances

yellowled24 wrote:

yeah! Like asleep or in the toilet...though even the latter is hard when you have a 2 year old screaming!!!

why do they do that. why when youve found refuge in the toilet, the only place you think youre safe do they come looking for you. aaah kids, cant live with 'em can't kill 'em.

p.s. i have 4 + 1.

yellowled24

catefrances wrote:

why do they do that. why when youve found refuge in the toilet, the only place you think youre safe do they come looking for you. aaah kids, cant live with 'em can't kill 'em.

p.s. i have 4 + 1.

i think ive discovered that the less you want them around, the more they WANT to be around! seems that way tho
I have 2 and 5 yr old, but getting off the subject!

weenie

yellowled24 wrote:

Theres a bit more to the story!
Im a 25 year old mother of two, who has been with my husband for 6 years.
He gets home from work at around 4:30pm, during which I am getting dinner and the kids organised.
We have a beer and a smoke, help each other out.Have dinner, talk about the days events, he gets his shower, I bath the kids. We read books to the kids, put 'em to bed, rah rah rah....

Last night this was the usual routine. My husband had been saying ALL day there was a really good program on TV that he was looking forward to watching when the kids were in bed...I thought cool, though I wasnt particularly interested...so I got my laptop and sat NEXT to him on the couch...he was watching his show, I was on the net. I would say "Hey, check this interview out" or "This post is really funny". Then, other times I was half watching the program with him and say you know "Oh, is that the one whö...." bla bla bla. So it wasnt like I was completely ingoring him, I was trying to interact with him.

I feel good about being on here because with my lifestyle I dont actually get to talk to alot of other people, apart from the supermarket ladies etc. And not one of my friends like PJ!! My husband does, but gets sick of them easily.
So I feel, with all that I put into everyone else in my life, this is my outlet that gives something back to me. This is the one thing that I do just for myself. I try to tell my hubby, and he kinda gets it.
Dont be mistaken! My family comes first ALWAYS, I talk things over with my husband before I come on here, but I guess no-one really understands the reason why I like coming on this forum :rolleyes:

Well, I'm not an authority by any means but I have had my own experiences. It sounds like you are attentive - not in a co-dependent kind of way, but in a way that comes to you voluntarily. For some "partners" that's not enough. There are people out there who NEED someone to always be "with" them whether it's watching the same show, being in the same room while the other person is working on something, etc. To me, that just smacks of neediness or co-dependency.

We all are individuals interested in our own specific "stuff". People who aren't mature enough to let you enjoy your own stuff - when you're handling yourself and your "chores" the way a wife and mother should be - have some kind of insecurity issue in my opinion. I was married to to one for 12 years and I was in many situations during that time where I was made to feel guilty about enjoying something/participating in something that my husband wasn't interested in or wasn't necessarily interested in HIS activity. Possibly he's not aware of the fact that he's not letting you enjoy your own individuality and it's just a minor phase. But I think it's definitely worth having a conversation with him about.

Good luck. I really hope you guys work out being able to be your own "person" and remain happily married parents!

weenie

By the way, my husband always wanted me to go to bed with him at 8:00 freaking o'clock at night!! Look at me.... it's 1:10 p.m. here and I'm up on the computer! He would fall right to sleep. I'd lay there like an idiot and finally get up and go watch TV or something.

Heineken Helen

yellowled24 wrote:

yes, it wouldve been hard to have logged on after his show, coz by that time it was late and he has this thing with me always having to go to bed with him at the same time...even though he falls staight asleep. He already knew I wasnt interested in the show, if I was interested I wouldve watched it, wouldnt I? Does that mean that just because I wasnt interested in his show, I shouldve watched it? Can I then force him to be on the pit when hes not interested? No, each of us has our own interests. All I was meaning, is that im entitled to mine without being made to feel guilty.
And if I went on when he was asleep, same story, he would think I was hiding something from him.
Geez, you cant say anything on here lately without someone finding fault or getting narky. All I wanted to know is if anyone else had had this problem!

:( he sounds a bit controlling. Having read your first post I was in agreeance with everyone else that of course you should put your husband before board time... but it sounds like you already put him before everything?

writersu

yellowled24 wrote:

yeah! Like asleep or in the toilet...though even the latter is hard when you have a 2 year old screaming!!!

I know it seems like forever, but the kids do grow up and in a bittersweet way, it is a good thing. And even the husband may grow up and move out someday.........

decides2dream

justam wrote:

Pay attention to your husband. The board is always here when you have time.

exactly.


the time i spend on here i am either at work, or i am alone. if my hubby is around we spend our time together.

Wobbie

decides2dream wrote:

the time i spend on here i am either at work, or i am alone.

Dr. Phyllis has got it figured out! Work is the perfect time for the Message Pit .

decides2dream

imalive wrote:

Dr. Phyllis has got it figured out! Work is the perfect time for the Message Pit .

it really IS.
i am so happy i finally have a job in which i can do so, in the past i always had to read/post on my own free time! :eek:

comebackwoman

I think it's good to have a balance of things you enjoy doing with your partner, as well as interests/activities you each enjoy on your own...whether that's spending time on the pit, going out with friends, watching/playing sports, reading, etc. etc. No need to spend all your free time together, unless that's what you both enjoy....and unless your partner is your clone it would be hard to find someone who shares the exact same interests anyway. If it's bothering him, talk about why it bothers him...but yeah...I think you should be able to enjoy things apart from him - even if it's spending time on the pit

decides2dream

comebackgirl wrote:

I think it's good to have a balance of things you enjoy doing with your partner, as well as interests/activities you each enjoy on your own...whether that's spending time on the pit, going out with friends, watching/playing sports, reading, etc. etc. No need to spend all your free time together, unless that's what you both enjoy....and unless your partner is your clone it would be hard to find someone who shares the exact same interests anyway. If it's bothering him, talk about why it bothers him...but yeah...I think you should be able to enjoy things apart from him - even if it's spending time on the pit

this is quite true, too.

it IS CRAZY - for most couples, anyway - to spend EVERY free moment together. i know i would go insane. we all need our alone time, etc. however, i do agree......obviously if it IS bothering him, there should be a reason for it, and best for you both if you find out why.

comebackwoman

decides2dream wrote:

it IS CRAZY - for most couples, anyway - to spend EVERY free moment together. i know i would go insane. we all need our alone time, etc.

I agree. Unless zoso loves doing a whole lotta shoe shopping we're gonna need to spend at least SOME time apart

decides2dream

comebackgirl wrote:

I agree. Unless zoso loves doing a whole lotta shoe shopping we're gonna need to spend at least SOME time apart

well i think the longer you're together as a couple, the more time you need apart. haha. not really, but yes...i think it is essential to a healthy relationship, and most definitely some people need more time on their own than others. it's all about finding that balance.


i know for us, during the workweek, we usually commute on the train together and spend most evenings together. doesn't mean every moment, but we do try to have dinner together, maybe watch a movie, etc. weekends, saturday nights are ALWAYS *our night*....but the rest of the weekend entirely up for grabs whether joint or solo activities. and sure, band practice nights are perfect for shopping, or a little extra time here, whatever...:p

Get_Right

my wife is usually just glad I am home and not out at another rock concert

but when she sees its a pearl jam site, I get the same reaction.


You are a sick geek.

She means well. I think.

Get_Right

decides2dream wrote:

well i think the longer you're together as a couple, the more time you need apart. haha. not really, but yes...i think it is essential to a healthy relationship, and most definitely some people need more time on their own than others. it's all about finding that balance.


i know for us, during the workweek, we usually commute on the train together and spend most evenings together. doesn't mean every moment, but we do try to have dinner together, maybe watch a movie, etc. weekends, saturday nights are ALWAYS *our night*....but the rest of the weekend entirely up for grabs whether joint or solo activities. and sure, band practice nights are perfect for shopping, or a little extra time here, whatever...:p

a LITTLE absence does make the heart grow fonder
and giving each other time to do individual things builds respect for each other

at least thats my story and im sticking to it.

NY PJ1

Kick Her Or Him In The Ass And Send Them To The Bedroom

decides2dream

Get_Right wrote:

a LITTLE absence does make the heart grow fonder
and giving each other time to do individual things builds respect for each other

at least thats my story and im sticking to it.

absolutely!
6 weeks in prague....2 weeks....2x...in europe to see pearl jam.........:D it's all good! hubby has his fishing trips, etc......all about balance.


and sure, he's going to see van halen with his bro, and i am going to see death cab with a friend....we'll share 3 pj shows this tour, and i shall go to 2 solo.