Another Joke Thread

pjfan31

I reckon laughing makes the world a better place, so here goes. Plus I just heard this joke and had to tell people

3men were on their honey moon with their wives. They decided that they were going to have a competition to see who could have sex with their wives the most in one night. knowing it would upset their other half too much if they knew it was a competition they decided to come up with a code. At breakfast the next day, they would order one piece of toast for every time they had sex the previous night.

The next day the first guy says, "I'll have 2 pieces thanks" The next guy was pretty proud of himself and says "I'll have 4 slices please" The 3rd guy comes in and blurts out "I'll have 6 slices and make 2 of them brown"

Hope you found it as funny as I did, now share your jokes please.

muiren77

A man visits a chinese friend dying in the hospital. Friend says "DI TA GUAE YONG KHEE!" and dies.
The man goes to China to find the meaning of friend's last words:















"Don't step on the oxygen."

(not that funny )
good morning all...

suns rival

muiren77 wrote:

A man visits a chinese friend dying in the hospital. Friend says "DI TA GUAE YONG KHEE!" and dies.
The man goes to China to find the meaning of friend's last words:















"Don't step on the oxygen."

(not that funny )
good morning all...

is this a joke?

pjfan31

muiren77 wrote:

A man visits a chinese friend dying in the hospital. Friend says "DI TA GUAE YONG KHEE!" and dies.
The man goes to China to find the meaning of friend's last words:
























"Don't step on the oxygen."

(not that funny )
good morning all...

Not the worst joke I've heard.

Whats big, red and eats rocks??



A big red rockeater

Boom boom ch

muiren77

Boolevard
==========

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts
everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and
comes across a head.

He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratches out
his spelling error.

"Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch.

"Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch.

He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he
kicks the head.

"Head on curb."

nuffingman

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinaman are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.” He then jabs a thin finger at the Irishman, “You’re in charge of digging.” Finally, he turns to the Chinaman, “And you’re in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.”

Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby. “Why didn’t you touch it?” he says. The Italian looks at him. “We didn’t have a broom or shovel. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and we couldn’t find him.” Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental. Just then, the Chinaman leaps from behind the sand. “Supplies!” he yells.

muiren77

nuffingman wrote:

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinaman are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.” He then jabs a thin finger at the Irishman, “You’re in charge of digging.” Finally, he turns to the Chinaman, “And you’re in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.”

Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby. “Why didn’t you touch it?” he says. The Italian looks at him. “We didn’t have a broom or shovel. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and we couldn’t find him.” Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental. Just then, the Chinaman leaps from behind the sand. “Supplies!” he yells.

lol
good one...
have been bored the whole afternoon...

Terryible

Mick appeared on the Irish version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" and
was nearly at the end of the quiz with winnings of £500,000.

"You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "But to get the
$1million, you've only got one lifeline left - Phone a friend.

Everything is riding on this question...will you have a go?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"OK. The question is, 'Which of the following birds does NOT build its own
nest?

(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c) Cuckoo or (d) Thrush."

I haven't got a clue," said Mick, "so I'll use my last lifeline and phone
m'friend Paddy back home in Ballygoon."

Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the
question to him.

"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple...it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure, Paddy?" asked Mick.

"I'm fookin sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told the TV presenter, "I'll go with Cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer? Lock it in?" asked the host.

"Dat it is, Sir. Lock it in"

There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is
The correct answer! Mick, you've won £1 million!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy? How in God's name did you know it was the Cuckoo that
doesn't build its own nest? I mean, you know fook-all about birds."

"Ah bejaysus!" laughed Paddy. "Everybody knows a fookin' Cuckoo lives in a
clock!"

nuffingman

After hours of drinking heavily, Bob is sitting in a bar when, through his bloodshot eyes, he notices a figure sitting next to him.

Feeling very jovial, he turns to the blurry figure and says: ‘Do you want to hear a blonde joke?’ The figure next to him snorts.

‘Listen, mate,’ comes a female voice, ‘I weigh 175 lbs and am the British Women's kick-boxing champion. I am also blonde. My blonde friend next to me weighs 190 lb and is the Women's European arm-wrestling champion. Finally, my other friend at the end of the bar weighs 235 lb and is the Women's World power-lifting champion. She, too, is a natural blonde. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?’

The guy pondered this for a while. ‘Hmmm,’ he replied finally. ‘Not if I have to explain it three times.’

pjfan31

Three ducks walk into a bar and sit down. The barman was suprised, he had never seen ducks in his bar before. He goes up to the first one and says. "what your name?" The duck replies "Hewie" "Good to meet you, what have you been doing today" says the barman. "I've been in and out of puddles all day" says Hewie.

He goes up to the 2nd one and says. "what your name?" The duck replies "Dewie" "Good to meet you, what have you been doing today" says the barman. "I've been in and out of puddles all day" says Dewie.

The barman goes up to the 3rd duck and says "Let me guess, your name is Lewie?" The Duck Responds "No, Puddles'

nuffingman

A woman goes to the doctor.

“These hormone tablets you’ve put me on are having some weird side-effects,” she moans.

“Really?” asks the doctor. “What do you mean?”

“For some reason I’ve now got hair all over my chest.”

“How far does it go down?”

“That’s the worst bit,” she says. “All the way down to my bollocks.”