all of a sudden I'm depressed

GreenTeaDisease
GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
edited January 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
I usually like being single and everything. and it was my choice to move away from my boyfriend (though I think that was probably the right thing to do- I don't think we were meant to be together for much longer), but I don't know, last night I went out with some of friends and they are all in very serious relationships and not only that but they all got in them "naturally" (like they met guys and the guys liked them and asked them out). And all day I've just been really depressed. I think it's because 1) I have soooo far to go before I can think about dating 2) even in like a year when I might be *able* to date again, I'm never going to meet anyone naturally like all my friends did- I've never done that in my whole life 3) when all my friends get married-which most of them are suddenly close to- where does that leave me?

I dunno I know this post is stupid and really sucks and nobody cares, but I don't know I needed to vent because I haven't felt like this in a long long time.
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Comments

  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    how do you mean meet naturally? was your boyfriend your friend beforehand?

    anyway. I feel for you. I think the depression will pass before it becomes too much though. After all. it was your choice and you wouldn't have made it if you couldn't handle it, deep down. I think you should have more confidence in your ability to get past it and try again. As for no one caring, you'd be surprised how many nice posts these threads get, even if a couple of assholes will come along and tell you to get over it :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Proteus
    Proteus Posts: 166
    Don't despair.

    No reason for that.

    On the other hand, you can't have it both ways.

    If you want to cure that loneliness, there are things you must give up.

    If you give them up freely, then you are really ready for a relationship.

    If you call them "a sacrifice," then you are better off being single...in which case...there's a lot to enjoy...but also recurring loneliness.
    FUEL AND RELEASE!!! happiness is good FOR AN hour... FUEL AND RE-LEASE!!! happines is good FOR an HOU-ER.
    --P. Farrell
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    how do you mean meet naturally? was your boyfriend your friend beforehand?

    anyway. I feel for you. I think the depression will pass before it becomes too much though. After all. it was your choice and you wouldn't have made it if you couldn't handle it, deep down. I think you should have more confidence in your ability to get past it and try again. As for no one caring, you'd be surprised how many nice posts these threads get, even if a couple of assholes will come along and tell you to get over it :)

    no i met my boyfriend on match.com where I've met everyone I've ever dated. I really really want someone to just like without me having to advertise.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Proteus wrote:
    Don't despair.

    No reason for that.

    On the other hand, you can't have it both ways.

    If you want to cure that loneliness, there are things you must give up.

    If you give them up freely, then you are really ready for a relationship.

    If you call them "a sacrifice," then you are better off being single...in which case...there's a lot to enjoy...but also recurring loneliness.

    no this really doesn't have anything to do with my last boyfriend. I moved 6 months ago. I think I am starting to get more depressed because now I am *ready* to date again, post that relationship, but I *can't* yet. not for a long, long time, and even when I can I don't know how to do it.
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    no i met my boyfriend on match.com where I've met everyone I've ever dated. I really really want someone to just like without me having to advertise.
    I don't mean this to sound blunt, it's hard to adopt a neutral voice on a message board (:)) but have you ever tried? I assume you have and I guess then it's just a confidence thing that's stopping you from being successful. There's obviously nothing wrong with you that would stop someone liking you since you had a boyfriend. It's more a case of cutting out the middle man of match.com and having the confidence that people will like you for who you are. Hell, I know it's hard. I find it extremely difficult to just go up to people in bars or whatever and if I do, I'm rarely successful but it doesn't mean you should give up. you never know what might happen next time you do :)

    by the way, I read this through and I saw how it might come across as horribly patronising. that isn't my intention at all.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I don't mean this to sound blunt, it's hard to adopt a neutral voice on a message board (:)) but have you ever tried? I assume you have and I guess then it's just a confidence thing that's stopping you from being successful. There's obviously nothing wrong with you that would stop someone liking you since you had a boyfriend. It's more a case of cutting out the middle man of match.com and having the confidence that people will like you for who you are. Hell, I know it's hard. I find it extremely difficult to just go up to people in bars or whatever and if I do, I'm rarely successful but it doesn't mean you should give up. you never know what might happen next time you do :)

    by the way, I read this through and I saw how it might come across as horribly patronising. that isn't my intention at all.

    I think I'm a little old to go trolling in bars :). Actually I never even go to bars anymore because I barely know anyone to go out with and they don't like going to bars anymore.

    but I don't know if I've like "tried." I mean I guess I have with people I've met in the past. But 1) it's going to be extremely hard to meet someone I want to "try" with and 2) it doesn't seem like anyone else has to "try." And I won't be able to meet anyone or "try" for a long long time or even ever maybe, I don't know.

    and no it wasn't condescending. no problem.
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I think I'm a little old to go trolling in bars :). Actually I never even go to bars anymore because I barely know anyone to go out with and they don't like going to bars anymore.

    but I don't know if I've like "tried." I mean I guess I have with people I've met in the past. But 1) it's going to be extremely hard to meet someone I want to "try" with and 2) it doesn't seem like anyone else has to "try." And I won't be able to meet anyone or "try" for a long long time or even ever maybe, I don't know.

    and no it wasn't condescending. no problem.
    I know what you mean about it sometimes it seems like no one else has to try and it's a shit feeling but there's got to be a ton of people who feel like that and it eventually works out for them. I damn well hope it does anyway because I'm like that :) Forget the bar idea then. I hate it anyway but it does seem to be how the vast majority of people seem to meet people. It just seems kind of contrived and forced. I don't know... is there any reason why you need to meet people the "normal way" anyway? I mean, who decides what is normal. go with what works for you. As you say, you won't even be able to consider starting anything with anyone else for a long time so you have time to think about how it's going to work in the future.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • vedderfan10
    vedderfan10 Posts: 2,497
    Dips in moods are normal -- it's only if its been for two weeks or more that you need to worry, or if you have thoughts of suicide or death, but otherwise a low mood isn't really something to be worked up about. Get outside and walk for 30 min. a day...stuff like that.. It's normal to feel sad...it's not normal to fee depressed...(unless it's a reaction to something traumatic)...jus' speaking from experience...

    Really though...I wish you well...
    be philanthropic
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    is there any reason why you need to meet people the "normal way" anyway? I mean, who decides what is normal. go with what works for you. As you say, you won't even be able to consider starting anything with anyone else for a long time so you have time to think about how it's going to work in the future.

    I just have *only* met people on match.com. and most of the people I didn't really like all that much and they didn't like me all that much. It's JUST like meeting people in a bar- it can be kind of forced and contrived. And you start getting less picky and you start dating for the sake of dating, because you've got a flood of emails and you go out with these guys that you probably wouldn't feel anything for if you knew them all along, just for the hell of it.

    the problem is that I *am* starting to consider dating again, but I know that, physically, it's not going to be possible for a long long time. So I kind of have gone from feeling like I'm "in hiding" and taking care of myself to wanting to come out of hiding and but not being able to.
  • vedderfan10
    vedderfan10 Posts: 2,497
    or get a dog...they're magnets for attraction...
    be philanthropic
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    I honestly don't have any answers for you. But I do want to wish you well, and I do hope you find happiness. Just remember, we're always works in progress, and even if you think in a years time you'll be "ready to date", there's never going to be a perfect time.

    Everything you learn and take with you, will only make you that much better down the road.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Vedderfan10 wrote:
    or get a dog...they're magnets for attraction...

    dude, I would LOVE to! but there is no way. I never know if I'm getting home from work at 6 or midnight. and I don't have a yard. totally not fair to the dog.
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I just have *only* met people on match.com. and most of the people I didn't really like all that much and they didn't like me all that much. It's JUST like meeting people in a bar- it can be kind of forced and contrived. And you start getting less picky and you start dating for the sake of dating, because you've got a flood of emails and you go out with these guys that you probably wouldn't feel anything for if you knew them all along, just for the hell of it.

    the problem is that I *am* starting to consider dating again, but I know that, physically, it's not going to be possible for a long long time. So I kind of have gone from feeling like I'm "in hiding" and taking care of myself to wanting to come out of hiding and but not being able to.
    hmm... I see the problem with your old method. When you do finally feel able to come out of "hiding" as you put it, I think you just need to take the leap. If you meet someone who takes your fancy, just see what happens. What's the worst that can happen after all? I know this is easy enough for me to say because I don't know what it's like to be you but I know what it's like to feel unable to do something and sometimes I think the best remedy is to just do it before you can stop yourself.

    I personally have no answers for you but I think you'll be ok :) just don't overthink or worry about things to much.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    hmm... I see the problem with your old method. When you do finally feel able to come out of "hiding" as you put it, I think you just need to take the leap. If you meet someone who takes your fancy, just see what happens. What's the worst that can happen after all? I know this is easy enough for me to say because I don't know what it's like to be you but I know what it's like to feel unable to do something and sometimes I think the best remedy is to just do it before you can stop yourself.

    I personally have no answers for you but I think you'll be ok :) just don't overthink or worry about things to much.

    I have been telling myself that I will take "the leap," but how will I meet someone who strikes my fancy?
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I have been telling myself that I will take "the leap," but how will I meet someone who strikes my fancy?
    That's a good question... and one to which I do not know the answer. I guess there's got to be ways. Friend of a friend? work colleague? There must be some worthy suitor amongst those two groups :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    That's a good question... and one to which I do not know the answer. I guess there's got to be ways. Friend of a friend? work colleague? There must be some worthy suitor amongst those two groups :)

    haha no not quite. I work in a small office with about 15 really dorky, older, married guys. and friend of friends, well I basically have 4 friends in my half of the country right now, and none of them know anyone. plus I am picky :).
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    haha no not quite. I work in a small office with about 15 really dorky, older, married guys. and friend of friends, well I basically have 4 friends in my half of the country right now, and none of them know anyone. plus I am picky :).
    Picky?! ahah... now we get down to the real issue ;)

    but seriously, it'll happen eventually. It has to. It's this little theory I have called "the world's not that much of a bastard is it?" theory. It keeps me sane :) I must sleep now but I hope you feel better.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Picky?! ahah... now we get down to the real issue ;)

    but seriously, it'll happen eventually. It has to. It's this little theory I have called "the world's not that much of a bastard is it?" theory. It keeps me sane :) I must sleep now but I hope you feel better.

    the thing is that I shouldn't care. I am so above caring about this shit, or so I thought. I guess I am just sick of how I am living now.

    but I have to go to sleep too. it's gonna be a long-ass day tomorrow.
  • roar
    roar Posts: 1,116
    my friends and i have found that you find someone once you stop looking.

    i don't know why it happens...just does.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    roar wrote:
    my friends and i have found that you find someone once you stop looking.

    i don't know why it happens...just does.

    well I'm not looking now, definitely not. and I probably won't be "looking" when I'm ready either, but nothing ever "just happens" to me.

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