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When I'm ready to again, how can I

GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
edited January 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
meet guys to date?

I probably won't be interested in dating until at least this summer- I am trying to get myself back in order. But I was thinking about it, and I'm sure I've posted for something like this before, but I don't know how I'm going to meet any guys when I am ready to. I'll be 30, I work in a very small office with a bunch of older, dorky, married guys. I've always been one to join up with pretty much everything, but I've never met any men anywhere. For example, I played soccer this fall and probably will in the spring, but all the guys on my team just were not possibilities for one reason or another. most of the other things I've done have been predominantly women (writing, outdoors clubs, photography, fitness bootcamp, etc).

I've decided that when I date again, I'm not really interested in dating just anyone. I don't care about just "being with someone" or just "dating for the sake of dating." I used "date for the sake of dating" and I really don't want to bother with all that anymore. I only want to date people that I really like. And I don't want to do online dating anymore. I've enjoyed it, but I don't want to meet people that way anymore.

So what are suggestions, if any? I want to plan in advance. thanks.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    First off, whatever worked for you recently in the past should work for you in the future, shouldn't it? Didn't you just have a boyfriend? Well, whatever you did to attract that person must have worked.

    Secondly, if you find a fool-proof way, could you post it? Some of us are out-of-practice ;)
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • gobrowns19gobrowns19 Posts: 1,447
    I don't think anyone really knows, but if you are looking to be with someone right for you instead of just someone, then don't try too hard and it will happen, whether you meet them in a bar or online.
    Happiness is only real when shared
  • GraySaturdayGraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    Well, after dealing with my mother who has gone through every dating site online, I would never suggest that to someone. It works for some people, no doubt, but she has gone on over 60 dates with people and its all about hook ups and they end up not having anything in common.

    I have always told my mom, and I will suggest the same to you, is if you have time for a class you could always meet people there. Say, for example, you have an interest in Photography, and you take a once a week class.. You know if you meet someone there that you are at least something in common. Plus if it doesn't work out, then you got a class out of it and learned something about something you like anyways.

    Meeting people at random, ie, bars, online, clubs.. its just hoping you have something in common. People who tend to have the same interest in hobbies have similar tastes in other things.

    Good luck!
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    First off, whatever worked for you recently in the past should work for you in the future, shouldn't it? Didn't you just have a boyfriend? Well, whatever you did to attract that person must have worked.

    Secondly, if you find a fool-proof way, could you post it? Some of us are out-of-practice ;)

    :)

    Yeah, I met my last boyfriend on match.com though, just like I've met everyone else. I just don't really want to do that again. More often than not, I end up compromising, and as I said I don't want to compromise anymore. I think when use online dating, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get the prince, and I've just kissed my share of frogs I think.
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    gobrowns19 wrote:
    I don't think anyone really knows, but if you are looking to be with someone right for you instead of just someone, then don't try too hard and it will happen, whether you meet them in a bar or online.
    I've tried hard at trying hard; and
    I've tried hard at not trying hard (I'm making myself laugh as I write this :D)
    I've not tried at trying hard;
    and I've not tried at not trying (hahahahahahahahahahahaha)

    I heard what you recommend before, and I just don't know how to put it in practice. Hmmmm, probably one of my preconceived lessons of this life. Another one is to learn how to change a tire.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    I've been out of the dating game for 15 yrs and quite frankly, I'm terrified of having to get back out there :o
    I don't think I remember how it works anymore...if I ever knew :(


    Anyone with a list of rules, let the rest of us poor unfortunates know...
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    urbanhippie wrote:
    I've been out of the dating game for 15 yrs and quite frankly, I'm terrified of having to get back out there :o
    I don't think I remember how it works anymore...if I ever knew :(


    Anyone with a list of rules, let the rest of us poor unfortunates know...
    1. First date - public place during daylight hours (am I off base here, or is this a no-brainer?)
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    gobrowns19 wrote:
    I don't think anyone really knows, but if you are looking to be with someone right for you instead of just someone, then don't try too hard and it will happen, whether you meet them in a bar or online.

    I mean ideally, this is what is supposed to happen. but I'm almost 30, and I've never experienced it in. In college and grad school when I actually knew several single men, I could never seem to get past "I think he might be in interested in me." and that's when I was surrounded by people...now I barely see anyone besides the people in my office and my parents, so I have the additional step of actually meeting them that I somehow have to manage.
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    1. First date - public place during daylight hours (am I off base here, or is this a no-brainer?)
    Hang on...back up a bit...
    How do you get to the first date bit again? :):o
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    1. First date - public place during daylight hours (am I off base here, or is this a no-brainer?)

    I don't think it has to be daylight, but definitely public place.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    do you guys think there are any cool guys between like 25 and 33 that are even available out there?
  • LikeAnOpeningBandForTheSunLikeAnOpeningBandForTheSun Posts: 6,097
    i hate dating. its so uncomfortable hanging out with a total stranger.

    before i had always just gotten to know girls i work or went to school with but my new job is almost all male so i'm completely lost.

    Asking out strangers seems so creepy to me. i cant do it. and blind dates are a disaster.
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    1. Before you can recognize the good in someone else, you have to recognize the good in you.
    2. A subtle dose of perfume or cologne
    3. Then meet someone (this is the big question isn't it?)A little help!
    4. Public Place First Date (I'll stick to daylight hours for me since it's safer, and I don't have a car.)
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    do you guys think there are any cool guys between like 25 and 33 that are even available out there?
    Oh Goodness, I seriously hope so...

    The question is.....Is PJ gonna tour again so I have a hope in hell of meeting them? :D;)
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    1. Before you can recognize the good in someone else, you have to recognize the good in you.
    2. A subtle dose of perfume or cologne
    3. Then meet someone (this is the big question isn't it?)A little help!
    4. Public Place First Date (I'll stick to daylight hours for me since it's safer, and I don't have a car.)

    you forgot 3.5, which is going from meeting someone to getting a date with them...I've never been able to do this part.

    once in grad school I thought this hot australian guy might have liked me (he randomly introduced himself to me one day, and we shared a lot of eye contact in class). But I could never get passed "Hey, how are you? Good presentation yesterday." hahaha oh wait! I just remembered, I did go out on a limb on that one...it was a class about African economic development and he had recommended a documentary relevant to what we were studying. And I happened to see said documentary, and I emailed him to sort of discuss and thank him for the recommendation...bold move for me...and he wrote back something like "yeah it's a good movie" and then...that was that :).
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    do you guys think there are any cool guys between like 25 and 33 that are even available out there?
    Sure! The more people I meet the more I think 1977 was a big birth year. I was thinking of this yesterday. What happened in 1977 that resulted in what appears to be an increased birth rate? Maybe it wasn't an increased birth rate year, but it seems that way. Wasn't that when electricity in NY went out?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • OttOtt Posts: 403
    I have had the best luck when not looking. I had a talk with the girl I'm dating now about it. Started with Tattoo talk. All the tats I've gotten were originally gonna be something else. But, all of a sudden, the perfect, totally different idea pops into my head and I know immediately that it's right. She called me out on being spontaneous with tats, but not my heart. I told her it wasn't spontanaeity, but just recognizing the right fit when it happens. I guess what I am trying to say is that I've always found that when you are looking, I think you fall into the compromising thing. She fell into my lap (kinda) at what was a really wrong time for both of us to start a relationship, but we couldn't ignore the connection. I've always had the best luck when I'd given up on the hunt and just decided to concentrate on me instead. I think that attitude exudes a self-reliance which is attractive.

    Oh, and off topic (sorta), but about first dates, I did the thing you aren't supposed to do and we went to see Into the Wild for our first date. It was perfect. She got the idea of my "obsession," but I turned that in my favor with a witty reply later. And she even dropped a little tear on my arm at the end. Brilliant.

    Ott
    'Give me some music; music, moody food/ of us that trade in love'
    -Shakespeare
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Sure! The more people I meet the more I think 1977 was a big birth year. I was thinking of this yesterday. What happened in 1977 that resulted in what appears to be an increased birth rate? Maybe it wasn't an increased birth rate year, but it seems that way. Wasn't that when electricity in NY went out?

    bicentenial parties?
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    bicentenial parties?
    That's it! I knew there was a reason.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Ott wrote:
    I have had the best luck when not looking. I had a talk with the girl I'm dating now about it. Started with Tattoo talk. All the tats I've gotten were originally gonna be something else. But, all of a sudden, the perfect, totally different idea pops into my head and I know immediately that it's right. She called me out on being spontaneous with tats, but not my heart. I told her it wasn't spontanaeity, but just recognizing the right fit when it happens. I guess what I am trying to say is that I've always found that when you are looking, I think you fall into the compromising thing. She fell into my lap (kinda) at what was a really wrong time for both of us to start a relationship, but we couldn't ignore the connection. I've always had the best luck when I'd given up on the hunt and just decided to concentrate on me instead. I think that attitude exudes a self-reliance which is attractive.

    Ott

    I absolutely agree with you on this. I think this is how it should go, but it doesn't seem to go that way for me...I never just meet *people* let alone perspective dates. you know what I mean? I'm at work like 12 hours a day, I go to the gym, I hang out with the 2 people I know in this entire state, and when I do branch from that, I never really meet any people.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    can you meet people at rock shows?
    can you meet people at the gym?
  • OttOtt Posts: 403
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I absolutely agree with you on this. I think this is how it should go, but it doesn't seem to go that way for me...I never just meet *people* let alone perspective dates. you know what I mean? I'm at work like 12 hours a day, I go to the gym, I hang out with the 2 people I know in this entire state, and when I do branch from that, I never really meet any people.
    No, I feel you completely. I am always busy, and often prefer my own company to that of others. I'll go to the movies, the bar, dinner solo. And I am content to sit there and watch people. So, I am not the perfect one to offer advice, I guess. Every so often, someone will be interested enough to appraoch you. And if, it can happen to this guy, I'm sure you would have much better luck than do I.

    Ott
    'Give me some music; music, moody food/ of us that trade in love'
    -Shakespeare
  • OttOtt Posts: 403
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    can you meet people at rock shows?
    can you meet people at the gym?
    Yes,
    and yes.

    My prob used to always be initiating the convo. Not sure if I had enough to say. And I hate the awkward yelling you sometimes have to do to out-volume the concert or jukebox. And the gym's weird. I always assume that the lady working out is there to workout, not be chatted up by some sweaty dude. If we happen to be arriving, or leaving at the same time, I'd prob reach out, but otherwise, some eye contact and flirty grins. Oh, and leer at her while I grunt loudly during sets of squats. :)

    Ott
    'Give me some music; music, moody food/ of us that trade in love'
    -Shakespeare
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    urbanhippie wrote:
    Oh Goodness, I seriously hope so...

    The question is.....Is PJ gonna tour again so I have a hope in hell of meeting them? :D;)

    I've had high hopes of meeting people at PJ shows...I mean that is HUGE thing to have in common. Maybe it's because I usually go with my brother...but we LOOK like brother and sister! I think you can tell he's not my boyfriend!

    people-even guys I've gone out with-have told me that I exude a lot of independence and don't come off as someone who wants to meet people or be approached by men, etc. I don't know if that is true or not, but if it is, I have no idea how to-or if I would want to-correct that.
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    you forgot 3.5, which is going from meeting someone to getting a date with them...I've never been able to do this part.
    Ha! This is the part that's worrying me :o
    I talk to guys all the time, it never worries me. But how do you go from casual chatting to going out together?
    Oh! It's all too complicated...
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    urbanhippie wrote:
    Ha! This is the part that's worrying me :o
    I talk to guys all the time, it never worries me. But how do you go from casual chatting to going out together?
    Oh! It's all too complicated...
    I was thinking about this yesterday. We are animals, right? So, how can it be so hard? It's all those restrictions. Ah! If only it was easier.

    I asked a lot of men out because of little conversations, and not once did it turn out good. Eeek!
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    I was thinking about this yesterday. We are animals, right? So, how can it be so hard? It's all those restrictions. Ah! If only it was easier.

    I asked a lot of men out because of little conversations, and not once did it turn out good. Eeek!

    this is when it must pay to be drop-dead-gorgeous. I can't image a guy turning down a really, really traditionally perfect-looking girl. I am cute and interesting and all, but I when asking someone out cute and interesting just comes of as scary and pathetic.
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