Do you think?

writersu

Do you think that things get so exhausting that you just want them to end already?
I have never felt the intensity of which I am feeling now that this marriage has to be over already.
I use to think that maybe this family could be restored, for the kids' sake but now I only see the bullshit that this poor excuse for a man hands out, as he disappoints the kids badmouths me, and has a million excuses for his own bad behavior but none for any one else's.

I want this to be over, but now I am waiting for the court date, the filing ,and the legal work to be done before I can be officially divorced.
He is most likely up to a lot of different illegal things so it is very likely that the process may be a little lengthy. But I can't stand even having to talk to him anymore. The next step is to have all of the money crap in a third party's hand so I do not have to chase this ----oh I can't say it, but you know, p--sy around for grocery money for the kids. I am going to school, looking for a job, and ready to go on but he is still responsible for a few things here until I am where I know I will be.

Please remind me....please remind me---hit me over the head if need be; DO NOT CONTACT HIM FOR ANY REASON!!! I will appreciate it intensely.

To all who are married and not sure if it will stand the whole forever thing....

make your copies, take your notes, get your shit in line because once you are done, if that is so you are sick of the whole thing and it takes too much time to get it going.........

CHANGEinWAVES

I understand this more then you could know....
I wish I had things in order so I could just leave this mess and not look back.
I don't have children so that I can not relate to, but feeling the need to just end it (mine's on it's way to being over.....but it feels like it's taking forever) and move on with out any strings to the person is something I can relate to!

_

REMINDER: Do not contact him for any reason!!

Left Porch

Dont You Dare Contact Him For Any Reason!!!!!!!!!!

God Damnit Don't Do It!!

itsevobaby

strip club anyone?

illegal pants

i wish we could hit fast forward on a remote and just get to another place in our lives

god i'm sorry.. i just typed a spiel but have deleted and held back, i'm sort of in the middle of something here too and just not ready to open up..


... do not contact him for any fucking reason

Sian-of-the-dead

DO NOT CONTACT HIM, HE ISN'T WORTH IT.

Good luck with your divorce, hold your head high and look to the future

Heineken Helen

Hang on in there writersu... it'll be worth it in the end. A few months of misery to get out of how many YEARS of it? When the kids are grown up you'll be completely rid of him! I know it's a long time to wait but things will get easier when the divorce comes through... and again... DO NOT CONTACT HIM FOR ANY REASON EVER

decides2dream

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

DO NOT CONTACT HIM, HE ISN'T WORTH IT.

Good luck with your divorce, hold your head high and look to the future

good advice.


also, sounds like you are TRULY ready to move on, over being married to this man, so good for you! no wishy-washy feelings, you know what you want...and that is all positive for your future! keep looking ahead!

writersu

itsevobaby wrote:

strip club anyone?

oh, like those strip clubs in the eighties with those male dancer guys that were SO SO SO SO gay?


ewwwwwww................

writersu

you are so awesome.......really...

I am sitting here watching House (my new favorite show---I keep running out of them..) and I have one kid on the computer downstairs and one upstairs mad at me because he snuck off last night with a friend of his, lied to me and went with his father while I looked for him for three hours with no one answering their cell phones. The other kids mom is a headcase; holy roller virgin mary voice like I am going to throw up on her phony bullshit and I told her that I did not want her son and my son to hang around together (because this is at least the third time he took off like this). I am going to let him; but if I don't be firm on some things, then I have totally lost them...their dad already tells them that they don't have to listen to me at all, so I really am treading on ........whatever the heck you tread on when things are bad......so I have to be firm on some things without being crazed.....pretty hard considering I feel intense hatred for this horrible mistake I married..........

oh, well, you guys are really cool to be so supportive. please keep it up; I have to press on into this whole next thing or the shit will surely do me in and then the whole reason I am living now; my kids, will gain nothing from me as I will not be able to give them from an empty shell.......thanks again..all of you....


just by the way, again no grocery money and he is not calling about it.....

this is about over cooked wouldn't you say??

writersu

The night before Thanksgiving my son was in the driveway in his truck with his friends, because they were trying to figure out where to go. His best friend was in from college and like five of them were hanging out there. I went into the house and my 14 yr old came in mad because they told him to go in the house. My 16 yr old was still out there talking to them because my son's friend's brother who is 17 was there as well.
So, the 14 year old calls his father, (the loser) and the father gets all of them arrested and so all of the boys get handcuffed, brought into the station and now have court dates.

Isn't that wonderful? A father who claims to be so caring gets his kids arrested.............

just when you thought you heard it all.........

urbanhippie

I can totally relate to this. My divorce is all but over, but my ex and his family still can reduce me to tears with the things that they do or don't do.

I can take no small comfort in the fact that my kids KNOW who's there and who looks out for them, and hard as they might find it now, they'll understand one day.

Hold you head up high, remind yourself you're doing your best, and the best for your kids too. You'll never be able to cut him out of your life because of the children, but you can minimise the impact he has on you and your children.

Be strong, and good luck.

florence151

Hold On

writersu

urbanhippie wrote:

I can totally relate to this. My divorce is all but over, but my ex and his family still can reduce me to tears with the things that they do or don't do.

I can take no small comfort in the fact that my kids KNOW who's there and who looks out for them, and hard as they might find it now, they'll understand one day.

Hold you head up high, remind yourself you're doing your best, and the best for your kids too. You'll never be able to cut him out of your life because of the children, but you can minimise the impact he has on you and your children.

Be strong, and good luck.

thanks, because of so many kind words I do find strength in that. I also have been able to gain a little more momentum in my seemingly never ending battle with the ups and downs of esteem within ourselves. He falls short many ways, most recently his brother got wasted and crashed the plane that belonged to their father ....no insurance for the plane, faces losing his pilot license as well as 3-5 years in prison and the family conversations at the house where my husband is living (with his mom) focus around how lucky Uncle " " is because he does all this illegal stuff and never gets in any real trouble that would change his life. Great lesson.

So, at least now I know that my 14 year old son is taking beer from the house there and came home with son high class dvd porn by loooking at the girls on the front of the disk. Told the husband/father guy and what did he do?? Take no resonsibility...surprise, surprise, and scold him not for drinkiing but for stealing???? Why are these things even around my son. Keep this safe away if you must have it, but far away from my son.

Hopefully the family will be so concerned with the shame they feel from having this all over the news when it happened and the fact that he may lose a lot, although the most lost would be the plane that his father made, as a completion of a dream he had; to become a private pilot for enjoyment--the man truthfully worked his ass off to get himself the business he created. The loss can be looked at all different ways.

So what I mean is the whole glass house thing.

I just need to pay attention to the kids like no more driveway parties, and no more crazy crap that involves calls to a father who clearly does not want to see good for the kids. Instead he sees it as an opportunity to try to prove me unfit to raise them. Well he began drinking when he was 12, so does that mean his mother was unfit?? because you cannot say that about me without saying she as well was unfit.

Right?

angie76

I think that maybe I think too much...

Im sorry that you are going through that. My sister is teaching me that marriage should not be entered in lightly.

writersu

angie76 wrote:

I think that maybe I think too much...

Im sorry that you are going through that. My sister is teaching me that marriage should not be entered in lightly.

Yeah, I find the happiest people in life don't think all that much. But I bet they don't write either............right?

stargirl69

I am so sorry you are going through this at the moment.

My sisters husband walked out on her and the three kids two years ago this Christmas.

He is taking no responsibilty and slowly attempting to destroy her and the kids.But he is the loser as he doesnt know that she is now as strong as she will ever need to be and how much happier the kids and my sister are is immense.

Good luck with your fight.You'll get through it.

washedinblack91

hun, i know what you're going through. i'm not a wife or anything like that, but a daughter of a father who has partly ruined my life in more ways than one. he used to verbally abuse me and my mother so horribly that when i was five (yes, 5) i had a mental break down. what kind of father yells at a child so badly that they have a mental break down?? i had to go to therapy sessions with my parents (which he didnt go to..) and when that failed a nun had to tell my mom to get a divorce. needless to say that nun left the habit and now he's doing that same thing to my brother and my new half sister. and yes, he yells at her too, despite the fact that she's only 3.
but yes, if you believe its that bad, then it was good for you to get rid of him. it does no good for the kids if you stay with him. i swear if my mom stayed with my dad for "our sake" then im telling you right now i would not be here today. i probably would have killed myself before i went to middle school. i know what its like to just have such a hatred for someone. he also would make excuses for his actions, blame everyone but himself, etc. im glad he is out of our lives. never buy into that "every household needs a father and a mother" kind of bullshit because i, and many other people, have grown up with out one of their parents and are better people for it. if i never see my dad again i'll be a happy person. and yes, DONT CONTACT HIM!!! i dont know about you, but when i used to talk to my dad after one of his episodes, he'd make me feel guilty and make me feel like i started it. but no, he's a full grown man. both men are. they should know better than to do what they do. it has nothing to do with mothers at this point because they should have moved passed that already. yes im bitter about my dad, but we just started not talking to each other like 3 years ago and im slowly realizing whats wrong in my life and im fixing it, instead of him who just decides to be a jack ass all the time.
be strong. it'll be better before you know it.

writersu

washedinblack91 wrote:

hun, i know what you're going through. i'm not a wife or anything like that, but a daughter of a father who has partly ruined my life in more ways than one. he used to verbally abuse me and my mother so horribly that when i was five (yes, 5) i had a mental break down. what kind of father yells at a child so badly that they have a mental break down?? i had to go to therapy sessions with my parents (which he didnt go to..) and when that failed a nun had to tell my mom to get a divorce. needless to say that nun left the habit and now he's doing that same thing to my brother and my new half sister. and yes, he yells at her too, despite the fact that she's only 3.
but yes, if you believe its that bad, then it was good for you to get rid of him. it does no good for the kids if you stay with him. i swear if my mom stayed with my dad for "our sake" then im telling you right now i would not be here today. i probably would have killed myself before i went to middle school. i know what its like to just have such a hatred for someone. he also would make excuses for his actions, blame everyone but himself, etc. im glad he is out of our lives. never buy into that "every household needs a father and a mother" kind of bullshit because i, and many other people, have grown up with out one of their parents and are better people for it. if i never see my dad again i'll be a happy person. and yes, DONT CONTACT HIM!!! i dont know about you, but when i used to talk to my dad after one of his episodes, he'd make me feel guilty and make me feel like i started it. but no, he's a full grown man. both men are. they should know better than to do what they do. it has nothing to do with mothers at this point because they should have moved passed that already. yes im bitter about my dad, but we just started not talking to each other like 3 years ago and im slowly realizing whats wrong in my life and im fixing it, instead of him who just decides to be a jack ass all the time.
be strong. it'll be better before you know it.

Thanks so much for telling me about yourself. I truly have a belief that in life we go through things and all of us then have a responsibility to hold each other, verbally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. by sharing our experiences with one another and then being living proof that we DO get past these times, hard as they seem at times, unfair and too painful to bear at times, and yet the faith in life we have is that it is just "these times", times that will pass if we do not allow them, with all of our strength, to adhere to our being. Sometimes these things can stick in good ways, ways that grow us, form us, strengthen us, but if they also poison our spirit, then we have given them too much power.
But I know it is not easy. To quote a good book, "the war we wage is not with our flesh but with principalities and powers that are not of this world". Which means that evil is always wanting to do us in, wear us out, and spoil our joy. I hope to always remind myself that this only as powerful as I make it. Sometimes, when I am overtired, with thoughts, chores, worries, fears, sadness, etc., I give it more weight than it should have. I am trying to learn that part of the abuse had to do immensely with the mindf--king that went on saying in so many words that I am not worth as much as anyone else is, and yet because of my self doubt I have created a life of negativity. I think you may understand that although it sounds like a riddle when I read it over.

writersu

hartamh wrote:

Yes I understand!!!! I just need to know how to get started. I'm so unhappy and would love to get on with my new life. I can't bare living like this any longer:(

are you seperated yet?