Can anyone give me relationship advice?

thunderDAN

A girl I dated a couple of years ago just texted me out of the blue last week to say that I was crossing her mind recently and that she wanted to see what I was up to and if we could go out to lunch sometime and catch up..

I don't know wtf this is all about. I really like this girl and would really like to go see her, but she is the one the f-ed me up to where I would think about her all the time and stuff. I haven't seen or talked to her since August when we randomly ran into eachother at a bar neither of us frequent and she acted very coy towards me (the last time before that we talked was about a year ago March, so it's not like we have talked alot over the past 2 years). But she must really be thinking about me if she had the guts to text me out of the blue like that. I just really need some advice because on one hand I would really like to see her, my logical side says to just foget it because I will only be let down again. Anyone have any advice? I don't know what I should do, thank you

inmyrvm

i am probably not the best to give advice right now seeing as how i thought i had something going but maybe i don't, but your name is dan and so is mine, and i have a friend in a similar situation so wtf. don't do it, any progress you have made will be gone and it will mess with your head. bad situation to be in.

stargirl69

This is a hard one.She could be regretting the end of the relationship and wanting another chance.If you find out this is the case and are considering resuming the relationship I would advise you set some ground rules so she doesn't mess you around a second time.
I personally haven't gone back to old relationships.But if you feel it would be good to make contact with her go ahead.She mustn't have totally forgotten about you if she kept your number in her phone.Curiosity would get the better of me as to what she wants.Good luck.

sigh eternally

stay away.

markymark550

I say don't get back together with her. If you are wary of her messing with your feelings and emotions again, then you've probably got good reason to feel that way. Trust your instincts on that one.

Hawkshore

Yeah I wouldn't recommend starting another relationship with her .....that said a couple of hook ups would be ok and may help you get some closure!

thunderDAN

markymark550 wrote:

I say don't get back together with her. If you are wary of her messing with your feelings and emotions again, then you've probably got good reason to feel that way. Trust your instincts on that one.

thanks everyone, that's basically my logic.

To add to the story if you are still hanging in there, we dated back in 2005 and we broke up when she basically dicked me over for her ex boyfriend. Because of that she became this prized object in my head (because she dumped me I liked her more than I probably should have). So we went 4 months and didn't talk, and then she started coming after me again, we hooked up a few times but it ended with "I just broke up with___ and I need some time to myself" ---so I was back to being in the same situation of feeling bad because she didn't want to go out with me like I thought.

Then so this is basically where we are, I know she is single, and I'm really curious to see if things would work out again because other than her doing that thing with her ex- she is an awesome person, and I actually enjoy every second I'm with her (not to sound like a lost romantic, but most of my ex's I never want to see again). I know that if this is just her literally wanting to just eat with me, I will probably be thinking about her 24-7 all over again, which I haven't done in awhile.


I'm sorry I sound like I'm so wrapped up in this, but it's been eating at me for about a week and I don't really have anyone else I want to share this with because I will get the old "you still think about her?!"....but I don't just text people I haven't talked to in months-to a year- just because I want to see what they are doing..

lalalalaaaaaaaa

I won't get into details, but don't call her. It'll mess you up even more than it did the first time.

GreenTeaDisease

thunderDAN wrote:

and we broke up when she basically dicked me over for her ex boyfriend.

sounds like this girl has a habit...


seriously though, don't call her.

thunderDAN

Saturnal wrote:

I won't get into details, but don't call her. It'll mess you up even more than it did the first time.

thanks, It seems that my smarter side is saying stay away, but my curiosity wants to check it out. It's almost like a drug, I know it's bad for me but for some reason I still want it

Lesbelges

thunderDAN wrote:

thanks everyone, that's basically my logic.

To add to the story if you are still hanging in there, we dated back in 2005 and we broke up when she basically dicked me over for her ex boyfriend. Because of that she became this prized object in my head (because she dumped me I liked her more than I probably should have). So we went 4 months and didn't talk, and then she started coming after me again, we hooked up a few times but it ended with "I just broke up with___ and I need some time to myself" ---so I was back to being in the same situation of feeling bad because she didn't want to go out with me like I thought.

Then so this is basically where we are, I know she is single, and I'm really curious to see if things would work out again because other than her doing that thing with her ex- she is an awesome person, and I actually enjoy every second I'm with her (not to sound like a lost romantic, but most of my ex's I never want to see again). I know that if this is just her literally wanting to just eat with me, I will probably be thinking about her 24-7 all over again, which I haven't done in awhile.


I'm sorry I sound like I'm so wrapped up in this, but it's been eating at me for about a week and I don't really have anyone else I want to share this with because I will get the old "you still think about her?!"....but I don't just text people I haven't talked to in months-to a year- just because I want to see what they are doing..

I was going to say go for it after the first post. But after this, I say "HELL NO!"

She seems like she is going with whatever is best and available at the time!
She seems to think you are the comfortable back-up choice until she gets bored or finds someone better (in her mind). Sorry to be so blunt, but stay away!

Hawkshore

thunderDAN wrote:

thanks, It seems that my smarter side is saying stay away, but my curiosity wants to check it out. It's almost like a drug, I know it's bad for me but for some reason I still want it

This is why I say nail her get it out of your system ....and you break it off with her on your terms!

lalalalaaaaaaaa

Hawkshore wrote:

This is why I say nail her get it out of your system ....and you break it off with her on your terms!

haha!

Don't do this...TIME will get her out of your system, nothing else.

thunderDAN

Hawkshore wrote:

This is why I say nail her get it out of your system ....and you break it off with her on your terms!

lol you sound exactly like a friend of mine, but like I told him, I really like her (probably just because I was dumped) so I wouldn't start talking to her just so I could have sex with her, so that plan would backfire.

Thanks again though to everyone to give some anonymous person good advice

mwbeck10

I'd stay away....could be just that tomorrow's Valentines day and she's single and lonely....

wavescamecrashing

yup, v day does weird things to ppl.

i ran into an ex and he was trying it on but i kept it very measured and distant. He added me on facebook and keeps sending inane messages and comments, trying to hook up with ppl i know but i know hes just playing his same old game, and good luck to him. ive moved on.

sounds like you should walk on by, there are other girls out there and they wont dick u around over an ex.

Get_Right

Saturnal wrote:

I won't get into details, but don't call her. It'll mess you up even more than it did the first time.

I agree with this.
Sounds like it wasnt easy for you, and you will just end up at square one.

noisy mind

regret can be painful too.

thunderDAN

Get_Right wrote:

I agree with this.
Sounds like it wasnt easy for you, and you will just end up at square one.

Yeah that is basically it. I really like her but I think it's for the wrong reasons. I look at her as some perfect person only because it ended differently than how I wanted it to, so when she texts or calls me I feel really good and want to try again, but I know whats better for me. The weird thing is is that I don't think she has any idea I think of her like this, or spend this much time thinking about her. My biggest problem is that I have a big ego and I get so stubborn that I just would not talk to someone again rather than make myself look like a fool, which would explain why we go months and never even talk or anything. I'm not one of those guys that drunk dials or writes to get girls back, but when they come to me it f's me all up LOL

Stone Is God

thunderDAN wrote:

Yeah that is basically it. I really like her but I think it's for the wrong reasons. I look at her as some perfect person only because it ended differently than how I wanted it to, so when she texts or calls me I feel really good and want to try again, but I know whats better for me. The weird thing is is that I don't think she has any idea I think of her like this, or spend this much time thinking about her. My biggest problem is that I have a big ego and I get so stubborn that I just would not talk to someone again rather than make myself look like a fool, which would explain why we go months and never even talk or anything. I'm not one of those guys that drunk dials or writes to get girls back, but when they come to me it f's me all up LOL

Don't do it dude, it's not worth it. I was in a similar situation around 5 months ago with a girl who was engaged. She was just using me to make herself feel better because her relationship was not going well and it fucked me all up. It took me a a couple of months to get through it. If she was to start the same shit again with me I would just tell her to fuck off.

Not worth it at all.

brain of c

stargirl69 wrote:

This is a hard one.She could be regretting the end of the relationship and wanting another chance.If you find out this is the case and are considering resuming the relationship I would advise you set some ground rules so she doesn't mess you around a second time.
I personally haven't gone back to old relationships.But if you feel it would be good to make contact with her go ahead.She mustn't have totally forgotten about you if she kept your number in her phone.Curiosity would get the better of me as to what she wants.Good luck.

or maybe she was drunk and texed the wrong guy.

TrixieCat

thunderDAN wrote:

Yeah that is basically it. I really like her but I think it's for the wrong reasons. I look at her as some perfect person only because it ended differently than how I wanted it to, so when she texts or calls me I feel really good and want to try again, but I know whats better for me. The weird thing is is that I don't think she has any idea I think of her like this, or spend this much time thinking about her. My biggest problem is that I have a big ego and I get so stubborn that I just would not talk to someone again rather than make myself look like a fool, which would explain why we go months and never even talk or anything. I'm not one of those guys that drunk dials or writes to get girls back, but when they come to me it f's me all up LOL

She is not perfect if she left you in the first place.
I am a female. Listen close. We make mistakes. We sometimes throw away the good ones. I did once in college and you know what? I tried to get him back and he said no. I will respect him until the day I die. He had the courage to stand up for himself and respect himself.
Don't do it.
And it sounds like having sex with her and dumping her is not an option in your book...you are emotionally attached.
Be true to you...leave her be.

stuckinline

she just wants a date for valentine's day.

Get_Right

TrixieCat wrote:

And it sounds like having sex with her and dumping her is not an option in your book....

I hadnt considered that

thunder

consider that-depending on how long its been

thunderDAN

brain of c wrote:

or maybe she was drunk and texed the wrong guy.

it was at 1 in the afternoon last Thursday so I don't think she was drunk, but you never know

TrixieCat wrote:

She is not perfect if she left you in the first place.
I am a female. Listen close. We make mistakes. We sometimes throw away the good ones. I did once in college and you know what? I tried to get him back and he said no. I will respect him until the day I die. He had the courage to stand up for himself and respect himself.
Don't do it.
And it sounds like having sex with her and dumping her is not an option in your book...you are emotionally attached.
Be true to you...leave her be.

thanks, that is very good advice.

soulsinging

Lesbelges wrote:

She seems like she is going with whatever is best and available at the time!
She seems to think you are the comfortable back-up choice until she gets bored or finds someone better (in her mind). Sorry to be so blunt, but stay away!

1. what you said is totally correct.

2. if you see my ex (she's a boilermaker), smack her for me.

3. belgium? i may study there next spring, so i may need to hit you up for tips.

4. to the OP, avoid this chick it will only fuck you up more.

5. that said, i understand the compulsion/curiosity becos i'd react the same way if my ex (also dumped me, also led me to put her on pedestal, also still think about her years later) contacted me out of the blue and started those wheels turning again.

6. the only exception here is if you hate/resent her so much you can do a cruel hate fuck and walk away like i might. if you're a decent person though, best to steer clear.

acoustic guy

soulsinging wrote:

1. what you said is totally correct.

2. if you see my ex (she's a boilermaker), smack her for me.

3. to the OP, avoid this chick it will only fuck you up more.

4. that said, i understand the compulsion/curiosity becos i'd react the same way if my ex (also dumped me, also led me to put her on pedestal, also still think about her years later) contacted me out of the blue and started those wheels turning again.

5. the only exception here is if you hate/resent her so much you can do a cruel hate fuck and walk away like i might. if you're a decent person though, best to steer clear.

Uht Ohhhhh! He is back!
My mortal Enemy!
How are ya Soul. I missed ya.......really.......Honestly.

soulsinging

acoustic guy wrote:

Uht Ohhhhh! He is back!
My mortal Enemy!
How are ya Soul. I missed ya.......really.......Honestly.

never really left, just took a break. i was gonna reply to your pm, but i typed something and then found out your message thing is full and lost it and im too lazy to type another. the short is:

i got no personal beef with you, im just generally rude and cynical and it (rightly) rubs people wrong.

yes, i am good people.

yes, i'm on track to become an evil lawyer. oddly enough, i think my slugfests in the moving train helped me prepare for the moot court competition i've been kicking ass in lately

lukin2006

thunderDAN wrote:

A girl I dated a couple of years ago just texted me out of the blue last week to say that I was crossing her mind recently and that she wanted to see what I was up to and if we could go out to lunch sometime and catch up..

I don't know wtf this is all about. I really like this girl and would really like to go see her, but she is the one the f-ed me up to where I would think about her all the time and stuff. I haven't seen or talked to her since August when we randomly ran into eachother at a bar neither of us frequent and she acted very coy towards me (the last time before that we talked was about a year ago March, so it's not like we have talked alot over the past 2 years). But she must really be thinking about me if she had the guts to text me out of the blue like that. I just really need some advice because on one hand I would really like to see her, my logical side says to just foget it because I will only be let down again. Anyone have any advice? I don't know what I should do, thank you

I would say go, doesn't have to mean u have to start dating, even if you become friends it might be worth it. I went out on several dates with a girl many years ago and then I moved to another city, and we rarely kept in touch and then stopped communicating all together, and I wish we had, more because she was an awesome person, and I had tried throughout the years locate her. Remember this was all before the internet and cell phones, late 80's. So at least see what she has to say before u regret it.

Whizbang

I'd keep away from her. remember the saying "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". Silly but true. don't go back for a second round of hurt.