I feel like a confused person.
foxymop_stupidmop
Posts: 159
I went out with a girlfriend to shoot some pool and stuff last night, get our drink on, etc. When we got to the bar, my self appointed "unrequited love" of the past 10+ years was there. Of course. So we're all hanging out, blah blah blah, so on and so forth, bar closes. My friend and I are going for a ride, guy comes along. Chillin chillin, my friend (who has had to listen to me go on and on for years about this guy) takes it upon herself to let the cat out of the bag. Starts telling him he really missed out on something great, he has no clue what she's talking about, she says I think you do, eludes to the fact that I am awesome and he is an idiot for throwing his chance away. The dude concurs. I'm speechless, no way.
Here's where it gets hinky. My friend drops me and guy off in the center of town, she's going home, lives an hour away. Me and guy are all chit chatting, saying things that I have thought about saying for a while but never did, fucking total validation. It was cool. I did exist. We talk about how neither one of us are the type to make a move, that's probably why it never went down like that. Then he stops me as we're walking and asks me politely if like we should kiss. I got wicked nervous, said I can't be doing that, it would be disrespectful. I am married and my husband and I have a 5 year old, so that would have been totally inappropriate.
Guy's cool, I think. Understands, I think. We continue to walk and talk without skipping a beat. I get to my house, say goodnight, the end.
So do I actually get this? Do I get to have the conversation of my life, the one I've been wanting to have for over ten years, and have everything work out okay? Can this guy and I have a mutual respect and understanding for the situation as it stands? Or in the light of day is it all gone? Are we really at the place where we both know that in another place/time things would be different but it's not but we're cool? I hope so, man. I'm not going back.
Any thoughts?
Here's where it gets hinky. My friend drops me and guy off in the center of town, she's going home, lives an hour away. Me and guy are all chit chatting, saying things that I have thought about saying for a while but never did, fucking total validation. It was cool. I did exist. We talk about how neither one of us are the type to make a move, that's probably why it never went down like that. Then he stops me as we're walking and asks me politely if like we should kiss. I got wicked nervous, said I can't be doing that, it would be disrespectful. I am married and my husband and I have a 5 year old, so that would have been totally inappropriate.
Guy's cool, I think. Understands, I think. We continue to walk and talk without skipping a beat. I get to my house, say goodnight, the end.
So do I actually get this? Do I get to have the conversation of my life, the one I've been wanting to have for over ten years, and have everything work out okay? Can this guy and I have a mutual respect and understanding for the situation as it stands? Or in the light of day is it all gone? Are we really at the place where we both know that in another place/time things would be different but it's not but we're cool? I hope so, man. I'm not going back.
Any thoughts?
Stop following me, I do not know where I am going.
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If he understands and respects where you stand, I think you two can be friends. I have several exes that I'm still friends with. We've gone off and done our own things, but respect the fact that when we were together was a certain time and place instance.
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nope
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if you are in a position that is still thinking of this other guy, even though you are heavily involved with another guy and have a kid with this other,then I think you cannot be that happy in the first place ot maybe have to really think about whether or not you are just fantasizing about the 10+ crush or are truly in love with another.
both are needing your thoughts.
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
I agree with the above. It also sounds like the feelings are more about the yearning, romanticism, and assumed potential associated with a choice that was not available. It reminds me of the Robert Frost poem (although the analogy may not be exact):
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
But mr. justam
is who I am
"That's a repulsive combination of horrible information and bad breath."-Pickles
"Remember, death is a natural part of the workplace. So, when you see a dead body at work, don't freak out, just ring your death bell." "ting"-Toki Wartooth
I like that.
I keep trying to come up with a reply to this, but none of them are working out.
That's an answer in and of itself...
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Member # 0004
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
i can understand if thats all it is.
but................if i were your husband, father of your child, and found out about this, i would be uncomfortable.
i guess when i say it scares me, i mean it scares me that someone can carry that kind of "crush" with them for so long.
hope my gf is not in this same boat. : )
good luck. its probably just a crush. it should all be fine. but........still. i think your treading in uncertain waters here.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Member # 0004
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
There are many layers to a person.
I'm not confused about who I love, there are so many different types of love that there is room at the inn, man. I just feel confused because a conversation I thought would never happen happened and it seemed to go as well as it possibly could, and that's something you don't see every day.
I don't know.
Then don't sweat it. Take it for what it was, a really interesting moment. Enjoy it and let it go. I think the confusion enters when we think about the possibilities of those moments, or keeping them rather than letting them go.
Just a thought.
But mr. justam
is who I am
"That's a repulsive combination of horrible information and bad breath."-Pickles
"Remember, death is a natural part of the workplace. So, when you see a dead body at work, don't freak out, just ring your death bell." "ting"-Toki Wartooth
then i dont know really what there is to be confused about. be glad it went well, and dont worry about it.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Peace
Thanks, I totally agree.
I have had a couple of instances in my time married where I had a conversation with a guy who was really nice (actually like maybe three different guys I mean) and because I was being treated so awfully I had thought that it would be nice to be with someone who actually liked you ...I know that sounds messed up but only you know if you are happy with your husband or not. I think it would be so hard to cheat because I would never be able to be with my husband again ; after deciding that someone else was what I wanted more and that I had taken that step to get away from that so drastically so I could not fake it after. does that make sense? Are you bored or lonely or are you unhappy? It takes most of us years to finally figure it out. Be realistic but don't sell yourself short; only you know what goes on in your marriage best.
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
Agreed! I'm not married but about 3 years ago I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 5 years for someone who I was always mad about. I was falling out of love with my girlfriend at the time and instead of trying to work things out I took the easy safe way out. What I thought would be eternal bliss with my all time crush lasted only 3 months! When it was over I was alone with nobody. Rightfully so, it was my own stupid fault!
After the failed romance with my all time crush and almost dozen so-so dates over the past 2 1/2 years, I realize my ex was the only love who ever loved me unconditionally for the goof that I am. I hope she's not the only one, only time will tell.
My ex is now engaged to an old friend of mine and they recently had a kid together. I see everything they have and it kills me. The grass is NEVER greener, it only looks that way because of the obstructed view of the fence!
Good luck
I don't understand where the confusion is?
I understand that there are many layers to a person and that you do feel slightly out of sorts (I mean you're right, coversations like that DON'T happen everyday) but if you feel the way you say about your family, you certainly shouldn't be confused. I don't think that you do have a crush. I think that maybe, like you say, you wanted to have this conversation with him 10 years ago. The important thing is that this guy acknowledged the fact that he'd missed his chance and didn't kiss you... and the fact that you said 'no'. As for him asking to kiss you in the first place? You can't blame a guy for trying. Respect to him for understanding the situation perfectly and accepting your refusal.
Just take it on the chin, use it as an ego boost and smile... thinking to yourself that if you wanted, now or back then, you coulda bagged him
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
So true about the grass always seeming to be greener. People always think things will be better with someone new that comes along just because of the feelings and thoughts that come along with a new love. They actually think that they would be happier with the new person, when in reality they just want the feelings of new love and would eventually get to that same point of relationship where things may seem boring and routine. It's just the different stages of relationships and love I guess.
That's why you need to make sure you pay plenty of attention to your spouse and continue to do new and exciting things and know that the excitement, infatuation and feelings of a new relationship won't last forever.
these comments weren't directed to you foxymop, just general statements
Member # 0004
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.
I suppose confusion is the wrong word for it, it's not like I am debating things. I guess what I meant was that I am just thrown. I have carried it so long that I have just been so used to it being that way, and now it's all been said and I feel definite closure. I never expected to get that.
Now what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life, lol!
I feel the need to add that though I have thought about this for "years" I haven't been consumed by it through every waking breath or anything. It's just always been a blip on the radar that was there, and it only came up once in a blue moon when I ran into this guy. It's just been a thing.