I feel like I'm losing it

DOSW

Losing "it." It. What the hell "it" is I don't know. But I know I'm losing it.

Just.... a connection with people perhaps. I can't connect with people I care for anymore. It's like... I want to, but I can't. I'm losing it. I just want to put a genuine smile on someone's face. I want someone to honestly care for me, as much as I do for them. I want to be rid of this inferiority complex I have.

I'm only faking when I get it right. I'm supposed to be on vacation from my problems right now. I'm miles away from them. But why do I still feel the effects? I feel like there's no solution in sight.

Everywhere I go I feel like I don't belong. Everywhere. Even here at home. And it kills me. I feel the only place I'm accepted is in my room when I'm listening to music alone. I have friends, they're great. But I just don't feel any connection with them. Is there anybody ALIVE out there?

I know someone's out there, I know it. Where are you? Help me if you can, I'm feeling down.....


I need some sleep.

Jeanie

Oh DOSW! :(

Hang in there! It's Christmas, the shittiest time of the year for depression. You're not alone, you have friends here that care about you even if you don't feel like you're connecting. Just try to cut yourself some slack, be kind to yourself, just hang on. Sometimes that's all you can do. Is hang on as best you can. Sleep is a good, sunshine if you can get it, fresh air, do something REALLY nice for yourself. Try to find little things that make you feel good each day. I don't know what that is for you but for me it's always been looking at nature, trees, plants, animals and when all else fails CAKE!!! Play music you love, watch movies you enjoy that make you happy. Go do something you've always wanted to do. The rest of it will fall into place. The best thing about going down so low and disconnecting is that the only way is up.

So here is a song that my friend cutback sent to me when I was really low and I have to say it's helped me so very much to play it. Maybe it'll help you too? Crank it! And just take it easy on yourself. It's OK.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=ljsLZ5rGUKg

SENROCK

DOSW wrote:

Losing "it." It. What the hell "it" is I don't know. But I know I'm losing it.

Just.... a connection with people perhaps. I can't connect with people I care for anymore. It's like... I want to, but I can't. I'm losing it. I just want to put a genuine smile on someone's face. I want someone to honestly care for me, as much as I do for them. I want to be rid of this inferiority complex I have.

I'm only faking when I get it right. I'm supposed to be on vacation from my problems right now. I'm miles away from them. But why do I still feel the effects? I feel like there's no solution in sight.

Everywhere I go I feel like I don't belong. Everywhere. Even here at home. And it kills me. I feel the only place I'm accepted is in my room when I'm listening to music alone. I have friends, they're great. But I just don't feel any connection with them. Is there anybody ALIVE out there?

I know someone's out there, I know it. Where are you? Help me if you can, I'm feeling down.....


I need some sleep.

without getting into "counselor" mode, u need to figure out WHAT got you there; to the place you are at. more importantly, you gotta accept yourself FIRST before anyone else can! Its hard, its SO hard to find even a GLIMPSE of peace or happiness when you are down in the lowest place of your life. Please believe that i say this from exxxperience. When theres absolutely NOTHING that makes you smile or when there are ZERO positive thoughts in your mind, something always comes along. Begin to look for it daily and pretty soon you will be smiling from here to high heaven and making OTHERS smile too! your happiness will be CONTAGIOUS!!!

harmless_little_f***

I hear you. One of the shittiest things about our world is how private people are becoming; it's increasingly difficult to make connections. No one trusts anyone enough to be real and honest. Personally, I can't be anything but... PM me if you get down, I've been there.

Buru

It's easy to feel disconnected nowadays.... but just hang on, and something, no matter how small, will show up and make you feel connected, even if it is for the smallest of moments

hang in there! And listen to what senrock said

give yourself time, don't beat yourself up

tylerpjtx

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

I hear you. One of the shittiest things about our world is how private people are becoming; it's increasingly difficult to make connections. No one trusts anyone enough to be real and honest. Personally, I can't be anything but... PM me if you get down, I've been there.

yeah you're absolutely right. good luck man, just hang in there. i'll be praying/thinking of you.

LONGRD

DOSW wrote:

Just.... a connection with people perhaps. I can't connect with people I care for anymore. It's like... I want to, but I can't. I'm losing it. I just want to put a genuine smile on someone's face. I want someone to honestly care for me, as much as I do for them. I want to be rid of this inferiority complex I have.
I'm feeling down.....

DOSW, I just want you to know that you're not alone with this problem either.
I have a great deal of trouble trying to get close to friends I make but I can't for some reason and I can't explain it either.

During times of trouble- the troubles can be anything from lost of jobs, to girls, to lost of family member, and so on. I always isolate myself away from close friends and try pick myself up and work things out alone. I basically disappear and disconnect from them, and it can last from a week to a month or even half a year.

And I've been behaving like this since I was probably 15 and I have no answer why I always do that. And everything I do that I add more problem because I feel like I'm a shitty friend who seems to always disappear and reappear.

Honestly, i'm not sure if my friends understand my behavior or not but they ALWAYS welcome me back with open arms. they never question my behavior because they know it's depression as I usually tell them when they call me or text me. And they respectfully let me go through my own self healing all the time and never turn hold a grudge on me.

Anyways, DOSW, I hope things get better. I'm not sure if our situation/problem is the same or not. But from your post I honestly think it's very similiar.

Be Good, Be Safe, and Bless You.

wolfbear

I don't really have anything to add, you've gotten some really good feedback and suggestions already. I'll just say good luck and we're thinking of you and hope tomorrow is better.

chiquimonkey

there's lots of good suggestions here - i feel for you. this past month has been really rough. and compounded with the holidays....agh.

definitely try to be good to yourself, get rest, and hang in there. i might even try it myself

sponger

I think it's just that you're starting to realize what true emotional connections really are, and in doing so, you begin to notice that you don't have any. However, because you've been under the false impression for so many years that you've actually maintained real connections, you find yourself currently believing those connections have been "severed."

My advice is to pause and ask yourself what made those past connections seem "real." You might find yourself realizing that they were never real to begin with -that they were just a prescribed song and dance that you were brainwashed into performing as part of the role you play in our cynical and senseless society. You obeyed cultural norms and media-promoted play acting.

So, the emptiness you feel right now is the emptiness that everyone should be feeling if they knew what was really going on inside themselves.

From this point forward, try not to see yourself as having severed emotional connections. Rather, be aware that probably for the first time in your life, you possess the capability to form genuine, honest, and emotionally fulfilling connections. Trust me when I say that they are far and few in between.