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Love?

mdigenakismdigenakis Posts: 1,337
edited November 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
I've been dating this stunning girl for about three months, and i think i love her. This must be too fast. Three months is also the longest relationship i've been in, well, ever. Usually i would just get annoyed by the girl and things would just fade (or i wouldn't call back), but this is different. I cringe at the thought of falling so hard. I know she dosen't feel the same way because she has been in longer relationships before that have crashed and burned. She claims to feel the same way, but i still feel there is a distance between where i am and she is. I've never felt like this and frankly it scares me. I'm not used to being happy or quite possibly in love. She's been in love before and very cynical about it. It depresses the living shit out of me that i have fallen for her like this because it could all possibly be for not. Funny thing is, i was very VERY depressed before i met her and she seemed to slowly lift me from the gutter. Now those old familiar feelings (the depression) returns as i seem to fall into something strange and new. Any comments or advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
"Don't let the darkness eat you up..."

-Greg Dulli

Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    3 months sounds about right...
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    depression, anxiety, confusion


    yep....sounds like love to me ;):D
  • patrickredeyespatrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    cutback wrote:
    depression, anxiety, confusion


    yep....sounds like love to me ;):D


    LMAO
  • DOSWDOSW Posts: 2,014
    mdigenakis wrote:
    I've been dating this stunning girl for about three months, and i think i love her. This must be too fast. Three months is also the longest relationship i've been in, well, ever. Usually i would just get annoyed by the girl and things would just fade (or i wouldn't call back), but this is different. I cringe at the thought of falling so hard. I know she dosen't feel the same way because she has been in longer relationships before that have crashed and burned. She claims to feel the same way, but i still feel there is a distance between where i am and she is. I've never felt like this and frankly it scares me. I'm not used to being happy or quite possibly in love. She's been in love before and very cynical about it. It depresses the living shit out of me that i have fallen for her like this because it could all possibly be for not. Funny thing is, i was very VERY depressed before i met her and she seemed to slowly lift me from the gutter. Now those old familiar feelings (the depression) returns as i seem to fall into something strange and new. Any comments or advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

    Always a tough scenario. I'm no expert, but I would say make sure that you don't lay it on too thick over the next couple weeks or months or whatever. If you constantly tell her how much you love her you might put inadvertent pressure on her to feel the same, which wouldn't be good and only put distance between you two.

    If she comes around, she comes around. If not, it sucks and there's nothing you can do. Love's a two way street, and too often only one person is on it. That's how all my relationships have been. But that's the way it is. If it doesn't work out in the end, keep searching. Eventually you'll find someone who you can mutually depend on. It's only a matter of time.
    It's a town full of losers and I'm pulling out of here to win
  • Black DiamondBlack Diamond Posts: 25,107
    Well, both times I took the plunge I knew how I felt by 3 months. One time was the misery of my life, the other will be celebrating 10 years of blissful marriage this January.

    So who am I to give advice? It's a crapshoot.
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • LikeAnOceanLikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    cutback wrote:
    depression, anxiety, confusion


    yep....sounds like love to me ;):D
    Haha so true.

    I don't think there is any timing on love. It's just a feeling. It comes and goes. Enjoy it while you have it.
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    being in love can either be the best feeling in the world...or the worst...I hope you're in the former category.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • Phantom PainPhantom Pain Posts: 9,876
    Love or Lust ?

    Guys confuse the 2 a lot
    My drinking team has a hockey problem

    The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill



    A protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    Phantom Pain wrote:
    Love or Lust ?

    Guys confuse the 2 a lot

    This from the guy who spotted me in a crowd of thousands...having never met me before! :eek:
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • Phantom PainPhantom Pain Posts: 9,876
    AmentsChick wrote:
    This from the guy who spotted me in a crowd of thousands...having never met me before! :eek:

    I had to meet you before the "Rapture"
    My drinking team has a hockey problem

    The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill



    A protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    Phantom Pain wrote:
    I had to meet you before the "Rapture"
    hahahahahaha. I get that alot.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • Lanegan7Lanegan7 Posts: 124
    I don't believe in love
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    Lanegan7 wrote:
    I don't believe in love
    Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine?! :D
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • lalalalaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    mdigenakis wrote:
    I've been dating this stunning girl for about three months, and i think i love her. This must be too fast. Three months is also the longest relationship i've been in, well, ever. Usually i would just get annoyed by the girl and things would just fade (or i wouldn't call back), but this is different. I cringe at the thought of falling so hard. I know she dosen't feel the same way because she has been in longer relationships before that have crashed and burned. She claims to feel the same way, but i still feel there is a distance between where i am and she is. I've never felt like this and frankly it scares me. I'm not used to being happy or quite possibly in love. She's been in love before and very cynical about it. It depresses the living shit out of me that i have fallen for her like this because it could all possibly be for not. Funny thing is, i was very VERY depressed before i met her and she seemed to slowly lift me from the gutter. Now those old familiar feelings (the depression) returns as i seem to fall into something strange and new. Any comments or advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
    Three months is plenty of time for love to develop, but what you're describing doesn't sound like love imo...it sounds more like you looking for an answer to depression.

    Real love is ALWAYS extremely obvious to everyone...it's obvious to both peeps in the relationship as well as everyone around them. And all the b.s. fears of being hurt and phony logic go right out the window.

    Be mindful of your feelings, young Jedi...don't misinterpret them ;)
  • Lanegan7Lanegan7 Posts: 124
    AmentsChick wrote:
    Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine?! :D

    I take that back, I love myself :D
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    Lanegan7 wrote:
    I take that back, I love myself :D

    I think I dated you.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • Lanegan7Lanegan7 Posts: 124
    really? that's interesting
  • nothingman44nothingman44 Posts: 1,495
    if it seems to good to be true, it probably is.

    just don't let her yank your chain around.
  • stickboystickboy Posts: 2,981
    just take it slow and don't let the thoughts of being in love take over. Just enjoy it for what it is and maybe like Black Diamond in 10 yrs you can come back and tell us about the anniversary ;)
    Aah, fuck it, I’m just gonna go home, turn on the fuckin’ TV...
    Watch the nightly news and drink a beer...
    Like I could even change the world, yeah right...
    ************************************
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    I don't know........but even though love is suppose to be about trust, and comfort and living a life that is what you make together, sometimes I think the first part of it, when you actually see the other person as seperate from you is what makes you attracted to them. There is a certain mystery, excitement, and good behavior that you do not treat as the other person is one who is seen as a seperate individual.........

    I don't know ..........do you know what I mean??????
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • spongersponger Posts: 3,159
    Marry her after she gets pregnant. Until then, just keep dating.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • nothingman44nothingman44 Posts: 1,495
    Lanegan7 wrote:
    I don't believe in love

    i tend to have the same thought.


    glad i'm not the only one.
  • DOSWDOSW Posts: 2,014
    nothingman44 wrote:
    if it seems to good to be true, it probably is.

    just don't let her yank your chain around.

    2nd sentence very true and good advice, first sentence not so much. If you always think that way you'll never be as happy or excited as you should be in a new relationship. Cautious optimism is always the way to go, but too much caution means less trust, more insecurity, and less enjoyment.

    But I'm a romantic.
    It's a town full of losers and I'm pulling out of here to win
  • mdigenakismdigenakis Posts: 1,337
    DOSW wrote:
    Always a tough scenario. I'm no expert, but I would say make sure that you don't lay it on too thick over the next couple weeks or months or whatever. If you constantly tell her how much you love her you might put inadvertent pressure on her to feel the same, which wouldn't be good and only put distance between you two.

    If she comes around, she comes around. If not, it sucks and there's nothing you can do. Love's a two way street, and too often only one person is on it. That's how all my relationships have been. But that's the way it is. If it doesn't work out in the end, keep searching. Eventually you'll find someone who you can mutually depend on. It's only a matter of time.

    I haven't told her i love her. I an't unless i know she feels the same. This sucks.
    "Don't let the darkness eat you up..."

    -Greg Dulli

  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    Lanegan7 wrote:
    really? that's interesting

    haha, i like you. so do you believe in hate?
  • mdigenakismdigenakis Posts: 1,337
    Saturnal wrote:
    Three months is plenty of time for love to develop, but what you're describing doesn't sound like love imo...it sounds more like you looking for an answer to depression.

    Real love is ALWAYS extremely obvious to everyone...it's obvious to both peeps in the relationship as well as everyone around them. And all the b.s. fears of being hurt and phony logic go right out the window.

    Be mindful of your feelings, young Jedi...don't misinterpret them ;)

    i thought so too, but the depression hasen't gone away. These are new feelings that i haven't felt before. Sadly, they make the depression worse. Then again at times i feel like she is bringing out a person in me who i don't know, who i'm really starting to like. weird.
    "Don't let the darkness eat you up..."

    -Greg Dulli

  • Sian-of-the-deadSian-of-the-dead Posts: 8,963
    I said the immortal words "I love you too :)" after two weeks...
    Been to this many PJ shows: Reading 2006 London 2007 Manchester & London 2009 Dublin, Belfast, London, Nijmegen & Berlin 2010 Manchester 1 & Manchester 2 2012...

    ... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    Sian-of-the-dead wrote:
    I said the immortal words "I love you too :)" after two weeks...

    after two weeks?! even if i ever get that feeling with anyone i'd keep it in.
  • Sian-of-the-deadSian-of-the-dead Posts: 8,963
    genie wrote:
    after two weeks?! even if i ever get that feeling with anyone i'd keep it in.

    Nope, I was more than happy to say I loved him too after two weeks :D
    Been to this many PJ shows: Reading 2006 London 2007 Manchester & London 2009 Dublin, Belfast, London, Nijmegen & Berlin 2010 Manchester 1 & Manchester 2 2012...

    ... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
  • petrocspetrocs Posts: 4,342
    Why do we need to put time limits on love? if it feels right and you think they feel the same then go ahead and say it! If you have a doubt about her answer back then hold off and wait til the right moment..which may be during sex, walking down the street during the holidays, watching a movie...who knows...its when YOU feel you need to say it.
    Shows:
    9/24/96 MD. 9/28/96 Randalls. 8/28-29/98 Camden. 9/8/98 NJ. 9/18/98 MD. 9/1-2/00 Camden. 9/4/00 MD. 4/28/03 Philly. 7/5-6/03 Camden. 9/30/05 AC.
    10/3/05 Philly. 5/27-28/06 Camden. 6/23/06 Pitt. 6/19-20/08 Camden. 6/24/08 MSG. 8/7/08 EV Newark, NJ. 6/11-12/09 EV Philly, PA. 10/27-28-30-31/09 Philly, PA., 5/15/10 Hartford,5/17/10 Boston, 5/18/10 Newark, 5/20-21/10 MSG
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