I'm freaking out about rasing my son....any advice?
kickoutthejams
Posts: 18
I'm really freaking out about rasing my son in today's "society". He's only a year old, so things are pretty easy right now, but I'm honestly scared to death about the future. It just seems to me that kids are so fucked up today. I think there is just too much shit going on around them. You have the internet and all the social networking stuff. Kids are constantly bombarded with marketing and peer pressure that is unlike anything we've ever seen before. I think childhood is tough enough without all this other crap. I also worry about other parents and how they act. I see these parents freaking out over little league football, soccer, baseball etc....and I just want to bitch slap them and tell them to get a fucking grip. I never see kids in our neighborhood just all hanging out and getting a pick up game of something going...it seems that everything has to be organized now and have some parental involvement which I think is really sad. And then look at the music and the "role" models or celebrities of today. And fucking reality T.V......are you kidding me with that shit. Then of course you have the state of our country and economy and the world itself....it just really freaks me out to think of my little boy being exposed to all this crap and that I'm not going to always be there to protect him from it. Am I just freaking out or does anyone else worry about this kind of stuff?
TIA
TIA
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Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
from the big bad world.
or you could just be the best parent you can be and hope he
makes the right decisions in life based on what you have taught him.
How did you turn out?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a number that doesn't count
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the nothing ventured - the nothing feigned
Sadly, my sister is still a wonderful person, and a wonderful parent, yet, she's turning into one of those people. They're(my sis and bro-in-law) talking about my nephew going pro because of what some little league coaches think because they have a buddy that played for CSUF so they think they know everything about the game. They sit there and go to other LL games to 'scout' the other teams. Talk about how they can make their run from third to first. Bad mouth other teams/kids. It's just fucking sickening that I rarely go see his games anymore. And it's not just them, that's what's sad, it's 90% of the parents there. THEY"RE FUCKING 9, 10, 11 years old. It's so sad.
Plus now whatevers playing in the mainstream, of course they love, and now my sister latches onto it. Takes him to My Chemical Romance shows, Went to see as he calls them, "The Muse", they wanted me to try and get him into the Scars On Broadway show when they played their first show that I was going to. Took him to see System of a Down, and I'm just like wow, really? They now have this belief, with everything revolving around sports, that mainstream radio is like the pro's of the bands, and that if you're a club band then you're just not to be heard yet. I rarely get my sister out to check out bands anymore at local spots. She's the one that taught me about supporting indie/local/unknown/scene bands, now she just puts it away.
Okay my rant is over, but all I'm saying is that I see where you're coming from. Just stay true to yourself and raise your son as you best see fit. Don't let anything like that come in and change your views and who you are. Just be a good person, good parent, raise your child as you see fit, and stay true to your beliefs.
Never give in to the whole, keepin up with the Jones' routine. That's what's killing families these days. Maybe it's overblown out here in Southern CA cause it seems bad, so I don't know if it's this bad across the nation, but that seems to just kill families.
But at my age, the way I see it, that I shouldn't add to anything we have here, I'll just see how I can help so that this generation that's starting their lives can have a future in our society and economy. I want them to be able to have a great life too. So there are people out there still doing good, it's not all horrible. Things can turn around with the right people, and you can be one of them as well.
a guy I know won't even let his kids go into the convenience store with him because there are sealed skin magazines behind the clerk. his wife home schools them. they only see kids at church. they don't watch TV. I think it's extreme but I'm not a parent. You have valid concerns. My nephews are 14 and 17 and I think they turned out fine.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
That's the best thing, to stay positive. Plus think, with all the shit stacked against kids these days, those ones that make it out, just like your son will, with great parenting and a mind of their own as they get older, think of what wonderful people they'll turn out to be. Maybe with all this crap out there, that the current crop of toddlers can turn out to be the best people in history after overcoming all the crap that's out there. Maybe I'm getting too positive, but it's worth a shot!
yes.
07 8/5 Lolla 8/2 VIC
06 7/22,23 Gorge 7/20 Ptl
04 10/8 VFC Kissimmee
03 4/11 WPB, 4/12 HOB Orlando, 7/8,9 MSG
00 8/24 Jones Bch 8/9,10 WPB
1998 9/22,23 WPB 1996 10/7 Ft Laud 1994 3/28 Miami
That being said, I worry everyday about my 3 1/2 yr old son. It is only human.
But I don't shield him from things and I try to expose him to alot of different things and situations.
The best you can do is set a good example. No yelling and swearing in the car, be polite to people, especially the waitress or the shopkeeper, be a giving person, share what you have, laugh and smile often and read to your child.
Best of luck to you. It is alot of work but the most amazing feeling to have the love and respect of a child.
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
I will give you the tid bit of advice someone once gave me when I was a new mom and really freaking out:
"you are going to fuck up. we (as parents) all fuck up at some point. surprisingly enough, kids grow into somewhat healthy adults in spite of, or despite our best intentions."
Just do your best.
look around at some of the people with children
watch a little jerry springer
I am sure you are equipped to deal with raising your son no matter what society throws at you.
I totally agree with JaneNY. You'll have plenty of time to worry about the other stuff later (choose a school/homeschool, activities, schedules, TV/Internet, etc.) For now, if you just do the little stuff with him, that bond will allow you both to communicate through the stuff that happens later. Even at age one - you can include kids in the daily stuff, like cooking together (we love the "Mash and Smash cookbook" where you measure into a ziplock baggie and squish instead of stirring - lots of fun), when folding laundry - let him "fold" the washclothes, put the clothes in the washer with you, etc. It's the little things you do together now that will allow your relationship to be close when he gets older.
btw - I have two kids, age 10 and 5 (or 5 and 11/12 if you ask him
perfect.
The indisputable truth is that children raise themselves in the image of their parents. No matter what parents tell their children, their children will always behave, think, and act just like their parents whether intentionally or unintentionally.
Some of my most successful friends are people who had very little parental guidance when they were growing up. Rather, they had parents who were motivated and set good examples. As much as possible, they tried to leave it up to their children to make the right decisions. This means letting them make the wrong decisions from time to time.
Because life is not about making the right decisions. Life is about how we deal with making the wrong ones.
I think the most effective role you can have as a parent is not one of a mentor so much as a coach. You're there to root for your favorite players, and those players are your children and the game is known as "life."
Most of all, I think the best thing anyone can do for their children in order to ensure that they grow into healthy, emotionally-balanced, mature, intelligent, and productve members of society is to keep religion far, far away from anything that their children will be exposed to.
Remember, inner strength comes from our ability to find within ourselves our natural abilities, sense of direction, and emotional development that makes us who we are as human beings. For if we did not possess those attributes naturally, we would cease to be a species worth preserving.
Religions promote the gastly notion that we do not naturally possess those characteristics, and that we need to rely on a blind devotion to a supreme being and the supposed interpretation of His wishes as conveyed through a handful of masterful linguists some 2,000 years ago. As insane as it sounds, there are legions of people who to this day still practice that system of thought.
At any rate, I feel compelled to share with you a metaphorical story that I heard Dr. Laura tell on her AM radio show one evening.
A mother bird of prey had just hatched a nest full of eggs up high on the cliffs overlooking a large body of water. Upon realizing that her nest was in need of relocation for undisclosed reasons, she decided to carry each of her hatchlings one by one across that body of water to the new nest.
As she carried her first baby chick across, the newborn said, "Mom, I am grateful for your devotion. One day, I am going to reward you greatly with many fish."
She dropped that baby chick into the water, ensuring its doom.
The next hatchling she carried across expressed similar sentiments, and so the mom dropped it into the ocean.
The third and last hatchling as it was being flown across the body of water said, "Mom, I will not forget this act of kindness. And, in return, I will make sure that I will do the same for my children."
This hatchling the mom spared.
The moral of the story is that there are two styles of parenting.
On the one hand is the style of parenting which promulgates the belief that children incur a lifelong debt to their parents as their parents are the ones who brought them into this world, fed them, loved them...etc.
Unfortunately, that is probably the most popular and widely practiced style of parenting.
The second style of parenting is one that embraces the notion that we as mature, loving adults, find personal fulfillment in parenting through the joy of watching our children grow into happy, self-confident adults who will one day instill the same happiness and self-confidence in children of their own and so on and so forth.
Additionally, it's a analogy which exposes the sickening immorality of religion.
For religion states that we are to obey God because he is our creator, and that his word is law for no other reason but that we owe to him all that he has given us. It is a fallacious belief that hopefully one day all of society will leave behind as it progresses.
So, in summation, I say worry not. Instead be happy and your children will follow suit.
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
In my experience, you'll be fine if you spend a lot of time with your children. The kids that get messed up seem to be ones who are left alone far too young.
In our neighborhood, just about all my son's friends have one parent home in the afternoons and these boys are all great kids...and they're in middle school and high school. The only mean kids they've had trouble with are kids who have parents that work and leave them at home alone....that seems to be where the problem kids come from.
Sorry to generalize, but that's what we've seen...
I thought the world...Turns out the world thought me
15,5, and 3? you're the one who should be giving the original poster advice instead of watching the thread closely
Pearl Jam bootlegs:
http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
I go through the same thing my son just turned a year old and I freak out about his future all the time. I wrote a poem before he was born and it just about sums it up.
I hope you see the world like I see it through my eyes
I hope when you grow up you wont be disappointed or surprised
I will raise you to be a great person with a kind soul
I will set you on the right path and let you take your own road
I will promise to love you and give you everything you need
I will love you forever my child
I hope you will love the world you are about to see
I really think it says it all. All you can do is set them on the right path and let them take their own road.
Some other things I've learned along the way, be your kids biggest fan, talk to them about every situation, don't yell at them, NEVER HIT them, and above everything else LOVE them unconditionally in every single situation. All of this will help you to raise a good, compassionate human being despite what is going on around them. My sons are all growing up into wonderful men. Not sure if they will be able to support themselves
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
same what i do for my daughter, tell it like it is, give her the tools to prepare so she can handle anything in life with her head up high....
in everything you do
will make the world a better place
with or without you."
Neil Young - Falling From Above
naděje umírá poslední
In spite of what all the experts might say about television and video games and stuff, you are still the greatest role model in your child's life. And children, no matter what the generation, learn by example. Respect them, and they will respect you. Demonstrate to them the kind of people you want them to grow to be. While they are little, limit the kind of TV they watch, the kind of video games they play. Get active and involved and always, always be interested in what they think, what they have to say and just enjoy their company. I challenge anyone who thinks an 8 year old boy would rather sit home playing play station rather than getting out and doing something with one of his parents. Especially if the kid gets to choose what they do. Ensure there is lots of love, lots of humour and lots of honesty in your home, do your best, and your kid will be ok. Love them enough to say no, they will thank you for it. Allow them to be kids and be silly and get in trouble and make mistakes and remind them all the time that you love them no matter what they do, that they can always talk to you, and no problem is too big to fix.
I have four children, two of them sons, and they are all fantastic people. My older son has grown into a gorgeous, genuine and heartfelt guy, who isn't afraid to show his vulnerability. My younger son is following fast in his footsteps and is proving himself to be an honest, caring, loving boy. I tell them what I think of them, how proud of them I am, and they respond. They are far from perfect, but aren't we all. To raise kids who have the guts to be honest and open and who are generally pretty happy people, is my greatest achievement. Their success is not measured in what they do, but who they are.
This is a good point..
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'