Question for parents in here

acoustic guy

So my daughter is two and is such a wonderful addition to my life, she is awesome and we have a great time the three of us do. But........
She has been doing some weird things that I would not expect a little girl to do. She seems to have a rage inside her. She will grab me with both hands and sqeeze and pinch and hit as hard as she can while making grunting noises. Sounds funny but it worries me. If you go to give her a kiss, sometimes she will try to hit you. My wife and have NEVER EVER hit each other and we don't watch violence on tv while she is around. She also hits and kicks my dogs very hard. I don't know where it comes from. I have a real bad temper that runs in my family but she has never seen it.
Its really bothering me and I don't know what to do about it.

Inhiding230

I would talk to her pediatrician about it. I've never dealt with anything like that but it does sound kind of worrying. Do you correct her when she does this stuff? She needs to learn that behaviour is not acceptable.

BetterThanYou

acoustic guy wrote:

So my daughter is two and is such a wonderful addition to my life, she is awesome and we have a great time the three of us do. But........
She has been doing some weird things that I would not expect a little girl to do. She seems to have a rage inside her. She will grab me with both hands and sqeeze and pinch and hit as hard as she can while making grunting noises. Sounds funny but it worries me. If you go to give her a kiss, sometimes she will try to hit you. My wife and have NEVER EVER hit each other and we don't watch violence on tv while she is around. She also hits and kicks my dogs very hard. I don't know where it comes from. I have a real bad temper that runs in my family but she has never seen it.
Its really bothering me and I don't know what to do about it.

can't really help you with this one (i've got 2 boys and neither one of them acted like that), but i just had to reply because of that sig. doesn't he say "FUCK!!" after ma, the meatloaf?

kcherub

They do all sort of things that worry us at one time or another, especially at that age. Is there any sort of pattern to WHEN she is acting this way--tired, hungry, etc.? Does she interact with other children, and adults (those that she knows)? Discovering anger is just like discovering that if they drop something from the high chair, someone will pick it up. Around age 2-3 is when they usually really get a grasp on anger and the reaction it gets. I don't think at that age she is really angry, just testing out how it feels to be angry. Does that make any sense at all?

I don't think it is anything to be terribly worried about, but it wouldn't hurt to give your pediatrician a call. To ease your worries...

acoustic guy

kcherub wrote:

They do all sort of things that worry us at one time or another, especially at that age. Is there any sort of pattern to WHEN she is acting this way--tired, hungry, etc.? Does she interact with other children, and adults (those that she knows)? Discovering anger is just like discovering that if they drop something from the high chair, someone will pick it up. Around age 2-3 is when they usually really get a grasp on anger and the reaction it gets. I don't think at that age she is really angry, just testing out how it feels to be angry. Does that make any sense at all?

I don't think it is anything to be terribly worried about, but it wouldn't hurt to give your pediatrician a call. To ease your worries...

Yea I know exactly what you mean. She is learning so many things and also learning the reaction to them. Its kinda neat but this one thing is not. I don't know where she is learning it from.
I need to ask her Doc I guess.

acoustic guy

BetterThanYou wrote:

can't really help you with this one (i've got 2 boys and neither one of them acted like that), but i just had to reply because of that sig. doesn't he say "FUCK!!" after ma, the meatloaf?

One of the times he does lol its great eh?

stonedponey

what makes you think children, even small children are not capable of violence? you said you have a temper. why can't your child have one too. maybe you were 'guilty' of the same behavior when you were young. maybe we all were. very small children don't understand the strength of their feelings or their actions. that's what parents are for. we teach them. your daughter's behavior is natural.

GraySaturday

Acoustic Guy - I'm not a parent, as we all know.. but I hope you won't mind me on your thread..


what kind of interaction does she have with children of her own age? 2 year olds are SO quick to pick up on behaviors, especially the bad behaviors. If she has seen other children do this, and get attention from it.. she could very easily be doing it herself.

I would just talk to her, get down to her level and explain to her how it makes you feel when she hits/pinches and grunts. Most kids listen and learn from their parents quite quickly. I'm sure she's not doing it because she has inner anger issues and is lashing out. She's only 2. She probably saw it somewhere, or is trying to get a reaction. 2 year olds are smart, and know how to get what they want. Just speak to to her calmly about the behavior. Don't yell or punish, or freak out. (Not that I think you would, but thats all a reaction that she would get from you) Just remind her that no one hits her, because it hurts, and that you would hope that she would never want to hurt anyone/or the dog. When she understands what her actions do, she will get it. And at 2, they can get it. I've been through this twice before.

acoustic guy

GraySaturday wrote:

Acoustic Guy - I'm not a parent, as we all know.. but I hope you won't mind me on your thread..


what kind of interaction does she have with children of her own age? 2 year olds are SO quick to pick up on behaviors, especially the bad behaviors. If she has seen other children do this, and get attention from it.. she could very easily be doing it herself.

I would just talk to her, get down to her level and explain to her how it makes you feel when she hits/pinches and grunts. Most kids listen and learn from their parents quite quickly. I'm sure she's not doing it because she has inner anger issues and is lashing out. She's only 2. She probably saw it somewhere, or is trying to get a reaction. 2 year olds are smart, and know how to get what they want. Just speak to to her calmly about the behavior. Don't yell or punish, or freak out. (Not that I think you would, but thats all a reaction that she would get from you) Just remind her that no one hits her, because it hurts, and that you would hope that she would never want to hurt anyone/or the dog. When she understands what her actions do, she will get it. And at 2, they can get it. I've been through this twice before.

Thanks, I was hoping you commented here, I know how you work with children.
My wife and I do this. We tell her how the doogies ar good boys and we don't hit them. If she hits me i say "you hurt daddy. Thats not nice, be nice to daddy." Sometimes we say "say your sorry Ava" She just will not do it lol. she will refuse to say sorry. Then tens minutes later she will say " sorry daddy" Ugg it melts my heart.
I guess like you said, I should just keep trying to explain to her that its not nice. You right, she does like getting a reaction to things.
We were in church and it was totally silent. She goes "HEY!" Looks at me, smiles then goes "HEEEEEEYYYYY!" at the top of her lungs and laughs.
Boy she is a little stinker. hahahahaha

stonedponey

acoustic guy wrote:

Thanks, I was hoping you commented here, I know how you work with children.
My wife and I do this. We tell her how the doogies ar good boys and we don't hit them. If she hits me i say "you hurt daddy. Thats not nice, be nice to daddy." Sometimes we say "say your sorry Ava" She just will not do it lol. she will refuse to say sorry. Then tens minutes later she will say " sorry daddy" Ugg it melts my heart.
I guess like you said, I should just keep trying to explain to her that its not nice. You right, she does like getting a reaction to things.
We were in church and it was totally silent. She goes "HEY!" Looks at me, smiles then goes "HEEEEEEYYYYY!" at the top of her lungs and laughs.
Boy she is a little stinker. hahahahaha

why should she say sorry just becasue you want her too. when we are asked to say sorry when we don't want to or don't mean it, the apology means nothing. it is good that she comes up to you later and says sorry of her own volition.

GraySaturday

stonedponey wrote:

why should she say sorry just becasue you want her too. when we are asked to say sorry when we don't want to or don't mean it, the apology means nothing. it is good that she comes up to you later and says sorry of her own volition.

it's how you teach children right and wrong. If we never taught kids that punching something out was wrong and warranted an apology, who knows how they'd learn it.

pandora

We sought help for our son when he was young- unrelated - but the point is- help is out there and you'll feel better after you find it

Medicated-Genius

acoustic guy wrote:

So my daughter is two and is such a wonderful addition to my life, she is awesome and we have a great time the three of us do. But........
She has been doing some weird things that I would not expect a little girl to do. She seems to have a rage inside her. She will grab me with both hands and sqeeze and pinch and hit as hard as she can while making grunting noises. Sounds funny but it worries me. If you go to give her a kiss, sometimes she will try to hit you. My wife and have NEVER EVER hit each other and we don't watch violence on tv while she is around. She also hits and kicks my dogs very hard. I don't know where it comes from. I have a real bad temper that runs in my family but she has never seen it.
Its really bothering me and I don't know what to do about it.

Is she doing this when she's upset about something? Being told no she can't have or do something? Or is it happening more randomly than this?

My 2 yr old nephew went through a phase like this. More often than not it happened when he was getting a cuddle from someone, especially his mother. He'd have his arms around your neck and suddenly it was like he just couldn't contain himself and his little hands would start pinching the skin on your neck, hard! Once he was in the grip (haha) of this, there was no letting go, you would have to pry his hands apart. A couple of times this overwhelming excitement or what ever it was would extend to biting. I vaguely remember one of my own children doing something similar, but it was more that he would clench his fist and arms. The way it looked to me, to try and relate it to an adult kind of feeling, was that it was like when you are changing your baby and their little bums are just the cutest thing you've even seen and it takes all your strength not to sink yer teeth into it, you just love them so much and it overwhelms. Hard to know if this is the kind of feeling they are experiencing, just my thoughts on what it could be.

If on the other hand she is doing this in response to something she doesn't like or is genuinely angry about, then the way you are responding to it is good. As someone already said, get down on her level, tell her in simple and very short terms that it's not on, then try to distract her towards something positive. At 2 years old there's a limit to what they can understand. Their attention span is probably about as long as their age in years, so 2 minutes. Any kind of discipline extending beyond this point is useless because they do not make the connection between their behaviour and your reaction.

acoustic guy

Medicated-Genius wrote:

Is she doing this when she's upset about something? Being told no she can't have or do something? Or is it happening more randomly than this?

My 2 yr old nephew went through a phase like this. More often than not it happened when he was getting a cuddle from someone, especially his mother. He'd have his arms around your neck and suddenly it was like he just couldn't contain himself and his little hands would start pinching the skin on your neck, hard! Once he was in the grip (haha) of this, there was no letting go, you would have to pry his hands apart. A couple of times this overwhelming excitement or what ever it was would extend to biting. I vaguely remember one of my own children doing something similar, but it was more that he would clench his fist and arms. The way it looked to me, to try and relate it to an adult kind of feeling, was that it was like when you are changing your baby and their little bums are just the cutest thing you've even seen and it takes all your strength not to sink yer teeth into it, you just love them so much and it overwhelms. Hard to know if this is the kind of feeling they are experiencing, just my thoughts on what it could be.

If on the other hand she is doing this in response to something she doesn't like or is genuinely angry about, then the way you are responding to it is good. As someone already said, get down on her level, tell her in simple and very short terms that it's not on, then try to distract her towards something positive. At 2 years old there's a limit to what they can understand. Their attention span is probably about as long as their age in years, so 2 minutes. Any kind of discipline extending beyond this point is useless because they do not make the connection between their behaviour and your reaction.

Yea I agree about the discipline part. We just started asking her if she wants a "time out", she smiles and says okay! She does not get it really.
She does these things in a random way. Not b/c she wants something of is tired. Tonight my wife said they got home from shopping and the first thing my daughter did was run over to the dog and kicked him :(. Not hard but still, my dogs are little pugs. But the next minute she will wilk over to them and say "awwww, cute reggie dog" and hug them.
Hard to figure out.

Thanks to all who gave good advice

stonedponey

GraySaturday wrote:

it's how you teach children right and wrong. If we never taught kids that punching something out was wrong and warranted an apology, who knows how they'd learn it.

you can teach children that punching someone is wrong without resorting to a compulsory sorry that isnt meant by the child. i never told my children to say sorry for the sake of it. i knew they were not sorry at the time they did what they did. i would speak with them about the incident and asked them how they'd feel if they were the one that was hurt and asked them what they thought should happen. and invariably they did the right thing and apologised. i gave them the choice and they chose wisely. if someone told me to apologise to someone for something i wasn't sorry for i'd walk away

HushBull

stonedponey wrote:

you can teach children that punching someone is wrong without resorting to a compulsory sorry that isnt meant by the child. i never told my children to say sorry for the sake of it. i knew they were not sorry at the time they did what they did. i would speak with them about the incident and asked them how they'd feel if they were the one that was hurt and asked them what they thought should happen. and invariably they did the right thing and apologised. i gave them the choice and they chose wisely. if someone told me to apologise to someone for something i wasn't sorry for i'd walk away

And here is where I enter:
People have many different ways of raising kids effectively. What may work for you, or your child, it might or might not work for his. The important thing, as someone has already said, is setting the precedence for what is considered right and wrong in our society.

stonedponey

HushBull wrote:

And here is where I enter:
People have many different ways of raising kids effectively. What may work for you, or your child, it might or might not work for his. The important thing, as someone has already said, is setting the precedence for what is considered right and wrong in our society.

this is true. i was providing an alternative. that's all.

and as the dad said his little girl did come back and apologise after intially refusing to say sorry.

Medicated-Genius

acoustic guy wrote:

Yea I agree about the discipline part. We just started asking her if she wants a "time out", she smiles and says okay! She does not get it really.
She does these things in a random way. Not b/c she wants something of is tired. Tonight my wife said they got home from shopping and the first thing my daughter did was run over to the dog and kicked him :(. Not hard but still, my dogs are little pugs. But the next minute she will wilk over to them and say "awwww, cute reggie dog" and hug them.
Hard to figure out.

Thanks to all who gave good advice

I think the most important thing raising kids, is to be consistent. It is hard when they're only 2, but the things you put in place now are important.

* always follow through
* never make empty threats
* give the child a choice, but one that helps them make the right choice. Such as, you can continue doing x, and y will happen, or you can come over here and play a game, put your shoes on, be nice to the dog etc.
* As she gets older, don't ask if she wants a time out, just explain what the consequences will be
* Always give lots of attention and praise when they are doing the right thing, tell them how fabo you think they are and how much you enjoy their company, efforts..... etc

I'd say for the most part, she is just testing boundaries and feeling her way around the world.