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Ugg. Trouble with the two families

acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
edited June 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
I need to vent....
Ever since my wife and I have been blessed with our daughter two years ago, our two mothers have been not getting along. So b/c of this, now it causes friction between my wife and I. Its really taking a toll on everyone. It makes me uncomfortable.

My mom is a super health nut which is good to a point but she constantly lectures and tries to tell everyone how to eat all day long. God forbid you use a microwave once in a while.
And my mother in law has horrible eating habits. her house is stocked with 20 two liter bottles of soda, four different kinds of ice cream, cakes, cookies, everything is processed food. No fresh veggies or fruits. So they don't agree on how to take care of my daughter when they babysite. So my mom bitches to me about my wife's mom and they do the same. Its not a good situation.
Both moms think they know EVERYTHING! And my mother inlaw, her family kisses her ass and listens to everything she tells them to do. I on the other hand do not. And it pisses her off.
I know young children do not have to eat super healthy but I give her organic products, a lot of fruit and just good food. My mom in law gives her ice cream and candy everytimes she is there which is a few days a week. And she babies my daughter way way over board. The minute she cries or wines she will give her whatever she wants. Thats not okay. I love my daughter and give her a lot but I do not spoiler her or give into her just b/c she wants it.


Ugggg! Sorry for the rant, needed to get this off my chest. If my wife and I discuss it, we end up sticking up for our mothers and start to fight. :(
Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,689
    Tell both mothers it's your (you and your wife) daughter, your rules, enough is enough, etc, etc.
  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    Another reason I don't want to get married. Neither of us want our parents to meet.
  • rearviewmirorrearviewmiror Posts: 894
    If you can agree that both mother's are a pain, then you can move forward together. It just takes each of you setting your own mother straight.

    I understand the difficulty though. My ex's mother was the dominant figure of the family and my ex never knew how to make our life together as important as her nuclear family.
    9/7/98, 8/3/00, 9/4/00, 4/15/03, 7/1/03, 9/28/04, 9/29/04, 5/24/06, 5/25/06, 6/17/08, 6/22/08, 6/28/08, 6/30/08, 5/17/10, 10/15/13, 10/16/13.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    That is hard...My sister is a newly wed and she has been having issues w/her mother in law and sister in law. I don't think they care for my side too much. It's just uncomfortable. She wants to have a kid soon and Im thinking it's going to get worse.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • smithnicsmithnic Posts: 1,563
    I've learned that when it comes to your kids, you have to be a dick. My cousin-in-law is sometimes a huge jerk. But it's about her kids. When it's your kids everyone else can go to hell.
    Go Get 'Em Tigers!
  • audiodaveaudiodave Posts: 1,623
    Rygar wrote:
    Tell both mothers it's your (you and your wife) daughter, your rules, enough is enough, etc, etc.
    Agreed. I'm not a parent, but I know from my parents (mother in particular) that my father's mother is very overbearing and controlling. She tried to bully my parents into getting us Christened when neither my mother or father is religious.

    Just try to tell them BOTH (your own mother included) that you and your wife make the rules for your child, and if they feel you are making any mistakes, then they are your mistakes to make and you have every right to do so, as long as the wellbeing of your child is not at risk.
    ~AKA Dave-of-the-dead~

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  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    Rygar wrote:
    Tell both mothers it's your (you and your wife) daughter, your rules, enough is enough, etc, etc.
    I agree but my wife's mother has this hold on her family.....
    JUST LIKE THE MOM IN "Everybody Loves Raymond"!!!! Uggg!
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    smithnic wrote:
    I've learned that when it comes to your kids, you have to be a dick. My cousin-in-law is sometimes a huge jerk. But it's about her kids. When it's your kids everyone else can go to hell.
    Good point, and I am but my wife will not be that way to her mom. Its a hard situation. I mean, what do you do? Make your wife tell her mom to fuck off? She is not like that. What do ya do? Let it go for the sake of argument? Then it builds up and becomes a bigger problem.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    my kids. my rules. the grandparents had their turn... now its mine. :)
    however... i am a grandparent and though the way i do things is different from the way my daughter does things, i defer to her always.
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  • smithnicsmithnic Posts: 1,563
    acoustic guy wrote:
    Good point, and I am but my wife will not be that way to her mom. Its a hard situation. I mean, what do you do? Make your wife tell her mom to fuck off? She is not like that. What do ya do? Let it go for the sake of argument? Then it builds up and becomes a bigger problem.

    Then you do it.
    Go Get 'Em Tigers!
  • iluvcatsiluvcats Posts: 5,153
    I want to go pig out at the bad mom's house!

    That's no way to feed a child however.

    You are in a pickle accoutic man. All that gossiping between the women. Tell them that "here is the food for when you watch her, please feed her this." Please don't talk badly about yo mama in law to wifey. Of course, she will defend her. You will have to sleep on the couch and you don't want that.

    I am childless but I have been married a 100 years (twice at that!)
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
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  • rearviewmirorrearviewmiror Posts: 894
    Unfortunately my experience ended in divorce. (No Kids) For me, I just couldn't deal with her lack of devotion to us. It may ggo better for you, but you need to find out how you feel about it. At least try and let her know that you need her to be strong together. Or, you'll have to ask yourself if you can deal with the Mother in-law having her way for the rest of your life. (My ex father in law clearly made the choice of staying out and following orders)
    9/7/98, 8/3/00, 9/4/00, 4/15/03, 7/1/03, 9/28/04, 9/29/04, 5/24/06, 5/25/06, 6/17/08, 6/22/08, 6/28/08, 6/30/08, 5/17/10, 10/15/13, 10/16/13.
  • Get_RightGet_Right Posts: 13,312
    be glad you have a good support system to help raise your kids-at least neither chain smokes or drinks too much

    grandma will always be the place to go for cookies and ice cream

    all Im saying is dont worry about it too much, its your job to teach the kids right, I am sure you have enough stress. Keep in mind both raised you and your wife-everything turned out ok right?
  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    rearviewmiror wrote:
    Unfortunately my experience ended in divorce. (No Kids) For me, I just couldn't deal with her lack of devotion to us. It may ggo better for you, but you need to find out how you feel about it. At least try and let her know that you need her to be strong together. Or, you'll have to ask yourself if you can deal with the Mother in-law having her way for the rest of your life. (My ex father in law clearly made the choice of staying out and following orders)
    Man that's sad, so sorry. No, I can not be like your X father in law. I am not the type to take orders. I do believe a marriage is give and take. I do what my wife asks but I don't let her take advantage of me.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    Get_Right wrote:
    be glad you have a good support system to help raise your kids-at least neither chain smokes or drinks too much

    grandma will always be the place to go for cookies and ice cream

    all Im saying is dont worry about it too much, its your job to teach the kids right, I am sure you have enough stress. Keep in mind both raised you and your wife-everything turned out ok right?
    Very well said. ;) But I am a little fucked up.....have you seen my other posts :D hahahaha
    Shit, my mom is a great grandma and was a great mom until i was a teenager. Then she kicked me out, I lived in a Econo Lodge Hotel for a while then a rooming house. Fuck they were tough days, I was not a bad kid, just messed up like most.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • Get_RightGet_Right Posts: 13,312
    acoustic guy wrote:
    Very well said. ;) But I am a little fucked up.....have you seen my other posts :D hahahaha
    Shit, my mom is a great grandma and was a great mom until i was a teenager. Then she kicked me out, I lived in a Econo Lodge Hotel for a while then a rooming house. Fuck they were tough days, I was not a bad kid, just messed up like most.

    yeah I had issues at 14-15 that were not good. the teen years can be tough on any family, but it sounds like you turned out ok

    just saying save some of your emotional energy for focusing on treaching your kids instead of overstressing, set some boundaries, but dont get too uptight about it if Grandma slips the kid a snickers bar or a glass of coke
    how many oreos did you eat as a kid?
    ;)
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    Get_Right wrote:
    be glad you have a good support system to help raise your kids-at least neither chain smokes or drinks too much

    grandma will always be the place to go for cookies and ice cream

    all Im saying is dont worry about it too much, its your job to teach the kids right, I am sure you have enough stress. Keep in mind both raised you and your wife-everything turned out ok right?

    very true!!
    It's tough and I wish you luck. Something about Grandmas........
    When I took my 1st son off the bottle........I found out about 3 months after the fact that my MOTHER in LAW was still giving him a bottle!! I couldn't believe it. She wasn't doing it to piss me off tho.......she was honest in her thought that she thought he was too little to be off the bottle. Bless Her Heart, she really is a great woman and I couldn't have asked for a better Grandma to my kids :)
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  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Phew...thats a toughie... my parents and my ex parents did NOT get on. I found the easiest thing was just to keep them apart where possible. It took some quick talking to my mum on some occasions to stop a row blowing up after some snide comment from my ex MIL, but I managed to diffuse most of them.

    As far as you daughter goes, you and your wife need to agree on whats best for her and then TELL everyone else 'this is what we're doing'. No discussion, no compromise needs to be reached. She's you're daughter, they don't have to like it but they should defer to you as Cate says she does.

    A few sweeties once in a while never hurt any child, and grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren, but ultimately they should respect your wishes. You and your wife just need to show a united front on this, even if behind the scenes you don't always agree.
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  • blackredyellowblackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    My wife and I live away from both sets of parents (7hrs from mine and 2 from hers). We miss not having close family around, but with how each of our mothers act, it's probably a blessing. We love them both, but they are both crazy and "know-it-alls", so that would be nothing but trouble.
    My whole life
    was like a picture
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    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
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  • AllNiteThingAllNiteThing Posts: 1,115
    Without even reading.....at least you don't have trouble with the 'Five Families'. :D Had to say it.
    24 years old, mid-life crisis
    nowadays hits you when you're young
  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    AllNiteThing wrote:
    Without even reading.....at least you don't have trouble with the 'Five Families'. :D Had to say it.
    LOL I was waiting for that. Only took a few hours ;)
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    catefrances wrote:
    my kids. my rules. the grandparents had their turn... now its mine. :)
    however... i am a grandparent and though the way i do things is different from the way my daughter does things, i defer to her always.




    exactly as it should be. :)


    AC, have to admit tho...it's an enviable "problem" to have, two grandmas involved in your daughter's life and love her so. i understand your frustration, but do always remember how lucky you, your wife and especially your daughter all are to have these 2 women in your lives.
    Stay with me...
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  • _Crazy_Mary__Crazy_Mary_ Posts: 1,299
    I went through a situation kind of like this. The thing is, it was my mom that spoilered my daughter. She didn't know how to tell her no, gave her anything she wanted. Ice cream for breakfast? Sure! It was a strain on my relationship with my mother and myself and I finally had to send my daughter to daycare.
    I think the answer to your problems is to limit your daughter's time w/ both grandmas. If they are your main source for babysitting, figure something else out. It sounds to me like both g-mas are being immature. Why would one criticize the other?
    I really screwed that up. I really Schruted it.
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