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A snowflake falls in May...
haffajappa
British Columbia Posts: 5,955
2 Years ago today... I can remember the morning well, sitting and waiting for the call. Then going to the hospital... And I remember they made us wait outside his room and we knew that we were too late. I remember standing at the end of the bed not knowing what to think, I remember his hands were still warm. I remember emailing my team mates at the time and telling them he was gone, because he became like everyone's grandfather in the 4 years we had all played on that team together. It took me a couple days to even fathom what was happening...
...And it was the first time I ever had to experience death so close to heart... because my other grandparents were back in Japan, and I never really knew them... not like I had my Canadian grandparents. And me being the only grand daughter, we had this special connection. We we're so close...
I mean, its inevitable... but it was just bizarre, looking on the sideline or in the stands at games and not seeing him there, and not seeing him at my graduation (which he was about one month shy of seeing). And my grandparents house, even with my grandma in it, still feels empty. There's no whistling or singing during breakfast anymore. He always ate his bacon and eggs in a particular way, and I always remember it. That and different things. Especially little things.
I just watched Big Fish... I love this movie for more reasons than one. And I finally heard Man of the Hour this year in Vancouver... And I loved and enjoyed and appreciated every second of it. And I'm trying not to think about it today (for I am stuck at work), and I'm trying not to cry in front of customers at random times.
Sorry, I had to get that out. Somewhere. Anywhere.
How long until you get over something like this? How long 'til you can tell stories of a persons life without tearing up? I remember that he would still cry when he told us stories of his grandfather...
I just remember listening to Man of the Hour, over and over the night of his death, 2 years ago... ...what a beautiful. fucking. song.
...And it was the first time I ever had to experience death so close to heart... because my other grandparents were back in Japan, and I never really knew them... not like I had my Canadian grandparents. And me being the only grand daughter, we had this special connection. We we're so close...
I mean, its inevitable... but it was just bizarre, looking on the sideline or in the stands at games and not seeing him there, and not seeing him at my graduation (which he was about one month shy of seeing). And my grandparents house, even with my grandma in it, still feels empty. There's no whistling or singing during breakfast anymore. He always ate his bacon and eggs in a particular way, and I always remember it. That and different things. Especially little things.
I just watched Big Fish... I love this movie for more reasons than one. And I finally heard Man of the Hour this year in Vancouver... And I loved and enjoyed and appreciated every second of it. And I'm trying not to think about it today (for I am stuck at work), and I'm trying not to cry in front of customers at random times.
Sorry, I had to get that out. Somewhere. Anywhere.
How long until you get over something like this? How long 'til you can tell stories of a persons life without tearing up? I remember that he would still cry when he told us stories of his grandfather...
I just remember listening to Man of the Hour, over and over the night of his death, 2 years ago... ...what a beautiful. fucking. song.
live pearl jam is best pearl jam
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I am not sure you ever get over the feeling of loss in your life..but it does get easier to remember them fondly instead of purely mourning their (and ultimately your) loss.
But then some days can be hard. For me, today is one of them. We went on a hike, shared stories about Jason.. shed some tears.. lauged more then we cried..but it was still a hard day. I am shocked that it is still so raw after all this time.. and I am saddened that I didnt' have my best friend around for all of lifes little moments.
But then, I think in some way they are still here with us...every time we think of them and smile. Atleast that helps me pass the hard days.
Sorry... this post hit a bit close to home, be strong.
known about death all my life but somehow it's not making it any easier...even when it's sort of expected or 'welcome'...
Big hugs Steph
my mom prefers not to talk about it sometimes. but i think its better that you keep remembering all these little moments.
i'm sorry it hit so close to home, i had some reservations about making this thread / post. its a hard day for both of us, but i'm glad you managed to get some smiles today.
i remember a year ago today, i was actually in europe. i was on a hilltop in wales, in the country side. it was beautiful, and my grandfather was part welsh and it REALLY hit close to home. and i remember thinking he would have been proud of me to finally go back there, to the UK and all, where his parents were from... that was one of the weirdest feelings i've ever experienced, and hard to say in words... the feeling of being proud/happy/sad/accomplished/mourning all at once.
sorry for your loss as well :(
It was a great thread idea... wanted to start one myself just in honor of this wonderful person that I miss so dearly... but I always hesitate to do so.
Its funny how people that were so influencial in your life become the deffinition in some way... like you keep those parts of them that you identified with very close to the vest. It certainly dosn't define you..but it is a catalyst in some way.
I am sorry for your loss too... big hugs!
you should remember, remember the good times, and smile!
I remember when i lost my grandmother a few years back, it was hard, but a relief as well, she had been so unwell for so long, it was good to see her at peace at last.
big hugs steph, and don't let the memory fade away!
I wave to all my Friends... Yeah!
It takes time, but one day you realize that you smile more than you cry when speaking about them.
It's an art to live with pain. Mix the light into grey.
Berlin 23-09-06
Copenhagen 26-06-07
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"This is not wine that I'm drinking tonight. This is Gatorade!" EV-Copenhagen 26-06-07
I hope you're feeling better today. Just remember, Be thankful for the memories you have. They can never go awy.
PM me ok
well said. chills
Exactly.
A friend, he called, I didn't mention a thing. The last thing he said was, "Be sound". Sound. I contemplated an awful thing, I hate to admit. I just thought those would be such appropriate last words. But I'm still here.
anyways, thanks everyone
i watched big fish twice in a row yesterday hehe..