honesty

decides2dream

does your significant other know everything? do you keep some things back? do you do things and not tell em about it or simply just disregard certain details?

just recently i realized my husband now knows 'all my dirty little secrets'....we share everything, good and bad....and it is damn cool.

NY PJ1

decides2dream wrote:

does your significant other know everything? do you keep some things back? do you do things and not tell em about it or simply just disregard certain details?

just recently i realized my husband now knows 'all my dirty little secrets'....we share everything, good and bad....and it is damn cool.

hehe ,,im glad im an inspiration lol

decides2dream

NY PJ1 wrote:

hehe ,,im glad im an inspiration lol

actually, it WAS truly something i was thinking about. hubby and i had just amazing sharing/conversation recently. sure, always talked.....but didn't always share everything. recently it just hit me, that yea all the *big stuff* is out there and it's all for the better. and sure, your little thread just was the impetus to ask today.

soulsinging

i find that hard to believe.

but no, my gf doesn't know many things. hell, she doesn't want to. i can't even mention the name of any girl i may have even thought about going on a date with without her bursting into tears and getting jealous.

she also has no clue just how serious my doubts about the success or stability of our relationship are.

decides2dream

soulsinging wrote:

i find that hard to believe.

but no, my gf doesn't know many things. hell, she doesn't want to. i can't even mention the name of any girl i may have even thought about going on a date with without her bursting into tears and getting jealous.

she also has no clue just how serious my doubts about the success or stability of our relationship are.

why?
doesn't mean anyone or thing is perfect....means different people can see/understand/forgive/accept/enjoy....whatever.....all sorts of different things. i've said it elsewhere, there really is no concept of 'right/wrong' that works for EVERYone....just that the 2 people in the relationship have to agree.

anyhooo...the rest of your post was/is what i am curious about. i think that kinda thinking is a lot more common in younger women. of course, always exceptions...but i tend to think a lot of jealousy is linked with self-doubt. i think oftentimes it takes time for someone to accept the 'past'....and perhaps some people never can. again, not saying there is a right or wrong way.....just what works for you/both.

as to your last point...perhaps that's something you should discuss? or maybe you just want to accept the status quo and ride it out and see what happens...dunno. good luck though.


*edit - and i'll try to shut up now and just read. hahaha. i don't want to try and direct the discussion....i just find human dynamics fascinating, and the 'whys' of beahviors/choices....etc. so i just like to read all others' opinions...

MattCameronKicksButt

HehHeh. He knows everything about ME but I'm afraid it's one sided.

I know of lot's of stupid things about him but if it involves other people, like previous girlfriends or a sick family member, he won't talk about them. That's just the kind of bloke he is. It's fine. He doesn't like to talk about other people.

jamainiac

decides2dream wrote:

does your significant other know everything? do you keep some things back? do you do things and not tell em about it or simply just disregard certain details?

just recently i realized my husband now knows 'all my dirty little secrets'....we share everything, good and bad....and it is damn cool.

AWESOME!

Glad you started this so I didn't have to Aside from meeting people via this message board that I otherwise likely never would have... my other favorite spin off is events/conversations that happen in my 'real world' because of something that's been discussed here.

To answer your question YES

I'm very happy to be able to say ... that there has never been a situation I've been in... nor a time that I've communicated/interacted with someone else (via text, this board, pm's, face to face, etc) that I would be fearful or ashamed ... if 'he' was aware of... And Im confident that is a two way street...

Recent postings here... led to a conversation in the 'real world' yesterday ... that put a very nice shine... on an otherwise cloudy day

Openess... Honesty... Respect...

IMO the 'keys' to a healthy relationship...

...oh... and of course...

lots of steamy, hot sex

decides2dream

If you search for tenderness
it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can always find someone
to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face
to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me
with promises again.
I know, I know.

When I'm deep inside of me
don't be too concerned.
I won't as for nothin' while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity
tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

boxwine_in_hell

decides2dream wrote:

does your significant other know everything? do you keep some things back? do you do things and not tell em about it or simply just disregard certain details?

just recently i realized my husband now knows 'all my dirty little secrets'....we share everything, good and bad....and it is damn cool.

You think he shares everything with you. Trust me he doesn't. It's not malicious, it's just the way God made us. Here's an example. You ask a guy how his day went and he'll tell you "fine" or "pretty good". This is a perfectly acceptable answer for men. You ask a woman how her day went and you'll get excruciating, mundane details of what she did. Don't try to understand it, just bask in our manly glory.

wolfbear

Haha, we know so much we've probably forgotten quite a bit. My hubby remembers more than I do about myself, but I guess that's what happens after 31 years! We are best friends so we do tend to talk about everything.

sennin

wolfbear wrote:

Haha, we know so much we've probably forgotten quite a bit. My hubby remembers more than I do about myself, but I guess that's what happens after 31 years! We are best friends so we do tend to talk about everything.

haha. I say about 45 words a day. That's how I remember everything I say.

decides2dream

boxwine_in_hell wrote:

You think he shares everything with you. Trust me he doesn't. It's not malicious, it's just the way God made us. Here's an example. You ask a guy how his day went and he'll tell you "fine" or "pretty good". This is a perfectly acceptable answer for men. You ask a woman how her day went and you'll get excruciating, mundane details of what she did. Don't try to understand it, just bask in our manly glory.

that's cool. i don't need a play by play. that's not what i was talking about at all. besides, you don't know my husband. but we mutually bask ...so it's all good.

wolfbear wrote:

Haha, we know so much we've probably forgotten quite a bit. My hubby remembers more than I do about myself, but I guess that's what happens after 31 years! We are best friends so we do tend to talk about everything.

i think we're getting like that!
i used to hold back a lot, i think he did too....and i hled back on a lot of other shite for all sorts of reasons, so it's been rather cathartic to let it all go and i think we're both better/happier for it.

i quoted this earlier in the *stuff* thread....but it's metaphysically appropriate here too i think:


it's not the world that's heavy, it's the things that you save.

sennin wrote:

haha. I say about 45 words a day. That's how I remember everything I say.

yes, but it's not just what you say.....but what you do.

Lizard

I have a very honest relationship. I think... it's really too hard to be deceptive.

Nothing to hide EXCEPT I did just hear for the 1st time EVER that he had thought he was gonna marry someone else before he met me. :eek: Guess it just never came up in conversations!!

MattCameronKicksButt

Lizard wrote:

I have a very honest relationship. I think... it's really too hard to be deceptive.

I agree with this completely

soulsinging

decides2dream wrote:

why?
doesn't mean anyone or thing is perfect....means different people can see/understand/forgive/accept/enjoy....whatever.....all sorts of different things. i've said it elsewhere, there really is no concept of 'right/wrong' that works for EVERYone....just that the 2 people in the relationship have to agree.

i know, i was just messing with you. that's pretty cool you've got that going for you.

decides2dream wrote:

anyhooo...the rest of your post was/is what i am curious about. i think that kinda thinking is a lot more common in younger women. of course, always exceptions...but i tend to think a lot of jealousy is linked with self-doubt. i think oftentimes it takes time for someone to accept the 'past'....and perhaps some people never can. again, not saying there is a right or wrong way.....just what works for you/both.

as to your last point...perhaps that's something you should discuss? or maybe you just want to accept the status quo and ride it out and see what happens...dunno. good luck though.

i think you're 100% right and it has everything to do with self doubt. it's just getting annoying as shit

i'm planning to discuss it. but im waiting for... ah... ill put it the way our president does... a good exit strategy

brain of c

she knows.

Jennytree

I think my boyf tells me too much sometimes... especially about past conquests and how he treated them. I don't need to hear that shit, I hope he has got the message now.

dunkman

i tell my wife as much as she needs to know... i have no interest in her past life and she asks me about mine sometimes and so i'll tell her.

Heineken Helen

wolfbear wrote:

Haha, we know so much we've probably forgotten quite a bit. My hubby remembers more than I do about myself, but I guess that's what happens after 31 years! We are best friends so we do tend to talk about everything.

awww that's so cute really. I'd love to have that someday. You, D2D and Jams, it's lovely to read.

I can't do dishonest. I think if I was with a guy where I didn't feel like I could tell him all my secrets, well he's not the one for me. Besides I don't have many secrets... there are some I can't talk about here but gimme a couple of drinks in 'real life' and I'll tell anyone anything

Heineken Helen

Jennytree wrote:

I think my boyf tells me too much sometimes... especially about past conquests and how he treated them. I don't need to hear that shit, I hope he has got the message now.

well, 'details' certainly aren't always necessary :eek: