Falling Deeply In Love with Someone (who is in a relationship)

Banana-Rama

I have an issue....

I used to be a extremely hate filled person. I hated everything and everybody. I thought love was a stupid emotion and one that I thought I was never capable of having. I never thought I could feel it in anyway.

Then I met this person, who changed my life. Changed my opinions of hating the world and myself. I used to drink almost to the point of being an alcoholic, I'd sleep around with random guys, I was a self loathing wreck. But this person basically turned my life around.

I wrote a unsent letter, one that helped me deal with getting my emotions on paper....


"Words cannot explain how I feel for you, I absolutely love, and care for you with all my heart. I don't mean in a dirty disgusting lustful way. You mean more to me, than almost anything I could think of...

I mean as in the fact that I would give up anything I have/own in this world, just to spend time with you. I could care less about sex, booze, money or any of that junk, as long as I could stay friends with you. I could care less about any of that relationship crap, or anything like that. Just knowing you makes me happy. Knowing the positive impact you have had on my life....makes me happy.

I will never admit my true feelings unless, you say something first. I could never come between what I want and a person that I care deeply for, and your feelings. I know you love the person in your life with all your heart, and since I care for you and think (name retracted) is a great friend of mine, almost like a family figure to me.

I am a better person because of you. I am not destroying my life anymore. I feel happy about who I am, although sometimes I dislike my life, when I am sad or angry, you take the time to talk with me and understand why I am feeling that way, I don't feel hated or judged around you. I feel like I am cared about and that you actually care about what I say. That is something that nobody has ever bothered to do, but you have.

You have taught me that it is OK to get angry and it is OK to be sad about things and that those are perfectly normal emotions to feel. It is normal to feel hurt and it is OK to be happy. That I don't have to be this unemotional rock all the time, just to please others.

Most importantly you have taught me that I am capable of loving someone. I mean, I care for some of my family (even though I loathe most of them) and I care deeply for my friends, but I have never felt love towards anyone before, and I am just glad to know that I can feel those feelings towards someone...

If normal feelings were like a tree, this would be the whole forest.
If liking a person was a cup of water, my feelings would be like an ocean.

You mean this much to me.

Long story short, I am not saying anything, until the unlikely 1 in a million chance that you end up breaking up with your partner of 8 years. Even then, I think I would avoid it because of the problems it'd cause with us 3 as friends. All I will think about is what truly makes you happy.....besides (name retracted) is a great friend and I care about them, I couldn't take a person as great as yourself away from them, another wonderful, kind, loving human being.

- Katherine"


Has anyone ever felt that deep about a person? It is strange, because I have had relationships with 11 other people, they were all lust based. No feelings of love, but this person, whom doesn't know I feel this way, and is already in a loving relationship has changed my views....

Just wondering if this ever happened to anyone? Or if anyone has/had this strong of feelings for anybody?

CHANGEinWAVES

sadly, yes.

Lanegan7

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

sadly, yes.

yeah me too. it sucks.

A lot of people can relate to this

catefrances

...

stickboy

unfortunately few of the females I'm very good friends who I would link up with in a heartbeat are in pretty bad relationships. The one thing you can't do is force them. It is what it is and it sucks cause you know you can give your all to someone and you can't do shit about it.
Breaks my heart :(

Banana-Rama

See, the thing is that this person's relationship is great. I know they are meant for each other, what I am struggling with is that, the first and only person I have ever loved, I can't tell them or even be with them. It breaks my heart to feel this way

CHANGEinWAVES

Banana-Rama wrote:

See, the thing is that this person's relationship is great. I know they are meant for each other, what I am struggling with is that, the first and only person I have ever loved, I can't tell them or even be with them. It breaks my heart to feel this way

if you wanna talk feel free to PM me.

in_hiding79

Banana-Rama wrote:

See, the thing is that this person's relationship is great. I know they are meant for each other, what I am struggling with is that, the first and only person I have ever loved, I can't tell them or even be with them. It breaks my heart to feel this way

I'm sorry! :(

acoustic guy

Banana-Rama wrote:

I have an issue....

I used to be a extremely hate filled person. I hated everything and everybody.
quote]

Is that you Green Tea Disease?

Jeremy1012

Banana-Rama wrote:

Just wondering if this ever happened to anyone? Or if anyone has/had this strong of feelings for anybody?

Yes.

Please, for the love of god, if you truly care about them, never say anything unless you KNOW it's going to be ok. It might be awful carrying the burden now but nothing can prepare you for when you feel like you do now and the other person turns away. It's better to have unrequited love for a great friend than unrequited love for an ex-friend.

violetpsyche

Jeremy1012 wrote:

Yes.

Please, for the love of god, if you truly care about them, never say anything unless you KNOW it's going to be ok. It might be awful carrying the burden now but nothing can prepare you for when you feel like you do now and the other person turns away. It's better to have unrequited love for a great friend than unrequited love for an ex-friend.

Jeremy makes a good point but you also must realise that this may not be your only chance to find some one who will value you and love you for who you are. I'm not suggesting you can simply switch off your feelings for this person but perhaps you need to try and look outside of them because you may miss the opportunity to be happy with some one else. You deserve to have some one feel about you the way you do about them.

My husband and I met when I was in a relationship with some one else. He put no pressure on me to be more than friends but I realised on my own terms that my current relationship was making me feel trapped. I had no intention of starting up a new relationship with a new person but that's what happened. However, he had been through this before with some one else and was miserable for a long time whilst she prevaricated. He DID find some one else and we have been extremely happy for five and a half years now. I just wanted to reassure you that your situation is not hopeless.

I really feel for you and hope things work out.

demetrios

Banana-Rama wrote:

See, the thing is that this person's relationship is great. I know they are meant for each other, what I am struggling with is that, the first and only person I have ever loved, I can't tell them or even be with them. It breaks my heart to feel this way

Same how I felt year's ago for one. Married I think. I never told her how I felt for her. She's gone now. :(

Jeremy1012

Dante's Beatrice wrote:

Jeremy makes a good point but you also must realise that this may not be your only chance to find some one who will value you and love you for who you are. I'm not suggesting you can simply switch off your feelings for this person but perhaps you need to try and look outside of them because you may miss the opportunity to be happy with some one else. You deserve to have some one feel about you the way you do about them.

My husband and I met when I was in a relationship with some one else. He put no pressure on me to be more than friends but I realised on my own terms that my current relationship was making me feel trapped. I had no intention of starting up a new relationship with a new person but that's what happened. However, he had been through this before with some one else and was miserable for a long time whilst she prevaricated. He DID find some one else and we have been extremely happy for five and a half years now. I just wanted to reassure you that your situation is not hopeless.

I really feel for you and hope things work out.

Well this is what I mean One day it might happen for the OP, this person might find her, I just don't think the person outside the relationship looking in should ever be the one to force it, if it goes wrong and the person resents her for it, it will hurt a hell of a lot more. I'm also not saying, on the other hand, that the OP should just wait around forever on the off chance this person will one day feel the same, it might happen but she'll never find happiness if she doesn't attempt to move on. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. We've established that Banana-rama is capable of love so maybe it's better to not risk losing a friendship with one she loves so dearly and rather look at it like this is not necessarily her only chance, it could just be a step in her self-discovery. She may well feel this way about someone else in the future. I once thought that a girl I knew, my very best friend, was the be all and end all. At the time, even though I conceded that it might never happen, I assumed that just meant I'd be unhappy forever, that it was SUPPOSED to happen but something might happen, something human, to stop it (she was that thing as it turned out). Thing is, I realised afterwards that this would never have happened if she was the one, the only one. I genuinely believed in it at the time but now I realise that my feelings for her were based on my idea of her, not an actuality. As it is now, I wish I'd never said anything because I would still have this best friend who I loved dearly, even though I spent that time longing for something to happen, as opposed to now when I feel rather hollow about the affair, and this is an improvement on how I felt a while back when it seemed like my world had ended

Point is, it's a sensitive situation and Banana-rama needs to take the course of action that's likely to benefit herself and the person she loves in the long run, and she seems to realise that which is good

saveuplife

Banana-Rama wrote:

I have an issue....

I used to be a extremely hate filled person. I hated everything and everybody. I thought love was a stupid emotion and one that I thought I was never capable of having. I never thought I could feel it in anyway.

Then I met this person, who changed my life. Changed my opinions of hating the world and myself. I used to drink almost to the point of being an alcoholic, I'd sleep around with random guys, I was a self loathing wreck. But this person basically turned my life around.

I wrote a unsent letter, one that helped me deal with getting my emotions on paper....


"Words cannot explain how I feel for you, I absolutely love, and care for you with all my heart. I don't mean in a dirty disgusting lustful way. You mean more to me, than almost anything I could think of...

I mean as in the fact that I would give up anything I have/own in this world, just to spend time with you. I could care less about sex, booze, money or any of that junk, as long as I could stay friends with you. I could care less about any of that relationship crap, or anything like that. Just knowing you makes me happy. Knowing the positive impact you have had on my life....makes me happy.

I will never admit my true feelings unless, you say something first. I could never come between what I want and a person that I care deeply for, and your feelings. I know you love the person in your life with all your heart, and since I care for you and think (name retracted) is a great friend of mine, almost like a family figure to me.

I am a better person because of you. I am not destroying my life anymore. I feel happy about who I am, although sometimes I dislike my life, when I am sad or angry, you take the time to talk with me and understand why I am feeling that way, I don't feel hated or judged around you. I feel like I am cared about and that you actually care about what I say. That is something that nobody has ever bothered to do, but you have.

You have taught me that it is OK to get angry and it is OK to be sad about things and that those are perfectly normal emotions to feel. It is normal to feel hurt and it is OK to be happy. That I don't have to be this unemotional rock all the time, just to please others.

Most importantly you have taught me that I am capable of loving someone. I mean, I care for some of my family (even though I loathe most of them) and I care deeply for my friends, but I have never felt love towards anyone before, and I am just glad to know that I can feel those feelings towards someone...

If normal feelings were like a tree, this would be the whole forest.
If liking a person was a cup of water, my feelings would be like an ocean.

You mean this much to me.

Long story short, I am not saying anything, until the unlikely 1 in a million chance that you end up breaking up with your partner of 8 years. Even then, I think I would avoid it because of the problems it'd cause with us 3 as friends. All I will think about is what truly makes you happy.....besides (name retracted) is a great friend and I care about them, I couldn't take a person as great as yourself away from them, another wonderful, kind, loving human being.

- Katherine"


Has anyone ever felt that deep about a person? It is strange, because I have had relationships with 11 other people, they were all lust based. No feelings of love, but this person, whom doesn't know I feel this way, and is already in a loving relationship has changed my views....

Just wondering if this ever happened to anyone? Or if anyone has/had this strong of feelings for anybody?

You don't have to answer this, but have you already been intimately involved with this person?

Regardless, how (exactly) did this person change your life around? I think you should think about this last sentence for one second.... "they didn't change anything... you did."

Yellow Ledbelly

There is a person in my life right now who has had much the same affect on me. I too had gotten to a point where I did not believe in love and never thought I would be capable of loving someone so much that I would let myself allow that person to be the center of my universe and totally open up my heart to anyone. But once we started talking we went through very intense and emotional period, one during which she was going through a lot of crappy times and one during which we spent hours and hours just talking, getting to know one another. I soon realized she was unlike anyone else I had ever known. She is beautiful, but as corny as it sounds he inner beauty far outweighs her physical beauty.

Due to a variety of reasons, I withheld my almost immediate (non-platonic) love her and we developed a very very special friendship which in tact to this day. One of those reasons was the age difference between us, a little under 10 years, and after a few months she ended up in a relationship and subsequently rushed into a marriage (not a shotgun affair either).

Funny thing is that just this morning I was going through the situation in my head once again and wondering if I made the right decision because I truly believe she was thinking the same thing I was early on in our friendship.

I know she loves me with all her heart and I certainly do her, but it looks like I (we) will never know what might have been. But, I am like the OP in that this wonderful person changed me and my life in such a great way as far as making me willing to completely let go of myself and my natural inclination to hold my feelings in and it feels good to have someone like that who I know I can open up to and someone who will always be there if for nothing else but to just listen. I thought I could never love someone so deeply that I could devote my life to them and make their happiness the most important thing in my life...but she has shown me that I can do that and that I want to do that. Problem now is that I will compare any future possible love interests to her and in my mind there is probably no way anyone else can measure up to her.

Corny again, but I guess I have kind of accepted it for what it is and I am appreciative of just about the greatest friend a fella could ever hope to have. I am much better off having her in my life than I would be without. Then, I think, what if we had gotten together in the beginning and things had not worked out? At that point, I thought the odds were greatly against us having a successful relationship and I still think I was probably right at that time. But, I guess I will never know and regret is a hard bed to sleep on (wasn't that last line in Seinfeld or something?)

Wow, that felt good.

polaris

there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling someone you LOVE them ... from what i gather - your motive is simply to express your gratitude and appreciation for this guy in which case there is nothing wrong in that ...

saying you wish he was single would be but from what i gather - you just want to tell him how much he means to you and if that's the case ... don't suppress it ... the world can always use a little more love ...

AmentsChick

I wouldn't say I've fallen in LOVE with someone in a relationship...but definitely in LIKE. It sucks.

RockinInCanada

Must say that I have never felt this way about someone who was already in an existing relationship, maybe because when I tend to get to know a female who I know is with someone I just mentally click off the attraction switch. Hard to explain, some of good friends have really unbelievable women they are with but they are just friends to me and I have never thought differently.

However not saying that if the "right" person came around that I would not fall into this exact situation....I feel that it can really happen to anyone...just not to me at this time....

mickeyrat

Banana-Rama wrote:

See, the thing is that this person's relationship is great. I know they are meant for each other, what I am struggling with is that, the first and only person I have ever loved, I can't tell them or even be with them. It breaks my heart to feel this way

look at this way, You have found out that this emotion IS possible for you and it can be repeated with someone available.

Now that you see this possibility , maybe you can open yourself up to others.

Love is after all , wanting to do for , not receive from another.

Yellow Ledbelly

mickeyrat wrote:

look at this way, You have found out that this emotion IS possible for you and it can be repeated with someone available.

Now that you see this possibility , maybe you can open yourself up to others.

Love is after all , wanting to do for , not receive from another.

In my situation that is what I have realized as time has passed. She (the OP) might have the same problem as I do though as far comparing everyone to that special person and never lettng anyone else live up to your expectations whether they can or not.
It has meant a lot to me to know what truly loving someone is all about. I never had before. My situation differs in that my friend was unattached when we met and for several months after that. There was the opportunity for us to be together, but the time just wasn't right.

Banana-Rama

saveuplife wrote:

You don't have to answer this, but have you already been intimately involved with this person?

Regardless, how (exactly) did this person change your life around? I think you should think about this last sentence for one second.... "they didn't change anything... you did."

Nope. Never ever been intimate with this person... I would love to be, but if they never wanted to be, it would still be fine. I could be in a sexless/intimateless relationship with this said person...

This person changed my life by talking to me, actually taking the time to ask me how my day has been, what I done the night before, why I looked sad/angry, sometimes even taking my hand and telling me things were oK or getting to the bottom of why I was hateful and depressed.

OffHeGoes29

Sounds like you need to work on some issues first before you can move on to a relationship.....and this can only end badly for everyone. Stay away from it.

Banana-Rama

Bottom line was that what I had originally gone to college for was eating away at me. I worked EMS and seen some horrible stuff. I was hating people for no reason, other than just because they managed to get themselves into trouble. Think of it as somewhat critical incident stress

I think the reason why I fell for this person, is because this person helped me overcome all my issues. They did what no one else could do, they helped me change who I am, change my way of thinking, by showing me 'love' in the first place.