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Do you ever wish you could just bite the bullet?

Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
edited May 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
I have been vaguely interested in one of my best friend's sister for a few months now. My friend is perfectly fine with it, in fact I think she encourages it. She says stuff like "Jamie, are you coming out tonight, my sister is going to be there this time, honestly" and seems totally cool with it. At the same time though, I am a bit unsure about pursuing anything, partly because this is the first person I have been interested in beyond a purely physical level since a disastrous episode a year ago which ruined a friendship and sunk my sorry ass into 8 months of depression. That isn't really a risk here at this stage but I'm still reluctant to get involved and I won't do any half-assed gestures when a friend's sibling is involved. I can't just do some playful, messing around shit because it's a family member of one of my best friends but there is a degree of reticence because of my past experiences that is stopping me from letting anything happen. I think maybe she is interested but if it's only physical then I'm not interested. I'm not after some shallow, meaningless shit when it's a family member of a good friend but I'm also wary about any real thing happening because of my own past experiences.

How do I find the balance? I'd hate to start anything up with this girl and then back out because of some emotional problem and end up upsetting my friend (and indeed the girl, she's great and I like her a lot) but I also don't want to stick my neck out and get shot down because I have had bad experiences in the past and I'm not exactly confident.

Any advice, positive, negative or just plain brutally honest is welcome.
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Bring 'em down the Dry Bar on Wednesday with ya, and I will play some space rock to facilitate that connection. ;)
  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    (other than homocide)....it's better to regret something you did, than something you didn't. Go for it.
    "It's all happening"
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Bring 'em down the Dry Bar on Wednesday with ya, and I will play some space rock to facilitate that connection. ;)
    Richard, I can't make it :o you're rescheduling has clashed horrifically with my plans to go to Sheffield on wednesday, otherwise that would be a great idea. Excepting the fact that she is not the space-rock type at all. In fact, I almost lost her just explaining why I didn't like Zeppelin tonight.

    I swear to Christ and Lucifer I'm going to catch you live soon.

    Ugh. This is so annoying.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Indian Summer wrote:
    (other than homocide)....it's better to regret something you did, than something you didn't. Go for it.
    You might well be right :) (I think the first time I've ever agreed with you. Maybe not but it could be. Either way, it's rare :D )
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • OffHeGoes29OffHeGoes29 Posts: 1,240
    Tell her you're a badass mofo that fears no mortal man, then rip a phone book in half or bend steel rebar to show her you're not messing around.

    Then she will be all yours
    BRING BACK THE WHALE
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ah, well, now you'll have to wait a little longer for that knee-trembler. :D
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    Tell her you're a badass mofo that fears no mortal man, then rip a phone book in half or bend steel rebar to show her you're not messing around.

    Then she will be all yours
    Oh dude, don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting that I COULD get the girl (for a change), I'm doubting whether or not I SHOULD :D
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • OffHeGoes29OffHeGoes29 Posts: 1,240
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Oh dude, don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting that I COULD get the girl (for a change), I'm doubting whether or not I SHOULD :D

    Well then yes, but then rip the phone book in half anyway during sex.
    BRING BACK THE WHALE
  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    You might well be right :) (I think the first time I've ever agreed with you. Maybe not but it could be. Either way, it's rare :D )

    Trust me on this one.....you're 19 years old, in your prime! I'd love to go back and do a few things that I was too scared to do the first time around.
    "It's all happening"
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Indian Summer wrote:
    Trust me on this one.....you're 19 years old, in your prime! I'd love to go back and do a few things that I was too scared to do the first time around.
    Hmm... it's tricky though. As you probably know, aged 19 your friends mean a lot. I really don't want to be the guy who my friend can talk about as the guy who "nailed my sister", you know? :o

    I mean, this is probably the sort of situation where I'd want to get to know the girl before anything like that happened but at the same time, as I said before, I'm very wary about getting involved with women now. Never had any reason to view them as anything other than manipulative and destructive :o:p
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • OffHeGoes29OffHeGoes29 Posts: 1,240
    Indian Summer wrote:
    Trust me on this one.....you're 19 years old, in your prime! I'd love to go back and do a few things that I was too scared to do the first time around.

    Nah, I heard the new prime is 70 something
    BRING BACK THE WHALE
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Hmm... it's tricky though. As you probably know, aged 19 your friends mean a lot. I really don't want to be the guy who my friend can talk about as the guy who "nailed my sister", you know? :o

    I mean, this is probably the sort of situation where I'd want to get to know the girl before anything like that happened but at the same time, as I said before, I'm very wary about getting involved with women now. Never had any reason to view them as anything other than manipulative and destructive :o:p



    When I was nineteen, I was nailing my friends' mothers. Never did me any harm. :D
  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    Nah, I heard the new prime is 70 something

    so says Hefner!
    "It's all happening"
  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Hmm... it's tricky though. As you probably know, aged 19 your friends mean a lot. I really don't want to be the guy who my friend can talk about as the guy who "nailed my sister", you know? :o

    I mean, this is probably the sort of situation where I'd want to get to know the girl before anything like that happened but at the same time, as I said before, I'm very wary about getting involved with women now. Never had any reason to view them as anything other than manipulative and destructive :o:p

    Post high school and especially post college....your "friends" are gonna disappear.....life happens. The older I get the fewer TRUE friends I realize i have. If this girl is your soulmate, you don't wanna miss the chance for something major to come out of this.
    "It's all happening"
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Indian Summer wrote:
    Post high school and especially post college....your "friends" are gonna disappear.....life happens. The older I get the fewer TRUE friends I realize i have. If this girl is your soulmate, you don't wanna miss the chance for something major to come out of this.
    Yeah well I sincerely doubt she's my soulmate y'know? I like her and I'm attracted to her but I don't know... I'm just wondering if I value a not particularly long-term romantic interest over a not particularly long-term friend. One of them is gonna last for at least 2 years, the other one, not so much :p it's up to you to guess which (I don't practice Tantra)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    When I was nineteen, I was nailing my friends' mothers. Never did me any harm. :D
    fo' rizzle?
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Shag.
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    go for it jamie.....have fun!!


    :D
  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    You are only 'vaguely interested'. I wouldn't chance it.
    Like Fins said, go after her mom. :p
    jk

    I would pass honestly.
    I dated my best friend's older bro in high school and when I broke it off, it was a strain for a bit but then we laughed about it.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    TrixieCat wrote:
    You are only 'vaguely interested'. I wouldn't chance it.
    Like Fins said, go after her mom. :p
    jk

    I would pass honestly.
    I dated my best friend's older bro in high school and when I broke it off, it was a strain for a bit but then we laughed about it.
    I hear their mum is quite old...

    :D

    but it's nice to hear another view in the thread :) I'm weighing it all up.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I hear their mum is quite old...

    :D

    but it's nice to hear another view in the thread :) I'm weighing it all up.
    I just wouldn't want you to see you risking the relationship with your friend, even tho you say she seems cool with it.
    19 is difficult enough and I know how important the bonds you create with your friends can be. Hell, I know that now even.
    Like I said, if you are only vaguely interested, I would not chance it. Especially since you seem so cautious about getting involved anyway.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    TrixieCat wrote:
    I just wouldn't want you to see you risking the relationship with your friend, even tho you say she seems cool with it.
    19 is difficult enough and I know how important the bonds you create with your friends can be. Hell, I know that now even.
    Like I said, if you are only vaguely interested, I would not chance it. Especially since you seem so cautious about getting involved anyway.
    Well what I'm saying is that vaguely interested is where I'm comfortable being but not where I'm comfortable pursuing things because I wouldn't want my friend to think that I am pursuing a shallow relationship with her sister BUT I'm not comfortable in becoming more interested at the moment because of past experiences which have left me very wary and unsure.

    It's a fucking tightrope and one that has good times and possible shitty repercussions on one side and dull times and no repercussions on the other.

    It's a fucking tightrope spud.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    For what it's worth, I am sorry to hear about your broken heart.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    TrixieCat wrote:
    For what it's worth, I am sorry to hear about your broken heart.
    Hah well, it was a fair while ago now and i'm over it as best I can be. It just still influences my decisions on other things because I don't much fancy feeling like that again. As you all say, I'm far too young to think this shit through too much. Can't completely ignore it though.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Rhinocerous SurpriseRhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Hah well, it was a fair while ago now and i'm over it as best I can be. It just still influences my decisions on other things because I don't much fancy feeling like that again. As you all say, I'm far too young to think this shit through too much. Can't completely ignore it though.

    Just get blazing drunk, get them blazing drunk, and do them both. :D
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Rhinocerous Surprise wrote:
    Just get blazing drunk, get them blazing drunk, and do them both. :D

    This man is wise beyond his years.
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Rhinocerous Surprise wrote:
    Just get blazing drunk, get them blazing drunk, and do them both. :D
    :D I have already received this advice from a good friend. When I noted that it would be bordering on incest he just maintained that if I was skilled enough, I could keep them apart :D:D:D

    But no, my friend has a boyfriend. A good man. A veritable gentleman by all accounts.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Rhinocerous SurpriseRhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    :D I have already received this advice from a good friend. When I noted that it would be bordering on incest he just maintained that if I was skilled enough, I could keep them apart :D:D

    But no, my friend has a boyfriend. A good man. A veritable gentleman by all accounts.

    Hehe - well then, I'm all out of ideas. :p

    Seriously though, just go for it. If it crashes and burns, it crashes and burns. If it doesn't, even better. But at least you won't be bored. :)
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Rhinocerous Surprise wrote:
    Hehe - well then, I'm all out of ideas. :p

    Seriously though, just go for it. If it crashes and burns, it crashes and burns. If it doesn't, even better. But at least you won't be bored. :)
    You speaks tha truth,

    Only shitty thing is, I'm not going to see this girl for at least a month.

    Housewarming party here we come.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Rhinocerous SurpriseRhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    You speaks tha truth,

    Only shitty thing is, I'm not going to see this girl for at least a month.

    Housewarming party here we come.

    Hooray! A month to torture yourself about this. :p;)
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
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