Being Single Ain't so Bad....Really Isn't
RockinInCanada
Posts: 2,016
This is a post for the many of those who have just got out of long term relationships, many people here (and those kind of enough to offer advice/support) know what I went through a few months ago...however I have not posted in a long time.
But I just needed to say that I got out of relationship that was unhealthy to me and got out of one (well I was actually technically dumped) by a girl (I would say woman but her maturity level suggests other-wise) and took a lot of advice I received here straight to the heart (and mind).
I learned to realize she was un-deserving of me so why should I feel bad and blame myself (plus she made out with another guy a few weeks before we broke up but felt bad about it to tell me she only did it b/c she was mad at me....lol....poor excuse). Therefore I have went out with friends and have met some great women and realized that man I have an opportunity now to find someone who does deserve me and will make me more happy than the one one I was with for the past five and a half years. I just count myself lucky that we just got as far as being engaged and that we were not married (and worse with kids).
So far I have befriended a few great women and actually have one that I think may be a keeper on the go, met in the city completely at random and found a complete intellectual, humerous, and avid out-door girl (plus super good looking and fit...lol...hey men will be men). Now just to hopefully take it to the next level. I was stressed at the beginning because I felt I did not have the confidence to go forward, then I said fuck that who cares about rejection if you do not try to start something it will not just start for you....you got to be the one to act....no regrets.
I just wanted to say to all those feeling in the dumps, don't stay down too long especially if you were the one mis-treated. Ask yourself what has she/he done to deserve me...if you take a few seconds to ponder which drags into more time realize HEY they did not deserve me... and find someone who will (and there will be...trust me) this is a simple trick that one my best friend's (ex future brother-in-law) gave me. Helped me right away and now I have the opportunity to find someone suited for me....just needed to share that....plus being single Halloween night at the bar has it's fair share of fun as well...lol....;)
I guess to further add...this post was meant to re-assure those (like me) that being single is just fine....like I said take it as a another chance to meet someone you (and they) will love).
But I just needed to say that I got out of relationship that was unhealthy to me and got out of one (well I was actually technically dumped) by a girl (I would say woman but her maturity level suggests other-wise) and took a lot of advice I received here straight to the heart (and mind).
I learned to realize she was un-deserving of me so why should I feel bad and blame myself (plus she made out with another guy a few weeks before we broke up but felt bad about it to tell me she only did it b/c she was mad at me....lol....poor excuse). Therefore I have went out with friends and have met some great women and realized that man I have an opportunity now to find someone who does deserve me and will make me more happy than the one one I was with for the past five and a half years. I just count myself lucky that we just got as far as being engaged and that we were not married (and worse with kids).
So far I have befriended a few great women and actually have one that I think may be a keeper on the go, met in the city completely at random and found a complete intellectual, humerous, and avid out-door girl (plus super good looking and fit...lol...hey men will be men). Now just to hopefully take it to the next level. I was stressed at the beginning because I felt I did not have the confidence to go forward, then I said fuck that who cares about rejection if you do not try to start something it will not just start for you....you got to be the one to act....no regrets.
I just wanted to say to all those feeling in the dumps, don't stay down too long especially if you were the one mis-treated. Ask yourself what has she/he done to deserve me...if you take a few seconds to ponder which drags into more time realize HEY they did not deserve me... and find someone who will (and there will be...trust me) this is a simple trick that one my best friend's (ex future brother-in-law) gave me. Helped me right away and now I have the opportunity to find someone suited for me....just needed to share that....plus being single Halloween night at the bar has it's fair share of fun as well...lol....;)
I guess to further add...this post was meant to re-assure those (like me) that being single is just fine....like I said take it as a another chance to meet someone you (and they) will love).
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Good for you bud, glad to see some one with a positive view. Being single or in a relationship shouldn't determine your happiness level. Life is too short not to be having a good time no matter what your relationship status is. You can't depend on other people to make you happy....only you can do it.
I want to meet a Canadian woman or two.....I'm jealous.
Thanks buddy!
Also to further add to you point...being single also does not make you at a less level in your peer's eyes as well.....and exactly happiness will not fall on your lap....you need to do things to make you happy....also be positive...I have been going out with confidence and things are just clicking for me with everyone...the past few months have allowed me to find out about myself and what makes me happy. I have realized that I felt that I was settling with this past girl...which would have lead to a disaster....
This is a huge step for me as I have been in drag myself into self pity for months after a break-up...no way man...not this time...I will not let someone who treated me like garbage get that satisfaction....it's my time now....
You have to do what is right....my gut had been telling me for a year that things were just like they weren't right...I fell in the trap that "maybe things will work themselves out"...well when you are the only party that wants to dance things really just stay the same....and like I said (and many know here) things progressed worse.
I feel that I will not get into another "bad" (not like mine was horrible at least four great years) as I know what I want in a women now more than ever and there are lots of great single people out there searching for the exact samething.
All I can I say is trust you gut (regardless of which way you decide), you will not be alone forever....only thinking that way will make it that way...I believe I will find a great woman and we will love each other (not yesterday and not today but maybe tomorrow!) and like I said that aura and mind-set I believe in is working for me when I go out....hell I have never been approached or smiled at by the opposite sex as much I have in the last couple months (well I guess I never noticied such things before)...people feel negativity and tend to stay away from it...be positive and good things will happen....
Good luck to you....as OffHeGoes alluded to "Life Wasted" why waste your life being unahappy...at the very least we all should be wasting our lives with people who do make us happy....if that makes any sort of sense at all...lol...
There is still time be happy...never think for a second things cannot change (or you cannot change things) every second you do however waste being unhappy brings you closer to completly wasting your life....
Yes, Life Wasted speaks volumes to me too, but 'I'm never going back again'.
It might not be easy, but that doesn't mean it's not right.
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09
Thanks comebackgirl...I feel freaking great to be honest....there are times I feel lonely but they are becoming less frequent as I move forward...but like I said I refuse to pity myself especially since I tried and gave so much for that relationship...it's over no point in wasting anymore time over it.
Love what you said in your last line....so true....
LOL...just haven't found worthy of you yet, eh?
I know many friends like that, especially one of best friends, complete singles guy to the tee, however one lady has roped him in bad....
Thanks STB...I appreciate the kind words....
better to BE alone...than to FEEL alone, when you are not.
i absolutely think single, coupled, whatever.....life is what you make it. happiness IS a choice. your perspective is everything. this is not to say life will be filled with joy every moment, not at all. simply, that being mindful of your life, what you have, how YOU choose to see it, grow and change...is all up to you.
GOOD for you - sounds like you have an excellent attitdue about it so sure...makes total sense that you are enjoying it! live in the moment!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
and although i'm not single, i agree...no, being single ain't so bad:)
Thanks D2D...your first statement fits what I was going through perfectly...it is tough in that situation...feeling like the only one who cares....it actually hurts a tonne.....however time to move forward.....
that's great to hear ric.....seems as though you came out with a great attitude...keep it up!
Yeah, I did the whole commitment thing with a few girls, and one I've known forever and we were together for about 3 years... That took a toll and a lot of energy out of me that I'm not so fond of expending so easily again. So now, like your buddy, it'll probably take a girl to latch me down to keep me around because I'm now more cynical than ever. At the first moment where I think things take a turn for "relationship games/drama what have you" I just say "I don't think it's working out." Though I'm sure this is going to become a fault of mine, but it's too much fun traveling and the such without any strings or obligations. But like I said, I pretty much know this is probably going to be huuuge fault of mine where I'm gonna end up like 10 years from now going, "Wait. Wha happened?"
Wise words you have, dreams!!
A good healthy relationship should have ZERO games being played and if someone decided to begin that with you I believe you have every right to walk out....I know many of friends girl-friends/wives and I have been told that they have never played games...funny thing is they are the couples I know with the best and healthiest relationships.....they go hand in hand together that is for sure....
i've been there....haven't we all?
and hell yes, i am never going back again either...........
it just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
You HAVE to step in and do something about it....you have said the trend yourself the longer it goes unattended things will only get worse for you and him (plus for your kdis).....
The only thing better than seeing it happen within someone else...is when you as an individual feel it happening to you....it feels amazing and right in so many ways I cannot explain.....:)
*more warm fuzzies*
that is soooo AWESOME!
hartamh - i seriously think you should look into therapy. t could work wonders for you! truly! obviously living as you have your self-esteem is badly scarred. you need to believe in YOU. and btw - many of are not-so-young at all.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
You need to love and respect yourself, and then it will be that much easier to find the person for you
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09