Being Single Ain't so Bad....Really Isn't

RockinInCanada

This is a post for the many of those who have just got out of long term relationships, many people here (and those kind of enough to offer advice/support) know what I went through a few months ago...however I have not posted in a long time.

But I just needed to say that I got out of relationship that was unhealthy to me and got out of one (well I was actually technically dumped) by a girl (I would say woman but her maturity level suggests other-wise) and took a lot of advice I received here straight to the heart (and mind).

I learned to realize she was un-deserving of me so why should I feel bad and blame myself (plus she made out with another guy a few weeks before we broke up but felt bad about it to tell me she only did it b/c she was mad at me....lol....poor excuse). Therefore I have went out with friends and have met some great women and realized that man I have an opportunity now to find someone who does deserve me and will make me more happy than the one one I was with for the past five and a half years. I just count myself lucky that we just got as far as being engaged and that we were not married (and worse with kids).

So far I have befriended a few great women and actually have one that I think may be a keeper on the go, met in the city completely at random and found a complete intellectual, humerous, and avid out-door girl (plus super good looking and fit...lol...hey men will be men). Now just to hopefully take it to the next level. I was stressed at the beginning because I felt I did not have the confidence to go forward, then I said fuck that who cares about rejection if you do not try to start something it will not just start for you....you got to be the one to act....no regrets.

I just wanted to say to all those feeling in the dumps, don't stay down too long especially if you were the one mis-treated. Ask yourself what has she/he done to deserve me...if you take a few seconds to ponder which drags into more time realize HEY they did not deserve me... and find someone who will (and there will be...trust me) this is a simple trick that one my best friend's (ex future brother-in-law) gave me. Helped me right away and now I have the opportunity to find someone suited for me....just needed to share that....plus being single Halloween night at the bar has it's fair share of fun as well...lol....;)

I guess to further add...this post was meant to re-assure those (like me) that being single is just fine....like I said take it as a another chance to meet someone you (and they) will love).

OffHeGoes29

Rockin'InCanada wrote:

This is a post for the many of those who have just got out of long term relationships, many people here (and those kind of enough to offer advice/support) know what I went through a few months ago...however I have not posted in a long time.

But I just needed to say that I got out of relationship that was unhealthy to me and got out of one (well I was actually technically dumped) by a girl (I would say women but here maturity level suggests other-wise) and took a lot of advice I received here straight to the heart (and mind).

I learned to realize she was un-deserving of me so why should I feel bad and blame myself (plus she made out with another guy a few weeks before we broke up but felt bad about it to tell me she only did it b/c she was mad at me....lol....poor excuse). Therefore I have went out with friends and have met some great women and realized that man I have an opportunity now to find someone who does deserve me and will make me more happy than the one one I was with for the past five and a half years. I just count myself lucky that we just got as far as being engaged and that we were not married (and worse with kids).

So far I have befriended a few great women and actually have one that I think may be a keeper on the go, met in the city completely at random and found a complete intellectual, humerous, and avid out-door girl (plus super good looking and fit...lol...hey men will be men). Now just to hopefully take it to the next level. I was stressed at the beginning because I felt I did not have the confidence to go forward, then I said fuck that who cares about rejection if you do not try to start something it will not just start for you....you got to be the one to act....no regrets.

I just wanted to say to all those feeling in the dumps, don't stay down too long especially if you were the one mis-treated. Ask yourself what has she/he done to deserve me...if you take a few seconds to ponder which drags into more time realize HEY they did not deserve me... and find someone who will (and there will be...trust me) this is a simple trick that one my best friend's (ex future brother-in-law) gave me. Helped me right away and now I have the opportunity to find someone suited for me....just needed to share that....plus being single Halloween night at the bar has it's fair share of fun as well...lol....;)

Good for you bud, glad to see some one with a positive view. Being single or in a relationship shouldn't determine your happiness level. Life is too short not to be having a good time no matter what your relationship status is. You can't depend on other people to make you happy....only you can do it.

I want to meet a Canadian woman or two.....I'm jealous.

RockinInCanada

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

Good for you bud, glad to see some one with a positive view. Being single or in a relationship shouldn't determine your happiness level. Life is too short not to be having a good time no matter what your relationship status is. You can't depend on other people to make you happy....only you can do it.

I want to meet a Canadian woman or two.....I'm jealous.

Thanks buddy!

Also to further add to you point...being single also does not make you at a less level in your peer's eyes as well.....and exactly happiness will not fall on your lap....you need to do things to make you happy....also be positive...I have been going out with confidence and things are just clicking for me with everyone...the past few months have allowed me to find out about myself and what makes me happy. I have realized that I felt that I was settling with this past girl...which would have lead to a disaster....

This is a huge step for me as I have been in drag myself into self pity for months after a break-up...no way man...not this time...I will not let someone who treated me like garbage get that satisfaction....it's my time now....

OffHeGoes29

"Life Wasted" is a great song to motivate me at times...

RockinInCanada

hartamh wrote:

Thanks for sharing your story...I'm married and in a toxic relationship, and I want to get out, but like you said I don't really want to be completely alone...I'm not looking for another relationship right away, but am afraid of falling into another bad one or never having the love I know I deserve....

You have to do what is right....my gut had been telling me for a year that things were just like they weren't right...I fell in the trap that "maybe things will work themselves out"...well when you are the only party that wants to dance things really just stay the same....and like I said (and many know here) things progressed worse.

I feel that I will not get into another "bad" (not like mine was horrible at least four great years) as I know what I want in a women now more than ever and there are lots of great single people out there searching for the exact samething.

All I can I say is trust you gut (regardless of which way you decide), you will not be alone forever....only thinking that way will make it that way...I believe I will find a great woman and we will love each other (not yesterday and not today but maybe tomorrow!) and like I said that aura and mind-set I believe in is working for me when I go out....hell I have never been approached or smiled at by the opposite sex as much I have in the last couple months (well I guess I never noticied such things before)...people feel negativity and tend to stay away from it...be positive and good things will happen....

RockinInCanada

hartamh wrote:

I hope your right. I got married very young and being out there alone really scares me...I practically knew from the beginning that the relationship really sucked, but I was pregnant and next thing I knew I was pregnant again...I was really young and thought things would change, but they only get worse...like one of the post on this thread said 'Life Wasted"...that's exactly how I view my life...

Good luck to you

Good luck to you....as OffHeGoes alluded to "Life Wasted" why waste your life being unahappy...at the very least we all should be wasting our lives with people who do make us happy....if that makes any sort of sense at all...lol...

There is still time be happy...never think for a second things cannot change (or you cannot change things) every second you do however waste being unhappy brings you closer to completly wasting your life....

comebackwoman

I'm really glad to hear you are doing so well and feeling better about the whole situation. Much happiness to you!

urbanhippie

hartamh wrote:

I hope your right. I got married very young and being out there alone really scares me...I practically knew from the beginning that the relationship really sucked, but I was pregnant and next thing I knew I was pregnant again...I was really young and thought things would change, but they only get worse...like one of the post on this thread said 'Life Wasted"...that's exactly how I view my life...

Good luck to you

I ended my toxic relationship a year ago. It was hard, and now I'm on my own with my kids. But I know I did the right thing. People judge me, and I lost a lot of 'friends', but I made newer, stronger relationships and I know the people who love me better than ever.

Yes, Life Wasted speaks volumes to me too, but 'I'm never going back again'.

It might not be easy, but that doesn't mean it's not right.

RockinInCanada

comebackgirl wrote:

I'm really glad to hear you are doing so well and feeling better about the whole situation. Much happiness to you!

Thanks comebackgirl...I feel freaking great to be honest....there are times I feel lonely but they are becoming less frequent as I move forward...but like I said I refuse to pity myself especially since I tried and gave so much for that relationship...it's over no point in wasting anymore time over it.

OffHeGoes29

Being positive is all you can do...you don't have control over anything else.

RockinInCanada

urbanhippie wrote:

I ended my toxic relationship a year ago. It was hard, and now I'm on my own with my kids. But I know I did the right thing. People judge me, and I lost a lot of 'friends', but I made newer, stronger relationships and I know the people who love me better than ever.

Yes, Life Wasted speaks volumes to me too, but 'I'm never going back again'.

It might not be easy, but that doesn't mean it's not right.

Love what you said in your last line....so true....

Jearlpam0925

Being single rocks. Though I've been told by more than a few girls that I have commitment issues.

small town beck

Glad to hear things are going well for you, RiC

RockinInCanada

Jearlpam0925 wrote:

Being single rocks. Though I've been told by more than one girl that I have commitment issues.

LOL...just haven't found worthy of you yet, eh?

I know many friends like that, especially one of best friends, complete singles guy to the tee, however one lady has roped him in bad....

RockinInCanada

small town beck wrote:

Glad to hear things are going well for you, RiC

Thanks STB...I appreciate the kind words....

decides2dream

Rockin'InCanada wrote:

Thanks comebackgirl...I feel freaking great to be honest....there are times I feel lonely but they are becoming less frequent as I move forward...but like I said I refuse to pity myself especially since I tried and gave so much for that relationship...it's over no point in wasting anymore time over it.

better to BE alone...than to FEEL alone, when you are not.

i absolutely think single, coupled, whatever.....life is what you make it. happiness IS a choice. your perspective is everything. this is not to say life will be filled with joy every moment, not at all. simply, that being mindful of your life, what you have, how YOU choose to see it, grow and change...is all up to you.


GOOD for you - sounds like you have an excellent attitdue about it so sure...makes total sense that you are enjoying it! live in the moment!

dangeringravity

that's great that you're feeling better about yourself and the situation, it can be difficult and i'm sure it was. keep surrounding yourself with positive people. just remember that only you can clear your own path to happiness and no one else, the more positive vibes in your life, the better. when you're in love with someone, it's hard to believe that they could honestly mean the horrible things they do/say, just keep an eye out for yourself and remember that you're number one in your life when it comes to these things.

and although i'm not single, i agree...no, being single ain't so bad:)

RockinInCanada

decides2dream wrote:

better to BE alone...than to FEEL alone, when you are not.

i absolutely think single, coupled, whatever.....life is what you make it. happiness IS a choice. your perspective is everything. this is not to say life will be filled with joy every moment, not at all. simply, that being mindful of your life, what you have, how YOU choose to see it, grow and change...is all up to you.


GOOD for you - sounds like you have an excellent attitdue about it so sure...makes total sense that you are enjoying it! live in the moment!

Thanks D2D...your first statement fits what I was going through perfectly...it is tough in that situation...feeling like the only one who cares....it actually hurts a tonne.....however time to move forward.....

norm

Rockin'InCanada wrote:

Thanks comebackgirl...I feel freaking great to be honest....there are times I feel lonely but they are becoming less frequent as I move forward...but like I said I refuse to pity myself especially since I tried and gave so much for that relationship...it's over no point in wasting anymore time over it.

that's great to hear ric.....seems as though you came out with a great attitude...keep it up!

Jearlpam0925

Rockin'InCanada wrote:

LOL...just haven't found worthy of you yet, eh?

I know many friends like that, especially one of best friends, complete singles guy to the tee, however one lady has roped him in bad....

Yeah, I did the whole commitment thing with a few girls, and one I've known forever and we were together for about 3 years... That took a toll and a lot of energy out of me that I'm not so fond of expending so easily again. So now, like your buddy, it'll probably take a girl to latch me down to keep me around because I'm now more cynical than ever. At the first moment where I think things take a turn for "relationship games/drama what have you" I just say "I don't think it's working out." Though I'm sure this is going to become a fault of mine, but it's too much fun traveling and the such without any strings or obligations. But like I said, I pretty much know this is probably going to be huuuge fault of mine where I'm gonna end up like 10 years from now going, "Wait. Wha happened?"

small town beck

decides2dream wrote:

better to BE alone...than to FEEL alone, when you are not.

i absolutely think single, coupled, whatever.....life is what you make it. happiness IS a choice. your perspective is everything. this is not to say life will be filled with joy every moment, not at all. simply, that being mindful of your life, what you have, how YOU choose to see it, grow and change...is all up to you.


GOOD for you - sounds like you have an excellent attitdue about it so sure...makes total sense that you are enjoying it! live in the moment!

Wise words you have, dreams!!