What to do? (advice please!)
miskin
Posts: 278
message pits the place to come for impartial advice!
i've been close friends with a girl for coming up on a year now, but started to feel more strongly for her in the last few months. without saying the exact words, i made my feelings pretty clear, having got jealous a couple of times of her with other guys etc - so i know for a fact she knows or knew the way i felt about her.
at the beginning i was fairly sure she didn't feel the same, and i was a bit arsey towards her really because i was frustrated and things weren't going how i wanted - we regulaly fell out or stopped talking for short periods. i was pretty much acting like a baby.
more recently its got a bit more confusing. our friendship has begun to founder a little bit - we've been stopping talking (and i call it that because theres never a spoken argument) over literally nothing. this last weekend we were at a music festival together with two friends, and the first two days were fine, then inexplicably we hardly spoke for the second half. twice she has also got annoyed suddenly when ive gone off with girls. the first time, i'd met a girl the previous night who seemed into me, so when we were next going out my friend was urging me to go for it, despite me saying i wasnt interested. i didnt understand why she kept trying to convince me to do something i didnt really want. when i eventually did get with the girl, and told her, she suddenly switched out about something else randomly and we had a big fall out.
the next day she texted me saying she didnt want to leave (university) for the summer in this way and could we make up.
then again at the festival, i was fed up of her not speaking to me so decided to go off with a girl i met in the crowd. i told her i'd be back in a bit, and she just snapped 'whatever'.
i don't understand why we have these fallouts over nothing. usually we'd be speaking or texting everyday, but since the festival i haven't heard from her.
shes going travelling for a month soon and im worried if we dont sort this out before then the damage could be lasting.
what should i do? i do care about her a lot, and even if things cant go as far as i might like, the friendship means a lot to me. incidentally, shes not the kind of person its easy to have 'those' kind of conversations with. shes quite shy, and finds things awkward easily and doesn't like to be put on the spot. thats why maybe its so hard to address our issues. saying that, she is genuinely a lovely person and it only seems to be me she ever has 'fallouts' with (and me her), which i dont really understand.
anyone got any ideas?
i've been close friends with a girl for coming up on a year now, but started to feel more strongly for her in the last few months. without saying the exact words, i made my feelings pretty clear, having got jealous a couple of times of her with other guys etc - so i know for a fact she knows or knew the way i felt about her.
at the beginning i was fairly sure she didn't feel the same, and i was a bit arsey towards her really because i was frustrated and things weren't going how i wanted - we regulaly fell out or stopped talking for short periods. i was pretty much acting like a baby.
more recently its got a bit more confusing. our friendship has begun to founder a little bit - we've been stopping talking (and i call it that because theres never a spoken argument) over literally nothing. this last weekend we were at a music festival together with two friends, and the first two days were fine, then inexplicably we hardly spoke for the second half. twice she has also got annoyed suddenly when ive gone off with girls. the first time, i'd met a girl the previous night who seemed into me, so when we were next going out my friend was urging me to go for it, despite me saying i wasnt interested. i didnt understand why she kept trying to convince me to do something i didnt really want. when i eventually did get with the girl, and told her, she suddenly switched out about something else randomly and we had a big fall out.
the next day she texted me saying she didnt want to leave (university) for the summer in this way and could we make up.
then again at the festival, i was fed up of her not speaking to me so decided to go off with a girl i met in the crowd. i told her i'd be back in a bit, and she just snapped 'whatever'.
i don't understand why we have these fallouts over nothing. usually we'd be speaking or texting everyday, but since the festival i haven't heard from her.
shes going travelling for a month soon and im worried if we dont sort this out before then the damage could be lasting.
what should i do? i do care about her a lot, and even if things cant go as far as i might like, the friendship means a lot to me. incidentally, shes not the kind of person its easy to have 'those' kind of conversations with. shes quite shy, and finds things awkward easily and doesn't like to be put on the spot. thats why maybe its so hard to address our issues. saying that, she is genuinely a lovely person and it only seems to be me she ever has 'fallouts' with (and me her), which i dont really understand.
anyone got any ideas?
myspace.com/airstriponeuk
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Comments
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
Katowice 2007
London 2007
she wants you to be her bitch ... be there to boost her ego and make her feel good but she doesn't really care for your happiness ...
i dunno really - hard to say ...
Well i would say you need to do it soon and get everything out in the open before you end up losing a friendship. Make it clear to her your feelings but if she doesn't want anything more you still want to be friends. Apologise for getting moody with her and stress it won't happen again. Hopefully she will do the same. The worst things in these situations is to let things go unsaid on both sides.
Good Luck dude
Katowice 2007
London 2007
Dude, you are in the friend zone.
1. You are both obviously very young.
2. Your relationship doesn't seem to be crazy strong or you would've hooked up by now.
Now, ask yourself this...
1. Are you willing to lose her as a friend? Because if your relationship doesn't work out (which honestly, I have no basis for saying this... but I don't think it will), your friendship will most likely die.
2. Did it ever occur to you that your both being passive aggressive? Why not open up the dialouge. That way, you CAN remain friends if you don't want to try dating. But, be forewarned, you will most likely lose her as a friend in the end.
Here's my advice...
I don't see why you shouldn't just tell her you'd like to date her.
On the friend note, stick with "guy" friends and this type of thing won't happen anymore.
*********P.S. Sorry for being judgemental. But, I'm so f'ing tired of the whole, "we were great friends then we became lovers" deal. One party is "ALWAYS" interested in the other if you are "that" close of male/female friends. When the breakup happens it sux because you not only split appart your immediate relationship with that girl. But, you also make your "other" friends choose between you and her.... which B_L_O_Ws.
if you don't think it's a good idea to have a relationship with her, then tell her and keep your distance for a while.
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2010: MSG, Arras, Werchter
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