Eddie Izzard

Hitch-Hiker

Who loves Eddie Izzard? He's one of my favourite stand-ups around, and not a bad actor either. I haven't had the good fortune to see him live yet, but hopefully he'll be back on tour soon.
Anyway, I just visited HMV on my lunch break to check out the sale, and I got a DVD set of 6 of his shows for 20 yoyos!!! I'm gonna have a big Eddie-fest tonight. It's gonna be sweet

dunkman

me me me me

i'm from Europe, where all the history comes from.

drivingrl

Britain?

Whut?

What's that behind your back?

Err, India and a number of other countries.

keeponrockin

He's awesome!

Why do you say Herb like that?

Because theres a fucking H in it!

dunkman

The universe is awesome using the original version, the meaning of the word awesome, yeah? Not the new one which is sort of for socks and hot dogs: "Hey! Red and yellow - awesome! You got red and yellow socks, they're awesome!" You know. But if they were you'd be (gasps). I saw an advert for 'awesome hot dogs, only $2.99'. If they were awesome you'd be going, (gasping for breath) "I can not… breathe for the way the sausage is held by the bun. It is… it is speaking to me. It is saying 'we are lips and thighs… of a donkey. Please eat us… but do not think that we are lips when you eat us, otherwise you'll throw up'." Which is true! It's awesome!

stu gee

He's my favourite stand up comedian as well. The cake or death piece he did was hilarious.

Cake or death?

Cake please.

Very well!!, give him cake. We're gonna run outta cake at this rate.

pickupyourwill

He's cool. I saw that HBO stand-up he did a few years ago when he was dressed in a black komo outfit or something and make-up. He was bloody hilarious!

audiodave

Did I leave the gas on?






No, i'm a fuckin' squirrel!

Pearl Jam and toast

One of the best!

mole1985

needs to give up the acting and return to stand up.

dunkman

so... yeah... jam

audiodave

dunkman wrote:

so... yeah... jam

I love the quote in your sig.

stu gee

Have you seen the San Francisco dvd. The bit at the start on the trams is funny as fuck. 'Some holding onto bananas'. lol

audiodave

stu gee wrote:

Have you seen the San Francisco dvd. The bit at the start on the trams is funny as fuck. 'Some holding onto bananas'. lol

Alcatraz!

stu gee

audiodave wrote:

Alcatraz!

Lol

Love how its got all the tourists laughing and joking and he's saying '..but they like to keep their spirits up...'

audiodave

stu gee wrote:

Lol

Love how its got all the tourists laughing and joking and he's saying '..but they like to keep their spirits up...'

I love that DVD. May have to watch some of it later.

stu gee

audiodave wrote:

I love that DVD. May have to watch some of it later.

Yeah i never get tired of it, the opening 3 minutes of that dvd is on youtube, just the bit of him narrating about San Francisco, think this is amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwyJk_TfvqQ

writersu

Hitch-Hiker wrote:

Who loves Eddie Izzard? He's one of my favourite stand-ups around, and not a bad actor either. I haven't had the good fortune to see him live yet, but hopefully he'll be back on tour soon.
Anyway, I just visited HMV on my lunch break to check out the sale, and I got a DVD set of 6 of his shows for 20 yoyos!!! I'm gonna have a big Eddie-fest tonight. It's gonna be sweet

LOVED Eddie Izzard from TheRiches, which is the 1st and only place I saw him at (I know I am behind I suppose).
Are you into that show? It's so awesome but I can't seem to get an exact date for when it returns this season. It did very well last season so I imagined that they will have it run again. but WHEN????????


oh, and here's me being further clueless I told Senrock on the Riches thread that I through out there that the guys name was "Eddie Lizard"....oh shit.......I've become my grandmothert.......

jamie uk

drivingrl wrote:

Britain?

Whut?

What's that behind your back?

Err, India and a number of other countries.

Sub-continent, actually.

Brez

'Ello Sue! Do you like.... bread? I've got a french loaf! *WHACK!* Byyyyeee. I love you!

Brez

BTW if you haven't seen Dress to Kill.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1P6t-wJMxVA

The whole thing is on there.

writersu

Brez wrote:

'Ello Sue! Do you like.... bread? I've got a french loaf! *WHACK!* Byyyyeee. I love you!

huh?

Westernsky

I clam India for Britain.

You can't claim us, we live here... 500 million of us.

Do you have a FLAG?

dunkman

So in the Christian faith God created Adam in his own image, yeah? So that was good, but 65 million years before that God created the dinosaurs using the image of his cousin Ted. And Ted was not the black sheep of the family, he was the huge fucking monster of the family. And there must have been God, I mean it's not in the Bible, is it? It should have been mentioned somewhere around Genesis. You'd think God would grab someone's arm - some scribe who was copying out and saying (forcing scribe to write) "…but before that there were dinosaurs who were a bit crap, so fuck 'em." Not in there, which could mean that, because dinosaurs were discovered in the 1700's, 1800's, somewhere around there, maybe it is a philosophy, and some bloke with a beard doesn't live upstairs… maybe. (sings) Blasphemy… Blas for you…

So I think under the logic situation God - Captain God with the big beard - he must have created the dinosaurs. And Jesus must have asked a few questions, like "Dad, dad! What are these dinosaurs? What were they all about? Big hairy…" well, not hairy, were they. "Big slimy bastards. Teeth. Small hands - what's that, for playing piano?" Brain in the head, a brain in the bum! What's a bum brain for?" (James Mason voice) "Well I'll explain to you, Jesus. What I did was I created the world in seven days. Then on the eighth day…" (normal voice for Jesus) "Dad, are you going to do this James Mason impression all the way through?" (mimes peeking through blinds during applause) "Be quiet, you cherubim and seraphim! Sorry dad, they're very noisy up here in heaven. I'll just let the blind down. (mimes this) All right, go on…" (James voice again) "Well, as I was saying…" "You're not going to do that James… Do you real voice." (high pitched weird voice) "My real voice is a bit weird." "All right, do the James Mason." (James again) "Well OK. So if I do this crap it's not my fault - no, it's not his fault." (Jesus is confused) Er, yeah, but I don't know what you're talking about." "All right, forget that. Anyway. On the… who am I, quick? Oh yes. Created the world in six days, and on the seventh day, rested. Eighth day I actually rested as well. Ninth day, rested, 'cause I fucking had just made a world, you know. Tenth day, rested - actually I rested from then on, really. Fourteenth day I decided to smoke all the marijuana I had created, just to test the first batch. On the fifteenth day I decided to smoke all the opium I had created, just to test the first batch. And on the 309th day I woke up again, and I decided to create 500 huge monsters that I'd seen just the night before." "Dad, did you have to make them so stupid?" "Well I didn't know what I was doing, I was off my tits."

But then Jesus had to go down onto the planet Earth and preach the word of the Lord to the dinosaurs, and he was not happy about that. "I'm not going down there!" (James again) "You must go down there, that's your job. That's what the son does." (JC) "Oh for fuck's sake! What does mum think of all this?" "Well, I think she agrees with me. It'll be good character building stuff." "Just 'cause she's an elvan queen." "What, Galadriel?" "Yeah." "My wife?" "Yeah." (pause for audience reaction) "No-one's going with it." "All right, they don't know who she is, dad." "No." "All right, I'll go down". So he goes down, and he goes in the world and there's dinosaurs everywhere (mimics dinosaurs?) "Raargh! Wuurgh! Larrgh!" Said Jesus, trying to blend in. And he goes into a dinosaur bar. (mimes batwing doors) Soon as he walks in all the dinosaurs stop what they're doing. (mimes dinosaur playing piano, turning to look, then carefully closing the piano lid) other dinosaurs playing cards. (mimes dealing cards, sorting hand and finally bidding) "Rarrh!" And Jesus says, "My name is Jesus, I'm the son of God - in one religion". And he says, "I've come to read you the stuff from my father's book, that we're hoping to get a publisher for. It's called the holy bibly. We may change the pronunciation on that. But we think a bibly is what people should have. Have a bibly, sometimes maybe in the future people have biblys in all the hotel rooms in the world. The could say, "Look, look at the bibly." And people will pay attention.

"Anyway, these are just some ideas, you know, they are all rough, that my dad had. 'Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.' (dinosaur) "Raarrgh!." "All right, we'll cross that one out. 'Cause they won't mind." (becomes meek person who has just got the news) "No, no we're fine, really, that's fine. Not inherit the earth? Oh, right, we don't need any…" (JC) "Do you mind if you just don't inherit the earth? We'll do 'Blessed are the meek' and that's it." "All right. Do we inherit anything?" "No. Well, maybe on old picture of an aunt." "Well, we're all right with that, thank you."

'Cause the meek have had a hell of a time, as Python talks about. But you'd think: the meek, they were supposed to inherit the earth. You'd think, No! They should be having meetings all over the world saying. (angry meek person) "Well I'd like to call this meeting to order. Has anyone inherited the earth? "Well I inherited a car from my aunt, a Ford Cortina." "Well that's not exactly the earth, is it, Simon? I think we should pool our assets and get guns. That's the only thing people pay attention to. 'Lock and Load! What do we want? We want the earth! When do we want it? Now motherfucker! (mimes machine gunning) Oh, you want some do you? Come on you bastards, it's our fucking earth!" (film trailer voice) "The Meek! They want it All!" (fast disclaimer voice) "Don't watch this film if you are on IV prophane. If you're legs are nailed to your mother. If your jam lives in your…"

"Anyway" said Jesus. "Right! I'm back here" said Jesus. "Yes… What about, not 'Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth', 'Blessed are the huge scaly monsters, for they shall doubtlessly inherit the earth - unless something awful happens with the temperature."

And suddenly an archeopterix came screaming out of left field and took Jesus' head off 'Floomp foodoomp foodoomp!' And Jesus goes back up to heaven with his head under his shoulder, saying, (uses hand to mime speech) "Dad! Dad! They're a bunch of bastards!" (James again) "Well what happened?" "Well, they took my head off! I have to talk with my hand now… That's what I have to do noooow!" "Well, what a to-do. I'll turn the world thermostat down to nought degrees Kelvin." "Minus 273 degrees Centigrade?" "You been at the physics books again?" (was accidentally miming hand-talk) Ooh! Sorry, I thought I was talking with my hand. (James again) "You been at the physics books again? Oh yeah, well, your stepmother would be proud."

What?

So he killed all the dinosaurs, God killed 'em all. Then he went down there, and he took all the dinosaurs, and he put each one inside a stone. But then God seemed to wait 65 million years doing this: (mimes hanging around not doing much, singing scat) "Doo doo Dooo, doo doo dooooo, ba ba baaaa."

dunkman

'Cause at the Oscars, that's something American, you can applaud yourselves. You shouldn't, you know, because the Oscar's going (American accent) "And nominated is this guy." And he's there going (mimes applauding himself). In Britain we can't do that. When it comes to your turn you put your hands and you nail them to the floor. (British accent) "No, sir, I will not applaud myself". It's like carrying out things in doggy bags: we can't do it in Europe. We just can't. Europeans come over and you just can't. Because sometimes someone has one bite of a thing. "Ahh, can you bag that?" And we go, "What? Ugh! You're going to eat that later? Ugh! You're going to take it home? Ugh! It's just easier to say, "Could you just throw that somewhere, against a wall.

Collin

He's great.

pirlo21

The guy's a genius. Saw him live on the 'Sexie' tour a few years ago, legend.

This is worth a viewing. From 'Circle', it's the Death Star Canteen bit. Class.
Hope it's the correct link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp69rg6Hdlo

audiodave

pirlo21 wrote:

The guy's a genius. Saw him live on the 'Sexie' tour a few years ago, legend.

This is worth a viewing. From 'Circle', it's the Death Star Canteen bit. Class.
Hope it's the correct link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp69rg6Hdlo

Jeff Vader?

pirlo21

audiodave wrote:

Jeff Vader?

Darth Vader- I'm your boss.
Canteen Guy-Are you Mr Stevens?!

Brilliant.

audiodave

pirlo21 wrote:

Darth Vader- I'm your boss.
Canteen Guy-Are you Mr Stevens?!

Brilliant.

You'll need a tray.

I don't need a tray to kill you. I could kill you with a single thought.

No you'll need a tray because the food is hot.

Oh I see!

dunkman

And Engelbert Humperdinck! Yes, he was the man. That's not his real name; he's from Britain, but that's not his name. There's very few Humperdincks in Britain. He was born Gerry Dorsey, not Engelbert Humperdinck. His parents were not Mr. and Mrs. Humperdinck. They never said,


"What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school?"

“We shall call him Engelbert!"

"Good, that'll work!"


No, his name was Gerry Dorsey, and he released songs as Gerry Dorsey, songs such as ( mumbles ) which didn't work ‘cause nobody could hear what he was saying. And then his managers, obviously, said, "We're going to change your name, Gerry! It's the name that's the problem." And his name changed from Gerry Dorsey to Engelbert Humperdinck. I mean, I just wanted to be in the room when they were working that one through.


"Zingelbert Bembledack! Yingybert Dambleban! Zangelbert Bingledack! Wingelbert Humptyback! Slut Bunwalla!"

"What?!"

"All right, Kringelbert Fishtybuns! Steviebuns Bottrittrundle..."

"No, Gerry Dorsey, I like Gerry Dorsey!"

"No, we can't do it... Who we got? Zingelbert Bembledack, Tringelbert Wangledack, Slut Bunwalla, Klingybun Fistelvase, Dindlebert Zindledack, Gerry Dorsey, Engelbert Humptyback, Zengelbert Bingledack, Engelbert Humperdinck, Vingelbert Wingledanck…"

"No, no, go back one. Go back one. "Engelbert Humperdinck." That's it."