irrational fear of STDs

scot88

I have this completely irrational fear of getting an STD. after i hook up with a girl, the only thing i can think about for days is getting an std (well, my main fear is HIV, the rest come in a distant second.) this happens despite the fact that i use protection. the fact is, you can still get an std from oral sex (rare) or even making out (even more rare, but still possible.)

does anyone else have this problem? can anyone offer any advice?

it's so fucked up that before i start a relationship with a girl, i have to know how many guys she's been with. yeah, i know it's pretty offensive and all that, but i can't help it.

sponger

Not an irrational fear. That's why monogamy isn't just a bibilical concept.

Brain of J.Lo

scot88 wrote:

does anyone else have this problem? can anyone offer any advice?

it's so fucked up that before i start a relationship with a girl, i have to know how many guys she's been with. yeah, i know it's pretty offensive and all that, but i can't help it.

What's the problem here?

Do you want to be talked out of having this fear?

It's not a problem. It's a good thing. You *should* wonder and ask how many guys a girl has been with before you start sleeping together. You *should* be constantly mindful of the possibility of contracting an STD.

harmless_little_f***

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

What's the problem here?

Do you want to be talked out of having this fear?

It's not a problem. It's a good thing. You *should* wonder and ask how many guys a girl has been with before you start sleeping together. You *should* be constantly mindful of the possibility of contracting an STD.

Agreed.

audiodave

Like everyone else here, I would be a LOT more worried if you were ignoring the threat of STD's, like so many other people your age (from your name, i'm making a guess at your age, no offense intended). The only people I can see being offended if you're asking about how many guys they've been with is the one's who feel they have something to hide.

GreenTeaDisease

first of all, it is not irrational. it is also not offensive to ask how many people they've been with. I think you are smart, and I think if more people thought like you the world would be a healthier place. I get scared the first few times I hook up with someone too, before I know enough about them. I mean people wash their hands all the time so you don't catch the flu at the office, but we act completely differently when there are much more dangerous things to catch. You are not irrational, the usual behavior is.

actually, I have my own little name for a guy's bodily fluids..."biohazard." Because really, that's what it is.

iluvcats

you have every right to be scared.
when I used to handle the blood mobile at work, one day the red cross lady told me that there was a form of HIV that does not show up in your blood for 20 years!

just do not have sex with pam anderson and/or heather locklear and you might be ok! as for oral sex, i've read there is a thing you can use in your mouth (sounds really romantic!)

GreenTeaDisease

iluvcats wrote:

just do not have sex with pam anderson and/or heather locklear and you might be ok! as for oral sex, i've read there is a thing you can use in your mouth (sounds really romantic!)

I hope you are joking with this statement. *anyone* can be infected with nasty stuff, even if they've just slept with one person in the past. At my last doctors appointment, I was told that anymore than 2 partners in your history is considered "high risk." I mean that is just an arbitrary threshold, but still illustrates the point.

also yes, it is called a dam, but I've never met anyone who uses them. which is why, I think, that oral sex is kinda scary.

sponger

I don't really think asking is going to do you any good. You might as well ask her what her weight is. You likely will not get the truth until you are well into the relationship, and by then it's too late.

scot88

sponger wrote:

I don't really think asking is going to do you any good. You might as well ask her what her weight is. You likely will not get the truth until you are well into the relationship, and by then it's too late.

theres the problem. what am i going to do then, remain celibate? as you stated before, monogamy is the way to go. but what happens when your monogamous partner has had quite a few sexual partners prior to you?


i think i may start going to church, just to meet women


jk, kinda.

GraySaturday

I used to be totally freaked out about getting pregnant when I was younger. Not that I'm not now, but still, and I also went through a phase of being really worried about STDs. College was sorta a nightmare for me.

Needless to say, I have never slept with anyone that wasn't a boyfriend, of a while, and I had to know the history. Call me crazy, but I rather know someones life before me, and get through that conversation, then deal with an STD.

If a guy didn't want to tell me, or I thought he wasn't be honest, then sorry... no lovin

iluvcats

greenteadisease, I believe in wearing a suit of armour or condoms. But I do not think that would be sufficient with heather or pam.

I guess I was in a hurry when I replied earlier.

urbanhippie

The only SAFE sex is no sex. But, unless thats the life you choose we all have to take risks. You have to be aware of these things and use all the protection you need. It makes sense to find out a bit about the other persons sexual history before you sleep with them, but why have sex with someone you don't know very well in the first place. Or, with someone that you think isn't being 100% honest.
It's not an irrational fear, it's a very real problem. But try not to let it rule your life. Put it on before you put it in and get on with your life.

iluvcats

I think you need to ask your new partner if they have any STD's because it only takes 1, as others stated above. After reading this thread, I googled on number of sexual partners. I'll paste in the link to this advice column where the advisor says it is no ones business (the number.) However, he states, "The only thing you need to know about his sexual past is whether he’s disease free."
http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/should-i-disclose-the-number-of-sexual-partners-ive-had-in-the-past/1/

I'm glad I'm old and married.



it's scary out there!

scot88

iluvcats wrote:

I think you need to ask your new partner if they have any STD's because it only takes 1, as others stated above. After reading this thread, I googled on number of sexual partners. I'll paste in the link to this advice column where the advisor says it is no ones business (the number.) However, he states, "The only thing you need to know about his sexual past is whether he’s disease free."
http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/should-i-disclose-the-number-of-sexual-partners-ive-had-in-the-past/1/

I'm glad I'm old and married.



it's scary out there!

well i partially agree. but how many people get tested on a regular basis? also, HIV takes up to 3 months to show up on a test. so there is a lot of gray area.

sometimes i wish i was old and married.

genie

scot88 wrote:

I have this completely irrational fear of getting an STD. after i hook up with a girl, the only thing i can think about for days is getting an std (well, my main fear is HIV, the rest come in a distant second.) this happens despite the fact that i use protection. the fact is, you can still get an std from oral sex (rare) or even making out (even more rare, but still possible.)

does anyone else have this problem? can anyone offer any advice?

it's so fucked up that before i start a relationship with a girl, i have to know how many guys she's been with. yeah, i know it's pretty offensive and all that, but i can't help it.

that's what i'm like. and no i'm not going to offer you any advice, cause i think there should be more people like you and me who worry about these things so in turn there'll be less people affected with STD.

genie

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I hope you are joking with this statement. *anyone* can be infected with nasty stuff, even if they've just slept with one person in the past. At my last doctors appointment, I was told that anymore than 2 partners in your history is considered "high risk." I mean that is just an arbitrary threshold, but still illustrates the point.

i agree completely

Medicated-Genius

Ok, I could be wrong here, but the way you put it, it seems as though you've had multiple partners? The statement " after I hook up with a girl, the only thing I can think about is getting an std" . I take it this means you are hooking up with random girls that you know nothing about? If this is the case, then yea, you are taking a risk. Being promiscuous is high risk behaviour. I mean when you think about it, and consider the number of partners the girl may have been with, you also have to factor in the number of girls YOU have been with in the equation. If you can get an STD from a girl, you can certainly GIVE an STD to a girl.

As for relationships, if you are gonna ask that question, how many has she been with, I don't see that as a problem, as long as you are completely comfortable revealing how many YOU have been with as well. What is offensive to me, is the prevailing double standard that somehow, being a promiscuous girl is bad, and being a promiscuous boy is good, even desired.

scot88

Medicated-Genius wrote:

Ok, I could be wrong here, but the way you put it, it seems as though you've had multiple partners? The statement " after I hook up with a girl, the only thing I can think about is getting an std" . I take it this means you are hooking up with random girls that you know nothing about? If this is the case, then yea, you are taking a risk. Being promiscuous is high risk behaviour. I mean when you think about it, and consider the number of partners the girl may have been with, you also have to factor in the number of girls YOU have been with in the equation. If you can get an STD from a girl, you can certainly GIVE an STD to a girl.

i have never had a one night stand. not even once.

even if i just make out with a girl, i am still concerned.

_Crazy_Mary_

I agree with a lot of what has been said here. Her number of partners isn't the issue, it's whether or not she has anything (or you for that matter).

I was always psychotic in my fear of getting HIV or any other STD. Anytime I had a cough or cold that lingered longer than I liked, I'd freak out. One time, I had pink-eye that lasted a whole month! The doctor prescribed me 3 different medications and finally said, "If it doesn't go away this time, then we'll need to look further into it...." and I thought, 'oh my god! I have AIDS!!' The pinkeye went away, I'm clean. I've probably been tested 7 or 8 times. I was just that crazy about it. Being in a committed relationship is the only thing that keeps me sane on the topic. We've been together 9 years now. I always made sure my partners were tested, too.

Indian Summer

sponger wrote:

I don't really think asking is going to do you any good. You might as well ask her what her weight is. You likely will not get the truth until you are well into the relationship, and by then it's too late.

well you have to keep in mind the rule of three. Whatever their answer is regarding how many sexual partners they've had, you multiply that by three for the correct answer.

GreenTeaDisease

scot88 wrote:

theres the problem. what am i going to do then, remain celibate? as you stated before, monogamy is the way to go. but what happens when your monogamous partner has had quite a few sexual partners prior to you?


i think i may start going to church, just to meet women


jk, kinda.

there's nothing wrong with asking for proof. Are you in college? (i'm guessing you're like 19). if so you can easily get tested at the health center and the results come back pretty quickly these days.

lalalalaaaaaaaa

scot88 wrote:

I have this completely irrational fear of getting an STD. after i hook up with a girl, the only thing i can think about for days is getting an std (well, my main fear is HIV, the rest come in a distant second.) this happens despite the fact that i use protection. the fact is, you can still get an std from oral sex (rare) or even making out (even more rare, but still possible.)

does anyone else have this problem? can anyone offer any advice?

it's so fucked up that before i start a relationship with a girl, i have to know how many guys she's been with. yeah, i know it's pretty offensive and all that, but i can't help it.

It's ok to get tested, ask the girl to get tested (I guess some people do that), ask her how many people she's slept with and all...but you've got a mental issue with this, so doing that stuff won't help you imo. You just gotta get over it. Be rational, keep baggin' it, and understand that there's no reward without SOME risk (which is very small in your case). That applies to everything.

Medicated-Genius

scot88 wrote:

i have never had a one night stand. not even once.

even if i just make out with a girl, i am still concerned.

In that case, all you really have to worry about is getting a cold sore. And those are only contagious when the virus is active and there's a blister on the lip. You can NOT get HIV from kissing.