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Murphy's Law / advice appreciated

Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
edited February 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
My day didn't start that cheerfully to begin with, but I went to work and when I was almost done I called a friend to see if I should get a gift for a birthday tomorrow or if we have something bigger planned. This is the core of the convo:

Me: Hi, are we chipping in for a big present or will we get separate gifts.
She: Option 1.
Me: Cool, see you tomorrow.
She: Oh btw your ex will be there.
Me: No problem.
She: With her boyfriend.
Me: And who's that?
She: "name"
Me: And how long has that been going on?
She: Quite a while now, about a year.
Me: You remember how long ago we broke up?
She: Hmm .... about a year ago...
Me: So my suspicion she cheated on me is hereby confirmed. Don't count on me showing up tomorrow.

The situation is this "best friend" talked shit to her about me behind my back and smiled in my face. I put up with it because that's what I thought appropriate at the time. Until a week before we broke up I thought I'd be spending the years to come with her and about moving in together. After we broke up I already felt like looking him up and opening a can of whoop ass on the bastard, but let it go. Now with this new info I strongly feel I can't let that old idea pass and better skip the party (which I will do if he shows up, someone will text me). I'm not for making a scene, but I'm not stone cold and most likely not let this pass if I came face 2 face with him. The other thing is, if I go (if he isn't there) will I talk to her or ignore her, I'm clueless...

What are your thoughts? Go anyway, suck it up, ignore him/her, go Al-Qaeda on his ass or stay home anyway and listen to Crosby Stills Nash and Young?
your light's reflected now
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • SpunkieSpunkie Posts: 6,676
    Go. Have. Fun.
  • jammergirljammergirl Posts: 599
    find a hot girl to go with you. then, cool as a cucumber, bump into your ex and say "oh hi! say, have you met..." then walk away and continue mingling as if you hadn't a care in the world. huzzah!
  • Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
    tish wrote:
    Go. Have. Fun.
    Easier said than done, this girl broke my heart, lied to my face more than once and I seriously can't stand the guy.
    jammergirl wrote:
    find a hot girl to go with you. then, cool as a cucumber, bump into your ex and say "oh hi! say, have you met..." then walk away and continue mingling as if you hadn't a care in the world. huzzah!
    Might be able to arrange that tomorrow.. But than still I would have to accept A) someone talked shit behind my back B) I've been cheated on C) been lied to more than once.. And let it go.. I'll see how I feel about this tomorrow and make my decision than.
    your light's reflected now
  • WildChildRoseWildChildRose Posts: 568
    I definitely would not go. I don't quite understand the shit talk behind your back? Who did that? the one you were having the conversation with that you posted? if so, write that person off too...
    "I'll ride the wave where it takes me.."
  • turnedmyworldtoblackturnedmyworldtoblack Posts: 151
    Alot of people are going to tell you to go and face the problem head on but thats kind of unfeasable for some people.

    Me personally I would probably become a recluse for the evening and drink a lot of booze in the privacy of my own home! I hate drama so I just give a mean cold shoulder. Thats just me though. (Ive been told I have social phobia and anxiety issues LOL)
  • tybirdtybird Posts: 17,388
    The best revenge is good living.
    All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
  • Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
    WildChildRose wrote:
    I definitely would not go. I don't quite understand the shit talk behind your back? Who did that? the one you were having the conversation with that you posted? if so, write that person off too...
    This "best friend" of my ex (b/f now, with whom she had a short fling before we got together) started talking shit about me before we even met once. And to give an impression the first time I met him he started talking shit about his 'best friend' the moment he left the room. Something that confirmed his 'sneakiness' for me.

    The person I had the convo with is someone I have a good deal of respect for and is the g/f of one of my my best friends and a friend of the girl who's birthday party is celebrated tomorrow.
    your light's reflected now
  • Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
    turnedmyworldtoblack wrote:
    Alot of people are going to tell you to go and face the problem head on but thats kind of unfeasable for some people.

    Me personally I would probably become a recluse for the evening and drink a lot of booze in the privacy of my own home! I hate drama so I just give a mean cold shoulder. Thats just me though. (Ive been told I have social phobia and anxiety issues LOL)
    I might agree. Not sure if drinking wuould be my choice, still I see you r point.

    I've been told I might be autistic by someone, but when I look at the group of people around me I can call my friends that are always there, I doubt there's any truth to that.

    I'm in doubt what to do, show up anyway and just let it pass and "stand above" this all or spare myself the trouble and just stay home. I think I'll decide tomorrow when I get home after work (not before 9pm) and see how I feel about it all than.
    your light's reflected now
  • HawkshoreHawkshore Posts: 2,155
    tybird wrote:
    The best revenge is good living.

    Fraser Crane?
    Van 92.07.21 / Van 98.07.19 / Sea 98.07.22 / Tor 98.08.22 / Sea 00.11.06 / Van 03.05.30/ Van 05.09.02/ Gorge 06.07.22 & 23 / EV Van 08.04.02 / Tor 09.08.21 / Sea 09.09.21 & 22 / Van 09.09.25 / Van 11.09.25 / Van 13.12.04 / Pem 16.07.17 / Sea 18.08.10
  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,513
    I would stay home this time. As time passes, hopefully you will be in a better mindset to face her.

    No need to go to the party and pretend like it doesn't bother you. At this point in time, it doesn't seem like there is a big upside!
  • Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
    tybird wrote:
    The best revenge is good living.
    Agreed, still it took quite a while to get over this girl for me, and now it seems that I've been consciously lied too a number of times, which ticks me off.
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    I would stay home this time. As time passes, hopefully you will be in a better mindset to face her.

    No need to go to the party and pretend like it doesn't bother you. At this point in time, it doesn't seem like there is a big upside!
    I agree that would be the logical and easiest way, yet facing her doesn't really bother me (I ran into her a number of times), it's this guy which gets a tingling feeling in my fists and I'm not completely sure I can keep my temper around..

    The upside to going is seeing a girl I've 'been with' at NYE...

    Fuck it, most likely I'll go anyway, and not let anyone spoil my chance for having a good time, I'll deal with the situation when it faces me, anger is never a solution and I'll keep in mind that what happened only confirmed the suspicions I had. Some people are simply not worth the trouble to be upset about..

    I'm thankful for all the input I got here, it really helps to state what's on your mind and if you make ridiculous hours at work and it's too late to call a friend for a convo this really helps!
    your light's reflected now
  • tybirdtybird Posts: 17,388
    Obi Once wrote:
    Agreed, still it took quite a while to get over this girl for me, and now it seems that I've been consciously lied too a number of times, which ticks me off.
    We've all been screwed at some point in the game of Love...or in a job situation...yes, it sucks...but if you can walk away with your head held high and succeed without that person or job, you are the winner. They had to lie, cheat and steal...you played the game fair and square, thus you sleep comfortably every night.

    Never watched Cheers or Fraiser.....don't remember where I first heard that quote.
    All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
  • in_hiding79in_hiding79 Posts: 4,315
    jammergirl wrote:
    find a hot girl to go with you. then, cool as a cucumber, bump into your ex and say "oh hi! say, have you met..." then walk away and continue mingling as if you hadn't a care in the world. huzzah!


    I second this...
    And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
    "What a stupid lamb."
    "What a sick, masochistic lion."
  • lalalalaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    If the birthday party is for a friend that had nothing to do with you & your ex, you should suck it up and go to the party. The day shouldn't be about you, it should be about your friend.

    My 2 cents.
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Obi, depending on how you feel on the day, can you go but take someone with you, and leave early? Like have plans to do something else and let it be known that you're coming to say Happy Birthday to your friend but that you're double booked or something?

    I mean if you're up to it, then I think you should do what tybird suggested and go and hold your head up, you've done nothing wrong and why should you be relegated to the back row because of someone elses bad behaviour?
    And as Saturnal said, if it's about your friend and their birthday and you have been invited then you should make the effort. BUT protect yourself. Have a plan. Swan in, be fabulous, ignore the ex, the nasty friends and the negativity and just be smiley, happy, enjoy the company of your day, give your birthday wishes and then get the hell out. It will stick it to those that would like to hold you down and you'll have done the right thing for those who are genuine friends. :)

    Or if it's too much, and I completely understand if it was, stay home and drink! ;)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
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