What do you do about??

purple_chick79

A kid who just has total disrespect for everything she owns.

My boyfriends daughter just does not care about anything she has and treats it like shit. DVD's just thrown around, brand new clothes all over the floor. She also has a bad habit of leaving lights on and running off to school along with the fan running in her room. She loves to leave wet towels all over the floor in her room.

I've already taken away her TV once for 2 weeks because of the disrespect but she is at it again and my boyfriend just does NOT want to hear it. In his eyes, she does no wrong.

Ya know, if she bought the shit, hey, do what you want, but she is 10, almost 11, and just doesn't care. I've said it over and over again.

Now, I'm the bad one, I woke up in a bad mood, etc.... His excuse is that there isn't enough time, blah blah blah. The real problem is she is to busy watching TV in the morning. I get up early every morning and the one time I can sleep in till 9AM and look what happens. Does this mean I'll have to be a drill sargent and wake up early and make sure the shit is done? I work 3-11, so when I'm at work there is every excuse under the sun why she can't do these simple tasks.

Is it to much to ask a child to have respect for their belongings?

petrocs

In this day and age...yes...my finaces 5 year old like to think he can break everything...I bought him a batmobile last weekend and it was broken within an hour...I have decided I will never buy him another thing again

dunkman

probably punch her in the face.


but realistically i'd take all her stuff off her, lock it up an a garage or something.
kids have too much material things these days... in my day i could play with a stick.

HOOKER

I was like that...
I grew out of it and now my screen name is 'hooker'

Linda

I have a 11 year old daughter, and she is the same way.....she doesnt do it on purpose, she is just not taking the time to cover her tracks, so to speak. Its taking a lot of patience to get through to her..... i try to not let her get to me with this lack of interest she is showing when i talk to her about it. And for the record...i did behave exactly like her at that age....:o

eyedclaar

My parents didn't tolerate any bullshit at all. My ass was out of bed at the crack of dawn doing chores before school and I didn't even live on a farm or anything. And I agree with Dunk, who needs all that material crap anyway?

In other words, put the she-devil to work in the acid mines!

lalalalaaaaaaaa

Well, she's 10 and not yours...not much you can do really. If he sees no prob with her behavior, just don't buy her anything and tell him you're paying less on the electric bill from now on :P

urbanhippie

My 12 year old is just the same. I bite my tongue as I go round behind her turing off lights and picking up rubbish. My 15 year old is worse... I threatened to burn everything left on his bedroom floor if he didn't move it, but then I'd just have replace it all anyway.
They're not being bad, just too busy to worry about it. At that age I also thought housework was something that happened to other people.

Danimal

dunkman wrote:

probably punch her in the face.


but realistically i'd take all her stuff off her, lock it up an a garage or something.
kids have too much material things these days... in my day i could play with a stick.

I agree! In my day I would just play with my...oh wait! You said stick. Ok. I can't relate.

Slip Kid

yeah the father really needs to step up.

I remember her comment "I'll just get daddy to buy me one"

she's spoiled and she knows it.

releaselauren

I have a 10 and 7 year old boys who do this on occasion and I beat the shit out of them. No, they have consequences and aren't allowed to play with their friends, play video games, etc. if I discover a toy or DVD tossed around carelessly.

Further, there is one kid that comes over and I have to be Mean Mom because he doesn't listen. I warned him the other day that if he goes into my pantry ONE MORE TIME to take food w/o asking, he will not be allowed to come back for two weeks. I don't tolerate disrespect, I wasn't raised that way and my kids respect adults..... I've been told several times that I have good boys who listen well.

bottom line..... consequences. If your boyfriend won't discipline his daughter in YOUR house, then it is up to you. Good luck.

vduboise

Get one of those big outdoor crates with a lock. Put all her stuff in there and leave her room with just the necessities. Lock it and give the key to your boyfriend. Tell him, this is his daughter and he needs to take responsibility. If she makes a mess- make him clean it up and continue to nag him until he get tired of hearing it- then maybe he'll get on her ass. Kids are kids, but at age 10- this is the age the shapes them before going to jr. high and then the really bad habits will sink in.

KosmicJelli

Ok opinion are like assholes but i have to put my 2 cents in...

Alot of children of today are spoiled... 10 years old... wholly shit! I thought you were talking about a 13+ child. I would take their stuff away and give it back to them little by little until they can learn respect and responsibility. I would have to disagree with the comment that its not your child... as long as your paying the bills for them and living in the same household they should respect you period! I would have to sit down with the boyfriend and work out some plan for parenting that works for both of you. He has to respect you and your decisions, also. I dont think you are wrong at all to command the respect you deserve. I certainly would not let a 10 year old run my life~ ~ but that is just my opinion.

DeLukin

I tell my kids: if you don't take care of your stuff, you shouldn't have stuff. And when things get really bad I'll go into their rooms with a trash bag and start putting stuff that's not being taken care of in it. That completely freaks them out because they know depending on the severity of the problem I'll either keep their things for a loooong time or actually throw them away, which I've done. The key is to show them you mean business. If all they get are lectures and warnings that ain't gonna work. Parenting is about consistency - they need to know the boundaries and what happens when they've crossed them. If you don't believe me, watch an episode of Super Nanny.

As for the morning routine, I tie in their tv/computer/video game time to what needs to be done in the morning. If they don't clean their rooms/get ready on time, etc. it costs them tv time when they get home. It's amazing how well that one works... kids definitely aren't dumb and if they know that they'll end up doing the job right anyway AND have something taken away that they want, more often than not logic will override their natural desire to resist authority.

Sian-of-the-dead

When I was 11, I acted exactly the same way

My parents resorted down to bargaining with me. They promised that if I kept my room tidy for 3 months I could decorate it, with their finances and help, however I wanted when I turned 12. This included keeping CD's in the right boxes and looking after my clothes.
It worked! My room was immaculate for the whole time (I got so angry at my brothers if they left one thing out of place!) and my parents kept their end of the bargain - I decorated my room. It took me a week and I did most of the work myself, under my Dad's watchful eye... What I didn't know was that my parents had planned the whole thing. Having done all the work myself and having worked so hard to get what I wanted, I had so much pride in my newly decorated abode that I didn't want it even slightly tainted.

Maybe something similar could work?

_

I'm not a parent, but I'd say she needs consequences - she doesn't need stuff. If she doesn't take care of her stuff, the consequence is that it all gets taken away.

Of course, I don't know your situation so I'm not sure how it would go over for you to discipline her like her father should. If it's a problem for you to do this (you shouldn't have to be the one to do it anyway), I'd say it's the father who needs consequences. If he doesn't discipline his daughter, the consequence is that he doesn't get laid. Sounds reasonable to me.

Now that I think about it, I'm so glad I'm single!!

know1

purple_chick79 wrote:

A kid who just has total disrespect for everything she owns.

My boyfriends daughter just does not care about anything she has and treats it like shit. DVD's just thrown around, brand new clothes all over the floor. She also has a bad habit of leaving lights on and running off to school along with the fan running in her room. She loves to leave wet towels all over the floor in her room.

I've already taken away her TV once for 2 weeks because of the disrespect but she is at it again and my boyfriend just does NOT want to hear it. In his eyes, she does no wrong.

Ya know, if she bought the shit, hey, do what you want, but she is 10, almost 11, and just doesn't care. I've said it over and over again.

Now, I'm the bad one, I woke up in a bad mood, etc.... His excuse is that there isn't enough time, blah blah blah. The real problem is she is to busy watching TV in the morning. I get up early every morning and the one time I can sleep in till 9AM and look what happens. Does this mean I'll have to be a drill sargent and wake up early and make sure the shit is done? I work 3-11, so when I'm at work there is every excuse under the sun why she can't do these simple tasks.

Is it to much to ask a child to have respect for their belongings?

I'm of the opinion that most problems with children come from lack of parenting. It may be difficult to undo what has been done, but you need to establish clear boundaries and be consistent in enforcing them.

stuckinline

purple_chick79 wrote:

The real problem is she is to busy watching TV in the morning.

don't let her watch tv in the morning..........

JaneNY

What about helping her with some structure and reward? Reward her for a week of turning off the fans/lights. Second week work on towels being put in their rightful place (where is that in your house - back in the bathroom, or in the hamper). 3rd week, keep up with weeks 1 and 2, and have bed made or whatever.... it took her a while to develop these bad habits, and it does take a while to learn and keep good habits. Setting it up as a progression and schedule might help.

You will need some support from your boyfriend however. She is not seeing you as a mother, and he needs to emphasize to her that what you say goes.

bee_boy

Divorce can be a bitch, and it can really affect a child. Maybe what she needs is somebody to talk to instead of getting constant nagging

Hawkshore

dunkman wrote:

kids have too much material things these days... in my day i could play with a stick.

And what nasty holes did you put that stick in?

Gremmie95

kids are lazy these days, I have two of my own 13 and 10. In the summer I got to the point (I work out of the home) where I would make them go outside for a minimum of 2 hours at a time and do SOMETHING! What ever happened to climbing trees, playing a game of backyard baseball or smear the queer?!?!?!?