Money and Dating

zircona1

So there's this girl....

We've gone out to lunch a couple of times and I've enjoyed her company. Well, recently, she's had to cut back on working a full 40 hours a week due to a health issue, she's on Medicaid. She seems frustrated b/c she can't work as much as she used to.

So last night I asked her if she wanted to go see Radiohead, she said they were one of her favorite bands. She declined, because she said she didn't have the money. Later on, I asked her if she wanted to go eat lunch later in the week. She again brought up the money issue, I told her I'd pay for her lunch, she finally said "OK, just this once" but in a nice way.

I guess my question is, are some women sensitive about money and having someone pay for them? I'm just trying to determine if she is just really sensitive about money or if she doesn't want to hang out with me.

meme

zircona1 wrote:

So there's this girl....

We've gone out to lunch a couple of times and I've enjoyed her company. Well, recently, she's had to cut back on working a full 40 hours a week due to a health issue, she's on Medicaid. She seems frustrated b/c she can't work as much as she used to.

So last night I asked her if she wanted to go see Radiohead, she said they were one of her favorite bands. She declined, because she said she didn't have the money. Later on, I asked her if she wanted to go eat lunch later in the week. She again brought up the money issue, I told her I'd pay for her lunch, she finally said "OK, just this once" but in a nice way.

I guess my question is, are some women sensitive about money and having someone pay for them? I'm just trying to determine if she is just really sensitive about money or if she doesn't want to hang out with me.

I think she is sensitive about money

Perhaps you could come up with entertainment opportunities that are free?
If she had a birthday coming up and you felt comfortable with it, a radiohead ticket would make a fantastic present.

GreenTeaDisease

zircona1 wrote:

So there's this girl....

We've gone out to lunch a couple of times and I've enjoyed her company. Well, recently, she's had to cut back on working a full 40 hours a week due to a health issue, she's on Medicaid. She seems frustrated b/c she can't work as much as she used to.

So last night I asked her if she wanted to go see Radiohead, she said they were one of her favorite bands. She declined, because she said she didn't have the money. Later on, I asked her if she wanted to go eat lunch later in the week. She again brought up the money issue, I told her I'd pay for her lunch, she finally said "OK, just this once" but in a nice way.

I guess my question is, are some women sensitive about money and having someone pay for them? I'm just trying to determine if she is just really sensitive about money or if she doesn't want to hang out with me.

I don't understand your question. You said this girl is dealing with less work, medical issues, and is on medicaid. I don't think this has anything to do with women vs. men or whatever, she seems like she really is having problems with money! If you offered to pay for her in these situations, that's nice, but she may just feel awkward/bad taking money from someone, maybe who she doesn't know very well. Again, it doesn't have anything to do with dating or women vs. men. Ask her for a walk some day.

reversedarwinism

Its a sucky feeling not being able to pay for stuff, for sure. And it can be embarrassing when someone has to pay for you. Either you should find a non-offensive way to just ask her or just give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, her excuse is very understandable.

Phantom Pain

Sounds like shes telling the truth and doesn't want to eat out all the time because she doesn't have the money

She doesn't want you to feel obligated to buy her lunch, she probably feels guilty about you paying

Or she thinks if you're paying it's almost like a date and that might make her feel awkward

KosmicJelli

It's hard to date when you dont have the cash... it can be expensive. You have to let her know that you like her company and are willing to pay for dates... with the exeption of being taken for granted. Some WOMEN... are taught that we should be just as equally as generous while dating. You should discuss it with her... by the way...whats wrong with a video and popcorn?


OMg.. had to edit cause that sounded bad about the video... I mean r-rated or less

intodeep

I understand what you are saying.

It seems like she is probably just in a bad situation and embarresed about having anyone else pay for her portion. I would not think much of it.

As others have mentioned. Maybe plan to go see something cool like a free festival, or something in the park, or find some hobbey of hers you can do for free. Like for instance if she liked to mountain bike or hike or something you could be like hey want to go for a quick bike or hike this weekend to get outside (of course if she is healthy enough to do this but i think you get the picture)

now if she starts blowing off the free stuff all the time too... then i think perhaps your fear of her using the money to blow you off may be legit.

Derrick

It could be the second option you listed, which is a bummer for you if you are interested in dating her long term.

If a girl is into you, she will want to be around you as much as possible and not having money herself won't hold her back. If she's not into you, she probably doesn't want to feel like she is letting you buy her affection. It's a tough situation.

Just be honest with her...tell her you are interested in dating her and you don't mind picking up tabs until she is back to normal. If she's not interested, don't force it, just look for a girl that is.

Steve Dunne

zircona1 wrote:

So there's this girl....

We've gone out to lunch a couple of times and I've enjoyed her company. Well, recently, she's had to cut back on working a full 40 hours a week due to a health issue, she's on Medicaid. She seems frustrated b/c she can't work as much as she used to.

So last night I asked her if she wanted to go see Radiohead, she said they were one of her favorite bands. She declined, because she said she didn't have the money. Later on, I asked her if she wanted to go eat lunch later in the week. She again brought up the money issue, I told her I'd pay for her lunch, she finally said "OK, just this once" but in a nice way.

I guess my question is, are some women sensitive about money and having someone pay for them? I'm just trying to determine if she is just really sensitive about money or if she doesn't want to hang out with me.

she sounds like a very proud woman who's upset about the money issue. this could easily be interchanged from a male/female point of view. if you dig this girl, and you want to take her to radiohead, then give her the ticket as a belated valentine's day gift as a friend.

_

She's just sensitive about the money. I told a guy last week that I couldn't hang out with him again until March. (I only get paid once a month.)

It's very nice of you to offer to pay now and then, but all in all I don't think this is a very good solution. She'll probably feel guilty about that and you could grow to resent it as well. (You did say that she's had to cut back on her hours - not just that she's out of money for the month - so there's no reason to believe the situation will change.)

I'd be eternally impressed by a guy who thought of less expensive things to do. (I know that's hard.) I don't know where you live, but many museums are cheap or free. Second-run movies are about $2. Renting a movie and cooking at home can be very nice, but don't be offended if she doesn't feel comfortable with this yet if she doesn't know you very well. (It's easy to assume the guy is just trying to get laid.) Walks are good. Hiking and bike-riding can be good too. I'll let you know if I think of anything else.

Good luck!

zircona1

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I actually don't have an extra ticket to Radiohead, I have 1 ticket for me that I bought, but I was planning on selling it and seeing if I could get 2 tix if she wanted to go. (I didn't tell her this)

a5pj

it's always good when a girl offers to pay for something, shows that they care, and don't expect it i guess...

the wolf

this all depends on if your "getting any" lol

this is a joke people.

she is prob. just in a bad way right now.

im between jobs and money is short. when my friends want to do something i just tell them i cant.
and sometimes it sucks when they offer to pay, cause it just makes me feel like a bigger piece of poo!!

not to mention, the fact that my gf is supporting me right now.

im sure she is not trying to get rid of you.

PJPixie

Steve Dunne wrote:

she sounds like a very proud woman.

I kinda see this in me sometimes and I wish I'd see it in others a lot of the time. If I know I can't afford something, I speak up and find a solution. I don't think I'm too proud, I just don't think there is any point in hiding it if you're broke. I don't like to become a burden to others............and I'm bitching here, but maybe it's because I'm sick of feeling THE BURDEN OF OTHERS.


and yeah...........i think it's def her money issues.....not you.

Born.Mine.Die

wow...
I used to be sensitive about money..
I was also used to making more then my boyfriends for a long time..
I guess it was kind of and ego thing..

now I make less than he does..
BUT we still more or less pay the same for each other..

restlesssoul

Born.Mine.Die wrote:

now I make less than he does..
BUT we still more or less pay the same for each other..

shhhhhhhhh, dont tell them this!!! you makin me look bad!

Heineken Helen

reversedarwinism wrote:

Its a sucky feeling not being able to pay for stuff, for sure. And it can be embarrassing when someone has to pay for you. Either you should find a non-offensive way to just ask her or just give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, her excuse is very understandable.

I agree completely. I'm not comfortable letting a guy pay for stuff cos it could go one of two ways, A. he feels he's entitled to payment in other ways or B. he might eventually feel he's been taken advantage of. Neither of those might happen but I just believe that two people should be equal in a relationship, especially if earning equal money. The fact that she eventually agreed to go to lunch definitely suggests she's still interested in ya but this can be VERY uncomfortable. If you're WILLING to pick up the tab for a while (she genuinely doesn't sound like she's trying to take advantage) try to make her comfortable about this and say how you just want to be with her... and if that means just going for a walk or a picnic or something, that suits you.