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Carpooling....issues

PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
edited September 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
So, I have been fortunate enough in this bad economy, to have a carpool buddy. He picks me up everyday and we drive to work together. Actually, we meet at my babysitters house and I leave my car there. This has been going on daily for about 3 months now. I do pitch in for gas and this arrangement has saved me a tremendous amount in driving expenses, not to mention the wear and tear on my car. Here is my problem, I think this guy has developed, in his head, some sort of "relationship" between the two of us. I am IN NO WAY, attracted to this guy and NEVER will be!! In the last week, he has called me after hours about 3-4 times a night, over the weekend.......asking if me and my kids wanna go have a pizza. Calls to make small talk. Calls to see if I wanna go with him to go visit his mom in her "home". UMMM, NO WAY DUDE!!! I'm not sure how to not be rude but I can feel myself getting there.
Last night he called 3 times (I did not answer) then he showed up at my front door, wanting to go have dinner. I know he feels like he is doing me a favor (as I'm a struggling single mom) but I really think he is beginning to develop other ideas. I didn't come to the door last night and he eventually went away. Then I looked out the window about 5 mins later and he was out there, just waiting :eek: I had my son go down to him last night and tell him "No Thank You, we already had dinner". (I know, I should have done it myself and not put my son up to it). So I didn't really say 2 words to him in the car this morning on the drive to work. Ugh........I'm dreading the conversation that I know I need to have with him. And the truth is, the Carpooling is good for me, my finances and the environment. But the side effects it's having are BRUTAL. I drive my own car to work about once a week, ALONE.........and I am finding I am really looking forward to these days. It's a weird situation and I'm really not a mean person!! I know I am going to have to address this soon! A few people at work have even made comments to me about "are you two MARRIED now??" oh man.........He really is helping me out by driving me to work but I just don't know what's going on in his head..........I'm rambling now........


And SENROCK.............no responses from you. I already know what you think!!
The best use of Life is Love.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.


I'm never as good as when you're there.........
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Comments

  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    I once hooked up with a car pooling chick and she turned out to be a total stalker pycho! So, in other words, good luck with your situation.
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  • The ChampThe Champ Posts: 4,063
    You have something against paragraphs ;)?
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I once hooked up with a car pooling chick and she turned out to be a total stalker pycho! So, in other words, good luck with your situation.

    well that was helpful :eek: :p


    pixie, this guy works where you work, yes? then just tell him you don't get involved with people at work
  • AllIAmAllIAm Posts: 1,309
    Ok Pixie this is big time annoying huh? its so sad and pathetic and you don't knwo what to do.. women nip it in the bud immediately while guys will sleep with you first haha.

    so the thing is.. he hasnn't really made his intentions clear. you can't just say "i don't want you as a friend" unless you are ready to end your carpooling days. I would stress the fact that you are a single mom and that every second you want to spend with your kids. you are their mother and right now you just aren't comfy with dating. honestly i think that will do it. but you have to face it head on. the more space you give him the more he will take it. he just seems lonely.
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    cutback wrote:
    well that was helpful :eek: :p


    pixie, this guy works where you work, yes? then just tell him you don't get involved with people at work

    It never hurts to help!
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    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

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    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    The best way to handle this is to talk about woman things.
    - menstrual cramps
    - make-up
    - desperate housewives or sex and the city

    If he gets turned off, success.
    If he is still interested, he is gay.

    Win - Win IMO.


    Just kidding. Be honest with the dude. "Hi, this might sound weird but I appreciate what's going on, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with seeing you so much, and I'm not really looking to get that close to anyone right now. If this changes over time, trust me, I'll ask YOU out on a date."
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I once hooked up with a car pooling chick and she turned out to be a total stalker pycho! So, in other words, good luck with your situation.
    :eek:
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    The Champ wrote:
    You have something against paragraphs ;)?

    I know, I was rambling........I'm at work and really shouldn't be on this board........so I just kept typing away...as fast as I could.....
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • WildChildRoseWildChildRose Posts: 568
    Derrick wrote:
    The best way to handle this is to talk about woman things.
    - menstrual cramps
    - make-up
    - desperate housewives or sex and the city

    If he gets turned off, success.
    If he is still interested, he is gay.

    Win - Win IMO.


    Just kidding. Be honest with the dude. "Hi, this might sound weird but I appreciate what's going on, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with seeing you so much, and I'm not really looking to get that close to anyone right now. If this changes over time, trust me, I'll ask YOU out on a date."

    LOL that's a great idea. Start coming out to the car a little late and say, oh sorry I had to put in my yeast infection cream. Love it. :) I do this often if I want a guy friend not to follow me somewhere.... horrible I know.

    That really sucks though, the situation. I'd be creeped out too. Maybe you should tell him you really don't want to carpool anymore. make something up and avoid him.
    "I'll ride the wave where it takes me.."
  • rival.rival. Chicago Posts: 7,775
    looks like this guy's creepiness is trying to come out of the closet.

    i'd be careful!
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    Other popular turnoffs include:
    - girls that fart loudly, then say "oh sorry but that wasn't a ...oh nevermind."
    - girls with noticably horrible breath.
    - grow armpit hair...wear a tank top...frequently reach behind your head

    Extreme measures call for extreme actions!!! :-)

    Less humor, more practical:
    - during the car ride, you could talk about the really hot guy at work that you are really nervous about asking out on a date. :-)
    - constantly critique and second-guess his driving. Myself and most guys I know really hate it on the inside when people make fun of how we drive. It's probably equivalent to saying he has a small schlong.
    -
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    cutback wrote:
    well that was helpful :eek: :p


    pixie, this guy works where you work, yes? then just tell him you don't get involved with people at work


    This is the perfect answer. I just wish he would stop feeling like I SHOULD answer the phone everytime he calls. I know, in his head, he thinks that.
    Ugh
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    Derrick wrote:
    Other popular turnoffs include:
    - girls that fart loudly, then say "oh sorry but that wasn't a ...oh nevermind."
    - girls with noticably horrible breath.
    - grow armpit hair...wear a tank top...frequently reach behind your head

    Extreme measures call for extreme actions!!! :-)

    Less humor, more practical:
    - during the car ride, you could talk about the really hot guy at work that you are really nervous about asking out on a date. :-)
    - constantly critique and second-guess his driving. Myself and most guys I know really hate it on the inside when people make fun of how we drive. It's probably equivalent to saying he has a small schlong.
    -

    I knew I could count on you people here at the pit for the best solutions!!
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • The ChampThe Champ Posts: 4,063
    Derrick wrote:
    Other popular turnoffs include:
    - girls that fart loudly, then say "oh sorry but that wasn't a ...oh nevermind."
    - girls with noticably horrible breath.
    - grow armpit hair...wear a tank top...frequently reach behind your head

    Extreme measures call for extreme actions!!! :-)

    Less humor, more practical:
    - during the car ride, you could talk about the really hot guy at work that you are really nervous about asking out on a date. :-)
    - constantly critique and second-guess his driving. Myself and most guys I know really hate it on the inside when people make fun of how we drive. It's probably equivalent to saying he has a small schlong.
    -

    So after all this experience, have you finally learned your lesson ;)?
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    ack...I didn't realize he worked at the same place as you....

    in that light you can probably throw out some of my suggestions, but it does open up a whole new bag of tricks on how to throw him off the chase!!!!

    But alas, it's 5pm and my wit eludes me now as I must go sit in traffic!!!! JOY!
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    The Champ wrote:
    So after all this experience, have you finally learned your lesson ;)?

    Well, not really. My wife eventually gave up and married me. 5.5 years now and counting!


    hmm...

    that's probably not the best thing for pixie to read in this thread now is it...my joking aside, there are plenty of ways to steer us menfolk in opposite directions.
  • The ChampThe Champ Posts: 4,063
    Derrick wrote:
    Well, not really. My wife eventually gave up and married me.

    That's great..lol..
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    AllIAm wrote:
    Ok Pixie this is big time annoying huh? its so sad and pathetic and you don't knwo what to do.. women nip it in the bud immediately while guys will sleep with you first haha.

    so the thing is.. he hasnn't really made his intentions clear. you can't just say "i don't want you as a friend" unless you are ready to end your carpooling days. I would stress the fact that you are a single mom and that every second you want to spend with your kids. you are their mother and right now you just aren't comfy with dating. honestly i think that will do it. but you have to face it head on. the more space you give him the more he will take it. he just seems lonely.

    You are 100% right. He is SUPER LONELY!! and it is SUPER ANNOYING!! and he hasn't made his intentions clear because I don't think he is aware of his intentions and he is not aware of how "STRANGE" he is being. You're right, I can't just say "i don't want you as a friend" because IT WILL END my carpooling days and I just can't afford that. I know he thinks he's being nice but I don't need NICE....I just need to get to work. I think I'm gonna do the under arm hair thing .................. lol.....you gotta laugh!
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • LizardLizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    Uggh. Don't HATE uncomfortable situations like this???!!! I am sure you will work it out chickie!!

    (Give him Hooker's #!!!) :p
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    Lizard wrote:
    (Give him Hooker's #!!!) :p


    if someone came here for the first time and read that they'd think you're a madam ;):p:D
  • SENROCKSENROCK Posts: 10,736
    PJPixie wrote:
    So, I have been fortunate enough in this bad economy, to have a carpool buddy. He picks me up everyday and we drive to work together. Actually, we meet at my babysitters house and I leave my car there. This has been going on daily for about 3 months now. I do pitch in for gas and this arrangement has saved me a tremendous amount in driving expenses, not to mention the wear and tear on my car. Here is my problem, I think this guy has developed, in his head, some sort of "relationship" between the two of us. I am IN NO WAY, attracted to this guy and NEVER will be!! In the last week, he has called me after hours about 3-4 times a night, over the weekend.......asking if me and my kids wanna go have a pizza. Calls to make small talk. Calls to see if I wanna go with him to go visit his mom in her "home". UMMM, NO WAY DUDE!!! I'm not sure how to not be rude but I can feel myself getting there.
    Last night he called 3 times (I did not answer) then he showed up at my front door, wanting to go have dinner. I know he feels like he is doing me a favor (as I'm a struggling single mom) but I really think he is beginning to develop other ideas. I didn't come to the door last night and he eventually went away. Then I looked out the window about 5 mins later and he was out there, just waiting :eek: I had my son go down to him last night and tell him "No Thank You, we already had dinner". (I know, I should have done it myself and not put my son up to it). So I didn't really say 2 words to him in the car this morning on the drive to work. Ugh........I'm dreading the conversation that I know I need to have with him. And the truth is, the Carpooling is good for me, my finances and the environment. But the side effects it's having are BRUTAL. I drive my own car to work about once a week, ALONE.........and I am finding I am really looking forward to these days. It's a weird situation and I'm really not a mean person!! I know I am going to have to address this soon! A few people at work have even made comments to me about "are you two MARRIED now??" oh man.........He really is helping me out by driving me to work but I just don't know what's going on in his head..........I'm rambling now........


    And SENROCK.............no responses from you. I already know what you think!!

    WAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    dammit i TOLD YOU FOO!!!! i TOLD YOU!!!! People should listen to me more often. Ahhhhh as i get reddie for the KID ROCK show tonite, this adds to making my day!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!! Pizza dinners JUST like i said. Oh boy. :D
    ~~~~~~ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD TIME~~~~~~
    Sir Mike McCready is....THE MASTER!!! WAHHH!!!
    EVENFLOW PSYCHOS H.N.I.C~FEEL THE FLOW!!!

    "Pearl Jam fans are obsessed, they'd see the boys in HELL if tickets were sold."-CROJAM95

    It takes balls to put out a UKE album!
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    SENROCK! wrote:
    WAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    dammit i TOLD YOU FOO!!!! i TOLD YOU!!!! People should listen to me more often. Ahhhhh as i get reddie for the KID ROCK show tonite, this adds to making my day!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!! Pizza dinners JUST like i said. Oh boy. :D

    YOU ARE EVIL AND YOU MUST BE DESTROYED!
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • TrailerTrailer Posts: 1,431
    Dude just waits outside your place??

    ... weird:eek:
    Whoa, chill bro... you know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here.
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    Trailer wrote:
    Dude just waits outside your place??

    ... weird:eek:

    yeah, that was really strange last night when I saw him outside.............i started to get really freaked out AND annoyed then.
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • zenithzenith Posts: 3,191
    Derrick wrote:
    Other popular turnoffs include:
    - girls that fart loudly, then say "oh sorry but that wasn't a ...oh nevermind."
    - girls with noticably horrible breath.
    - grow armpit hair...wear a tank top...frequently reach behind your head
    -

    ooohhhhhh .... so thats been my problem :o
    impatience is a gift ........
  • zenithzenith Posts: 3,191
    PJPixie wrote:
    yeah, that was really strange last night when I saw him outside.............i started to get really freaked out AND annoyed then.

    ok - in all seriousness - ive had problems with being nice to someone, maybe even stupid and feeling a bit sorry for them enough to go out to lunch, and then they get obsessed. they txt you, they follow you, they watch you - its creepy and its bloody annoying. its like they get this weird story playing in their head of a white picket fence and happily ever after with you. ffs, that doesnt even happen with normal people!

    or on the other hand, perhaps he is just lonely and trying to make friends, but hasnt really got the social skills to do it subtely, or because youve shown him the slightest bit of friendliness, he's taken that as an invitation.

    you'll just have to be blunt and tell him you are not interested in a relationship with anyone (it doesnt matter if you are - just tell him the idea of being with someone is just not happening in you life atm) and if he keeps being creepy, youll just have to cut out the carpooling too. sux, cos its a handy thing to do, but theres a website in australia, carpool.com or something like that - helps you hook up with people that are going to the same area as you - perhaps you guys have something similar.
    impatience is a gift ........
  • The JugglerThe Juggler Posts: 49,257
    I think you should just have sex with the guy.

    Good luck.
    www.myspace.com
  • EvilMerlinEvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    That's a shitty situation...I'm really sorry.

    However like CB said...just tell him you don't dip your pen in the company's ink...or wait...you don't like company pen's dipping in your ink. It's just off limits to you. Make sure he knows it's friendship's as well, because he might come back with "oh I'm not looking for that, kind of thing..." or that he has some issues and he thought you'd be there for him...something to turn it around and make you feel guilty into it or something.


    If he quits his job after you tell him...get a restraining order. :)

    And what you doin' not listening to SEN, foo?

    Don't worry honey, I'll be back in CA someday, and we'll carpool in the Fluor van, and you can take out your frustrations everyday, first hand! You'll have no stress anymore! :p
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    PJPixie wrote:
    You are 100% right. He is SUPER LONELY!! and it is SUPER ANNOYING!! and he hasn't made his intentions clear because I don't think he is aware of his intentions and he is not aware of how "STRANGE" he is being. You're right, I can't just say "i don't want you as a friend" because IT WILL END my carpooling days and I just can't afford that. I know he thinks he's being nice but I don't need NICE....I just need to get to work. I think I'm gonna do the under arm hair thing .................. lol.....you gotta laugh!

    If you don't want to have the talk with him and you've already sent your kid out to tell him you can't have dinner, why don't you just send your kid out next time to ask him, "What exactly are your intentions with my mother?" Then you'll at least know what he's up to. ;)
  • just tinajust tina Posts: 277
    this sounds creepy and frightening. i am concerned for you but even more than that, concerned about the fact that you know there is obviously something "not right" here and yet you sent your son out there. i'd probably not do that again.
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