Thanksgiving with my family AND MY EX-HUSBAND~~

PJPixie

I've been divorced for 5 years now, seperated for about 8. (We were married for 12 years)
After 8 years of pretty much no time shared together, my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with me, our 2 children and my family. My family is thrilled, our children are thrilled and in a small way, i'm excited too. I think I'm more scared tho.....Our marriage fell apart due to addiction. His addiction (VODKA) got him into a lot of trouble and he spent 5 years incarcerated. He's been out for almost a year now but his PO would not allow him to see me until he completed a 52 week course which he has now finished. We have been allowed to communicate over the phone which we do often to "parent" our children. He has mentioned reconciling and I've just kinda blown him off, out of my own fears. So much happened while he was really suffereing from alcoholism that even after all these years I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I try to deal with the concept of trust, trusting him. He says he's been sober for 5+ years. So anyway, Tomorrow is the big day and I feel like all of a sudden we are going to "play house". I just thought I'd post here and see what the wise words of the pit have to say..........and i'm hoping that some of you can make me laugh about this

keeponrockin

Congratulations!

My moms friend did that a few years ago, and apparantly it was the best christmas ever!

chiquimonkey

i haven't much i can offer except good wishes and hope that it all works out and you and your family have a good holiday

dunno if this will make ya laugh, but it gets a giggle outta me every time

prism

just wait for that drunken call after many years when he phones you to say that he's been sober for a long time and that he still loves you. :rolleyes:


I guess when my ex did that he must've figured that with all of the times that he used to hit me that I'd been struck retarded enough to believe him


though my kids dad has pulled that crap I'm not saying that your ex will or anything so good luck

PJPixie

prism wrote:

just wait for that drunken call after many years when he phones you to say that he's been sober for a long time and that he still loves you. :rolleyes:


I guess when my ex did that he must've figured that with all of the times that he used to hit me that I'd been struck retarded enough to believe him


though my kids dad has pulled that crap I'm not saying that your ex will or anything so good luck

He's never laid a hand on me............we actually had a really good marriage..........before the Vodka.

PJPixie

chiquimonkey wrote:

i haven't much i can offer except good wishes and hope that it all works out and you and your family have a good holiday

dunno if this will make ya laugh, but it gets a giggle outta me every time

Thanks Chiqui!! That picture rules..............gotta love Stoney!

PJPixie

keeponrockin wrote:

Congratulations!

My moms friend did that a few years ago, and apparantly it was the best christmas ever!

Thank you for that........:D

SENROCK

you know what i have to say to all this pixxx...... im lost im noooo guide but im RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE!!!!!!

know1

Not exactly the same situation, but my divorced parents get together will all of us for Thanksgiving. None of us want to put up with going to separate places so they need to suck it up since they chose to divorce. They're actually fine with it, though.

Heineken Helen

PJPixie wrote:

He's never laid a hand on me............we actually had a really good marriage..........before the Vodka.

awww... well best of luck and try and have fun

I really hope it all goes well

acoustic guy

Good luck with it.
Remember, he is probably very nervous b/c of being the odd ball for one, and b/c he is in your families home.
The right thing to do if you love him is to envite him in with open arms.
Really, he will be so greatful and it will show. Break the ice early.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

soulsinging

if he is truly clean a year out of prison, that's a good sign. that first year is the toughest and i don't count 4 years dry in jail the same. once you get out and all your old friends crawl out the woodwork and want to "celebrate"... that's tough. but if he's made it through that bump, he might be in ok shape. i think you're entitled to be cautious though, and see how he handles a few months without the 52 week program's structure.

genie

hehe, Vodka has been Russian's weapon of distruction for other countries for years

nothingman44

You've certainly got every reason to proceed with caution.

but i think it is great that he has taken the time to get himself sober, and hopefully he can remain that way. it seems like he is really trying to get things back in order.

all the best to you and your family.

happy turkey day!

PJPixie

soulsinging wrote:

if he is truly clean a year out of prison, that's a good sign. that first year is the toughest and i don't count 4 years dry in jail the same. once you get out and all your old friends crawl out the woodwork and want to "celebrate"... that's tough. but if he's made it through that bump, he might be in ok shape. i think you're entitled to be cautious though, and see how he handles a few months without the 52 week program's structure.

I totally agree with the "JAIL DRY YEARS", kinda like he had no choice BUT to be sober. This year that he's been out, he hasn't worked any sort of program so that worries me........I know I'm not supposed to WRITE THE BOOK (yes, I'm an alanon-er) but I'm going by the last few years of our marriage when he "pretended" to work a program, go to meetings, work the 12 steps and it was all disasterous. He kinda lives a sheltered life since he's been out.........hasn't really exposed himself to those "old friends", works all day and then goes home to mom and dad's house...........ok, anyway........a few short hours and we'll all be at the table at my parents house, I'm ok at the moment, I am really excited for my kids

patrickredeyes

PJPixie wrote:

I totally agree with the "JAIL DRY YEARS", kinda like he had no choice BUT to be sober. This year that he's been out, he hasn't worked any sort of program so that worries me........I know I'm not supposed to WRITE THE BOOK (yes, I'm an alanon-er) but I'm going by the last few years of our marriage when he "pretended" to work a program, go to meetings, work the 12 steps and it was all disasterous. He kinda lives a sheltered life since he's been out.........hasn't really exposed himself to those "old friends", works all day and then goes home to mom and dad's house...........ok, anyway........a few short hours and we'll all be at the table at my parents house, I'm ok at the moment, I am really excited for my kids

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving

decides2dream

i've got nutthin' to make you laugh about it.....b/c i think it's all firggin' AWESOME! who the hell knows what the outcome will be, but just the fact that your ex has put forth such efforts to pull himself together, the fact that you as a family are spending this holiday together, the fact that you have a heart and mind that is OPEN to the possibility of acceptance, forgiveness and love....just AWESOME.


so whatever may happen after today....NO clue...but i think it is simply BEAUTIFUL. so kudos to you all, hope you have a FANTASTIC holiday together.

PJPixie

decides2dream wrote:

i've got nutthin' to make you laugh about it.....b/c i think it's all firggin' AWESOME! who the hell knows what the outcome will be, but just the fact that your ex has put forth such efforts to pull himself together, the fact that you as a family are spending this holiday together, the fact that you have a heart and mind that is OPEN to the possibility of acceptance, forgiveness and love....just AWESOME.


so whatever may happen after today....NO clue...but i think it is simply BEAUTIFUL. so kudos to you all, hope you have a FANTASTIC holiday together.

Thanks so much........I truly am getting nervous now. I feel like I'm "nesting"........I just SCRUBBED my whole kitchen !!!!

PJPixie

patrickredeyes wrote:

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving

Thanks RedEyes! You too!!

decides2dream

PJPixie wrote:

Thanks so much........I truly am getting nervous now. I feel like I'm "nesting"........I just SCRUBBED my whole kitchen !!!!

as ed sings...it's ALL surmountable.


now, not to say all will be a fairytale ending, but bottomline, no matter WHAT...this whole day together just has to lead to better/positive relations between you all, and hell yes, for your kids! makes me misty-eyed really . i think far too many are far too judgemental and unforgiving to give people a chance, to move forward, let them have some place in their lives, etc. all i know is, without second chances, i would not be who i am today nor have the life i do....and i AM so thankful for that. enjoy it all!

surferdude

I spend part of every Christmas at my ex-wife's place. I do it for my son. Every year it gets a little easier but her boyfriend tends to grind on me nerves. But it makes my son happy so it's the least I can do. Besides it makes the snowboarding after seem so much better.

Good luck with the day. Try not to stress out about it. Try to enjoy it for what it is, a family moment. A family moment that helps show your kids that even as fucked up as their famiily may be it's there for each other.

PJPixie

Thanks for everyone's good wishes !! Thanksgiving was really really special.
My family was great and so happy to have my ex husband with us. It was bittersweet. We spent the whole day at my parents house. I don't think I've ever seen my kids soooo happy. After dinner and some movies at my parents place, we came back to my house and watched a movie with the kids and we all fell asleep. We spent all of Friday together, like a family. We went to Breakfast at Denny's and just had a great day. Friday night, my ex-husband took the kids home with him (it's his weekend with the kids). I'm still amazed at the whole 36 hours we spent together............

patrickredeyes

surferdude wrote:

I spend part of every Christmas at my ex-wife's place. I do it for my son. Every year it gets a little easier but her boyfriend tends to grind on me nerves. But it makes my son happy so it's the least I can do. Besides it makes the snowboarding after seem so much better.

Good luck with the day. Try not to stress out about it. Try to enjoy it for what it is, a family moment. A family moment that helps show your kids that even as fucked up as their famiily may be it's there for each other.

Glad it went well.

chiquimonkey

that's wonderful it went so smoothly, congrats