what do you do to keep yourself from going through the motions?

tylerpjtx

seems like lately i've been hearing about more deaths (not in the news but through people that i know....extended acquainances and whatnot) and i've tried to put more effort into living life like i really want to. it seems so easy to just go through the motions however and i fall into that trap from time to time. it also makes you less likely to tell people you care about them when you're going through the motions. i really dont want that for my life so i was wondering what all of yall did to keep your heart in your life and truly treat life like a gift? i guess my approach is to just take a little quiet time each day to think about it and maybe do a little reading on it and stuff. what about you? life is beautiful people.

catch22

tylerpjtx wrote:

seems like lately i've been hearing about more deaths (not in the news but through people that i know....extended acquainances and whatnot) and i've tried to put more effort into living life like i really want to. it seems so easy to just go through the motions however and i fall into that trap from time to time. it also makes you less likely to tell people you care about them when you're going through the motions. i really dont want that for my life so i was wondering what all of yall did to keep your heart in your life and truly treat life like a gift? i guess my approach is to just take a little quiet time each day to think about it and maybe do a little reading on it and stuff. what about you? life is beautiful people.

i try to avoid thinking or meditating about things like that. i'd much rather numb myself with a good book or movie or something. the less time i spend with my thoughts the bestter.

tylerpjtx

catch22 wrote:

i try to avoid thinking or meditating about things like that. i'd much rather numb myself with a good book or movie or something. the less time i spend with my thoughts the bestter.

are you so sure though? seems almost like you're cheating yourself out of getting to truly appreciate life doesn't it? what good is life if you avoid that stuff?

i do the same thing too often too but i really dont dig it when i'm like that.

catefrances

tylerpjtx wrote:

seems like lately i've been hearing about more deaths (not in the news but through people that i know....extended acquainances and whatnot) and i've tried to put more effort into living life like i really want to. it seems so easy to just go through the motions however and i fall into that trap from time to time. it also makes you less likely to tell people you care about them when you're going through the motions. i really dont want that for my life so i was wondering what all of yall did to keep your heart in your life and truly treat life like a gift? i guess my approach is to just take a little quiet time each day to think about it and maybe do a little reading on it and stuff. what about you? life is beautiful people.

hmm well i continually put myself out on that limb. not caring if i fell. but still hoping there was someone there whod fall with me or maybe even catch me. rattle a few cages in hopes someone would step up and want to be my equal. turns out i was wrong too many times for me to count. seems i was surrounded by spineless pussies. now im more tired than ive ever been and knowing one more fall will kill me ive decided to live the remainder of my life in an alcohol and codeine haze. for me life is not beautiful. its ugly and waste of my time.

catch22

tylerpjtx wrote:

are you so sure though? seems almost like you're cheating yourself out of getting to truly appreciate life doesn't it? what good is life if you avoid that stuff?

i do the same thing too often too but i really dont dig it when i'm like that.

i tend not to appreciate life when i do that. maybe i'm just a glass is half empty kind of guy. but when i take time out to reflect on my life, i get paralyzed by the stress and problems. i avoid thinking about any gifts in my life too, because they will inevitably be stripped away. the less i care and the less involved i am, the less pain and disappointment.

sponger

The problem with appreciating the little things is that it eventually becomes a habit which encroaches on things that make up the fundamental motions which keep your life in order.

I think a lot of people who come to point of view that you are now experiencing often take things another step and literally change the entire course of their lives. They chalk it up to enlightenment and so on and so forth.

Creativity is a force that flows from within. If you want to taste the aspects of life that you hope will leave you with the sensation of fulfillment, I think you want to first take a look at what you've done so far, why you've done what you've done, and if any of that has given you any sort of fulfillment what so ever.

After all, everything that you have done to this day whether it be through chance or through willful intention has been the culmination of your subconscious desires acting out on the world around you.

Taking a step back and understanding the intricacies of your circumstances will help you better hone your future efforts into producing outcomes that are more along the lines of what you really want.

tylerpjtx

sponger wrote:

The problem with appreciating the little things is that it eventually becomes a habit which encroaches on things that make up the fundamental motions which keep your life in order.

I think a lot of people who come to point of view that you are now experiencing often take things another step and literally change the entire course of their lives. They chalk it up to enlightenment and so on and so forth.

Creativity is a force that flows from within. If you want to taste the aspects of life that you hope will leave you with the sensation of fulfillment, I think you want to first take a look at what you've done so far, why you've done what you've done, and if any of that has given you any sort of fulfillment what so ever.

After all, everything that you have done to this day whether it be through chance or through willful intention has been the culmination of your subconscious desires acting out on the world around you.

Taking a step back and understanding the intricacies of your circumstances will help you better hone your future efforts into producing outcomes that are more along the lines of what you really want.

wow, that was really well said. and yeah i've thought about that and i really feel like this is the kind of life i want to live. i realize how ultimately insignificant my life is to other people but it sure as hell means a lot to me. most of my state of mind on this comes from my sympathy i suppose. i really feel for people so caring about them satisfies my need to express that i guess. but i've also let go of those things at times and lived life the other way and it was far less fun for me.

catch22

catefrances wrote:

hmm well i continually put myself out on that limb. not caring if i fell. but still hoping there was someone there whod fall with me or maybe even catch me. rattle a few cages in hopes someone would step up and want to be my equal. turns out i was wrong too many times for me to count. seems i was surrounded by spineless pussies. now im more tired than ive ever been and knowing one more fall will kill me ive decided to live the remainder of my life in an alcohol and codeine haze. for me life is not beautiful. its ugly and waste of my time.

sounds familiar.

CHANGEinWAVES

trying to push myself to do things i'd otherwise be afraid to do...this has given more life to me as of now then anything else.

catefrances

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

trying to push myself to do things i'd otherwise be afraid to do...this has given more life to me as of now then anything else.

minus the afraid part cause im not afraid of anything... and ive done plenty of stuff that is outside my comfort zone, shall we say. and right now im sitting at my desk typing this so that should tell you how well tis all gone for me. its all taken the life right out of me.

CHANGEinWAVES

catefrances wrote:

minus the afraid part cause im not afraid of anything... and ive done plenty of stuff that is outside my comfort zone, shall we say. and right now im sitting at my desk typing this so that should tell you how well tis all gone for me. its all taken the life right out of me.

being alone has been my biggest fear in life....dealing with this is a huge challenge for me and it takes all of me to not let myself go numb. :(

tylerpjtx

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

trying to push myself to do things i'd otherwise be afraid to do...this has given more life to me as of now then anything else.

i can definitely relate to that. i've started doing so much outdoors stuff. doing things like that force me to learn new things and whatnot. just trying to stay active in some form or fashion. and i'm a marketing major too so i know a little bit about leaving my comfort zone....thats been a challenge in itself.

catefrances

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

being alone has been my biggest fear in life....dealing with this is a huge challenge for me and it takes all of me to not let myself go numb. :(

being as misanthropic as i am im okay with being alone. then people came into my life who made me think perhaps i had room for someone. now im relearning WHY i was misanthropic in the first place and why alone was an okay thing for me.

CHANGEinWAVES

catefrances wrote:

being as misanthropic as i am im okay with being alone. then people came into my life who made me think perhaps i had room for someone. now im relearning WHY i was misanthropic in the first place and why alone was an okay thing for me.

one day i hope to be content alone....

sponger

tylerpjtx wrote:

wow, that was really well said. and yeah i've thought about that and i really feel like this is the kind of life i want to live. i realize how ultimately insignificant my life is to other people but it sure as hell means a lot to me. most of my state of mind on this comes from my sympathy i suppose. i really feel for people so caring about them satisfies my need to express that i guess. but i've also let go of those things at times and lived life the other way and it was far less fun for me.

Thanks for the compliment.

Are you familiar with Maslow's heirarchy of needs?

Sympathy and empathy for others is certainly up there in the chain of needs. It's hard to say exactly where in the pyramid it falls, but it's in there somewhere depending on how that need is channeled.

And it sounds as though you have a desire to achieve "greatness." You say, "I realize how insignificant my life may seem to others, but it sure means a lot to me."

That sounds like self-reassurance. I cannot recall the topic of perceived significance to others being discussed until you mentioned it, and so perhaps it's not unreasonable to assume that it still does bother you somewhat to know that you just might leave this earth with only your closest loved ones taking notice.

That's a thing that we all contend with, and of course you have certainly found a method through which you have learned to cope. That is, you realized that the desire for greatness was one that was based partly in vanity, and that you could quell that yearning by thinking of those less fortunate, and subsequently following through on providing them with assistance.

And, of course, you want to ask yourself what it means to be significant to others. Does it mean being someone that they can depend on? Or does it mean winning their admiration? It's probably a mixture of both.

A literal example is a solder who fights to earn ribbons. Is he really fighting for the cause to which is army is committed? Or is he fighting to earn the respect and admiration of his colleagues, his peers, his family, and maybe even a sense of respect from within.

Does it really take a medal or a ribbon to know that one is brave? Of course not, but many soldiers measure their bravery by the ribbons on their chest regardless.

This need for admiration or "signifiance" is derived from a desire to seek approval of our own selves. And that desire is derived from who knows what. Really...people are still trying to figure that out. A lack of unconditional love from our parents is one theory. But one thing is for sure, and that's that it's a reality.

tylerpjtx

sponger wrote:

Thanks for the compliment.

Are you familiar with Maslow's heirarchy of needs?

Sympathy and empathy for others is certainly up there in the chain of needs. It's hard to say exactly where in the pyramid it falls, but it's in there somewhere depending on how that need is channeled.

And it sounds as though you have a desire to achieve "greatness." You say, "I realize how insignificant my life may seem to others, but it sure means a lot to me."

That sounds like self-reassurance. I cannot recall the topic of perceived significance to others being discussed until you mentioned it, and so perhaps it's not unreasonable to assume that it still does bother you somewhat to know that you just might leave this earth with only your closest loved ones taking notice.

That's a thing that we all contend with, and of course you have certainly found a method through which you have learned to cope. That is, you realized that the desire for greatness was one that was based partly in vanity, and that you could quell that yearning by thinking of those less fortunate, and subsequently following through on providing them with assistance.

And, of course, you want to ask yourself what it means to be significant to others. Does it mean being someone that they can depend on? Or does it mean winning their admiration? It's probably a mixture of both.

A literal example is a solder who fights to earn ribbons. Is he really fighting for the cause to which is army is committed? Or is he fighting to earn the respect and admiration of his colleagues, his peers, his family, and maybe even a sense of respect from within.

Does it really take a medal or a ribbon to know that one is brave? Of course not, but many soldiers measure their bravery by the ribbons on their chest regardless.

This need for admiration or "signifiance" is derived from a desire to seek approval of our own selves. And that desire is derived from who knows what. Really...people are still trying to figure that out. A lack of unconditional love from our parents is one theory. But one thing is for sure, and that's that it's a reality.

i'm not so sure i'm seeing the lack of unconditional love from our parents...my parents have been unbelievable to me and i know plenty of great families with similar situations who all still desire significance. i think it just gives meaning to our lives. and you're right it is partly in vanity, but i do believe that i have love in my heart so its also genuine.

and you're right there's some idea of "greatness" that i'm chasing. not sure if its social or not...but its definitely something i'm seeking. on one hand i never feel more alive than when i'm in the outdoors alone at some beautiful place....thats not social at all yet its satisfying to me. but on the other hand, i'm a musician so naturally i'm going to be a little narcisitic if i have the assumption that anyone else would be interested in hearing what i have to say.

you seem like you have the ability (well, everyone does. just not everyone uses it) to distance yourself from your situation and take an unemotional look at why it is the way it is and why you feel that way...i try to analyze things from that point of view as well, you're unfair to yourself if you don't. but i still have the desire to "feel" i guess and i still believe that things have meaning and aren't just purely matters of circumstance. thats the root of why i live the way i live.

sponger

I've always thought that the scene in the beginning of Enter the Dragon when Bruce Lee is training one of his students sums this subject up fairly well.

When throwing a good kick, focus not on your foot, but on your opponent.

PJaddicted

I find living in the moment and trying really hard not to look to0 far forward or behind really helps. Make sure you plan activities that you really love as often as possible. I am a nature freak....I get out every single day no matter what the weather. I also bird, it is hawk migration season, and I volunteer up at my local watch and count hawks and eagles. Nothing like the miracle of the changing seasons to keep me in touch with life.

I have had quite a bit of loss too, that pain never goes away. It does make me know that life is very fragile and at any moment anyone you love can die, so you must really BE with your family and friends every time you see them.

oxc

Ridin The Wave

PJaddicted wrote:

Make sure you plan activities that you really love as often as possible.

That's the key for me. I sometimes find myself stuck in the "going through the motions" stages, but as long as I keep feeding my soul, I keep myself afloat.

illegal pants

i have no advice :( i too fall easily into the trap of 'ugh, life'

one thing i DO try to do often is rid myself of mobile/email/etc and have some me time away from everyone and everything

justam

tylerpjtx wrote:

seems like lately i've been hearing about more deaths (not in the news but through people that i know....extended acquainances and whatnot) and i've tried to put more effort into living life like i really want to. it seems so easy to just go through the motions however and i fall into that trap from time to time. it also makes you less likely to tell people you care about them when you're going through the motions. i really dont want that for my life so i was wondering what all of yall did to keep your heart in your life and truly treat life like a gift? i guess my approach is to just take a little quiet time each day to think about it and maybe do a little reading on it and stuff. what about you? life is beautiful people.

I try to pay attention to what's going on.

I've noticed that having too much to do or being dis-organized can lead to being distracted and not awake so I've been thinking about that as well.

People need some mental space to enjoy their lives and good connections with people they love to feel passionate about their interactions.