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Helping and Caring for a person that might be in trouble

libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
edited June 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Has anyone ever been in this situation? You see someone that may possibly be in trouble and your the only one that seems to care enough to do something about it but that person does not want to let you in?

I don't know..I know people are thinking well if they don't want it..just forget about it. Im not that kind of person though. One other time this person was in trouble and I was the only one then who seemed to notice and care and he finally seeked help and it was a good thing he did.

I don't know I have no idea what to do.
These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • OneLoveOneLove Posts: 563
    It can be heartbreaking to say the least. its a good sign that your friend got some help before, perhaps he will do it again?

    I learned the extremely hard way that if someone dosn't want to change, they won't. no matter how much you try.

    I wish for just one day my Mom saw the all of the good things in her life, and that she saw herself as the beautiful sprirt I remember when I was a kid. But something more powerful than her desire to be healthy is preventing her from seeing that now.

    It sounds like your friend needed you help in order to address some issues in the past... you are a steller person for stepping up and trying to help them again. Best of luck to you!

    Save You is a really great song to deal with the frusturation too. :)

    Feel free to PM
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    OneLove wrote:

    I learned the extremely hard way that if someone dosn't want to change, they won't. no matter how much you try.
    I know what ya mean :o it IS tough. I'm sorry libragirl... sometimes all you can do is wait til they ask you for help :o

    I dunno... I failed miserably so can't really help.
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    OneLove wrote:
    It can be heartbreaking to say the least. its a good sign that your friend got some help before, perhaps he will do it again?

    I learned the extremely hard way that if someone dosn't want to change, they won't. no matter how much you try.

    I wish for just one day my Mom saw the all of the good things in her life, and that she saw herself as the beautiful sprirt I remember when I was a kid. But something more powerful than her desire to be healthy is preventing her from seeing that now.

    It sounds like your friend needed you help in order to address some issues in the past... you are a steller person for stepping up and trying to help them again. Best of luck to you!

    Save You is a really great song to deal with the frusturation too. :)

    Feel free to PM

    thank you....Im trying but unfortunately a lot of stuff happened between us that is probably preventing them from being receptive to my help....

    Im just really sad and depressed about it. I think I care too much sometimes.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • tremorvoidtremorvoid Posts: 528
    i can tell you from my personal experience (as the person who needs help) that unless they are really ready to talk about it or do something to help fix the "problem"...they wont. when im in a really bad place and all i want to do is disappear...it actually pisses me off when people start with the "oh whats wrong" questions. you have to be careful not to make them feel like you pity them. most of the time its simply that it comes across fake since no one ever seemed to care before, or that the person trying to help just tries too hard and its either needless or relentless....either way its annoying. at the same time...when that 1 good friend repeatedly shows sincere interest and concern and offers to just listen whenever you need to vent or are ready to talk...and/or offers real life experience that shows that they have been thru something very similar AND came out STRONGER...im more likely to open up...if i feel they can relate. but sometimes.....most of the time...when i isolate...and i dont want to talk to anyone....even when people like my parents call nonstop because they are worried or whatever...with each ring of my phone it just adds to wanting to isolate more...and you bet i do. give them their space....but let them know occasionally that you really care and are concerned and if theres anything you could do...they can count on you...for ANYTHING. and dont say it unless you mean it.

    i know thats not really any help...but some people just arent very comfortable opening up and talking about their darkest thoughts. it takes YEARS before i get to that point with anyone...trust does not come easy. but there have been a very select few who just got me to lay everything out there....i could see and feel their sincerity...and well some people are just really good at getting what they want. :)

    good luck to you and your friend. just be a friend and dont give up on them...even when it feels like they have given up on you.
    Seems that needlessly it's getting harder
    To find an approach and a way to live
    Are we getting something out of this
    all-encompassing trip?
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Thank you. You are right. I'm just very frustrated, angry, depressed and sad. It's hard to just sit and do nothing when it looks like someone needs help.
    tremorvoid wrote:
    i can tell you from my personal experience (as the person who needs help) that unless they are really ready to talk about it or do something to help fix the "problem"...they wont. when im in a really bad place and all i want to do is disappear...it actually pisses me off when people start with the "oh whats wrong" questions. you have to be careful not to make them feel like you pity them. most of the time its simply that it comes across fake since no one ever seemed to care before, or that the person trying to help just tries too hard and its either needless or relentless....either way its annoying. at the same time...when that 1 good friend repeatedly shows sincere interest and concern and offers to just listen whenever you need to vent or are ready to talk...and/or offers real life experience that shows that they have been thru something very similar AND came out STRONGER...im more likely to open up...if i feel they can relate. but sometimes.....most of the time...when i isolate...and i dont want to talk to anyone....even when people like my parents call nonstop because they are worried or whatever...with each ring of my phone it just adds to wanting to isolate more...and you bet i do. give them their space....but let them know occasionally that you really care and are concerned and if theres anything you could do...they can count on you...for ANYTHING. and dont say it unless you mean it.

    i know thats not really any help...but some people just arent very comfortable opening up and talking about their darkest thoughts. it takes YEARS before i get to that point with anyone...trust does not come easy. but there have been a very select few who just got me to lay everything out there....i could see and feel their sincerity...and well some people are just really good at getting what they want. :)

    good luck to you and your friend. just be a friend and dont give up on them...even when it feels like they have given up on you.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    You know what..it's not worth it anymore. I can't beleive I spent all this time and energy on someone who used me and threw me away. Dont worry Im not gonna tell ;)

    Good Riddance!
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • mdigenakismdigenakis Posts: 1,337
    my students. you can't imagine the problems inner city HS kids have. i got shit-faced destroyed last friday cause i wasn't sure if i'd see one of my kids on monday.

    note: i saw her. she's fine.
    "Don't let the darkness eat you up..."

    -Greg Dulli

  • cheeseandricecheeseandrice Posts: 206
    libragirl wrote:
    Has anyone ever been in this situation? You see someone that may possibly be in trouble and your the only one that seems to care enough to do something about it but that person does not want to let you in?

    I don't know..I know people are thinking well if they don't want it..just forget about it. Im not that kind of person though. One other time this person was in trouble and I was the only one then who seemed to notice and care and he finally seeked help and it was a good thing he did.

    I don't know I have no idea what to do.

    Be gentle, don't scare them away, but please keep trying. I had a co worker that always acted that life was great, never complained. I became good friends with him over the years and got an insight into his "real" life. Lots of hard drugs, lots of skeletons, and to top it off..he was gay and never admitted it to his family or even closest of childhood friends. He became my BEST friend and very close to my family and especially my kids. I saw him spin out of control and he became very distant. I was always the meddling type, but for some reason, this time I gave up. Shortly after I lost contact with him for a few months, he committed suicide. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel guilty for not trying hard enough. I know that not every person can save everyone especially when they don't want the help. But I still think that if I had either tried harder or maybe talked to a professional, I would have never lost him.
    I will hold the candle until it burns up my arm. I'll keep taking punches until their will grows tired. I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind. I won't change direction and I won't change my mind.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    cheeseandrice wrote:
    Be gentle, don't scare them away, but please keep trying. I had a co worker that always acted that life was great, never complained. I became good friends with him over the years and got an insight into his "real" life. Lots of hard drugs, lots of skeletons, and to top it off..he was gay and never admitted it to his family or even closest of childhood friends. He became my BEST friend and very close to my family and especially my kids. I saw him spin out of control and he became very distant. I was always the meddling type, but for some reason, this time I gave up. Shortly after I lost contact with him for a few months, he committed suicide. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel guilty for not trying hard enough. I know that not every person can save everyone especially when they don't want the help. But I still think that if I had either tried harder or maybe talked to a professional, I would have never lost him.

    Thank you for your response. Im actually giving up for the sake of self preservation. The person did something very mean to me and does not want help. I do hope they turn things around for themselves but I want nothing to do with them, it's up to the person's family now.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    I know people are probably sick of me by now...

    anyway because Im a glutton for punishment..and I actually was debating whether to do this. I emailed a relative of this person who was in trouble. I told him sorry for the bother ..blah..blah..Im just concerned. So basically I get a threatening email back telling me basically he doesn't care about it and to basically stop bothering his family...(the person's his family) and threatened to report me at myspace.

    What effing apathetic jerk!... This is basically the attitude of all his family.

    So yeah Why do I care...I got so disgusted and replied back to him. I swear if he reports me..there will be hell to pay.

    If you have great parents..be thankful..
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    libragirl wrote:
    Has anyone ever been in this situation? You see someone that may possibly be in trouble and your the only one that seems to care enough to do something about it but that person does not want to let you in?

    I don't know..I know people are thinking well if they don't want it..just forget about it. Im not that kind of person though. One other time this person was in trouble and I was the only one then who seemed to notice and care and he finally seeked help and it was a good thing he did.

    I don't know I have no idea what to do.

    tell us what kinda trouble you're talking about ?
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    chadwick wrote:
    tell us what kinda trouble you're talking about ?

    It is a long and sorted story..and Im not at liberty to give details but basically I suspect the person has a drinking prob..im pretty sure they did in the past. There really is no reason for me to care..but evidently..his family doesn't either. It's really sad but I feel i did what was right and now it's in God's hands or rather the person themselves. I'm not going to tolerate being threatened and abused...god knows I went through enough of that.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    libragirl wrote:
    It is a long and sorted story..and Im not at liberty to give details but basically I suspect the person has a drinking prob..im pretty sure they did in the past. There really is no reason for me to care..but evidently..his family doesn't either. It's really sad but I feel i did what was right and now it's in God's hands or rather the person themselves. I'm not going to tolerate being threatened and abused...god knows I went through enough of that.

    yeah no doubt,
    nobody deserves to be abused

    can you kick his/her for em? :D
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    chadwick wrote:
    yeah no doubt,
    nobody deserves to be abused

    can you kick his/her for em? :D

    lol...well you know I feel good about what I did. There are some deep issue in that fam..and whatever..I guess we all have our family issues..but when you see someone concerned for your kid and concerned enough to reach out to you..and bear in mind you don't know them..wouldn't you take it seriously? I kind of think i know what happened.

    But anyway I got so outraged by his tone i reported his ass. He was like "are we clear" like I was some little kid.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
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