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If you love something set it free?

AyedavanitaAyedavanita Posts: 1,443
edited July 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
"If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours...."

I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year. I love him to death and hope I did the right thing. He's recently divorced and has struggled with his feelings for his ex the whole time we've been together. It seems like every few months he needs space and time to think about if he wants to be with me or not. Everytime he does this it rips my heart wide open and devastates me. I decided this week when he said he wasn't sure if he even wanted to be with me anymore that I would be the bigger person and set him free. It kills me to do it but I can't take the pain he's putting me through anymore. I'm hoping he loves me like he's always told me he did and comes back to me begging to make things work. I never wanted to be a person that he was with just to keep his mind off of things so he could get over her. Did I make a mistake in falling for him? Was I wrong to break it off? Your opinions please....
"You think I got my eyes closed but I'm lookin' at you the whole fuckin' time..."
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  • you areyou are Posts: 1,651
    Ayedavanita wrote:
    "If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours...."

    I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year. I love him to death and hope I did the right thing. He's recently divorced and has struggled with his feelings for his ex the whole time we've been together. It seems like every few months he needs space and time to think about if he wants to be with me or not. Everytime he does this it rips my heart wide open and devastates me. I decided this week when he said he wasn't sure if he even wanted to be with me anymore that I would be the bigger person and set him free. It kills me to do it but I can't take the pain he's putting me through anymore. I'm hoping he loves me like he's always told me he did and comes back to me begging to make things work. I never wanted to be a person that he was with just to keep his mind off of things so he could get over her. Did I make a mistake in falling for him? Was I wrong to break it off? Your opinions please....

    sometimes you just can't help who you fall for and no you are NOT wrong for breaking it off! ;) he's got to work things out and until he does, he's not gonna be good for any relationship. :) hang in there
    No need to be void, or save up on life...
    You got to spend it all
  • AmentsChickAmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Don't know if this helps you, but I try to remind myself of this often, ESPECIALLY when I'm hurting.
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Sounds like you made an admirable decision. I really hope it does work out.

    I like the saying. I think it makes sense for the most part.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • itsevobabyitsevobaby Posts: 1,809
    you made the right decision :)
    Look Alive,
    See These Bones
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    Hard hard thing to do, but it is the RIGHT thing.
    (((((HUGS))))))
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • peachykeenpeachykeen NY Posts: 108
    it sucks and it hurts and really as they say it takes time. i've been dealing with a similar situation for the past 2 months and honestly the first time that i was truly happy and forgot about all the heartbreak for a few hours was at msg last week and it's been getting better slowly ever since then. the best of luck.....
    *If I had known then what I know now*


    199xxx
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Im sorry :(, that must be hard. I think you did the right thing. It seemed like he still had feeling for his ex and was unable to give himself fully to you. At least you didn't spend 4 years with the guy like I did.

    But I definitely think you did the right thing.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • vmfuryvmfury Posts: 1,091
    Sorry to hear that, girl. :(

    I think you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. There is zero sense in putting effort into someone who cannot keep his feelings straight. Who has time for that anyway? Also, I wouldn't bank on him begging to have you back, and if he did, chances are the exact same scenario would occur all over again. You don't need that. Cut your losses, wish him well, and move on. Things should never be that hard if you're meant to be with a person. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Your dream man is out there. I hope your sadness goes away quickly. *hugs*
    We’ll meet again, but not yet…not yet. 
  • the wolfthe wolf Posts: 7,027
    i very much think you did the right thing.

    my advice would be to not sit around and wait for him to come back though.
    get on with you're own life, and who knows, if he comes back maybe you will be over it, and not even want to continue the relationship.

    i also believe things happen for a reason. maybe its because you are meant to be with someone else, that will make you happier then you can imagine :)

    good luck.
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    Ayedavanita wrote:
    "If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours...."

    I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year. I love him to death and hope I did the right thing. He's recently divorced and has struggled with his feelings for his ex the whole time we've been together. It seems like every few months he needs space and time to think about if he wants to be with me or not. Everytime he does this it rips my heart wide open and devastates me. I decided this week when he said he wasn't sure if he even wanted to be with me anymore that I would be the bigger person and set him free. It kills me to do it but I can't take the pain he's putting me through anymore. I'm hoping he loves me like he's always told me he did and comes back to me begging to make things work. I never wanted to be a person that he was with just to keep his mind off of things so he could get over her. Did I make a mistake in falling for him? Was I wrong to break it off? Your opinions please....


    Ok, here's my opinion.

    No, you did the right thing. Early on in a relationship, we set the tone and the pattern for later.

    If you begin now with the mindset of "whatever you decide I am here always no matter what", then you may just be the girl who gets called when he is drunk and horny, or dumped by another, or shot down by the ex, etc. you get the point I am sure.

    But if instead, you be the cool girl who is more like, "Hey I love you but if you are unsure about this, then I need some space and if you come around and decide that you want to check this thing out without your baggage, then maybe we could see what happens."

    I know it is killing you inside but it is better to be the one longed after than for you to do the longing. Honestly.

    What do you think?
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    PJPixie wrote:
    Hard hard thing to do, but it is the RIGHT thing.
    (((((HUGS))))))



    absolutely!

    and i might add, tis the right thing to do for BOTH of you.
    you deserve a man who KNOWS you are exactly who he wants, and he needs to get his head sorted for himself as well. it IS difficult, but what's meant to be, will be. your heart may hurt today, but who knows what love tomorrow may bring? whether with him or someone else, you'd never *know* otherwsie, so you made a very wise decision.


    good luck!
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • spongersponger Posts: 3,159
    Is this why your incarcerated husband wants to divorce you?
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    decides2dream wrote:
    absolutely!

    and i might add, tis the right thing to do for BOTH of you.
    you deserve a man who KNOWS you are exactly who he wants, and he needs to get his head sorted for himself as well. it IS difficult, but what's meant to be, will be. your heart may hurt today, but who knows what love tomorrow may bring? whether with him or someone else, you'd never *know* otherwsie, so you made a very wise decision.


    good luck!
    Definitely! Well done girl, it will probably hurt for a while, but in the long run you will thank yourself. It was a very brave and tough choice but the right one.
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • James The ShrimperJames The Shrimper Posts: 41
    I'm in a shitty situation right now with a girl close to me (it's been rumbling on for six months now). I'm struggling to cut her loose, so the best advice I would give is move on as quickly as you can, and believe that you can do better than somebody that's messing you about. Even if he's not intending to, he is, so move on and find someone better otherwise you'll get dragged into the place where I'm in right now.

    All the best.
    ***Astoria, UK - 2006***
    ***Reading, UK - 2006***
    ***Wembley, UK - 2007***
    ***Nijmegen, Holland - 2007***

    http://www.myspace.com/theeasymorningrebel
  • PJSerfPJSerf Posts: 637
    I also think you did the right thing. It sucks right now, but hopefully in the long run, you'll see that you were better off.

    I've very recently have been going through a similar situation, and believe that I made the right decision.
    "If you love someone, set them free... if someone loves you, don't fuck up" - EV
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    James The Shrimper wrote:
    I'm in a shitty situation right now with a girl close to me (it's been rumbling on for six months now). I'm struggling to cut her loose, so the best advice I would give is move on as quickly as you can, and believe that you can do better than somebody that's messing you about. Even if he's not intending to, he is, so move on and find someone better otherwise you'll get dragged into the place where I'm in right now.

    All the best.

    I can't pretend to know the exact situation you are in but I was in a relationship with a person for 4 year and engaged to them a year of it. For a while I thought things were "off" but he denied anything being wrong. Well anyway he ended up hurting me because he finally found a coward way out of the relationship. I feel he was just using me and also my family as they did a lot for him.

    Sorry to go on, but my point is if you have any feelings for this girl, please be straight with her and tell her you can't be in the relationship anymore. Don't lead her on. But like I said I really don't know the circumstances, Im only guessing.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • AyedavanitaAyedavanita Posts: 1,443
    vmfury wrote:
    Sorry to hear that, girl. :(

    I think you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. There is zero sense in putting effort into someone who cannot keep his feelings straight. Who has time for that anyway? Also, I wouldn't bank on him begging to have you back, and if he did, chances are the exact same scenario would occur all over again. You don't need that. Cut your losses, wish him well, and move on. Things should never be that hard if you're meant to be with a person. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Your dream man is out there. I hope your sadness goes away quickly. *hugs*


    YAY!!!! My Fury came out of no where for me!!! Haven't posted since damn January but I look and HERE you are....ooooo ahhhh, lol. I love you and miss you so very much! Thanks for the words of wisdom. I know you're right.


    Sponger.....No, this isn't why he's filed for a divorce. He and his crack addict convicted prostitute girlfriend had kids together before I even started dating this guy.


    Update: Everyone was right I guess. I got the silent treatment until Friday night when he sent a text saying it was hard on him and he wasn't avoiding me. Then today I finally got him to talk to me online, ugh, and he stated that he didn't think he was ready for a relationship yet. AFTER A YEAR of telling me how great I was and how much he loved me. Not to mention pushing to meet my kids and be a part of their lives too. Well, right now it still hurts a whole lot but the anger is brewing so that should help with the pain. What a cold hearted cowardly fuck!
    "You think I got my eyes closed but I'm lookin' at you the whole fuckin' time..."
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