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Best Man help?!?!?

mca47mca47 Posts: 13,298
edited September 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
So in a week and a half I'm going to play the role of best man in my brother's wedding. I've been to quite a few weddings, but never had this role before and I have a few issues/concerns.

1) I haven't gotten the groom (my brother) a "best man" gift yet. Any ideas? We are close, but not that close so I'm having some difficulty coming up with something good. I'm hoping for some good ideas you've heard about in the past that work well.
2) The toast. Scripted or unscripted? I do not want it to be some cheesy story (I hate those) but do I dare wing it, make notes, or memorize it?
3) The toast part 2) I rarely ever get nervous about things, but I'm quite nervous about this. There are going to be 150-200 people there :eek: and I don't want to fuck it up.
Being nervous about this is very common but completely irrational, but I don't know what to do to get over it (besides alcohol :D).

Any advice?
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • r1versr1vers Posts: 244
    haven't done it, but as with any public speaking i think it's best to just write down a few notes about stories you want to tell and have said it all out loud before so you don't miss anything (and you can get a sense of how long it will all take). using some sort of visual is a great way for a laugh too, if possible. keep the stories and comments short and direct...keep the speech to 5-10 minutes and you should be able to keep everyone's attention just fine. good luck!
    "Last time I think we played that song here was like, a long time ago, and there was a bonfire in the back and people were like throwing each other into it...very exciting days but a huge fucking relief that that's not how it is tonight..." Ed Irvine Night 1 2003, after Deep
  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    I heard a speech that included the best man telling the bride to put her hand on the table. then he told the groom to put his hand on top of hers. then he said, "(groom's name), that's the last time you will ever have the upper hand in the relationship." the place erupted in laughter.

    good luck
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • jimed14jimed14 Posts: 9,488
    been a best man 4 times!

    While I don't think you should read from paper ... if you are nervous, by all means, start wirting down some thoughts and practice an outline of what you're going to say ... no more than 3 - 5 minutes .. DO NOT POKE FUN AT THE BRIDE! Just don't.

    my best received speech was one where I used both humor at the outset and kind words at the end ... something along the lines of "synergy", where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts ... blah blah blah ... had both the moms crying.
    "You're one of the few Red Sox fans I don't mind." - Newch91

    "I don't believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I'll drill him in the ass." --- Pedro Martinez
  • spongersponger Posts: 3,159
    I like the sound of my own voice, and I expect other people to like the sound of my voice too.

    Whenever I do any kind of public speaking, I get a kick out of the fact that no matter how stupid or uninteresting my words are, those people still have to sit there and act polite.

    So, I usually end up becoming an absolute windbag and saying whatever comes to mind just for the sake of keeping everyone's attention.

    A communications professor I had once asked the class what we're really afraid of when we're speaking in front of others.

    No one could answer her question, so I thought it worthwhile to actually think about it for awhile.

    I think it's the fear of being misunderstood. We're afraid that what we say won't be what others can relate to, and we'll be perceived as different.

    The way you get over that is to project an overwhelming image of self-confidence so that when people do have trouble relating to your point of view, they will think it's because there's something wrong with them, not you.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • DonJonDonJon Posts: 5,089
    Re the present....I never purchased one. The fact that you organise heaps of stuff (bucks day etc) should be enough. Well at least thats the attitude with my mates.

    You sound fairly confident with public speaking. This is no different. Granted its a large crowd but the best mans speech is supposed to be one of the highlights of the night.....you already have a slight head start. People are in good moods and arnet there to critique you.

    Re the notes - each to there own. I suggest at minimum some brief notes in case you loose your way. You'd be surprised here....laughter can go on for 15-20 seconds and by that time you've lost your rhythm.

    And last of all....you are always better than you think. I popped out a cracker at one (knew Id done ok but thought no more of it) and no exageration I had at least 30-40 people say it was the best speech they have EVER heard. 5 years down the track and it still gets referred to often.

    Speak slow, prep well and most of all - enjoy the moment mate. Its a special time for all involved and something you'll remember for the rest of your live. Do it proudly.
    I'll ride the wave where it takes me.
  • reversedarwinismreversedarwinism Posts: 1,151
    stylo17 wrote:
    I heard a speech that included the best man telling the bride to put her hand on the table. then he told the groom to put his hand on top of hers. then he said, "(groom's name), that's the last time you will ever have the upper hand in the relationship." the place erupted in laughter.

    good luck

    LMAO... thats great.
    bombs, dropping down, please forgive our hometown
  • pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    I said a speech at my sister's wedding it wasnt best man style but still very nerve racking. I started off by saying "I have never done anything like this before and I'm as nervous as sheep in New Zealand" which broke the ice really well.(joke about the tendency of New Zealanders to have relations with their sheep for those wondering) I even roughly estimated how long they had been together. They had been going out for 9 yrs, so I worked out months, days, hours, seconds, Everyone loved it.

    I had a few personal touches in their, and I had also had plenty of beers. I think in the first 10mins I had like 3 beers cause i was so nervous. Break the ice, practice your speech with someone. and don't talk too fast.
    I was even offered by the wedding reception place to be an M.C. I said hell no Once is enough

    Good luck.

    P.s Bagging out New Zealanders should be part and parcel of every wedding speech in my opinion...
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • fuckfuck Posts: 4,069
    speak from "the heart"
  • mca47mca47 Posts: 13,298
    Thanks for the advice guys (and keep it coming ;)). I may just get good and loaded. I often do my best work when a little tipsy! :D
  • jimed14jimed14 Posts: 9,488
    What was I thinking???? ... here's your blueprint!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBB6pmixR4Q
    "You're one of the few Red Sox fans I don't mind." - Newch91

    "I don't believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I'll drill him in the ass." --- Pedro Martinez
  • covered in blisscovered in bliss chi-caw-go Posts: 1,332
    mca47 wrote:
    Thanks for the advice guys (and keep it coming ;)). I may just get good and loaded. I often do my best work when a little tipsy! :D

    Make sure you eat during the day and don't get too buzzed up. You might be videotaped... you don't want to make an ass out of yourself!

    You don't give the groom a gift, HE gives YOU something... probably at the rehearsal dinner.
  • Hitch-HikerHitch-Hiker Posts: 2,873
    Well, I've never done it and I've only ever been to one wedding, but I'll tell you about that.
    My aunt on my mothers side was getting married. So the Best Man did a speech, the Groom said his part, and my dad, being me granny's favourite son in law, was asked to speak on behalf of the father of the bride, who has passed on. Anyway, The Groom and Best Man both pretty much read straight from a script. And while there was nothing WRONG with their speeches, they did sound rehearsed. I noticed they both had a couple of pages in front of them to read from too. Maybe they just didn't like public speaking I dunno. When my dad made his speech he just made himself a few notes of things he wanted to mention or anecdotes he wanted to tell, and then pretty much winged it. It went down waaayyyy better than the other speeches. Everyo0ne said so after that it was best, mainly coz it was the most natural. So judging from that experience, I'd say go prepared, but not overly so, and try to be as natural as possible. Easier said than done I suppose.
    Anyway, good luck :)
    I'll Ride The Wave Where It Takes Me
  • riffrandallriffrandall Posts: 685
    covered in bliss wrote:
    Make sure you eat during the day and don't get too buzzed up. You might be videotaped... you don't want to make an ass out of yourself!

    You don't give the groom a gift, HE gives YOU something... probably at the rehearsal dinner.

    No- this is not true. Groomsmen buy the couple a gift IN ADDITION to being given a gift by the groom. And contrary to popular belief, you don't have a year to give the gift.
    Just get them something off their registry.

    And the part about don't poke fun at the bride or joke about the many girls in your brother's past? Yeah... keep that part out.
    Cheesy stories are OK. I like the stories about brothers as kids and how one looked up to the other, and how you still look up to him and hope you find this kind of happiness blah blah blah. It does work.
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
  • schmoffschmoff Posts: 428
    riffrandall wrote:
    No- this is not true. Groomsmen buy the couple a gift IN ADDITION to being given a gift by the groom. And contrary to popular belief, you don't have a year to give the gift.
    Just get them something off their registry.


    give the groom a wedding gift like at any other wedding you would go to, of course it should be nicer than another wedding (example: say you usually give a $150 gift to a friend at a wedding, this time it should be $250 or $300) but it is not a seperate or additional "best man gift", you should give the couple their gift at the wedding, the groom will give you a gift usually at the rehearsal dinner

    at least that is the way it usually goes
    50+ shows and lost count somewhere along the way
  • joint in a treejoint in a tree Posts: 392
    1) no idea about the gift, sorry

    2 & 3) KEEP IT SHORT. maybe not scripted, but practiced...maybe run it by mom or girlfriend or both....if you think there's a slight chance something you're saying is in poor taste, don't say it.
    also, don't get inebriated before the speech. you will want to have a buzz on, but you won't wanna be slurry and sloppy. plenty of time for that after the speech.

    good luck.
    "Find myself singing the same songs every day....
    ones that make me feel good when things behind the smile ain't ok...." -Hoon
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    rip off some ideas from this site...

    http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/
  • covered in blisscovered in bliss chi-caw-go Posts: 1,332
    riffrandall wrote:
    No- this is not true. Groomsmen buy the couple a gift IN ADDITION to being given a gift by the groom. And contrary to popular belief, you don't have a year to give the gift.
    Just get them something off their registry.

    And the part about don't poke fun at the bride or joke about the many girls in your brother's past? Yeah... keep that part out.
    Cheesy stories are OK. I like the stories about brothers as kids and how one looked up to the other, and how you still look up to him and hope you find this kind of happiness blah blah blah. It does work.

    yeah. you buy the COUPLE a gift. Like any-other wedding.

    you DO NOT buy a couple gift AND a gift just for the groom.

    That's what I meant. :)
  • MtCanvasMtCanvas Posts: 27
    The best opening line that I have ever heard (it was researched on the Internet...don't know the source. but it created a boatload of laughs...)

    Said very quickly....

    "For an occasion" (pause) (cough), "For an occasion" (another pause).....such as this"

    if said properly, the laughs will be inevitable....

    GOOD LUCK
    From 04/04/92,-13/09/05 (x5)

    Brian
  • GivenToJam88GivenToJam88 NJ Posts: 1,187
    jimed14 wrote:
    What was I thinking???? ... here's your blueprint!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBB6pmixR4Q

    hilarious scene. loved wedding singer
    2006: 5/28
    2008: 6/19, 6/24, 6/25
    2009: 6/14 (EV), 10/27, 10/28
    2010: 5/17
    2011: 6/21 (EV), 6/22 (EV), 9/11, 9/12
    2012: 9/2
    2013: 10/15, 10/16, 10/19, 10/21, 10/22, 10/27, 11/23, 11/24
    2014: 10/19
    2016: 5/1, 5/2, 5/8
    2018: 8/20, 9/2, 9/4
  • mca47mca47 Posts: 13,298
    So my speech went pretty well. I was nervous as hell at first.

    I didn't get a chance to have a couple/few drinks before-hand but I just got up and pretty much winged it. I had a very, very rough outline to fall back on but it turned out to be pretty good. Once I got past the first minute or two it was smooth sailing.
    That said, I hope I don't have to do that again anytime soon!! :D

    Thanks for help guys!
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