Jokes about religion...funny or not?

RolandTD20Kdrummer

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Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

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Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," says an elderly nun at the back of the room, "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

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Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."

St Peter: "Not likely!"

Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."

At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.

St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."

Jesus: "Bugger off!"

Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."

Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.

Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."

God: "Tell him to get lost!"

Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."

God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"

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dunkman

yip.. funny.. why wouldnt they be? pretty much everything is up for humour.

religion deserves ridicule as it is so self righteous, pompus and pious anyway.. a little light relief is agood thing for religion, it takes itself.. no sorry others... take it way to seriously!!

Alex_Coe

Did you hear about the old man who is an atheist, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

He stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

dunkman

Alex_Coe wrote:

Did you hear about the old man who is an atheist, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

He stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

billy connolly joke... how i love him

although he might not have made it up!!?!?!?

RolandTD20Kdrummer

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I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

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eMMI

I'm somewhat of a religious person.

but I still find those jokes funny. :D:D

especially the first one. made me laugh out loud a little.

Ahnimus

Nothing makes me laugh like religion it's self. oooh! Hurts don't it?

RolandTD20Kdrummer

Ahnimus wrote:

Nothing makes me laugh like religion it's self. oooh! Hurts don't it?

That depends. What does synaptogenesis have to say on the various perceptions of pain?

Ahnimus

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

That depends. What does synaptogenesis have to say on the various perceptions of pain?

Pain is an innate sense of every cell in living organisms.

Ahnimus

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

That depends. What does synaptogenesis have to say on the various perceptions of pain?

Check out Steven Hariss' Unified Theory of the Nervous System and Behavior
http://www.stevenharris.com/theory/058.htm

It's a bit off and he's not much of a scientist really, but I think he might be on to something.

RolandTD20Kdrummer

Ahnimus wrote:

Pain is an innate sense of every cell in living organisms.

I guess that's why we're always busy trying to soothe it.

RolandTD20Kdrummer

Ahnimus wrote:

Check out Steven Hariss' Unified Theory of the Nervous System and Behavior
http://www.stevenharris.com/theory/058.htm

It's a bit off and he's not much of a scientist really, but I think he might be on to something.

Interesting. I had a Single Fiber EMG test done on me once. Basically the doctor takes something like an acupuncture needle with a microphone in the tip, and fishes around in your muscle until he directly taps into a nerve junction. You can hear each synapse fire as it passed through and to the nerve. When you tense your muscles from calm it sounds like a raging hurricane storm of activity.

That was just for a single nerve fiber. I was pretty humbled afterwards by the sheer magnitude of little bits or packets of data our brain can process.

Ahnimus

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

Interesting. I had a Single Fiber EMG test done on me once. Basically the doctor takes something like an acupuncture needle with a microphone in the tip, and fishes around in your muscle until he directly taps into a nerve junction. You can hear each synapse fire as it passed through and to the nerve. When you tense your muscles from calm it sounds like a raging hurricane storm of activity.

That was just for a single nerve fiber. I was pretty humbled afterwards by the sheer magnitude of little bits or packets of data our brain can process.

That sounds cool. Yea the human nervous system is miraculous, dare I say the word miraculous.