The Burden Of Being A Republican
Byrnzie
Posts: 21,037
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving and military record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers
for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can
tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving and military record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers
for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can
tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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1. Europe always right.
2. American always wrong.
3. People can't take care of themselves so we must do it for them.
4. Your money is their money.
5. We can discuss issues with terrorists.
6. All rich people are bad people.
7. That they're actually open minded.
8. That Bush is out only for his rich buddies but Kerry who is $485 million dollars richer isn't.
Things Republicans believe.
1. Republicans are always right, without fail.
2. Democrats are always wrong and they hate America.
3. People can't take care of themselves so f*&k 'em.
4. My money is my money. Screw you.
5. All poor people are bad.
6. That they're actually open minded.
7. That Kerry was never in Vietnam but G.W. was.
haha thats great.
Mine's better...and you know it!
No. I....plagiarised it.
http://cstl-csm.semo.edu/scheibe/Todays%20Special_1.htm
http://cstl-csm.semo.edu/scheibe/images/bushie05.jpg