more late night jokes
The Waiting Trophy Man
Posts: 12,158
"After three long years, our efforts in Iraq have been successful in fostering a new generation of people who hate us." --Jon Stewart
"A new National Intelligence Estimate report recently leaked to the New York Times says the war in Iraq has made the overall terrorism problem worse, and has spread Islamic radicalism further than before. Now that sounds bad, but remember, this is from a U.S. intelligence report. Take it with a grain of salt." --Jon Stewart
"The president of Afghanistan says over the past year, democracy has suffered a set back in his country. On the bright side, at least now he and President Bush have something in common." --Jay Leno
"Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints. They beat the Atlanta Falcons. It was the Saints first time to the Superdome since Hurricane Katrina, which is pretty impressive considering FEMA still hasn't made it to the Superdome." --Jay Leno
"The Transportation Security Administration has partially lifted the ban on carry-on liquids for air flights. You can bring liquids on the plane, as long as they are purchased from secure airport stores. What a relief, huh? See now instead of bringing your own hair gel, you can buy a three ounce tube at the airport for $162." --Jay Leno
"President Clinton lost his temper in an interview with Chris Wallace on Fox News this past Sunday. I like Bill Clinton, but if he can't be pleasant and polite, I don't think he's gonna be the kind of first lady Hillary's going to need." --Jay Leno
"Did you have the chance to see former President Bill Clinton on the Fox News show on Sunday? He got very upset. He went ballistic. He was loud. He was angry and confrontational. So, Fox gave him a show." --David Letterman
"According to the latest polls in California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is favored to win a second term. Or as Arnold calls it, 'The Sequel.'." --Conan O'Brien
"There's a report right now out of France that Osama bin Laden is either dead or dying of dysentery caused by E. coli. That's right, we tried tanks and bombs and guns, but all it took was spinach." --Conan O'Brien
"President Clinton announced a new global initiative today -- getting Fox News off the air." --Jay Leno
"Chris Wallace was really taken aback. He was stunned. He talked about it afterwards. He said at one point, when Clinton lunged at him, he felt like a mountain was coming down in front of him. Ironically, Clinton once experienced the same thing in the Oval Office." --Jay Leno
"A new National Intelligence Estimate report recently leaked to the New York Times says the war in Iraq has made the overall terrorism problem worse, and has spread Islamic radicalism further than before. Now that sounds bad, but remember, this is from a U.S. intelligence report. Take it with a grain of salt." --Jon Stewart
"The president of Afghanistan says over the past year, democracy has suffered a set back in his country. On the bright side, at least now he and President Bush have something in common." --Jay Leno
"Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints. They beat the Atlanta Falcons. It was the Saints first time to the Superdome since Hurricane Katrina, which is pretty impressive considering FEMA still hasn't made it to the Superdome." --Jay Leno
"The Transportation Security Administration has partially lifted the ban on carry-on liquids for air flights. You can bring liquids on the plane, as long as they are purchased from secure airport stores. What a relief, huh? See now instead of bringing your own hair gel, you can buy a three ounce tube at the airport for $162." --Jay Leno
"President Clinton lost his temper in an interview with Chris Wallace on Fox News this past Sunday. I like Bill Clinton, but if he can't be pleasant and polite, I don't think he's gonna be the kind of first lady Hillary's going to need." --Jay Leno
"Did you have the chance to see former President Bill Clinton on the Fox News show on Sunday? He got very upset. He went ballistic. He was loud. He was angry and confrontational. So, Fox gave him a show." --David Letterman
"According to the latest polls in California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is favored to win a second term. Or as Arnold calls it, 'The Sequel.'." --Conan O'Brien
"There's a report right now out of France that Osama bin Laden is either dead or dying of dysentery caused by E. coli. That's right, we tried tanks and bombs and guns, but all it took was spinach." --Conan O'Brien
"President Clinton announced a new global initiative today -- getting Fox News off the air." --Jay Leno
"Chris Wallace was really taken aback. He was stunned. He talked about it afterwards. He said at one point, when Clinton lunged at him, he felt like a mountain was coming down in front of him. Ironically, Clinton once experienced the same thing in the Oval Office." --Jay Leno
Another habit says it's in love with you
Another habit says its long overdue
Another habit like an unwanted friend
I'm so happy with my righteous self
Another habit says its long overdue
Another habit like an unwanted friend
I'm so happy with my righteous self
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Comments
I like these ones the best.