Noah
my2hands
Posts: 17,117
> Noah
> In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
> United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
> over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another
> Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
> before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
> but no Ark.
> "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
> "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
> building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
> a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
> neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the
> height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
> decision.
> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
> future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
> clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the
> sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
> Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
> trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
> environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
> argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
> inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
> an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
> on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
> Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most
> of the people who want to work.
> The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
> only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
> to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
> So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
> finish this Ark."
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
> stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
> you're not going to destroy the world?"
> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
> In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
> United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
> over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another
> Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
> before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
> but no Ark.
> "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
> "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
> building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
> a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
> neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the
> height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
> decision.
> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
> future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
> clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the
> sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
> Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
> trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
> environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
> argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
> inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
> an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
> on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
> Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most
> of the people who want to work.
> The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
> only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
> to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
> So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
> finish this Ark."
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
> stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
> you're not going to destroy the world?"
> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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i liked it
-Jean-Jacques Rousseau