Blue states are leaving
Commy
Posts: 4,984
Just got this in the mail from a friend:
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of
Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You
get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue,
you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back
from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your
evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for
no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but
we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other
hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans
(and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S.
mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the
hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent
of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson
and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank
you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of
Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You
get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue,
you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back
from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your
evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for
no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but
we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other
hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans
(and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S.
mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the
hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent
of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson
and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank
you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
...are those who've helped us.
Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
We can have:
The United States of Canada
and
Jesusland
We agree to give Jesusland Alberta, if they want it.
But I resent the part about UGA... having lived in the state of Georgia for far too long, I can tell you that Athens is a wonderful little microcosm in this state that is actually up with the times.
And he who forgets, will be destined to remember...
Lets move it to Maine and then we'll be alright.
United states of Canada
and
dumfukistan
R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
the east and west coasts will be called the USA, the middle will be known as...
DUMBFUCKISTAN!!
it's still funny even if it's not really a joke.
You're still here?
Go already, damn!
...
With the Blue States in hand, ... more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, ...
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say