Experts Call For Restrictions On Childhood Imagination
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Child-Safety Experts Call For Restrictions On Childhood Imagination
February 20, 2007 | Issue 43.08
http://www.theonion.com/content/index/4308
WASHINGTON, DC-
The Department of Health and Human Services issued a series of guidelines Monday designed to help parents curtail their
children's boundless imaginations, which child-safety advocates say have
the potential to rival motor vehicle accidents and congenital diseases
as a leading cause of disability and death among youths ages 3 to 14.
Enlarge Image Child Safety
Jill Tyn, 4, perilously close to danger.
"Defuse the ticking time-bomb known as your child's imagination before
it explodes and destroys her completely," said child-safety expert
Kenneth McMillan, who advised the HHS in composing the guidelines. "New
data shows a disturbing correlation between serious accidents and the
ability of children to envision a world full of exciting possibility."
The guidelines, titled "Boundless Imagination, Boundless Hazards: Ways
To Keep Your Kids Safe From A World Of Wonder," are posted on the HHS
website, and will also be available in brochure form in pediatricians'
offices across the country.
According to McMillan, children can suffer broken bones, head trauma,
and even fatal injuries from unsupervised exposure to childlike awe. "If
your children are allowed to unlock their imaginations, anything from a
backyard swing set to a child's own bedroom can be transformed into a
dangerous undersea castle or dragon's lair," McMillan said. "But by
encouraging your kids to think linearly and literally, and constantly
reminding them they can never be anything but human children with no
extraordinary characteristics, you can better ensure that they will lead
prolonged lives."
Although the exact number of child fatalities connected to an active
imagination is unknown, experts say the danger is very real.
According to a 2006 estimate, children who regularly engage in imagination
are 10
times more likely to suffer injuries such as skinned knees from mythical
quests, or bruises and serious falls from the peak of Bookcase Mountain.
One of the HHS recommendations emphasizes increased communication
between parents and children about the truths behind outlandish
fantasies. "Speak with your children about the absolute impossibility of
time travel, magical powers, and animals and toys that talk when adults
are not around," reads one excerpt. "If this fails to quell their
imaginations, encourage them to stare at household objects and think
clearly and objectively about their actual, physical characteristics."
The HHS also discourages aimless playtime activities that lack a rigid,
repetitive structure: "Opt instead for safe activities like untying
knots, sticking and unsticking two pieces of Velcro, drawing straight
lines of successively longer lengths, and quietly humming a single note
for two to three hours."
But even these relatively safe activities can become imaginative,
experts warn, without proper precautions. "Do not let children know
that, for example, sailors and pirates untie knots," McMillan said.
(oh no .... they might pack their bags and head out to sea!)
Although no cure has yet been developed for childhood imagination,
preventative measures can deter children from potentially hazardous
bouts of make-believe
"Many of the suggestions are really quite simple, like breaking down
cardboard boxes or sewing cushions to couches so they cannot be
converted into forts or playhouses," McMillan said. "Blank pieces of
paper, which can inspire non-reality-based drawings, should be discarded
unless they are used in one of our recommended diagonal folding and
unfolding activities. And all loose sticks left lying in the yard should
be carefully labeled 'Not a Sword.'"
Unfortunately, removing everything from a child's field of view that
could stimulate his active young mind is extremely time-consuming, and
infeasible as a long-term solution, McMillan acknowledges. "To truly
protect your children, you must go to great lengths to completely
eliminate their curiosity, crush their spirit of amazement, and
eradicate their childlike glee. Watch for the danger signs: faraway
expressions, giggle fits, and a general air of carefree contentment."
Added McMillan: "Remember, if you see a single sparkle of excitement in
their eyes, you haven't done enough."
February 20, 2007 | Issue 43.08
http://www.theonion.com/content/index/4308
WASHINGTON, DC-
The Department of Health and Human Services issued a series of guidelines Monday designed to help parents curtail their
children's boundless imaginations, which child-safety advocates say have
the potential to rival motor vehicle accidents and congenital diseases
as a leading cause of disability and death among youths ages 3 to 14.
Enlarge Image Child Safety
Jill Tyn, 4, perilously close to danger.
"Defuse the ticking time-bomb known as your child's imagination before
it explodes and destroys her completely," said child-safety expert
Kenneth McMillan, who advised the HHS in composing the guidelines. "New
data shows a disturbing correlation between serious accidents and the
ability of children to envision a world full of exciting possibility."
The guidelines, titled "Boundless Imagination, Boundless Hazards: Ways
To Keep Your Kids Safe From A World Of Wonder," are posted on the HHS
website, and will also be available in brochure form in pediatricians'
offices across the country.
According to McMillan, children can suffer broken bones, head trauma,
and even fatal injuries from unsupervised exposure to childlike awe. "If
your children are allowed to unlock their imaginations, anything from a
backyard swing set to a child's own bedroom can be transformed into a
dangerous undersea castle or dragon's lair," McMillan said. "But by
encouraging your kids to think linearly and literally, and constantly
reminding them they can never be anything but human children with no
extraordinary characteristics, you can better ensure that they will lead
prolonged lives."
Although the exact number of child fatalities connected to an active
imagination is unknown, experts say the danger is very real.
According to a 2006 estimate, children who regularly engage in imagination
are 10
times more likely to suffer injuries such as skinned knees from mythical
quests, or bruises and serious falls from the peak of Bookcase Mountain.
One of the HHS recommendations emphasizes increased communication
between parents and children about the truths behind outlandish
fantasies. "Speak with your children about the absolute impossibility of
time travel, magical powers, and animals and toys that talk when adults
are not around," reads one excerpt. "If this fails to quell their
imaginations, encourage them to stare at household objects and think
clearly and objectively about their actual, physical characteristics."
The HHS also discourages aimless playtime activities that lack a rigid,
repetitive structure: "Opt instead for safe activities like untying
knots, sticking and unsticking two pieces of Velcro, drawing straight
lines of successively longer lengths, and quietly humming a single note
for two to three hours."
But even these relatively safe activities can become imaginative,
experts warn, without proper precautions. "Do not let children know
that, for example, sailors and pirates untie knots," McMillan said.
(oh no .... they might pack their bags and head out to sea!)
Although no cure has yet been developed for childhood imagination,
preventative measures can deter children from potentially hazardous
bouts of make-believe
"Many of the suggestions are really quite simple, like breaking down
cardboard boxes or sewing cushions to couches so they cannot be
converted into forts or playhouses," McMillan said. "Blank pieces of
paper, which can inspire non-reality-based drawings, should be discarded
unless they are used in one of our recommended diagonal folding and
unfolding activities. And all loose sticks left lying in the yard should
be carefully labeled 'Not a Sword.'"
Unfortunately, removing everything from a child's field of view that
could stimulate his active young mind is extremely time-consuming, and
infeasible as a long-term solution, McMillan acknowledges. "To truly
protect your children, you must go to great lengths to completely
eliminate their curiosity, crush their spirit of amazement, and
eradicate their childlike glee. Watch for the danger signs: faraway
expressions, giggle fits, and a general air of carefree contentment."
Added McMillan: "Remember, if you see a single sparkle of excitement in
their eyes, you haven't done enough."
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
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Comments
naděje umírá poslední
hilarious!
man, i'd be nothing w/o my imagination...and hell, what a colorless world it would be......
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants Ive begged for protection?
I'm freezing
Are you afraid, afraid to die
Don't be afraid, afraid to try