Feel Good Story Pt. 69
Vedderlution_Baby
Posts: 2,535
________TERROR ALERT ELEVATED FROM RED TO NUCLEAR WHITE_____
In recent news, George W. Bush has visited the city of Heehaw, formely known as Baghdad, to speak on the latest successful mission undertook by the military.
"I have come here today to reconize a great accomplishment. Our military has not only undertakening a hard mission, but they scored on that mission big time. We have finally wiped every Arab sand-worm asshole off of the face of the American Earth. I'm happy big time. Now comes the Big-Mac mission. I will have our military hunt down and kill, on sight, all liberals with opposing viewpoints to my own. If any are pregnant, they will be thrown into jail until they give birth. Promptly after squeezing out another fucking hippie, they will be killed. The child will then be raised in a cage. At their 18th birthday they will be shot. Why wait until their 18th birthday? Well people, because abortion is murder, and we are not murderers..."
The president continued to speak on current issues such as homosexual castration, the success of walmart (which as current statistcs show, is only one store away from owning every piece of land in the world), and his plan to convert or kill everyone to his own religious beliefs.
In other news, two homosexual men were sentenced to death today for...well...being homosexual. The two men were arrested when they were seen to be holding hands at a local shopping center. The two men were immediately arrested and beaten. Some crazy liberals are calling out that police brutality had taken place. The sheriff of the town, Don. Rumsfield had this to say...
"There was sufficient reason as to why my police force took such action. We believed the men had guns. Even though we used our x-ray machines and saw nothing, it was still a gut feeling. Plus we didn't want no queer germs."
Also today, congress passed a law saying that all rainbows will be banned. Any rainbow that is seen shall immediatly be ticketed and if the rainbow fails to go away, shot by Dick Cheney.
More news later...
In recent news, George W. Bush has visited the city of Heehaw, formely known as Baghdad, to speak on the latest successful mission undertook by the military.
"I have come here today to reconize a great accomplishment. Our military has not only undertakening a hard mission, but they scored on that mission big time. We have finally wiped every Arab sand-worm asshole off of the face of the American Earth. I'm happy big time. Now comes the Big-Mac mission. I will have our military hunt down and kill, on sight, all liberals with opposing viewpoints to my own. If any are pregnant, they will be thrown into jail until they give birth. Promptly after squeezing out another fucking hippie, they will be killed. The child will then be raised in a cage. At their 18th birthday they will be shot. Why wait until their 18th birthday? Well people, because abortion is murder, and we are not murderers..."
The president continued to speak on current issues such as homosexual castration, the success of walmart (which as current statistcs show, is only one store away from owning every piece of land in the world), and his plan to convert or kill everyone to his own religious beliefs.
In other news, two homosexual men were sentenced to death today for...well...being homosexual. The two men were arrested when they were seen to be holding hands at a local shopping center. The two men were immediately arrested and beaten. Some crazy liberals are calling out that police brutality had taken place. The sheriff of the town, Don. Rumsfield had this to say...
"There was sufficient reason as to why my police force took such action. We believed the men had guns. Even though we used our x-ray machines and saw nothing, it was still a gut feeling. Plus we didn't want no queer germs."
Also today, congress passed a law saying that all rainbows will be banned. Any rainbow that is seen shall immediatly be ticketed and if the rainbow fails to go away, shot by Dick Cheney.
More news later...
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
it was hilarious at points, but overboard,...
reconize, if you say it to yourself like Dubya would say on tv,... well
~Ron Burgundy
Surprisingly enough, that's what I was going for. No idea how I posted it twice. Yea, I spelled nearly everything wrong, but I'm drunk so I can't think too much about it.
it's definitely funnier that way.
nothing like drunken typing. it can be a lot of fun.
~Ron Burgundy
It really is. Because the backspace button no longer exsists. You're just more along with the "fuck it" attitude.
Man, i fucking love this place.