President Bush Addresses A Moarning Nation
NMyTree
Posts: 2,374
Bush Declares War On Bridges, Really Big Overpasses and Small, Dinky Bridges Residing Over Babbling Brooks and Ponds
By Don T. Knowhatsgoingon | ADD Writers
8:29 AM EDT, August 2, 2007
Washington D.C.- In the wake of the tragic collapse of the Minneapolis Interstate 35W bridge and senseless death of more Americans, our fearless leader and President tackled and challenged the nation to take a stand against the evil that is a bridge.
While divers continue to search for possible victims in the river, President Bush is responding quickly and swiftly to the dangers of bridges. In an attempt to avoid the public relations disaster in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks; President Bush has had his staff draw up preventive measures and policies to combat the terror of bridge attacks.
Early this morning, on the steps of the White House President Bush addressed the nation and outlined the plans. ADD Reporter Don T. Knowhatsgoingon was on location for the speech and event. ADD News has excerpts from the speech.
" Today, like all fellow Americans we mourn the deaths of our American brother and sisters at the hands of an evil and deadly enemy. An enemy who seduces americans into a false sense of comfort and safety; only to randomly strike without warning or pre-vocation. We can not practice our love with this enemy, because once you get over the small hump; you find yourself left out in the cold. But Americans are resilent. As the great Led Skynyrd once said......" You fool me once you Honky Tonk Women, can't be fooled, again; when the Lever breaks! "
Today marks a day in history. A day we will all renember. A day I will renember. Today, the United States declares a war on bridges! The War On Bridges begins, today!
No longer will Americans live in fear of terrorist bridges and their evil attacks on unsuspecting, god-loving americans! You are either with us, or you are a bridge!
Today, we fight our enemy bridges in the streets, in the mountains, over water and in places I haven't thought of yet.
No bridge will be left unturned! No bridge will receive support! No bridge will hang around to kill, ever again!
Together with my cabinet we have drummed-up some strict, effective policies and laws to isolate these bridges and prevent their escape from justice. From this day forth, all bridges will require a Federal ID and a date of construction etched into it's support legs. All americans who insist on crossing over any bridge will be suspected to a thorough body and property search, pior to crossing the bridge in question. All must comply. All bridges traveling a great distance will be monitored by federal agents and guys who organize horsey shows.
Small bridges over small ponds and babbling brooks will be suspected to a thorough background check and their little turtle and lizard friends who conspire against the United States Of America; will be on the Federal Watch List. All turtles when traveling on or nearby a bridge will be suspected to a thorough shell-search. No exceptions. All lizards will be tested for any suspicious color-changing capabilities. Futhermore, any little birdies caught hanging around any bridges will have their feathers plucked and will be suited with a tasteful cashmere sweater. Colors for the sweater will be random and not by birdie's choice.
Any children who draw bridges must be reported and then registered with the Federal Watch List. Draw-bridges are excluded because they're not really bridges. They're really just big doors, that by coincidence, happen to be big enough to cover a small river or moat. Besides, I think they're really neat, so they're okay.
My fellow americans, I now ask you, my fellow americans, to once again make a huge sacrifice.
Because as a very important and significant part of our War On Bridges; America is going to attack all ladders. As we speak military jets are preparing for a full military strike on all ladders. We are identifying, locating and attacking all ladders! I ask americans to be patient, have trust and assist our military with any evil ladders that may escape our Intelligence Agent's grasp.
Did I mention you are ....My Fellow Americans?
Thank you and have a great Terror-Free Day! "
So there you have it folks, the excerpt of the speech from our great leader, President and apparently a great lover-of-draw-bridges. Check in with ADD News later today. We will bring updates and developments, as they occur.
Copyright © 2007, The ADD News
By Don T. Knowhatsgoingon | ADD Writers
8:29 AM EDT, August 2, 2007
Washington D.C.- In the wake of the tragic collapse of the Minneapolis Interstate 35W bridge and senseless death of more Americans, our fearless leader and President tackled and challenged the nation to take a stand against the evil that is a bridge.
While divers continue to search for possible victims in the river, President Bush is responding quickly and swiftly to the dangers of bridges. In an attempt to avoid the public relations disaster in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks; President Bush has had his staff draw up preventive measures and policies to combat the terror of bridge attacks.
Early this morning, on the steps of the White House President Bush addressed the nation and outlined the plans. ADD Reporter Don T. Knowhatsgoingon was on location for the speech and event. ADD News has excerpts from the speech.
" Today, like all fellow Americans we mourn the deaths of our American brother and sisters at the hands of an evil and deadly enemy. An enemy who seduces americans into a false sense of comfort and safety; only to randomly strike without warning or pre-vocation. We can not practice our love with this enemy, because once you get over the small hump; you find yourself left out in the cold. But Americans are resilent. As the great Led Skynyrd once said......" You fool me once you Honky Tonk Women, can't be fooled, again; when the Lever breaks! "
Today marks a day in history. A day we will all renember. A day I will renember. Today, the United States declares a war on bridges! The War On Bridges begins, today!
No longer will Americans live in fear of terrorist bridges and their evil attacks on unsuspecting, god-loving americans! You are either with us, or you are a bridge!
Today, we fight our enemy bridges in the streets, in the mountains, over water and in places I haven't thought of yet.
No bridge will be left unturned! No bridge will receive support! No bridge will hang around to kill, ever again!
Together with my cabinet we have drummed-up some strict, effective policies and laws to isolate these bridges and prevent their escape from justice. From this day forth, all bridges will require a Federal ID and a date of construction etched into it's support legs. All americans who insist on crossing over any bridge will be suspected to a thorough body and property search, pior to crossing the bridge in question. All must comply. All bridges traveling a great distance will be monitored by federal agents and guys who organize horsey shows.
Small bridges over small ponds and babbling brooks will be suspected to a thorough background check and their little turtle and lizard friends who conspire against the United States Of America; will be on the Federal Watch List. All turtles when traveling on or nearby a bridge will be suspected to a thorough shell-search. No exceptions. All lizards will be tested for any suspicious color-changing capabilities. Futhermore, any little birdies caught hanging around any bridges will have their feathers plucked and will be suited with a tasteful cashmere sweater. Colors for the sweater will be random and not by birdie's choice.
Any children who draw bridges must be reported and then registered with the Federal Watch List. Draw-bridges are excluded because they're not really bridges. They're really just big doors, that by coincidence, happen to be big enough to cover a small river or moat. Besides, I think they're really neat, so they're okay.
My fellow americans, I now ask you, my fellow americans, to once again make a huge sacrifice.
Because as a very important and significant part of our War On Bridges; America is going to attack all ladders. As we speak military jets are preparing for a full military strike on all ladders. We are identifying, locating and attacking all ladders! I ask americans to be patient, have trust and assist our military with any evil ladders that may escape our Intelligence Agent's grasp.
Did I mention you are ....My Fellow Americans?
Thank you and have a great Terror-Free Day! "
So there you have it folks, the excerpt of the speech from our great leader, President and apparently a great lover-of-draw-bridges. Check in with ADD News later today. We will bring updates and developments, as they occur.
Copyright © 2007, The ADD News
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
...are those who've helped us.
Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
I dont think its distasteful so much as it is unfunny. Its just poorly executed comedy...
That it is...that it is:D
Priest: So does that offend you as a jew?
Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian
classic Sienfeld line:D
Both distasteful and unfunny...
Rhyno
11/30/1991 ~ 3/25/92 ~ 8/28/92 ~ 6/30/98 ~ 10/8/2000 ~ 6/18/2003 ~ 6/21/2003 ~ 6/26/2006 ~ 6/27/2006 ~ 7/7/2006 ~ 8/5/2007 ~ 6/24/2008 ~ ALPINE VALLEY in '09 ;-)
If this were digg.com I would so burry it! Alas, I will do nothing here but bring more attention to this post with my reply... When will the spawn of Forums and Digg arise???
I guess I should "moarn" all the negative reviews:D
"Forgive every being,
the bad feelings
it's just me"
i wanted that big grin smiley that you have there.. however, unfortunately i couldnt get it working!...~
"Forgive every being,
the bad feelings
it's just me"
a colon " : " and an upper-case " D " right next to each other.
exclude the quotation marks:D
"Forgive every being,
the bad feelings
it's just me"