Jeremy Clarkson- On America

MrBrianMrBrian Posts: 2,672
edited October 2008 in A Moving Train
'Arrested just for looking weird'

From The Sunday Times

Jeremy Clarkson

Last week I wrote about my recent trip to America, and to be honest it didn’t go down well. I don’t think I’ve ever been on the receiving end of such a blizzard of bile. One man called me an “imbosile”. Hundreds more suggested that it’d be better for everyone if I just stayed at home in future.

And do you know the awful thing? I haven’t finished yet. Last week’s column was just an introduction, an amuse-bouche, a scene-setter. It’s this week that things really start to get going . . .

So far we’ve looked at the problem in America of power without responsibility. Step out of the loop, do something unusual and you’ll encounter a wall of low-paid, low-intellect workers whose sole job is to prevent their bosses from being sued. As a result, you never hear anyone say: “Oh I’m sure it’ll be all right.”

You know the Stig. The all-white racing driver we use on Top Gear. Well, we were filming him walking through the Mojave desert when lo and behold a lorry full of soldiers rocked up and arrested him. He was unusual. He wasn’t fat. He must therefore be a Muslim.

It gets worse. I needed money to play a little blackjack in Vegas but because I was unable to provide the cashier with an American zip code he was unable to help. It’s the same story at the petrol pumps. Americans can punch their address into the key pad and replenish their tank. Europeans have to prove they’re not terrorists before being allowed to start pumping.

I seem to recall a television advertisement in which George W Bush himself urged us all to go over there for our holidays. But what’s the point when you can’t buy anything? Or do anything. Or walk across the desert in a white suit without being arrested.

The main problem I suspect is a complete lack of knowledge about the world. I asked people in the streets of Vegas to name two European countries. The very first woman I spoke to said: “Oh yes. What’s that one with kangaroos?”

(Continued))

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article684953.ece

Good article,
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    I tried to help out. I tried to give a car I’d been using to a Christian mission. But I was threatened with legal action because the car in question was a 91 and not the 98 that had allegedly been promised. A very angry woman accused me of “misrepresentation”.

    i watched this one on Top Gear.. they also had a damily of rednecks almost attack simply for having some gay slogan painted onto their cars. :confused: i mean they were genuinely chased outta town... somewhere in the south.


    i also like :-


    Not everyone in America is deranged, of course. Sammy certainly isn’t. Sammy was helping us out washing cars, and one night, over dinner, he explained how he’d become so badly burnt. And why, as a result, the best he could hope for out of life was washing cars for cash.

    His car had exploded after it was rammed from behind by an off-duty cop. He was taken to a hospital that had no air-conditioning, in California, in the summer. Not nice when you have third-degree burns to half your body.

    And to make matters worse, there was nobody to help him go to the loo, so he either did his business where he lay — or went through untold agony by rolling over to pee on the floor.

    The bill for his botched plastic surgery was half a million dollars, $15,000 of which came from the cop’s insurance. This means Sammy can never get a proper job, or buy a house or find credit.



    this from the worlds leading superpower? you wouldnt get treated like this in a scottish hospital with a 1/10th of the budget... disgraceful.


    but the coup de grace:-

    But it’s the idiocracy that really gets me down. The constant coaxing you have to do to get anything done. “No” is the default setting whether you want to change lanes on a motorway or get a drink on a Sunday. It’s like trying to negotiate with a donkey. Once, I urged a cop in Pensacola, Florida, to use his common sense and let me load a van in the no loading zone, since the airport was shut and it would make no difference. “Sir,” he said, “you don’t need common sense when you’ve got laws.

    fucking genius :D
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • MrBrianMrBrian Posts: 2,672
    Yeah that trip they made to the US, great entertainment! :D

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOyDLUzAAOY

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2syY12OPkwI
  • Clarkson's a cunt and should always be taken with a grain of salt.
    <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmgphotos/sets/72157600802942672/">My Pearl Jam Photos</a>

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  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Clarkson's a cunt and should always be taken with a grain of salt.


    I can't stand the cunt either. On my BrianSewellometer of cuntishness, he's hitting the peak of the dial.
  • MrBrian wrote:
    Yeah that trip they made to the US, great entertainment! :D

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOyDLUzAAOY

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2syY12OPkwI

    this racetrack has left handed turns and rights as well....perhaps that's why it's deserted...

    hahahha...gold.
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
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    (")_(")
  • 12345AGNST112345AGNST1 Posts: 4,906
    Clarkson's a cunt and should always be taken with a grain of salt.

    Your british and you hate Clarkson. Im american and I love Clarkson. Odd
    5/28/06, 6/27/08, 10/28/09, 5/18/10, 5/21/10
    8/7/08, 6/9/09
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    Clarkson is excellent! I've no interest in cars but never miss TopGear. his books are as good. I can understand why Americans may not like him, he doesn't hold back especially with his views on American cars.
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    nuffingman wrote:
    Clarkson is excellent! I've no interest in cars but never miss TopGear. his books are as good. I can understand why Americans may not like him, he doesn't hold back especially with his views on American cars.

    yeah, i think he's fantastic... if i was slagging him off i think i could come up with something much better than calling him a 'cunt' without even backing it up. :D
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    dunkman wrote:
    yeah, i think he's fantastic... if i was slagging him off i think i could come up with something much better than calling him a 'cunt' without even backing it up. :D
    Definitely!

    Now the guys on Fifth Gear need a good slagging... but I can't be arsed.
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOyDLUzAAOY

    part 1 of the US road trip... brilliant :D
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    dunkman wrote:
    yeah, i think he's fantastic... if i was slagging him off i think i could come up with something much better than calling him a 'cunt' without even backing it up. :D
    How about he's an ugly cunt with the mentality and social graces of a schoolboy, and a programme where he and his fellow overgrown schoolboys get to metaphorically compare penis size while a room fool of likeminded fools watch them?

    Also, anyone who bemoans the fall of the British Empire is a tosser of unimaginable proportions. Life is so fucking tough for you now Jeremy isn't it, without the Empire? I mean, now you just have to settle for getting paid to drive a car at 240 mph on a public road and hope you hit a person and not a wall. After all, inertia's a bitch when you're carrying a few extra pounds.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    How about he's an ugly cunt with the mentality and social graces of a schoolboy, and a programme where he and his fellow overgrown schoolboys get to metaphorically compare penis size while a room fool of likeminded fools watch them?

    they played conkers with caravans... whats not to like?
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    dunkman wrote:
    they played conkers with caravans... whats not to like?
    I've got nothing against them doing it. Whatever gets you off. Why the fuck is it on TV though? Why do other people indulge it? Boys playing with their toys... exciting stuff.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I've got nothing against them doing it. Whatever gets you off. Why the fuck is it on TV though? Why do other people indulge it? Boys playing with their toys... exciting stuff.

    its on Tv as its light entertainment... if you had your way i'd be forced to watch BBC 4' and some documentary about a blind guy who paints sponge cakes... i think there a lot more shitty TV aberrations you should be worried about rather than Top Gear. ;)


    edit: i know you wont watch it... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzxuEOxYSLE but on this clip the 3 of them build carboats and attempt to cross the channel. Its hilarious and only one of them makes it... brilliant!!
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    dunkman wrote:
    its on Tv as its light entertainment... if you had your way i'd be forced to watch BBC 4' and some documentary about a blind guy who paints sponge cakes... i think there a lot more shitty TV aberrations you should be worried about rather than Top Gear. ;)
    Yeah, because I've expressed a lot of interest in that area in the past :rolleyes:

    I've got nothing against light entertainment, I have a specific dislike for Jeremy Clarkson and all of his endeavours.

    Of course there's other shitty TV, just none that I can think of that inspires such bizarre appreciation from people I otherwise like and respect. Certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life. Half of my friends love Top Gear, the other half hate it. The half that love it are otherwise good people. I can only assume that mass brain tumours are causing colossal errors of judgement :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Yeah, because I've expressed a lot of interest in that area in the past :rolleyes:

    I've got nothing against light entertainment, I have a specific dislike for Jeremy Clarkson and all of his endeavours.

    Of course there's other shitty TV, just none that I can think of that inspires such bizarre appreciation from people I otherwise like and respect. Certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life. Half of my friends love Top Gear, the other half hate it. The half that love it are otherwise good people. I can only assume that mass brain tumours are causing colossal errors of judgement :)


    its the Marmite of tv shows ;)
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Jeremy1012Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    dunkman wrote:
    its the Marmite of tv shows ;)
    I've been thinking of levelling false advertising charges against Marmite. I am utterly indifferent to it. I can take it or leave it. Never has it inspired any strong reaction from me. It's lies I tell you, LIES.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • nuffingman wrote:
    Clarkson is excellent! I've no interest in cars but never miss TopGear. his books are as good. I can understand why Americans may not like him, he doesn't hold back especially with his views on American cars.
    I agree 100% fuckin LOVE top gear :D
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • elmerelmer Posts: 1,683
    BrianSewellometer
    Now that's a name I never woulda thought I'd hear on this board.


    I've never watched Top Gear but caught some of their road trip when I was flicking through channels once and thought the wind-up on the Americans pretty funny. To give Clarkson some credit, I heard he once smacked Piers Morgan, for whom the word cunt couldn't be more rigidly defined. There could barely be a more acceptable use for violence: Morgan is one of the most unadulterated cuntish cunts in the UK, a true cunt's cunt. :)
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    elmer wrote:
    Now that's a name I never woulda thought I'd hear on this board.


    I've never watched Top Gear but caught some of their road trip when I was flicking through channels once and thought the wind-up on the Americans pretty funny. To give Clarkson some credit, I heard he once smacked Piers Morgan, for whom the word cunt couldn't be more rigidly defined. There could barely be a more acceptable use for violence: Morgan is one of the most unadulterated cuntish cunts in the UK, a true cunt's cunt. :)


    Piers Moron is the biggest Cuntissimus Maximus in the history of cuntology, which is probably why Clarkson thumped him: rivalry. :D
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