Mother

finnannie

where to begin
I always thought, all of this was easy
I let the thoughts pass me by
so fast
though, they always come back
with different intensity
thinking, why she left me alone
you took the other one with you, why not me..

what happened, mom
where did you go, was it a bad time
I know you said you're sorry
I said, I'd forgive you
just words and an empty look

I hope you feel better
I know you don't
it was just one of those moments
when you needed to hear, that I wasn't angry
I was, but no need to say it, I still am

why do you keep doing this to yourself
mother,
why do lock yourself away
throw all the keys down the road,
you'll never walk
you're trapped in the life you made
the choices have a hold on you
you don't know to let go
and life is eating you away
you are just standing, so still,
and I'm walking away

your voice
i haven't talked to you in a while
what is there to say
but the same old questions
no feelings, answers long gone to be found
you wont let me in
I wouldn't even want to
I stepped away from all of that, a long, long time ago
I'm older now, mom
I know, you don't really know me anymore
you left me behind, and I'm not there anymore, waiting
you're so lost, crying while holding a bottle
it won't make it go away

I wish I could save you
hold your hand and thank you
without you, I wouldn't be me
whoever I am, I don't know
but this is what I have
this is what I know, right now

finally seeing the light
holding my hand out, reaching for everything
I was too scared to want, before
Thoughts, that drown me slowly,
faces behind my shoulders
I'm somewhere, away
like you, but not, somehow
already gone

chadwick

that's pretty deep