sin and happiness

ClutchTheDawn
ClutchTheDawn Posts: 160
edited July 2008 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
sweet agony, trees bend, and
the wind whispers of sin and happiness,
the differences in their similarities
and the oxymoronic twist of my footsteps.

the space between us seems endless
I pull on the string,
inching you along some thin white line.
yellow lines play like indie films
on rearview mirrors.

bridges are crossed, or burned,
or raised to let the
ship pass it's cargo to fists
of overindulgence, and one year deferrals.

if only i could defer a thought or two,
or rationalize like the smarter squirrel
who decided to keep his ass parked
on the safe side of the road.

no, wait,
I've always been that god damned squirrel,
avoiding the traffic
for fear of being flattened.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • depopulationINC
    depopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    superb!

    I really liked this.

    Well done!
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • Buru
    Buru Posts: 8,473
    I quite liked this one.
    Some verses seem a bit contrived, for example I don't get the "oxymoronic twist in my footsteps" part. The previous line plays along the contradiction of oxymorons, i.e. "differences in their similarities" - but to me just the adjective "oxymoronic" seems a bit forced, or unnatural.

    But on the whole I think it works pretty well.
    y la banda de Guille... cuando toca?
  • ClutchTheDawn
    ClutchTheDawn Posts: 160
    depopulationINC wrote:
    superb!

    I really liked this.

    Well done!

    Thanks, glad you enjoyed it
  • ClutchTheDawn
    ClutchTheDawn Posts: 160
    Buru wrote:
    I quite liked this one.
    Some verses seem a bit contrived, for example I don't get the "oxymoronic twist in my footsteps" part. The previous line plays along the contradiction of oxymorons, i.e. "differences in their similarities" - but to me just the adjective "oxymoronic" seems a bit forced, or unnatural.

    But on the whole I think it works pretty well.

    to be honest, i don't get that line either. :D

    thanks for the constructive feedback.

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