sin and happiness
ClutchTheDawn
Posts: 160
sweet agony, trees bend, and
the wind whispers of sin and happiness,
the differences in their similarities
and the oxymoronic twist of my footsteps.
the space between us seems endless
I pull on the string,
inching you along some thin white line.
yellow lines play like indie films
on rearview mirrors.
bridges are crossed, or burned,
or raised to let the
ship pass it's cargo to fists
of overindulgence, and one year deferrals.
if only i could defer a thought or two,
or rationalize like the smarter squirrel
who decided to keep his ass parked
on the safe side of the road.
no, wait,
I've always been that god damned squirrel,
avoiding the traffic
for fear of being flattened.
the wind whispers of sin and happiness,
the differences in their similarities
and the oxymoronic twist of my footsteps.
the space between us seems endless
I pull on the string,
inching you along some thin white line.
yellow lines play like indie films
on rearview mirrors.
bridges are crossed, or burned,
or raised to let the
ship pass it's cargo to fists
of overindulgence, and one year deferrals.
if only i could defer a thought or two,
or rationalize like the smarter squirrel
who decided to keep his ass parked
on the safe side of the road.
no, wait,
I've always been that god damned squirrel,
avoiding the traffic
for fear of being flattened.
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
I really liked this.
Well done!
And I won't make the same mistakes
(Because I know)
Because I know how much time that wastes
(And function)
Function is the key
Some verses seem a bit contrived, for example I don't get the "oxymoronic twist in my footsteps" part. The previous line plays along the contradiction of oxymorons, i.e. "differences in their similarities" - but to me just the adjective "oxymoronic" seems a bit forced, or unnatural.
But on the whole I think it works pretty well.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it
to be honest, i don't get that line either.
thanks for the constructive feedback.