Love & Loathing

Tuolumne Mama

Not sure if this is the right place for this but wanted to see what others thought about it. This was written by my 11 year old son about his dad who he has not seen since he was 2. It was an abusive marriage and in the 9 years since we divorced, his dad has not made any attempt to contact him even though he knows where we are and I have left the door open for them to have a relationship if he so chooses. I found this one day scribbled on a sheet of paper while attempting to clean My son's room. After I read it I spoke to him and suggested he start a journal to write these thoughts and feelings down. I am grateful he can and seems to like to express his feelings with words and music rather than lashing out. He's played guitar since he was 6 and is now learning the sax. Any words of encouragement, suggestions, or critiques I can pass along to him would be great since his dream is to be a musician (singer/songwriter) some day. It's simple but honest, IMO. Thanks.
His nicknmame is Biggles (MP fanatics) so I will use it as the author.




LOVE & LOATHING
By: Biggles

You left me with no memories
You left me feel so alone
No cards, no gifts, no photographs
Don’t you ever wonder if I’ve grown

You act like I’m a piece of shit
You throw away like trash
When I’m a kid whose got a heart
Thats got a great big gash

The other kids have dads who care
And come to see them play
Or talks to them about the stuff
That happens every day.

I love and loathe you all at once
My rage and pain is all a mix
Why do I cry so much over someone
Who doesn’t even care if I exist?

Is that the way you love someone
It’s not what I learned to believe
Moms always been around for me
And I know she won’t ever leave

You probably got some other kids by now
You love and care about
But don’t you ever think of me
For just a moment of guilt or doubt

I love and loathe you all at once
The rage and pain its all mixed up
I wish I knew if you were fucking dead
Instead of this live image burned deep inside my head.

justam

I think it's good that he can identify his own feelings so well at age eleven.

madjack

I think in todays fucked up world sometimes a kid is better off with one caring parent than with two and one being fucked. Drugs, booze, members of the oppsite sex can sometimes take the front seat over one's own child. But sometime the kid can end up happier if they got at least one parent who gives a shit. I think a kid reflecting their feelings in art is so much better than other crap they could be doing. I traveled that road of self destruction, not giving a shit about nothing but my own self pity. Drugs, booze, women was the only thing I really cared about. My son changed my life, saved my life, I owe him alot. We play music together, do homework together, we enjoy life together. I thank fate everyday for opening my eyes, true happiness is now in my life, everythings cool now!

deadnote

i know some men like that

writing this make them feel better about not being so bad



theres really no excuses for being a fucking prick


these grown up loseres are lucky there is jesus

Dylan Stone

Biggles sounds like he's dealing with his feelings in an honest and true manner. Hopefully it will make all aspects of life easier to cope with as he grows.

He's a talented boy!!!

deadnote

im ashamed of the fact i wrote that resonse

i didnt know it was by your son


i am sorry for my response.

Tuolumne Mama

No problem Deadnote, it's all good. I gathered from your post that you misunderstood. I'd like to thank all of you for taking the time to read and comment on his efforts. I am very proud of him and his ability to deal with his personal inner feelings through music. Guess it's a Capricorn thing - his birthday is a week after Eddie's - New Year's Eve, LOL! He continues to work on songs and is now beginning to put music to some of the words. Pearl Jam's music really speaks to him and I'm not sure who the bigger fan is anymore. Thanks again for encouraging a kid to keep chasing his dreams.