finally, the truth about me!

walden freeman

i have become
handless and
armed myself
with legs and
tied, the runner
and my teeth
noosed to the door
i slammed on you
have been turned
into a knife
used to cut
your throat with kisses
or diamonds
now worth less
than coal
and coalitions
dig into the magma
which, to a degree
is boiling
over the rivers
through the woulds
and the would-nots
and the knots
in the shoelaces
that hang
from the telephone wires
in my hometown
oh, life has been
so beautiful to me
my father walked out
and my brother
is no where to be seen
and my sister is sick
and tired of me
and i wash up on beaches
by bars by cars
with foggy windows
where maps will be drawn
to direct the police
to other vehicles
without the insight
inherent in the passengers
to write terrible things
on sidewalks
in heiroglyphics
my body's been missing
my mind is minding
its business, personally
i have left the knives
in my back
so you have grips
to climb
and nest in the follicles
cut from my scalp
i've scratched
as if i'd find a fortune
but my head
is no lottery ticket
but a ticked-off
timebomb replacing
any alarm clocks
by your bed
while you sleep in

ClutchTheDawn

it takes courage to title a poem like this, to openly lay yourself out for the reader, and I commend you for it

AmadeusD

I'm sorry to sound like a flaming blanket, but whether it takes courage or not, it seems extremely pretentious and possibly sad.... I think if you're going to write like that, then being creative is only a side note. There's nothing wrong with it, its a great piece of writing...But i don't think it belongs among reams and reams(metaphorically) or creativity ,and poetry and such...

ClutchTheDawn

i think the point is that he is exposing himself to those who read his poems here. Saying, "here it is, me". most of what we write is about ourselves in some way, whether we want people to know it is or not. Often, it is easiest to leave the worst of ourselves in the guise of a "character".

AmadeusD

I understand that, and am aware of it as a writer myself....I'm not saying that the notion isn't valid at all....I just think that its obvious enough that using character, and metaphor, and storytelling to represent your own experience and feeling....that there's no need to be corny by so blatant. Again, i don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with it, i just believe it looses the interest of the reader a lot quicker than a more creative guise for what's being conveyed

ClutchTheDawn

simply put, whether a poem is autobiographical or complete fiction, has no baring on my enjoyment of it.

walden freeman

AmadeusD wrote:

I understand that, and am aware of it as a writer myself....I'm not saying that the notion isn't valid at all....I just think that its obvious enough that using character, and metaphor, and storytelling to represent your own experience and feeling....that there's no need to be corny by so blatant. Again, i don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with it, i just believe it looses the interest of the reader a lot quicker than a more creative guise for what's being conveyed

PWNED.

chadwick

AmadeusD wrote:

I understand that, and am aware of it as a writer myself....I'm not saying that the notion isn't valid at all....I just think that its obvious enough that using character, and metaphor, and storytelling to represent your own experience and feeling....that there's no need to be corny by so blatant. Again, i don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with it, i just believe it looses the interest of the reader a lot quicker than a more creative guise for what's being conveyed

holy shit dude.
i have no fucking clue.

feel free to share your laboratory scientific poetic scribble.
we are all friends here.

AnnaMelinda

AmadeusD wrote:

I'm sorry to sound like a flaming blanket, but whether it takes courage or not, it seems extremely pretentious and possibly sad.... I think if you're going to write like that, then being creative is only a side note. There's nothing wrong with it, its a great piece of writing...But i don't think it belongs among reams and reams(metaphorically) or creativity ,and poetry and such...

Hmmmm....Maybe you're jealous of Walden.

I find your need to bash his work to be rather pretentious and definitely sad.

AmadeusD

suppafreak.....Please come at me, however you want with how i bashed his writing......I see no where that i actually knocked his writing. Infact, i championed what he wrote a couple of times at least...And trust me, i don't even NEED to eat most days, let alone bash a person's writing over the internet...on a Pearl Jam board no less.
I think the fact that you probably read what i wrote as immediately negative, and immediately felt like running me down about it was the best way to go is a little sad....As Chadwick said, we're all friends here and i thought maybe giving some advice on titling would be helpful for Walden...I guess it was wrong.

Walden, lets get it straight.... I love the piece of writing...its very honest, and and even given to an English class would come off as well-written, and well divided. I was mere commenting that the title put me off a bit....It really lends itself to the reader thinking hte contents of this thread are going to be something like

Im sad
Lets have a cry
Come on guys
Lets start a fire

or something.....I'm sorry if i did offend the writer(anyone else can get fucked, it has nothing to do with you), i meant to be constructive not negative.

walden freeman

Hey I'm just in it for the laughs guys. Life, that is. I got nothing but love.

Dylan Stone

AmadeusD wrote:

suppafreak.....Please come at me, however you want with how i bashed his writing......I see no where that i actually knocked his writing. Infact, i championed what he wrote a couple of times at least...And trust me, i don't even NEED to eat most days, let alone bash a person's writing over the internet...on a Pearl Jam board no less.
I think the fact that you probably read what i wrote as immediately negative, and immediately felt like running me down about it was the best way to go is a little sad....As Chadwick said, we're all friends here and i thought maybe giving some advice on titling would be helpful for Walden...I guess it was wrong.

Walden, lets get it straight.... I love the piece of writing...its very honest, and and even given to an English class would come off as well-written, and well divided. I was mere commenting that the title put me off a bit....It really lends itself to the reader thinking hte contents of this thread are going to be something like

Im sad
Lets have a cry
Come on guys
Lets start a fire

or something.....I'm sorry if i did offend the writer(anyone else can get fucked, it has nothing to do with you), i meant to be constructive not negative.

He he...Last I spoke to Suppafreak I think she mentioned a crush on Walden Freeman.

walden freeman

This summer . . .

Walden Freeman IS . . .

The ladies' man!

Dylan Stone

walden freeman wrote:

This summer . . .

Walden Freeman IS . . .

The ladies' man!

Rock on Walden!

Will you be at any shows?

I have a feeling Suppafreak would like to meet you.

chadwick

walden freeman wrote:

This summer . . .

Walden Freeman IS . . .

The ladies' man!

And may warm-sea-winds from the south
give you a bulky zipper, a burly chest,
a oral treatment tool kit, and one writer's bag filled with your favorite writing supplies.

enjoy the summer.

walden freeman

You guys are fucking awesome. This board is great.