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Winged fire..

chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
edited March 2007 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
You’re beauty bending my sky, where stars sail.
In my eyes dance your twinkling perfection.
Far yet near, I can almost taste your air.
Showering me in dreamy visions, kissing you.
Up into these outer layers of darkness, you dwell.
Melting away my gloom.
Giving passion meaning to my every longing desire.
If I were only winged fire, id be next to you.
for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    I love it! So romantic and dreamy. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • macgyver06macgyver06 Posts: 2,500
    very cool imagery...best thing ive read in awhile... except the last line i dont like :) it seems total opposite of the rest of the lines...if its meant to be that way..like a shock kinda thing.... maybe you should make it more shocking..like


    FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BADDDDDDDDDDD!!!


    hehe i dunno...any idea what im saying..hard to explain.

    i really like this though
  • macgyver06macgyver06 Posts: 2,500
    i just thought of the perfect last line instead of yours :)


    'cmon baby light my fire :)
  • macgyver06macgyver06 Posts: 2,500
    ok i have read this for the 200th time

    and that last line has to use a more vicious sounding word to uncover the truth...the reality... with all the imagery built up in the lines before it... some kind of word that sounds offensive..even if its not.. like when you think of it..you will be like...''im pissed''

    but its yours..haha sorry
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    thank you all for your kind compliments..here is the gig on the last part..
    @ macgyver06..if i were only winged fire, id be next to you..this is the last sentence..it means im not in the stars or even im not a star like the lady im longing for and have feelings for..she is winged fire, in stars..stars are winged fire..if i were only winged fired then i could be next to her..haha..make sence
    or any clearer to ya? and thank you for readin it 200 times and communicating your feelings on it with me..
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    chadwick wrote:
    thank you all for your kind compliments..here is the gig on the last part..
    @ macgyver06..if i were only winged fire, id be next to you..this is the last sentence..it means im not in the stars or even im not a star like the lady im longing for and have feelings for..she is winged fire, in stars..stars are winged fire..if i were only winged fired then i could be next to her..haha..make sence
    or any clearer to ya? and thank you for readin it 200 times and communicating your feelings on it with me..

    I liked your ending. And know I know the thought behind it, I like it even better. :)

    I would like to see macgyver write his darker thoughts too though. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Ms SilhouetteMs Silhouette Posts: 60
    I think this one is really beautiful.
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