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A moment of silence.

chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
edited July 2007 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
For the boy in the Idaho Montana sky.
Yours is innocents, you are free, and forevermore to be.
You are these clouds deeply sung reaching down onto mountains I travel.
Yours is winds opening green pine endless across broken peace.
A child at play is who you are now taken to colorful bursts of radiant skies.
Magnificently as that of an eagle is now your heart soaring.
Every sunrise, every setting sun, sings of your spirit.
An angel to be was your calling into perfection.
for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    neat!


    you're getting really good, chadwick

    twice you write "yours is"...and then some plural
    do you not mean "yours are"? i suppose if you did, you'd have written it, so there must be some explanation why you're obliterating convention

    line 3 needs to be re-worked, but wow


    i like what i'm reading from you
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    "The winds" is a collective plural entity, which arguably works fine, as the poem stands!
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    So, for complex reasons of grammar, "Yours is winds", inferring "The Abstract Collective Notion of The Winds is yours", is okay.

    One could say,

    Yours is, winds opening green pine, endless across broken peace

    To clear things up.
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    PastaNazi wrote:
    neat!


    you're getting really good, chadwick

    twice you write "yours is"...and then some plural
    do you not mean "yours are"? i suppose if you did, you'd have written it, so there must be some explanation why you're obliterating convention

    line 3 needs to be re-worked, but wow


    i like what i'm reading from you


    thanks Pasta
    i do like to write differently than the way certain rules
    say we are to put words down.
    im not unique in this action, many of you/others do the same.

    it is a poem written for a young boy
    who lived a short time here in this life
    but was abducted and murdered

    back then my co-driver and i would be driving
    cross country in the truck and we'd pass thru the
    area so we'd have a moment of silence everytime traveling
    thru.

    to this day the sky there has unexplainable beauty and energy.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    it's very beautiful
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