Love songs
Ms Silhouette
Posts: 60
Same sky
I should be cleaning my room. Months of suspended reality have taken their toll and it's almost uninhabitable.
I can't go in there; it reminds me just how far apart we really are.
Out here in the garden, somehow, I feel closer to you.
From my blue plastic throne, under my carport pavilion, I can see the wider universe off in the distance. Wide blue yonder. My tiny patch of suburban sky.
I can hear the washing machine emptying precious water into the gully trap.
The gurgle of life going down the drain.
An army of ants march uniformly up carport support. Trailing from pillar to post in busy ritual.
The grass needs mowing. I love that smell. Welcome, but not nearly enough rain has temporarily resurrected the lawn. Not enough rain for my beautiful friend, the liquid amber. Wilted and with reddish glimpse of autumn peeking through.
Exhausted from lack of rain. Bit like me. Exhausted from lack of sleep.
A kid roars past on his skateboard. Right down the middle of the street at break-neck speed. How the garbo avoids him I’ll never know.
The side fence droops, almost falling over. Palings missing where those damn cats have pushed through on their daily adventures. Sags in the middle, like crooked teeth in a tired smile. I’m sure the riot of jasmine is the only thing holding it together in places. Bit like me. You, baby, are the jasmine.
Ignoring that bloody clothesline. Has it in for me. Above the squat and ugly garden shed, I can see power lines, treetops and then endless blue sky.
Some fluffy, white, cotton wool clouds have shadowed the sun temporarily and the air is cool. But it’s the same sky. Same sky.
Yours will be so different to mine now. Inky black, I imagine, jeweled with stars. The glow of buttery beams from the rising moon. Full moon, my guide.
She’s watching over you.
It must be so immense, your patch of desert sky. All encompassing, like I imagine our embrace. Completely blanketing your world with velvet lushness. Mysterious earth, flat and sparsely dotted with plants. Curved on horizon where the sky drops down to meet it..
Is it like the Mallee? All red earth and endless sky. Or more like the wild west of black and white movies? Endless dust and tumbleweed. Could I lie flat on the ground and feel the world turn beneath me? Nauseous at gravity and wonder at how insignificant I really am?
You struggle to finish those mundane chores and put your weary body to bed.
What do you hear? Chilling call of coyote? Lowing of cattle? The hoot of a lone owl? Or is it silent out there in nowhere land?
Are you thinking of me under southern skies?
As I sit in my tiny corner my soul is with you, sweetheart. Holding you gently, whispering in your ear all the love that overwhelms me. Soothing you to sleep. We’ll be together then. In your dreams. I’ll know, because I will feel you here. As I wander aimlessly through my day. Trying to make order in the scattered mess that my has become. I’ll feel you stir. Know you are standing behind me.
Holding me close to your beating chest. Nuzzling at my neck. And I’ll try to continue my pointless work, but my knees will buckle a little at the thought of your embrace. I’ll tilt my head and feel your lips gently on my skin and my spine will shiver at your ethereal caress.
And soon enough, I too will crawl, exhausted, into my bed and for a few, short hours we will be asleep together. Asleep together. Flying in our dreams, up into the night sky, bathed in silvery moonlight and the glitter of the stars. Entwined in each other and the universe. Two together at last.
Good night my darling. Soon the night will creep in and black the sun in my sky and we will be together in our dreams.
© 2007
I should be cleaning my room. Months of suspended reality have taken their toll and it's almost uninhabitable.
I can't go in there; it reminds me just how far apart we really are.
Out here in the garden, somehow, I feel closer to you.
From my blue plastic throne, under my carport pavilion, I can see the wider universe off in the distance. Wide blue yonder. My tiny patch of suburban sky.
I can hear the washing machine emptying precious water into the gully trap.
The gurgle of life going down the drain.
An army of ants march uniformly up carport support. Trailing from pillar to post in busy ritual.
The grass needs mowing. I love that smell. Welcome, but not nearly enough rain has temporarily resurrected the lawn. Not enough rain for my beautiful friend, the liquid amber. Wilted and with reddish glimpse of autumn peeking through.
Exhausted from lack of rain. Bit like me. Exhausted from lack of sleep.
A kid roars past on his skateboard. Right down the middle of the street at break-neck speed. How the garbo avoids him I’ll never know.
The side fence droops, almost falling over. Palings missing where those damn cats have pushed through on their daily adventures. Sags in the middle, like crooked teeth in a tired smile. I’m sure the riot of jasmine is the only thing holding it together in places. Bit like me. You, baby, are the jasmine.
Ignoring that bloody clothesline. Has it in for me. Above the squat and ugly garden shed, I can see power lines, treetops and then endless blue sky.
Some fluffy, white, cotton wool clouds have shadowed the sun temporarily and the air is cool. But it’s the same sky. Same sky.
Yours will be so different to mine now. Inky black, I imagine, jeweled with stars. The glow of buttery beams from the rising moon. Full moon, my guide.
She’s watching over you.
It must be so immense, your patch of desert sky. All encompassing, like I imagine our embrace. Completely blanketing your world with velvet lushness. Mysterious earth, flat and sparsely dotted with plants. Curved on horizon where the sky drops down to meet it..
Is it like the Mallee? All red earth and endless sky. Or more like the wild west of black and white movies? Endless dust and tumbleweed. Could I lie flat on the ground and feel the world turn beneath me? Nauseous at gravity and wonder at how insignificant I really am?
You struggle to finish those mundane chores and put your weary body to bed.
What do you hear? Chilling call of coyote? Lowing of cattle? The hoot of a lone owl? Or is it silent out there in nowhere land?
Are you thinking of me under southern skies?
As I sit in my tiny corner my soul is with you, sweetheart. Holding you gently, whispering in your ear all the love that overwhelms me. Soothing you to sleep. We’ll be together then. In your dreams. I’ll know, because I will feel you here. As I wander aimlessly through my day. Trying to make order in the scattered mess that my has become. I’ll feel you stir. Know you are standing behind me.
Holding me close to your beating chest. Nuzzling at my neck. And I’ll try to continue my pointless work, but my knees will buckle a little at the thought of your embrace. I’ll tilt my head and feel your lips gently on my skin and my spine will shiver at your ethereal caress.
And soon enough, I too will crawl, exhausted, into my bed and for a few, short hours we will be asleep together. Asleep together. Flying in our dreams, up into the night sky, bathed in silvery moonlight and the glitter of the stars. Entwined in each other and the universe. Two together at last.
Good night my darling. Soon the night will creep in and black the sun in my sky and we will be together in our dreams.
© 2007
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
jinx. my side fence droops and is covered in jasmine as well.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
Why? Need some housework done?
Thanks.
HA!!
actually, i will be cleaning tomorrow. it's the springing cleaning thinging.
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
So did you get that cleaning done om?
The gloaming now. Sun, setting in the west, almost gone. The dark creeping in. Black creeping upon me.
Twilight and cool at last. If I look, I might see the Evening Star.
The last few days, so hot.
Stifling and foetid air, suffocating, gasping for breath. Wilting as the sky blazed down and burnt everything to a crisp.
And that’s how it’s been love. Wilted, dry, stifling, burned. Like hell.
There’s a tiny sliver of silvery moon staring down at me.
Comforting and safe. The only constant in this changing, rapidly changing landscape.
The wind rustles through that damn wisteria. It’s back you know. Creeping and crushing, strong as ever, after all we did to try to stop it. What a futile task.
Soon it will bring that fence down too and I will be even more exposed. Uncontained. Defenceless and open to attack.
The paling fence on the other side, it sags no more. Crooked smile gone. It has broken away from the jasmine and fallen into next door. No longer sturdy enough to hold itself up, it has collapsed.
Like me baby. You’re still there, like the jasmine, but you can’t hold me up any more.
Kids are tearing down the street, laughing singing, jubilant at the cool. The heat must have kept them cooped up and quiet till now. Oh to be so energetic and joyful at small things again.
The dog he’s chaffing at the bit to bark at them. Whining at me, hackles raised, ears erect, trying to pull away to the boundary to protect and serve. Growling to let them know, “Don’t step over the line.” And they shouldn’t. Tis poison ground here now. But they pay no heed. They’ve got things to do, places to go. The dog sags at my feet.
My faithful friend, the liquid amber will be gone soon. The wind rustles through her branches, but she hasn’t weathered this miserable drought well. Her branches, dry and distressed, fall off unpredictably, making it dangerous. Soon they will come and chop her down. I will cry again that day, to see her go. To lose her too.
That’s how it is here now. Dry, dangerous, and unpredictable.
I know my words are stilted, pouring from me, incoherent, like water down the gully trap. Gushing forth, sparkling briefly, then down into the drain to be flushed away. Meaningless. Useless.
That girl? The one that you love? She is drowning slowly, pouring from me and being flushed away forever.
And you, my darling? I know that you are trapped inside yourself, fighting to get back to me, back to all of us, but too weak and convoluted, to visit in my dreams.
Your world so black. No stars for you tonight. You are in a black hole somewhere. No light. No stars. Nothing. Sucked into the vortex.
I long for sleep so I might find you somehow in my dreams. Fly to you like I did before. Up high amongst the stars, weightless in the cool, soothing night.
Hold you close, happy and enveloped in each other. Exquisite peace. How I wish for that again.
I am so tired of it all, and you floating there in the blackness, the nothing. Inky, silent blackness. I don’t know if I can reach you.
So I’ll curl up in that room I inhabit, in that big, empty bed. Still messy and unkempt. Disorganized, like I’ve become. I’ll snuggle up and quiet my mind and I will try. Try to sleep so I can see you in my dreams. I’ll try because I love you. Try because I cannot let you go.
Lie still honey and rest and you will feel me slip in beside you, hold you gently, press up against you, kiss you softly, love you endlessly.
Dream of you and I together, under the same sky. That dream burns strongly still. Stronger than the sun.
I had to leave the hovel, leave the suffocating, stifling confines of my bed, the chaos of my room.
You were assaulting me there in my dreams again. Another unwelcome assault on my being. Convoluted mumbo jumbo mostly and I so needed the oblivion that damn sleeper wasn’t providing.
I can’t bear the ghost of you against my skin, can’t stand another minute of you roaming inside my head. My poor mind, so battered, weary, broken.
Another acquired brain injury. Thanks for that.
You crawl into my bed, crawl inside my head, ranting nonsense and encryptions. I try to make sense of it but I can’t break the code. Or maybe it’s that I don’t want to? Frightened of the truth now that I know the cost.
At first soothing I feel your hand stroke across my hip. Delicious and so wanted but somehow sinister. Reaching between my legs, that familiar tingle shoots through me and I languish briefly in the sweet, sweet memory, welcoming it for just a moment.
Vulnerable, naked and trusting, but oh-so happy…for just a fleeting moment. I arch up against your touch. Feel your hot breath on my skin.
For just a moment a barely audible moan escapes my parted lips as I lose myself to the sensation of you. So ready and willing, so quickly, to go soaring up through the night with you again.
For just a moment. Oh god I love you so…I’ve missed you so….
WAIT!!!
Too late my confused and addled mind recognizes the intent!
Too late I remember the malice.
Too late I feel your hands, like claws, tearing at my naked flesh, stabbing at me brutally again and again. Raping my body, my mind, my soul. Defiling me again.
Too late I watch, transfixed in horror, as you slice open my soft, naked breast. A deep gaping hole and drag my barely beating heart from my broken body. Holding it aloft above us both like some sick trophy. Like the buffalo heads.
Crazy laughing, crazy, vicious laughing, you hover above me like some demon, smiling a demented smile.
NO! The moan becomes a scream, a tortured terrified scream.
NO! Punctuated, spat out, and cutting through the slumbering house like a banshee.
NO! My eyes snap open, my heart pounding, reaching for you even still, already in motion as I struggle to wipe you from my clamouring brain.
Too late, but still groggy with sleep I leap from the bed on wobbly legs, my heart in my mouth, tears streaming down my face, the scratch from the scream that tore from my throat still lingers.
Fumble frantically in the dark, grabbing clumsily for the blanket, my cigarettes, my sanity. But I don’t turn on the lamp, clinging crazily still to the memory of you. Even the sick memory I can’t bear to wipe it out with the light. I trip on god knows what detritus on the floor, stub my toe on the bedside table and curse you to hell as my hand lunges for the doorknob and tears open the door and I flee.
Flee my once sacred space, running through the house like a crazy woman desperate to be outside. Desperate to be as far away from my bed as possible. Burst out the back door to the cold night air.
So here I sit, groggy from the damn pills that never seem to erase you, no matter how many I take. Sit with my heart pounding and you haunting me. So cold out here and I am shivering but I don’t know, or care, if it’s from the cool night air, the nightmare I just had or the nightmare I find myself in.
Huddled in my blanket, I light up and drag deeply, inhaling. Letting the smoke fill my lungs, a nice, deep toxic breath. Why can’t it kill me quicker?
It’s so dark but the moon, my guide, so high above, is shining down barely comforting me now as I try so desperately to right my head.
My friend, the liquid amber gone now, like you, changing the view from my patch forever. It’s opened up the night sky.
No more her strong, impermeable magic.
No more rustling of the leaves. Who knows where the possum has gone? Moved on, like I need to.
I hugged her tight the day they took her. Watched them shimmy up her sturdy trunk like monkeys and slice her down, piece by piece, much like you did to me. All that remains now is the woodpile over there in the dark, and I can’t decide which one of us is more like that. You, still present, but in a different form. Or me, once strong and beautiful now in pieces in a pile. Either way, we’re all dead inside.
The dog is whining from his bed in the laundry. He knows I’m out here. Wants to be with me, know what I’m doing. Rest his head in my lap, lick my hand when I stroke his ears, but I have no affection in me right now. I’m as dead inside as the liquid amber and like it, only the remnants exist.
I sit here under my carport pavilion staring up at the sky, the stars twinkling down at me. It’s so beautiful, so wide, so open, sprawled out before me like a black velvet curtain jewelled with stars.
Trying to remember my desert dream but my mind is blank, erased of it.
I can’t conjure it no matter how hard I try. Somehow the cable must be down and the connection broken. The connection is definitely broken. Fading in and out like static.
The wires from that old power pole out the front, the one that looks like it’ll fall over any minute (but it’s safe, the notice screwed on it from the authority says so) well they appear to have a visitor. What is that shadowy creature staring down at me? A bat? A possum? Oh! Look! It’s an owl! How fitting. An owl watching over me from the shadows. All knowing, wiser than I’ll ever be.
I can hear the dull roar of the wee hours traffic from the freeway over the way. A constant reminder that there’s never any peace in the burbs. Although I’m beginning to realize that there’s no peace to be had anywhere for me. I can’t escape you when you keep arriving unannounced and uninvited into my mind.
That drunken idiot up the street is partying again. Between him and you I could learn to hate Pink Floyd. I can hear it so loud, so clear, I may as well be sitting right next to his stereo. How it’s not disturbing every house I'll never know. It probably is. There are probably people lying in their beds cursing him to hell right now, just as I sit here cursing you.
Did they get you to trade, your heroes for ghosts? ~ You can’t be serious? The irony that it’s that song, that lyric, mocking me, tonight of all nights, from two doors up. I know now I’m cursed. It’s confirmed.
I sigh sadly and rest my head on my arms which are folded on the table.
Hot ashes for trees ~ Yes, it’s like Ash Wednesday here now, barren and razed to the ground. Dust where the tree once stood, and it burns like hades. You burned me bad.
Hot air for a cool breeze ~ I traded that too. All the fresh air and sunshine, traded for a year long tirade of hot air from you. What was I thinking?
Cold comfort in change, did you exchange a walk on part in a war for a lead role in a cage? ~ And there it is, in black and white. I didn’t fight, for some reason couldn’t fight. Didn’t stand up for myself and bring the war to you. I just contented myself with winning small battles or am I deluding myself there too? What a joke! Because here I am in the cage I helped you build around me. Completely trapped. Cold comfort indeed.
I feel the tears again at that realization and for a brief moment I feel your warmth behind me again, holding me, your lips on my skin, the tickle of your moustache at my throat. Comforting me. Oh how I wish you were here…..
NO! NO! NO! Damn you!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
I wish it was over for me too, not swimming back and forth, back and forth in my goldfish bowl struggling not to drown in this effluent.
I don’t even know how this ends. How do I escape this living hell I find myself in? This nightmare that I never wake from. This haunted place that you made. Surrounded by shadows and the ghost of you with me everywhere, residing inside me.
You, in the black hole or wherever it is you are.
You, that have been trapped in the vortex of your own making for so long.
You have sucked me into it with you. Worn me down, sucked all the life from me like a vampire, a shapshifter, a demon. Some kind of monster.
You went to hell and it seems you wanted company.
I'm trembling now and so cold, icy. My teeth chatter. I'm beyond, so beyond it all. Like a zombie. Pick up my smokes, wrap the blanket around myself tighter and take one last look up at the sky. She's there still, the moon, peering down at me. The only constant now. A fruit bat flutters across the night. Shadowy and flying low. On the look out for somewhere to set down. Don't stop here my friend, the place is cursed.
I stare up at the moon in my sky, the one I don't have to share with you anymore and I promise myself come the next full moon I'll have exorcised you from my body, my heart, my mind. By the next full moon I'll have broken free of your guilded cage. We'll see I guess.
I shuffle back inside the house, hush the dog and head for the pills. Another sleeper and a couple of downers. Surely that will knock me out? I throw them back with a swig of chardy from the fridge door. Not a bad drop! I pour myself a glass and wander wearily back to the hovel.
Crawl under the covers, take a few more sips, then lie back and wait. Eyes closed, ever hopeful that this time I can find oblivion. No more dreams for me, no memories, no thoughts of you, no connection. NOTHING! Please just the soothing calm of fading to black.